A nightmare

I stare at the gallows, almost blinded by the tears that flow from my eyes. Sheb's hand is tight around my shoulder and I lean into him, wanting to bury my face in the harsh material of his work clothes. But I know that I mustn't. I mustn't look away. If I did then I would regret it for the rest of my life.

As the four traitors mount the steps, a hush falls over the assembled crowd and it feels ominous, so ominous that the Peacekeepers cock their guns and point them at random into the throng of people. One is trained straight for my head but I don't care; I don't even see it properly because my eyes are glued to the four figures on the platform above: My mother, my uncle and my grandfather and finally, my sister's twenty year old boyfriend.

The mayor steps forward and unrolls a piece of white paper marked with the Capitol seal. I don't listen to what he reads out; I don't care whether it's true or not, my eyes are just trained on my mother. A Peacekeeper steps forward and goes to put a bag over her head but she tells him no; that she'd rather see. It's this detail that causes me to leap forwards, to duck under the flimsy rope separating me from the steps. I barely make it five yards before I hear the gun go off and I feel the bullet entering between my shoulder blades.

I wake, my whole body taught with terror, not at the nightmare; this has become a nightly occurrence since my mother was publicly executed alongside my uncle and my grandfather. I am paralysed by the knowledge that in real life, I simply stood there; I didn't rush forwards to free her before the rope closed around her neck. I sigh and press myself closer to my sister, not for the warmth because it never gets particularly cold here in District Eleven but for comfort. Saffron's belly is swollen and huge in her eighth month of pregnancy. I feel a gentle kick and smile; the baby is awake too.

Three months ago my mother, uncle and grandfather were publicly executed in front of the Justice Building for initiating rebellion against the Capitol along with the father of Saff's baby. I have been told that they were the head of a rebel movement here in Eleven, and that this justified their execution. My father was publicly tortured at the whipping post in the square until his back was so scarred that he cannot stand upright any more. People say that the whipping combined to the loss of my mother has broken him but I like to believe that he is still in there somewhere even though he barely speaks any-more, barely eats, and rarely gets out of bed. It is my sister and my brother and I who work to bring in enough money to survive. The work is hard but it's better than school; when I am high up in the trees I feel free and I can almost forget what happened to my mother. It's harder in school, when all we do is sit in straight lines behind desks and learn about planting and field rotations and other similar things.

My first reaping. I push my feet out of the bed, shivering slightly as the cool morning air hits me. This is one of the colder months in District Eleven but it is still warm enough to wear only underclothes to bed. We received notification that we were to go to the square today. This gives an added element of suspense to an already stressful day. I'm told that the reaping system in District Eleven is more complicated than in the smaller Districts because the square can only hold a small fraction of the actual population. A week before the reaping, preliminary drawings will select the children and their families who will stand in the square. It is those children who will have their names in the reaping bowl on the actual day. Of course, every other child is also required to attend but they are herded into enclosures in nearby streets, safe in the knowledge that there is no chance of them going to the Capitol this year.

This year we are not so lucky. Although I know in my heart that there are still thousands upon thousands of slips in that giant glass bowl and perhaps only one name from our family may have been preliminary drawn and is in there, I am still nervous. So nervous that I know that even though having a lie in is a rare treat, I will not sleep again.

I pull on my usual working clothes; we are all required to dress as smartly as we are able for the ceremony later but I have a couple of hours before then. District Eleven is one of the farthest outlying Districts which means that our reaping will be held first, to give our tributes enough time to reach the Capitol. Of course, the reapings are staggered throughout the day so that the citizens of the Capitol can watch the whole thing live. As far as I am concerned, just attending one reaping once a year is enough to keep the horror alive.

Outside our little shack, I feel less anxious in the cool morning air. I pull on my old boots, the leather soles are peeling away from the uppers but I don't want to go barefoot; there are always bits of sharp metal and glass lying around and getting a cut foot is the last thing that I want; we can't afford to get medicine from the small apothecary and although I have picked up some knowledge of herbal remedies, finding the correct plants is always challenging; there are always others who are on the lookout for the same thing.

I find myself walking towards the lake. The lake is what we like to call in although in actual truth it is simply a large concrete reservoir filled with water that we haul to irrigate the cotton and crop fields. One of the small pleasures of living in this quarter of District Eleven is the lake; it is one of the few areas where the Peacekeepers show a little leniency and we are allowed to bathe here so long as we do not get in the way of the irrigation tanks filling up or the people filling buckets.

The lake is deserted; most people are taking advantage of a day off work to stay in bed so I have no qualms in slipping out of my clothes before diving naked under the water. How I would like to just sink under the surface and not have to come up until this day is over. I allow myself to sink into the murky depths of the water. I keep my eyes shut, enjoying the weightless feel of my body but all too soon I feel my lungs protesting for want of air and I strike out for the surface. When my head breaks out, I am surprised to see another face beside my own. We are so similar that she could be my reflection.

