It's been almost a whole year since I've looked at this story. To be honest I had writer's block. For a whole year? I know, that is some crazy writer's block. Anyway, to compensate, I went back and made some changes to the first chapter and (hopefully) made it much better. It's definitely longer. I hope you enjoy!

I tried my best to give him a small smile. A small smile to tell him that everything was going to turn out fine and be okay with us, with me. It was going to be okay, right? Right?

It wasn't.

As he looked at me with those cold expressionless eyes of his, I felt my heart drop and a coldness envelope my entire body. Those blank eyes that never showed any care or warmth towards me, only contempt and disdain. I felt it. For the first time, I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces, each piece so small and jagged that I knew my heart would never, could never go back to its original state. I knew I was an idiot, but even I wasn't that stupid not to realize that even if I tried, my heart would never, could never be the same. But maybe… Seung Jo… Seung Jo could… no. No. NO! Not even Seung Jo could piece my heart back together into what it once was. But there were moments, instances he's shown he cares about me. Maybe he did love me, right? When he would help me even though he didn't want to or when he would give me small words of encouragement. Maybe there was hope, right? Memories surfaced and quickly flickered between bitter insults. "Idiot." "Pathetic." "Embarrassing." "Disgusting." "Worthless." The insults far outnumbered the encouragement. I dropped the fake smile I plastered on my face for Seung Jo. It wasn't fair. In every instance he uttered those words, I would stand in the background crying, whining, begging in a desperate attempt to hold onto a non-existent relationship. It wasn't fair. Only I was holding on to a futile and pathetic love. Only I was living through the pain and heartache.

And then finally, finally, I felt the last piece of adoration I had for him burst into fragments so small it was practically dust. I dropped my gaze and whispered so lightly, I'm not even sure he heard me.

"I can't do this anymore."

It was quiet for a moment except for our breathing. Even then, I could barely hear Seung Jo's light breathing over my own heavy breaths. Neither of us said anything as we continued to stand there. I finally looked up and, without meaning to, a tear slipped out from the corner of my eye. The lone tear slowly slid down my cheek as it traveled across my reddened cheeks leaving a trail of salt that dried and hardened. It was the last tear he would ever see me shed in his name. After years of following him around, after countless moments of worrying about him, too many attempts to prove myself to him, I decided that this was it. No more. I just couldn't handle it anymore – the tears, the humiliation, the self-hate, the pity. No more. I would no longer put up with it. This was the end. After too many years, I had reached an ultimatum.

But my epiphany didn't matter. The life-changing moment I had just experienced didn't matter to Seung Jo. His expression didn't change. There was no twitch, no slight movement. Nothing. His eyes remained as impassive as ever. But again, it didn't matter. It never did. Seung Jo carried the same blank look he always did.

Maybe he was right when he told me those words.

We kept staring at each other.

It was over. My shoulders slumped in exhaustion. I did not bother saying anything else. It wasn't like anything I said ever reached him. I turned around and slowly walked to the front door. I grabbed my sneakers, silently put them on and walked out. Seung Jo never said a word. He made no move to stop me. I only heard him climb the stairs as I had slipped on my shoes.

Outside the house, I didn't know what to do or where to go. I just needed to get away from Seung Jo's suddenly suffocating presence. I started walking towards the bus station. My steps were slow and heavy. The cool wind brushed my hair across my face making me shiver lightly. When I reached the bus station, I realized I had no money. What an idiot. I left and headed towards the nearby park. It started to get dark but I kept walking along with everyone out and about. There were people walking, talking, playing, laughing, living. After a few minutes of walking around, I decided to sit on an empty bench.

The air was getting more and more chilly and I shivered with each passing breeze. I sniffed once. I sniffed twice. Again and again. One by one tears began to cascade down my face. I looked down at the floor and stared at grass meeting concrete while my hair fell in a curtain around my face. I did not want anyone to see me. My eyes were red and my nose was stuffy. I was a mess. But no matter how messy and ugly I looked on the outside, it did not compare to what I felt like on the inside.

Inside, everything was broken. The pedestal I held Seung Jo on was in ruins – the monument that was my love wrecked and our future now nonexistent.

Future.

What future?

My sobs were loud now and I heard people muttering around me. I can't be here. I can't take strangers pointing their fingers at me. I knew I was a pathetic girl crying alone in a public place and I didn't need any confirmation of it. I didn't want anyone's pity.

I stood up but kept my head down. I did not want anyone to notice my current state. It'll be better to go home and cry in my room alone. And then I remembered father and the rest of the Baek family. Strangers were one thing, but what about my family? I didn't want Pa's shame filled eyes looking at me with pity and worry. I didn't want Auntie's pleading eyes trying to convince me to keep holding on to her stubborn son. I didn't want Eun Jo's pointed look asking me why I even expected anything from his beloved hyung or Uncle's sad gaze as he tried not to get involved into the drama I constantly created for his family.

I knew I was a pitiful person. Anyone could tell just from looking at me. But I didn't want to be that person anymore. I couldn't be that person anymore. It hurt too much. I could no longer let anyone hurt me as much as Seung Jo had and I could no longer rely entirely on others like Pa, my friends, or Auntie. I had to be my own person making my own decisions for my own self. I had to put myself first. And if that meant I had to give up on love that was fine. I wasn't going to cry anymore. It never got me anywhere in the first place.

I was going to be alone from now on. But that was fine. I was going to be fine. I had to be.

As I began my trek back to the Baek household, I did the only thing I could think of at that moment: I closed my heart and put up walls and locks all around it.