Heaven Must be Missing an Angel

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters

Warning: Fluff, Smut, angst, heartbreak, saddness, possible abuse (emotional and maybe some physical?) happy ending

Pairings: Destiel, John and Mary, Sam and Sarah Blake

Description:

It is going to concentrate on when Castiel was first in his life, So for now Set in Season 4, but I am thinking of time jumping, back and forth between past, present (season 4) and future season (9,10) Mary and John are alive and John now knows Mary is a hunter. Sam was still marked by the demon blood but John got to Mary before she was killed. They are now raising the boys in a new family home in Lawrence Kansas, however Mary and John still go on hunts as well. As Dean grows into a teen, he realizes he has a liking for men as well, but he doesn't know how his parents will accept him, so he keeps that part of his life hidden away. He still makes the cross roads deal, dies and goes to hell, only to meet Castiel when he saved him. They fall in love and Dean needs to decide where his loyalty and love really lie.. with his Dad who kicked him ou of the family when he finds out about Dean and Cas or with the only person who has ever given him true happiness. It also brings about direst with Mary and John, Mary wanting to side with her eldest son. asons 9,10) I may even possibly do chapters in different characters POV's as well.. Will all be in third person as I write better that way. It is going to be an ongoing story, I also have other stories I need to work on as well, so updates maybe slow at times.

Chapter 1: Coming to Terms

Present Day - Dean and Cas

13-02-2009

The day he was raised from perdition was a brand new day for Dean. He had decided during his year of trying to get out of the cross roads deal that if he did manage to succeed that he would stop sleeping around with every woman he saw and try to settle down. He always knew liked both men and women, but there was something about a man that Dean just couldn't put his finger on, it was very specific things, and wasn't just any man, but had to be a certain man who could do things to him that no one else could. This man didn't yet have a name or a face, but Dean dreamed about him every night when he was growing up. It was what finally made him realize that he was perhaps bi-sexual. He knew he could have a good time with the ladies, but he also knew he had never really fallen in love with one, Closet he had ever let anyone get to him were two women who knew the truth about him.

Those women were Cassie Robinson and Lisa Braeden. Although Dean had promised he would see Cassie again after they helped save the case of the black pick up truck terrorizing Cassie, her family and her community, he knew that he couldn't ever love her the way she deserved. There was something missing when they made love that last time, something he didn't even realize at first, but it was there and just subtle enough for him to not see her again and go against his promise. He had let her in and he didn't like the emotional vulnerability it gave him when he opened up to her, especially when she used it against him. Lisa.. now Lisa he could see himself with, he had even said that to her, that's what his parents wanted for him, a happily ever after like theirs, but it wasn't too happen.. Dean had to get Cas to wipe their memory after some bad things happened and he couldn't risk her and Ben getting hurt again.

Looking back at his relationships with Cassie and Lisa, those are the only two whom he can consider relationships and not just one night stands and he sill has a hard time figuring when it happened. He should have been ready for it, but he wasn't.. He was completely taken by surprise when he made that discovery, that Castiel meant more to him then he could have ever had imagined. This was his best friend, and perhaps that was why he was a little slow on the uptake, he never was good with things like this.. Expressing his feelings and emotions was hard for him, but he was trying for him.. The hardest thing.. Dean knew his father wouldn't approve.. He had never outwardly said anything negative or bad about homosexual people, but Dean knew that John wouldn't take the news well, especially when he raised him as a manly man, who liked hunting and shooting pool and drinking beer and being tough.

He was sitting in a bar by himself on the night before Valentine's Day, approximately five months after meeting Cas, and as he processed this all, he came to the realization that it all started that night in the barn when he first met Castiel. He was scared of him at first, scared because nothing was working on this creature, not even Ruby's knife, but when Castiel explained who he was and talking to Dean about faith and not feeling deserving enough of being saved, the way those blue eyes looked into his, the way he stared, got too close even back then, he remembered how his heart had began to beat faster and he felt this feeling he just couldn't explain to himself at first. He was trying his hardest to deny now, his parents had no idea and as far as he was aware, neither did Sam nor the object of his ever growing affection.

