Right this first chapter is by me; Doggyrooroo (Abigail). Please read and review, thanks!
Black; the colour of mourning, death and depth, the darkness in this vast sky. I'm standing under the huge oak tree covering over my mother's grave, protecting her. It's like she's been saved from herself. I guess there really was nothing I could have done for her, Alzheimer's was a progressive disease and we knew this was going to be the end. Even my money I had splashed towards the expensive nursing home, top-of the range medical care and now a fancy funeral…..it didn't make a blind bit of difference. I flattened down my black dress that I had worn to the funeral this morning. It's covering all my fear, insecurities, and scars from my past. When the funeral happened, I didn't know where to place myself. Sonya sitting next to me on my left bawling her eyes out, Nikki on my right stroking her thumb comfortingly on my hand softly. She knew I didn't do emotions well so after taking my last sip of the glass of chilled red wine she took me out to the grave, standing in the back ground watching over me, giving me a chance to show my mother how I really felt.
The last time I saw her, was with Sonya. At first she didn't recognise either one of us. The recognising Sonya and I was just a friend…she was Lorraine and I was no one. When I visited her it was like all everything we'd ever been through; the pain, the suffering but also the joys of life had been erased from her brain so I claimed 'You were like a mum to me.' And let her believe I was no one special. Her final lucid moment…it had shocked her to see how much I had grown. Although I was blessed to see her lucid, I was at peace to watch her drift away in her sleep. Her body had forgotten how to function and her heart had stopped beating. Growing up she'd always been boss, Nikki claimed that's where I got my stubbornness from, it's also because I grew up without a father, and she had to take charge. She was the single mum working trying to create a better life for her two children. She had helped all she could but if it wasn't for Michael Byrne I wouldn't be as successful as I am today. Watching her not even be able to clothe herself scared me deeply; money wasn't everything so after leaving Waterloo Road I got Nikki back. I realised how stupid and selfish it was to push her away. Now two years after leaving, we are in a good place and she means the world to me.
I had felt the eulogies had been futile; memories of childhood, empty words. I began to regret not spending more time with her when I had the chance. I ran my hand over the top of the grave stone that had my mother's name newly engraved on the soft marble, slightly glossy even. 'Mum…I'm so sorry…I….I…..miss you.' I began to cry finally accepting the grief by letting the tears fall down my soft cheek. Everyone saw me as the tough business woman who only cared about money; truthfully I cared a lot more about my family than I said. Nikki understood me and loved me for me, I was grateful to have her. She edged closer sliding her arm around my waist. I placed my head on her shoulder, letting my tears dampen her shirt. She didn't seem bothered; she just kissed my forehead waiting until I was ready. She understood death; being in the army she had seen countless men die and even killed some…she said you have to remember it was for the greater good although sometimes she would wake up in a cold sweat sobbing from a nightmare. This death was different; although I felt terrible I guess it was a relief in a way. 'I promise to spend more time with Sonya, look after her. Thanks for everything. I'm sorry you had to leave the world this way; I wish I could have done more. I wish I was there for you more. I hope where ever you are now that you're happy.' I mumble before placing a kiss on my hand which I press against the smooth marble before leaning heavily into Nikki's embrace. Black although a colour of mourning…..one of passion.