Burned
My first drag. So fucking natural. Not a scratch in my throat, not a burn behind my eyes and nose, not a cough or even hiccup.
I breathed you in through my mouth and you came in smooth and full - I let you tickle my lungs and slip back out into my bed. Like my nerves had been waiting, you fit right in with my molecules and left me calm, dizzy with a lazy bliss.
Shit, it was too good. Shit, it's just too bad; I couldn't stop.
Every time I get you, I pull you out, roll you around, and breathe in your skin, let you sit in the curve of my tongue and drift down the length of my throat, I can trace you down my neck to my lungs, and I breathe. It doesn't take much to get me to that sweet spot stupor, but I go on all night, taking you in and floating you out through my nose or my lips, tasting you over and over, sifting you inside me till you know where to go on your own and I let you explore my airways unrestricted. Now it's not me anymore, it's all you - make me lower my jaw, take a deep breath, and just rush in, flood my taste and my smell, shut my eyes from the sting, run crazy in my respiratory paths.
Shit, it was way too much. Shit, it's not enough; I can't stop.
I go through the day dreaming smoke on my tongue, twitching my hands, and the cigs aren't the same, taste like shit. My molecules remember there's a perfect fit somewhere, and they're screaming for an inhale of your fine expanse of smooth skin. I need to just suck you up, and it is a need, not a want, I'm breathing double time, feel my heart pulse in my temple, my body's gone mad without a throatful of your well bodied air to fill me up and drift me to that happy place in my head, in your arms, in my bed.
And shit. Shit, shit, shit.
Nobody told me to take the first drag. I did it myself because no one ever thinks it happens to them, no one ever takes the first drag because they want to get addicted. Fuck dependency: enslavement; I can't do it without your taste, without your smoke in my mouth, I don't remember how to be without it. But I'm learning. I don't know how, but I smoke a lot more, to replace you, I guess, and it's working.
Enough for me to say that cigarettes ash. But I hear you just burned.