Please note that pokemon does not belong to me. Any and all rights go to someone else whose name I cannot think of at the moment. Also beware that this fic has a lot of cursing in it.

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"I really hate today." I sat there grumbling to myself. "Stupid Arceus and his stupid god powers."

Now your probably wondering why I'm grumbling to myself about this day and gods in the middle of the woods, its very simple in a very fucking stupid way. Arceus swooped down from on high, simply to fuck with my day. And I don't mean that I fell down a couple of times or I got fired, no.

He literaly walked in front of me in all his magestic glory and turned me into a Pokémon. No reason at all he just zapped me, chuckled, and disappeared.

I don't even know what kind I am! I'm this little blue raccoon dog thing and I'm like two foot tall. This really sucks, I don't even know why he transformed me. I don't hate pokemon, before this I was just your average Joe. I had a normal office job, a normal house, a normal family, for Arceus's sake I'm not even in the military. No wait not Arceus's sake, he's an ass. Mew, for mews sake.

So here I am sitting in the middle of the woods, done with the initial freakout, pissed off cause I'm an over grown smurf. This could not get any fucking worse.

'Rustle'

Me and my big mouth. I didn't even bother to see what it was I just ran, or at least tried to. I still havn't got the hang of my new legs but my face made good friends with the ground, so yay. I pushed myself out of the dirt only to see five little grey puppies surrounding me.

Oh I've heard of these things Their called umm... poofle something. One barked at me he seamed a bit bigger than the others. He must be the leader, or he's the special kid of the group, I don't know. Either way they looked pissed off, I must be in their territory or something.

"Nice puppies, good puppies, don't eat the blue dog thing." I said as I got up and slowly backed away. With each step back they took a step forward.

Come on think man think! Bunch of wild hungry pokemon in front of you, your in a new body in the middle of the woods. Wait! I'm a pokemon! That means I have super powers! Alright what do I use, I'm blue, waters blue so I'm a water type right? Alright here goes nothing. I took a deep breath and called upon the knowledge of my bodies instinct letting the power fill me. I took aim and...

"PPPPPPPPPPTTT...uh... the was supposed to be a watergun."

Utter failures aside I decided that running would be a much better tactic. So I ran, apparently death is a good motivater for getting your shit together and learning to run, and man could I run. I ran so fast in fact that I forgot that looking in front of you is an important factor and that looking behind you while running is a very stupid and painfull idea. Take this cliff for example, if I looked ahead I would have noticed it and turned left or right.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH OOOFF!"

Oh look arceius isn't done with me yet, he sent a big ass bird to eat me next, joyous day."um if its okay with you I'd like to be put down now." To my surprise he complied, forty feet up off the ground. Now once more with passion. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" you know falling gives you a lot of time to think. I thought about today, why I took a walk through the woods instead of a sidewalk. Why turn me into a pokemon, what kind of pokemon am I? Wow look how close the ground is.

'WUMP'

ππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππ beep...beep...beep...beep...beep...

Augh my head.

Beep...

That was a weird ass dream.

Beep...

What is that infernal beeping.

Beep...

I cracked my eyes open slowly trying to assess the situation. Im in a big glass tube, great. The beeping was coming from my right. I looked down at my self and... fuck that wasn't a dream. I'm still blue and two foot tall. That means two things I'm in the pokecenter, someone brought me here, double fuck. Well as long as I'm here I might as well get a better look at myself, I was to busy freacking out in the woods to get a good look. Let's see, I'm short and have blue and black fur with little metal ovals on my hands-err paws. I had black legs and a tail with a crook in it, my ears seemed like big fluffy ovals that hung down the sides of my head. I had little sensors attached to me all over. It became clear that the beeping was a heart moniter very soon after my self examination.

'Tap tap tap tap'

My ears perked up at the sound of approaching footsteps.

"Why hello there little one you gave us quiet a scare" I looked up to see the great big smiling face of nurse joy. Damn she looked huge." Your trainer brought you in. He said he found you in the forest near a cliff." Wait trainer? I belong to some snot nosed kid now? No no no no no nonononononooo!

"FUCK!"

She jumped back at that surprised that I could talk idifnt care I was already on a roll with my language. "FUCK FUCK FUCKIDY FUCK! OF ALL THE ASANINE DUMB FUCKERY OF TODAY I HAD TO GET STUFFED UP IN A POKEBALL FOR SOME SNOT NOSED TWAT TO MAKE ME BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF STUFF! NO I REFUSE TO GO ON WITH THIS SHIT BASKET OF A DAY! I GOT AN IDEA LETS TAKE A WALK IN THE MEW DAMNED WOODS IT'LL BE HUNKY FUCKIN DORY. ARCEIUS. YOU. FUCKING. ASSHOOOOOOOOLE." Sitting back down to catch my breath I looked over at nurse Joy needless to say she was rather shocked.

"...The fuck are you looking at."

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Arthur's note

So this is my attempt at humor. In the past I've noticed that people leave the cursing rant out of the story but I felt that this would be a good time for a rant like that. I had fun with it and if any of it offended you, then fuck off. So next chapter we meet the trainer and don't worry its not ash.