'Hi Rue,' my face breaks into a smile as I tread water beside her.

'I saw you walk past our shack, I called out but you didn't hear.'

'Sorry, I was… preoccupied…' My voice cracks on the last word and the smile slips back under the surface. Rue knows how hard this day is for me: My first ever reaping. 'How's Fern?' Fern is Rue's youngest sister and she has measles.

'Same as yesterday,' Rue answers, with a frown. I put a hand on her arm because I know how much she cares for her younger brother and sisters. It must be killing her to see Fern so ill. I shiver, suddenly remembering back to four years ago when we lost Beech, Rue's three year old brother to a fever.

'Tumeric root is supposed to help,' I suddenly say, remembering something I heard one of the workers telling another a year or so ago. I rack my brains to think of any other snapshots of information but nothing is forthcoming.

Rue and I have been friends for years now. When I was six months old, my father cut his leg with a scythe and infection set in, forcing my mother to return to work. My father was bedridden and in no condition to look after a baby and Sheb and Saff were both at school so Rue's mother offered to look after me. It was the spark that ignited the fire of our friendship. Rue and I both worked in the orchards since we were eight, collecting fruit from the highest branches. We aren't in the same year at school though because the years are split by when your birthday falls. If it is before reaping day then you are automatically sectioned into the year above, so although there are only three months between us, I am already eligible for the reaping while Rue is safe for another year.

'How are you feeling?' The abrupt change of topic takes me by surprise and I find myself swallowing down a strong desire to burst into tears.

'Yeah… worried…' I mutter, striking out for the concrete wall and hauling myself out before pulling on my clothes. I don't want to cry. Crying won't solve anything and it'll just make the reaping seem even more terrifying later on.

'I know,' Rue says simply as I extend a hand to pull her out of the water.

'It's so complicated,' I mutter, looking out towards the fields. It's the planting season so it's weird to see them empty of workers.

'What do you mean?' Rue places a hand on my shoulder and I turn to look at her; like me she is thin, too thin to be considered healthy. 'I know that I only have my name in there five times but Sheb and Saffy…' I trail off because it is too hard to continue. My brother and sister are seventeen and eighteen respectively and their names have been entered too many times to count and added to that my sister is pregnant so if her name gets drawn then it will be a murder two times over.

'There are still thousands of other slips…' I nod wearily and pull on my shoes.

'I know but I'm scared that the Capitol…' I don't finish because I can't say it out loud. This has been a banned topic in our household ever since my family was decimated. If I say it out loud then it will make it seem real: I am scared that the Capitol will want to make an example of us.

'Maya!' Grateful for the interruption, I turn to see my brother striding towards me and I smile because he is swinging a dead groosling by its neck in one of his hands. This will mean that we can have a decent meal when we get back this evening… if we get back. I stop the train of thought as it comes to me.

'I thought that I'd find you here.' Sheb flings the groosling down onto the concrete lip of the lake and pulls off his shirt and trousers. As he dives into the water, his body forms a graceful ark and I can see the muscles in his chest rippling under his brown skin; for someone so underfed, Sheb is powerfully built and very strong, the years of toiling in the fields have left their mark. Sheb surfaces near the centre of the lake, shaking his head like a dog to get the water out of his eyes. He then does a lazy head over heals.

I feel something touch my upper arm and I turn to see that Rue is on her feet and dressed again.

'I ought to be getting back… Fern…' She doesn't finish but I can read the unspoken words in her eyes and I nod. 'Good luck later.' Rue pulls me into a brief hug.

'May the odds be ever in my favour,' I say, keeping my face as straight as possible.

When Sheb and I get back home, Saff has already put the grain on to cook for breakfast. Hot grain; a totally unappetizing brown mush but at least it fills you up.

'Here.' I hand over a bunch of water mint that I found growing out of the concrete on the lip of the lake and she adds it to the pot on the fire. Immediately, the mush starts to smell more appetizing and I am actually drooling by the time she ladles the food into four bowls.

'I'll take it in to Dad,' I say, stepping forwards because I can see that she is about to go into the next room. I am trying to get Saff to sit down, to take the weight of the baby off her feet. A week ago her ankles started to swell, making it hard for her to get around properly. The only herbal remedy that I can think of to help this is water cress but, so far, I've been unsuccessful in finding any.

Saff hands me the bowl and I take it through to the bedroom. Dad is still asleep; his face looks smooth and untroubled in the half-light that sneaks into the room round the cracks in the window shutter. I put the bowl of hot mush down onto the chest of draws that separates my dad and Sheb's bed with the one that I share with Saff. Mush, even mush flavoured with mint, is not worth waking up for. I slip quietly out of the room and take my place between my sister and brother to start on my own breakfast.

This fanfiction has been in my head for the best part of two years and this chapter has been on my laptop for a good three months. I hope you enjoy it. I don't know when it'll be updated, but hopefully it'll be soon. As always, please drop me a review or a PM to let me know what you think.