"Dean", Came a low gruff voice and Dean not expecting anyone had jumped and turned towards the voice, his heart pounding as he saw who it was. "Ohh Heya there Cas", Dean said as he tried his hardest to sound causal and not like he had just spend the last two hours thinking of nothing else but the angel now right in front of him. "Wanna join me?", he continued as he gestured towards the opposite side of the booth that he was sitting at. Castiel nodded his head and sat down opposite him and looked at him, his head tilted to one side like it always was when Dean confused him. Dean felt himself nervous all of a sudden, and he smiled nervously at Cas, waiting for him to speak. When he realized he wasn't going to be first, he sighed a little, "So, what brings you here, business or pleasure Cas?". He said with a small chuckle, a small smile playing on his lips at an attempt to joke around.

"I think you know why Dean.. You have been avoiding me, not calling for me when I know you have needed me on hunts.. why?", he said in a small hurt voice. Castiel maybe an angel, but he was still quite a perceptive angel at that and he knew that Dean had been avoiding him. He knew that he was getting too close to Dean and his family, but mainly to Dean and the other angels weren't exactly jumping up and down whenever he rushed to his side. This was Dean though, and if Castiel had to rebel, had to do whatever it took to protect him, he would do just that. Castiel was still very much unaware of his own feelings, but he knew his heart ached when he was apart from Dean, knew he felt sad and lost when Dean didn't ask for his help on hunts and he was starting to think that he had done something wrong and his time with Dean was now up.

At that small hurt why, Dean looked up from his beer sharply, his eyes wide. How could that one word said that way stab into his heart worse then any demon could.. Ohh yeah that's right he thought. You can't bear to see him hurt especially when you are the one hurting him. He wasn't sure if he should lie and just say he was busy or tell him the truth. He sighed heavily and sat there for several moments thinking over his options. "I guess I have.. "He said as he looked back down at his beer, his hand gripping the glass tight. "I'm sorry.. I haven't meant too.. It's just.. ", he stopped and took a breath, wondering if he should continue.. "Just what Dean?", Cas said in a soft low voice, urging him on, his own vessel's heart racing and he distinctly heard Jimmy Novak's voice in the back ground, but he shut him out for now, he could listen to him speak anytime and right now, he was with Dean and that's the only voice he wanted to hear.

Dean cleared his throat and started again almost afriad of what would happen, but deciding that it was now or never.. If he didn't tell him, or at least explain, he would never.. "Have you ever wanted something so much that your heart aches when you can't get it?.. Have you ever needed someone more then you have ever needed anyone else, longed to be in someone's arms and know you couldn't, that it would never happen". He whispered softly at first, but his voice slowly got louder towards the end. Dean used to be happy and content with one night stands and random hook ups, but for the first in ever, Dean wasn't planning on going to a bar tomorrow to hook up, He only wanted one person in his arms, to shower his love and attention to and it was breaking his heart knowing it would never happen and he just couldn't do that anymore, couldn't hook up when he was falling for someone else.

Castiel wasn't sure what he was feeling in this moment, but his own heart was aching in the same way Dean was describing and he couldn't stand him being in pain and hurting, so he reached over the table and took Dean's hand in his own and squeezed softly before speaking in a low gentle voice, not even sure of where the words were coming from, "Yes, I have". Dean felt himself shiver when Cas touched his hand but didn't pull away like Castiel expected him to. It was only then that Castiel was putting all the pieces of the puzzle together and realizing just how well Dean and himself fit together. Dean took a deep breath when he suddenly realized that Castiel was no longer on the opposite side but sitting right next to him and he felt his heart pound hard in his chest.

"Cas", He whispered softly as he looked into those bright blue eyes and couldn't help but let his own eyes flick down to look at those beautiful plump lips that always just looked so damn kissable and he breathed hard again and looked back into his eyes, searching for what he was looking for. "Are you sa.. what are you saying?". Castiel smiled shyly, he couldn't understand why he never noticed it before, why he never let himself see what was always there between them, why he was chosen to be the one to save Dean, why everyone kept making references to Castiel being Dean's angel or boyfriend.. He had never let himself see it, but now he was and it was written in Dean's eyes that whatever it was, it was mutual. "I.. I'm saying there is a reason why I have rebelled, why everything I have done has been for you". He whispered as he bit his lip in a nervous habit.

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing, this was exactly what he had always longed to hear from this angel but had never ever believed he had a chance with. He was feeling just as nervous as Castiel looked, his eyes just couldn't leave those bright blue ones and he didn't want to believe it at first, "Why me Cas?", he whispered, his heart aching as he told himself he wasn't worthy, wasn't worthy of this. It never worked out for him, so why was now any different. " Because you are special, because you are you, the righteous human who always thinks of others before himself. The one who protects his family and does whatever he has to in order to keep them safe from harm". As he spoke, his heart filled with warmth, every word he spoke was true, "Because you deserve this Dean".

