An unusual feeling of serenity had come over CryingChild. Her emotional state usualy consisted of various extremes, from unbelieveable happiness, to homicidal rage, to insane hyperness, to mindless depression, but now she felt.. calm. Calm, peaceful, almost bouyant. Listlessly, she glanced around the table where she sat, eyes resting on a stack of mail that had been discarded there. She began sorting numbly through the letters, and stopped when she saw one with her name. Sticking one well-chewed fingernail in the corner, she tore it open and pulled out the milky sheet of printer paper. Her eyes ran over the print, then widened. Seconds later, a joyus, deligted, and above all ear-splitting whoop echoed through the house. So much for serenity.
The tiny blonde girl began kick-boxing the air, and doing a possesed sort of dance while randomly quoting Happy Noodle Boy. Her jubulation was interrupted by a high pitched buzz.
"Sweet angry jeezus," she quoted, "It's .... THE PHONE!" She picked it up, still softly eek-ing with pleasure, and spoke into the reciver. "Hiya vile earthling!" she said gleefully (A/N: That's how I answer the phone now, thanks to Irken Insane:c)
"Sarah?" came the familar voice from the other end of the phone lines.
"Bon-bons?" she asked, surprised.
"Yes," her aunt replied, "I was wondering... you've mentioned a show called 'Invader Zim' before haven't you?"
CryingChild cocked her head sharply. "Yes, I may have mentioned it in passing, every five seconds, why?"
"Well..." her voice was nervous and uncertain, "Melanie just got a letter, and it... well, I *think* it's about that show..."
Aunt Bonnie seemed hesitent and nervous, more so than usual. "Well..." CryingChild prompted, "Um, why don't you read it to me?"
There was a pause, and then she heard; "'Dear lucky fangirl, we are pleased to inform you-'"
"That you have been accepted at Hogwarts skool of witchcraft and wizardry, right?"
"Be serious, Sarah."
/Sheesh,/ CryingChild thought, /Bonnie's a Harry Potter fanatic, this must be serious!/ "Sorry." she said. Bonnie continued:
"'You are invited to San Fransisco, for a week-long convention. But this is no ordinary convention, NO! This is a magical convention! This is a convention of such goody goody goodness it will make your brain leak out your ears!!!" She paused. "Do you suppose it's some kind of joke?"
"No, that's the way IZ fans talk, so go on."
" ...For this is a convention of IZ fanfiction authors! Hosted by FanFiction.net, this week will include trivia contests, character battles, costume contests...'" She went on to list several other events that would be going on. "'... And to top it all off, the week culminates in an autograph signing by Jhonen Vasquez and the cast of IZ!' I thought you said Invader Zim was a cartoon."
"It is, they must mean the voice actors. I didn't know Melanie was an IZ fan! Much less a fanfiction writer! What's her screen name? Who's her favorite character? Wh-"
"She isn't either." Bonnie said sternly, "This letter must have come by mistake. Maybe it was ment for you."
"Doubtful." replied CryingChild, unable to keep the grin out of her voice, "Because I got the exact *same* letter! And it has plane tickets and everything! I don't know what kind of idiot would send plane tickets in the mail, but they did! And I'm going to San Fran-freaking-sisco! Is it frito? Is it frito? Yes it is!!" She squee'd and resumed her previous spinning, overflowing with excitment. "So," she said, calming down ever so slightly, "What are you going to do with Mel's letter?"
There was an *extremely* long pause on the other end. "Well... they enclosed the tickets... and they ARE non-refundable..."
"GreatI'llSeeYouAndMelAtTheAirportBye!" CryingChild slammed the phone onto the reciver, and resumed her spinny dance.
***
"So I told him he could go to-"
"Dudley's for the finest chicken necks this side of-"
"The Moon, by Pink Floyd, and you play the Wizard of Oz at the same time, It'll-"
"Ruin everything! Because-"
"She was wit my MAN, and I can't deal with-"
"Purple tank top! I've always wanted-"
"War against Wisconsin!"
The snippets of various conversation drifted past Melanie. As she walked through the airport terminal with her cousin, they were all replaced by the grating rhyme that CryingChild kept repeating over and over... "Thee thells thee thells by the thee thore, thee thells thee thells by the thee thore, shhhhe ssssells sssssea shhhhhells by the ssssssea thore. Aw thit."
