The power behind the throne
Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!
Episode:- None
Pairing:- None (Looking at Nicola and Ella's relationship)
Rating:- K
Achieve:- http(:/) . /group/rebeccafrontlewisffarchive/
Summary:- When they do and my grandchildren ask why I did I hope I'll always have made it clear to them that I do it all for them, that they are the centre of my world and the power behind what I am absolutely sure will be a very rickety throne that without them it would crumble and take me with it.
Author's Note:- In answer to Gee's "Difference" Challenge to write a story looking at a subject/pairing/plot line that you wouldn't normally write. Set before the beginning of season 3 ep. 1 based around when Nicola got the call about becoming DoSAC minister. Lyrics (in italics) From In my Daughter's Eyes by Martina Mc Bride. As the challenge topic suggests this is a slight departure from what I would normally write so I hope you all enjoy it and reviews would be lovely.
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
"Mummy you promised to tuck me in." The small voice in the silence has broken through the stupor I've been in since hanging up the phone. I was still thinking it was a joke, that I hadn't heard right, that someone was going to ring back from my constituency office and say "ha Gotha!" but as she blinks sleepily at me it's finally coming home to me. I've just been asked to be a government minister and I said yes. What the hell was I thinking? "Are you ok? You don't look like you normally do."
"Yes sweetie I'm fine sorry I had a call about work it distracted me it was a bit of a surprise." For a ten year old she can be so sage at times, so accepting of what is happening and of me it makes me feel like there is one person in the world who believes I am the centre of the world.
"Is someone in trouble Mummy?"
"Yeah they are." I've resisted the urge to qualify that by pointing out the person in trouble is me as I scoop her up heading for the stairs.
"You'll fix it Mummy you fix everything that's why you're an MP, that's why all those people voted for you." The huge smile on her face has brought a tear to my eye, to her I am the most amazing and unbeatable person in the world. If only she knew.
But it's plain to see, she was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be, in my daughter's eyes
"I hope you're right baby it might be harder for me to just make things ok this time though." The way she cuddles into my chest as I put her back into bed lying down beside her fills me with a joy that I've only ever been able to get from my children. When the world outside seems to horrible, when the wheels of government, even on a constituency level, are too tiresome to come home to her, to all of them, is what makes my life worthwhile.
On nights like this when I'm alone with just them, their father god knows where, and she does her characteristic cuddle it makes me feel like she is my pilot light, she saves me when I feel like the world is closing in. She's my reason for living and without her and her brother and sisters I would be lost on an aimless see of daily horrors never able to find the shore.
And when she wraps her hand around my finger, how it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer, I realise what life is about.
"I am right Mum remember when they were going to close the leisure centre and you made them stop and how you stopped those girls being mean to Emily when she was at my school? You can fix whatever's wrong I know you can." Her arms wrapped around me as sleep tugs again at her eyes and I know she will be sleeping soundly again in second it makes my heart swell. When you have children people tell you how much you're going to love them, they give you long lists of the terrible things about being a parent, about the difficulties you'll have to face and the pressures that come with it. People complain about how tiring babies are, how running after children is stressful, how teenagers are a nightmare. They forget to tell you about these moments. About when they remind you that through them there will always be light in your life.
It's hanging on when your heart has had enough; it's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light in my daughter's eyes.
"I love you baby, sleep well." She's gone the contented smile on her face as my arms stay wrapped around her reminding me why they are the reason I do this. I want a world for them that is better than the one we have now. When it feels like nothing I ever do will be good enough, when I think the world is beyond hope and I'd be better accepting that and doing what the rest of the population do I remember moments like this. I remember those tiny victories be they political like the leisure centre closure or personal like forcing the school to take Emily's bullying seriously. I remember how much faith my children had in me to make them better and I can do anything.
When she looks at me with trusting eyes and drifts off to sleep confident that her Mummy can take on the world it reminds me that I can be strong, I have to be for her, for all of them. They are the reason I have to keep fighting, they are the reason I said yes when the phone rang earlier, they are the reason I believe that there is a way to make a difference.
In my daughter's eyes I see the future a reflection of who I am and who I'll be
When I'm gone I hope you'll see how happy she made me
For I'll be there, in my daughter's eyes.
Standing by the door I watch her sleep for a second before closing the door and going back to working out what I've gotten myself into because that's what I have to do. Someday she'll be my age with children of her own and I'll be gone, just a memory, a faceless cabinet minister who was around for however long it lasts. To the rest of the world I'll be a distant memory if they remember me at all but I hope when my children talk to their children about me they'll say you're Grandma made a difference, she never stopped fighting and she never gave up because she always wanted things to be better for us and for you. When they do and my grandchildren ask why I did I hope I'll always have made it clear to them that I do it all for them, that they are the centre of my world and the power behind what I am absolutely sure will be a very rickety throne that without them it would crumble and take me with it.