Title

Albus Potter and the Worm

Author

Sar'Kalu

Summary: Albus Potter gets sent through a portal to an alternate dimension when a Worm eats him alive through his computer screen and ends up West of Drum-lands where he becomes an Untouchable impossibility.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the intellectual property of J.K Rowling and Warner Bros; Doctor Who is the intellectual property of the BBC and her affiliates

Rating: T; explicit language, sexual themes, immoral and illegal actions (e.g. illegally downloading)

A/N: Revised and extended. Read, enjoy, and review.

Part One

Streaming Illegally Is Bad For Your Health

The room was tiny for the amount of money to his name, a box like place that was only useful for its four walls and ceiling. The floor was carpeted in an off white, and the walls painted black and decorated in green and silver school flags, each one emblazoned with a black S. Albus Potter was hardly the most esoteric of people, his father, Harry Potter was the most famous person to have ever walked the wizarding world, while his brother, James Potter II was the most talented Quidditch player since his grandfather, James Potter and grand-godfather, Sirius Black. This was probably why Albus was currently sitting in his boxers in front of his computer eating cold pizza and watching reruns of his favourite TV shows online.

His cheap Ikea bed stood behind him, rumpled and unmade since the day he'd changed his sheets three weeks ago. Albus had hated the fame, the glory, the spotlight that wasn't his own; the youngest son of the most influential Lord who had been knighted by the Queen (when she'd finally been told about Voldemort and his followers threat; she hadn't been amused), Albus felt that he was hardly worth the title. Even his mother was well known, even if it wasn't always for the best reasons; Ginny Potter was very well known as a truthful, if very forceful interrogative journalist who had originally just written expose's on the latest sport statistics. Now you could barely pick up the paper without seeing his family emblazoned in one or more of the columns. Only Albus was left, the oddball son who had dropped out of the wizarding world to go into computer programming and design, he was actually a very successful businessman; in the Muggle world. Which was the problem, Albus admitted to himself; no one outside of the muggle world actually cared about what he did, how many records he had broken, how successful he was. How rich he was.

It was this constant disappointed rumbling that had driven Albus from his family's home in Godric's Hollow, England and into New York City, United States of America, half a world away. His only familial contact over here was his only and younger sister, Lily Potter who was the wife of the American wizarding First Minister, and famous in her own right as a successful actor and script writer. It was hard, something his Uncle Ron could attest to, living in the overwhelming shadow of people greater and more successful than you were. And Albus had run from it, run from everything and now here he was, sitting in a rundown apartment with more money than god, no recognition and an estranged family who didn't understand his choices.

Albus clicked on another link, his mind klicks away and was jolted into wakefulness when the computer started beeping loudly and obnoxiously. Cursing, Albus ran a full diagnostics over the machine and was forced to admit defeat when the system began to melt down and the screen froze. With a flicker, a box appeared on the screen.

"Malware detected."

Albus let out another oath and half stood, reaching over the back to reboot the computer only to freeze when a strange face appeared on the screen. "What on earth?"

The creature was long and thick, ridged and looked like an inside out tube of pink flesh. It had no eyes and a gaping mouth filled with serrated teeth. It wavered on the screen, flickering slightly. It was clearly a worm of some description and was ugly as hell and not a little disgusting to look at. Albus wasn't impressed.

Albus stared at the creature in confusion. What was what looked like a sand worm, doing on his computer?

"Jacky!" Albus shouted loudly, disregarding the current time. "I told you not to fuck with my computer!"

Jackson Halloway was a young laboratory scientist who was also shared Albus' apartment complex. Jacky, as he was better known as, had just newly graduated and was more than willing to share an apartment while he searched for a job that was more likely to pay the requisite amount of money he needed to get started on his doctorate. He also rather enjoyed research strange and bizarre creatures on Albus' computer when Albus was at work, hoping to scare the wizard into a second 'girly' shriek that had escaped Albus' manly mouth on the first day of their acquaintance. But then frogs, a bucket of water and a very slippery slope will make anyone squeal.

"Dammit!" Albus cursed, thumping the monitor, cursing again when the flat screen bent on the flexible 'neck' obstructing the view on the screen. "Why won't you work?"

"Al, shut the fuck up!" Came a muffled voice from the next room over.

Albus barely spared the wall separating his and Jacky's rooms a glance. He turned the monitor and computer off, and cursed once more when he realised that the picture wasn't leaving.

"Why me?" Albus moaned his head thudding onto the desk.

It was about now that Albus should have been paying attention, because as his head made contact with the cheap pine board desk, the worm on the computer screen, wriggled. It writhed. It grew. It wriggled again and opened its gaping maw like a giant suction tube and shoved its way free from the monitors' confines. Snaking and curving above Albus' steadily thumping and cursing head, the Worm seemed to consider its prey. With a twitch, the Worm shot forwards and clamped down upon Albus' head and shoulders, and with a violent thrust, swallowed the young man whole.

Albus screamed as he felt something bite and swallow his head and shoulders, and for a crazy moment, Albus heard the lyrics to the boa constrictor song his Dad used to sing to James and him when they were kids running through his head.

"I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor, and I don't like it very much."

Albus sang it to himself, feeling the Worm's body pulsating around him, feeling glad that his wand, if unusable and unreachable right now, was stuck in the waist band of his boxers. His father had stressed wand safety to both he and James, and Albus could remember many times during his teenage years where James or he would be scolded for forgetting their wands; even at family functions.

"Oh no he swallowed my toe!"

Albus shuddered as with a violent pulse, he was completely swallowed and then... flung. Screaming once again, the song lyrics followed him down the swirling dark tunnel that seemed to be illuminated with swirling lights. Red, green, blue, purple, gold, silver, black and red created a kaleidoscope around his head and disorientated the wizard completely.

"Oh me he swallowed my knee!"

The lights were thinning now, and Albus found himself shouting the lyrics with glee, even though there was neither sound nor air to reverberate his words. The very Universe was staring at him and he was staring right on back. Was this what James felt each time he shot a goal? Was this why his father and Uncle were so celebrated in their abilities as Aurors? This was fantastic, this was marvellous; oh Merlin he was going to be sick!

"Oh fiddle he's up to my middle!"

Time, space and everything between screamed past him and for the first time in his life, Albus actually lamented his decision to skip the sciences. Sure, computers were fulfilling, but this! This was pure unadulterated magic. Time expanded and elapsed around him, the pull and ebb of the golden strands of Time itself was a beautiful thing to behold. Albus grinned wildly, he had no idea how long it had been since he fell, nor did he truly care. He was free and for the first time since starting his own company, he was as happy as could be.

"Oh heck he swallowed my neck."

Albus, for the first time in his very short, very wasted life, saw so much, saw so long and understood so well what was out there that he couldn't help it, that even as the song drew to a close. Albus laughed. Exultation and triumph filled him and he screamed the last line of the lyrics as blackness filled his vision.

"Oh dread, he's up to my..."