Dean tried to hold back the tears he knew were welling in his eyes as he looked at Castiel and swallowed the lump in his throat. He wasn't even thinking of anything else or anyone else right now, in the back of his mind, subconsciously he knew this was going to end badly but he didn't have a care in the world at the moment as he squeezed his hand, glad they were in a semi secluded and dim lit part of the bar and leaned towards him, firstly testing out the waters by placing his forehead on Castiel's and gazing into his eyes before moving his hands up to cup his angels face and pressed his lips to his for a soft chaste first kiss that made his heart skip beats and his stomach do flip flops. He couldn't believe one kiss could change his world, could make him feel so alive but it did just that and he pulled away slightly, as he opened his eyes and breathed in Castiel's scent, hoping this hadn't screwed things up.

The look on Castiel's face, he knew he had done the right thing and he smiled softly at him, his lips still tingling from their short kiss and although his body was screaming only one thing right now.. His heart and mind were thinking the opposite and wanting to go slowly and take their time. It was all new to him, yeah he had male crushes before, but he had never acted on them and he had never thought that the one male he liked enough to be with would be an angel and his best friend. They were friends first and he didn't want anything to change. "Cas", he breathed out, not trusting his voice right now and being left speechless at how he felt. How could he put what he wanted into words? Words that would't screw things up. "Yes Dean?", Cas replied, looking just as mesmerized a Dean did and he looked back into Dean's forest green eyes searching frantically for a sign Dean was going to end this before it started, but was a little relieved when he saw nothing but love and affection.

"I think you know how I feel now.. and I don't want you to take this the wrong way, cause damn, I do want this.. so much, but I was wondering if we can take it slow for now?", he asked as he looked at Castiel hopefully, not wanting Castiel to feel like he was rejecting him. Castiel nodded his head and leaned in, pressing his lips to Dean's once more and smiled as he pulled away after another chaste kiss, "I think that sounds reasonable Dean". He said as he answered him, "I have waited for a long time", He said as he looked at him with a soft gaze, "I don't mind waiting as long as you need to". Castiel now flooding with emotions, he was thinking of times gone past when he had no idea what the feelings meant, but he now knew that he was falling and he wanted to make this work, so whatever Dean wanted, Castiel would do.

Dean smiled at that, his heart still racing from that second kiss and he was glad Castiel saw it the way he did. He knew he wanted to spend the next day alone with his angel, and he hoped his father continued with his tradition of going away with Mary and not picking up on a hunt, cause Dean wasn't going this time if there was one. No.. tomorrow was reserved for one person.. one angel.. his angel.. He caught a glimpse of the the time on the bar's clock on the wall and he realized he was tired and he should go sleep being this late hour. "I'm gonna head back home, get some sleep.. Wanna come with?", he asked again, this time he wasn't as nervous asking and was rewarded with Castiel standing up and pulling him up with him. "You know I will always go where you go Dean".

He smiled as he walked out side with him, not aware that Sammy was sitting with Sarah Blake, the girl Dean had told Sam to marry when they were out on a hunt. Sam had indeed called her and they met up, Sarah moving to Lawrence once her father passed on to open up her own Auction House. Sam and Sarah had been dating steadily for the past two years and were going strong. Sarah was the one to notice Dean and Castiel and raised her eyebrow at the way they were walking so close when they headed outside. "What babe?", Sam asked her as he looked at her, concern filling his mind. "Ohh It's nothing honey", She said as she turned her attention back to Sam, but in her mind, she had always known something was going on with those two and what she saw tonight only confirmed it. Telling Sam or letting it go, she couldn't decide.. Ahh maybe leave it and talk to Dean later on she thought as she leaned her head on Sam's shoulder and smiled softly to herself as she figured out Dean and Cas's secret.

Thanks for reading, I hope you all review and let me know what you think. This is just really the chapter which sets the scene and where Cas and Dean are in their lives. There will be angst and all that in it, I want the first few chapters to be dedicated to Dean and Cas starting their secret romance, and having some fun and laughter first, setting up how happy they are and they all notice how happy Dean is, but he won't say who, and Sarah for now is the only one who suspects. It will get dark and sad at times, but I also will promise a happy ending cause I can't stand to see Dean and Cas unhappy for too long. I also do have other stories I need to get onto as well, I have procrastinated long enough, so if you have followed my other fics, some of them will be updated within the next few weeks or so. Thanks for all being patient with me.