A/N: For those who asked for one more Kaet and Kaidan story.
The pain was a living, fiery agony that streaked through the left side of her body and exited her lungs with a hoarse scream. She crawled on her right side, seeking cover, seeking safety, left arm useless and curled to her torso.
She was dying. The great Commander Shepard had finally met the odds that burned the last of her luck.
He was going to be so mad at her.
Two weeks ago:
"You are not going."
Kaet Shepard blinked at the autocratic tone in her husband's voice. Rising from the duffle she was packing her diplomatic Ambassador Uniform in, she considered the man staring at her, arms crossed over his chest, a muscle clenching and unclenching in his jaw.
"You are six months pregnant, Kaet." The words were forced out between teeth that barely parted.
"And am therefore crippled?" She countered raising an eyebrow.
Kaidan opened his mouth quickly and glared at her as he visibly fought for control of his temper. "No." The word was strangled. "But a mission…"
"It's to gather intelligence…"
"It's Khar'shan! The batarian homeworld, Kaet!" His voice rose.
She inhaled deeply through her nose seeking calm. "Kaidan, the batarians are an all but dead species that…"
"An all but dead species that took a contract out on your life!"
"…the Council wants to find out if there is a way we can save them…" She continued as if he hadn't spoke but didn't get far.
"So they're sending you? The woman who took out an entire system of them? Kaet, that is utter stupidity from a council that has pulled some really boneheaded moves in the past. You can't go." He was almost vibrating, shaking with the force of his emotions as he faced her.
"It's a milk run, Kaidan." She tried again reminding herself that getting mad at the man for caring too much for her and her safety was a bit like shooting herself in the foot. "It's been years since the Reapers were defeated. The batarians deserve a chance to survive and if we can gather enough numbers, find enough of them and help them restore their planet, it can be one more win against the Reapers." She turned away. "And maybe helping them will help me sleep a bit easier at night." The words were mumbled, not really meant for him to hear.
He caught her arm and jerked her around with a bit more strength than either of them were expecting. "Guilt, Kaet? This is guilt? Now? All these years later, now you decide to grow a conscience about…"
She jerked her arm free. "Maybe I'd like to be able to look our child in the eye, Kaidan! Tell them that, yeah, mommy did bad things but she tried to do good things, too!"
"Oh, come on." Kaidan tossed his hands in the air. "This isn't about redemption, this about you being the Great Commander Shepard once more. This is about you needing a junky fix to remind yourself…"
The palm of her hand cracked across his cheek, turning his face to the side. A blue/black mist rose from his skin as his fists clenched but he remained in that position, his gaze on the far wall, his mouth compressed as the effort to manage his emotions became physically visible.
For a long, tension crammed moment there was silence. Both of them trying to gain control and step back before something was said that would never be unsaid.
"I am going." She said quietly. "Yeah, maybe part of it was me wanting to be out in the field again, out doing something, but right now I am so mad at you I'm going just to piss you off."
His face snapped toward her, his jaw clenched tight, his lips sealed shut as he took deep breaths through his nose staring at her with eyes full of fire and rage. Without another word he turned away from her, snatched up his jacket and stalked out of their home.
The Present
It shouldn't have been anger.
Her last sight of him.
It shouldn't have been him in one of his oh so rare rages. She should have stopped him, called him back, listened to his concerns and then explained her reasons for wanting to go. She should have tried to work it out with him instead of pushing the buttons only she knew him well enough to push knowing that rather than yell at her, rather than raise any kind of hand to her, he would simply walk away until he had more control.
What had been so damn important that she'd had to win this fight?
She tried to strangle the cry of pain as her one good arm collapse under her frame and she hit hard red rock. At least one broken leg, possibly two. No feeling at all in her left arm and she'd been wounded enough to know that the numbness was not a good sign. None of it compared to the wound in her gut though.
The bastard had shot her point blank in the belly that curved hard and firm over the growth of her child.
Tears leaked from her eyes but this time it was regret more than pain that drove them.
She had wanted this baby. Really, she had.
Almost as much as the whole thought scared her.
To feel the child grow in her, to know that another living person was in need of her protection and guarding in oh so different a way had thrilled her almost as much as it terrified her.
And she couldn't exactly share that with Kaidan, could she? That most of the time she wanted this baby more than anything in the universe except him but there were times she felt like an alien parasite was taking over her life and changing everything about her and she now had no choice in the matter because it wasn't like she could ask someone else to take over the pregnancy for her. That would have gone over really well.
But she had wanted this baby, she had! Most of the time. She'd never wanted to be the reason the baby was killed.
He was going to be so angry at her. So disappointed. So sad.
Maybe it was worth dying not to have to face him again knowing he'd been right and her pride had gotten in the way of common sense.
Her eyes snapped open.
She couldn't die. She'd died on him once before and it had nearly broken him. Losing their baby would hurt him, but if he lost her as well…after the way they had parted…
With a strangled growl she lifted her chest again and began dragging her battered and bleeding body toward the mako once more. She ignored the charred smell of flesh and forced herself to crawl over the still forms of her Alliance guards and their batarian attackers.
She'd been so sure she could handle anything. After all, she'd faced the worst odds the galaxy could throw at a person and she'd come out on top. This should have been easy. She'd been cocky. She'd been so sure there was nothing she couldn't handle if she had her Widow in her hands.
When they'd been surrounded by the batarians who were supposed to be their escort and guides on this mostly dead and empty world and her favorite gun had been taken away she still hadn't worried. Not with her gilded tongue. She could persuade them, make them understand she was there to help them. That old angers, old grudges needed to be put in the past so they could move forward.
Gods, she was such an idiot.
Their leader had never bothered to identify himself. Never bothered to say a word before he walked up to her, aimed his gun at her belly and fired.
Then he'd spoke. Told her how he'd lost his entire family in the Bahak system when she'd destroyed the relay. Said how much he was going to love watching her die knowing her baby was already gone. The men and women of her guard had sprung into action then, knowing that there was no way any of them were going to get out of here alive through negotiation. They'd formed on her, circled her bleeding body in the dust, determined to protect her while trying to move her to the safety of the mako. Dragging her when a well aimed shot had hit her leg with enough force to shatter the bone in her thigh. Shoving their last medgel packs on her wounds when it was soon apparent that one wouldn't do. Falling one by one until only she was left.
But they'd taken damn near every single one of the batarians with them.
She'd managed to make a final stand sitting in her own blood, surrounded by a partial mound of bodies of both Alliance and batarian. Her Widow was long gone, taken from her in the opening moments of what should have been simple talks, but her aim with an assault rifle was just as deadly. Once she'd burned it out, she'd used her pistol until once again she was the only one living on a carnage filled field of battle.
She wasn't going to make it.
Too much blood. Too much grief.
She was starting to get cold, a very bad sign. Things were graying out on the edges and it was getting harder and harder to refocus. Once she realized she'd lost her path and was blindly crawling away from the mako, she gave up trying to move any further and lay still, gathering what strength remained with her. Emotional strength, not physical.
She would need to be strong to say goodbye.