"Would you PLEASE cut it out?"
"But I juth got thith retainer yethterday, and Doctor Thmoron thaid that it would take thevral days for my lipth to go away! I don't want the exthperianth to be tainted because I thound thtupid!" Melanie giggled. "That doeth it, I'm taking thith thing out." CryingChild said, slipping the plastic retainer out of her mouth and placing it neatly in it's case.
Melanie looked at her cousin in horror. "But you're not allowed to take it out!" she cried "You're supposed to wear it all the time! I'll tell your mom you took it out!"
"Look, there's the baggage claim!" CryingChild interrupted. She waited, keeping an eye out for her green backpack with a picture of Jhonen on it, when her eyes were caught by a very cool looking black backpack, with a 'Z?' on it.
She looked at it for a moment before it was snatched away by a thin hand. Her eyes followed the hand to it's owner, and she saw a green eyed girl with brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, wearing a black t-shirt, with a hand-painted red Irken logo on the front, and the words "They're Coming..." in neon green outlined in white on the back.
"Hiya!" she said cheerfully, "You here for the convention?" It was a retorical question if there ever was one. CryingChild was dressed in a neon green shirt, with a handpainted black Irken logo and the words "/We're/ Coming" on it, a black 'Z?' baseball cap, a black trenchcoat, black sneakers, and bluejeans upon which she had hastily scribbled IZ, HNB and JtHM quotes last night. Additionally, her left arm was covered in IZ themed pen tattos, and doodles of Happy Noodle Boy. It didn't take a genius to figure out the answer.
"Yeah," she said, very shyly, "We both are." she indicated Melaine. The beponytail'd girl raised an eyebrow. Compared to her cousin, Melanie looked hardly fanlike. She was wearing a simple pink shirt with a white kitten on it, and bluejeans.
"Kewl!" she said, turning to Melanie, "My name's-" "Popcorn! Get yer popcorn hyar!" a passing vendor shouted. "...But my screen name is Ztarlight."
Suddenly all shyness and akwardness faded from CryingChild. "You're Ztarlight??" she cried, "Ztar! I'm CryingChild!" The two ficers began screaming with hyper-happiness.
"Kewl! You can call me Ztar, since we're supposed to call each other by our screen names. So... she your sister?" Ztar indicated Melanie.
"Mel? Nah, she has the honor of being my cousin. Speaking of sisters, is Sugarbaby here?"
Ztar shook her head. "Guess she wasn't prolific enough. What's Mel's screen name?"
"I don't have one," Melanie said self-rightiously, "I'm not allowed on the internet."
Ztar raised an eyebrow, CryingChild shrugged. "Well, we'll have to make up one for you then!" Ztar said enthusiastically.
"How about 'Stinky'?" CryingChild suggested.
"How about 'Invader Mel'?" Ztar replied.
CryingChild shugged. "They're both good."
"Whatever." said Mel.
"Great! Invader Mel it is then! Though with 'Invader' in her name, she'll now have to do a Mary Sue!" Ztar laughed. CryingChild giggled
"Who's Mary Sue?" Mel asked, and CryingChild and Ztar burst into hysterics.
"So," CryingChild asked, "how'd you know we were supposed to call each other by our screen names?"
"From this brochure," Ztar said, holding up a black, folded sheet of paper with a picture of Zim, Dib, Gaz, and GIR running from hysterical fangirls. "I got it over there." She indicated a tall thin girl with cool blue hair styled like Akima's. She was wearing a sleeveless black PVC trench coat, JtHM boots, and the Invader Zim "Doom" tee. She was handing out brochures, but a casual obsever would think she was threatening people. The trio walked up to her.
"Hi!" she said brightly as they approached, thrusting a brochure in their faces, "Want to join ESIR?"
"What's that?" Asked Ztar.
"Earthanoids Supporting Irken Rule." she replied.
"Neat!" said Ztar, "Sure, I'll join, how 'bout you CryingChild?"
"CryingChild?" The way-to-happy girl replied, "Fellow Noodle quoter! How can this be? You... You're a marshmallow peep, aren't you??? It's not easter, you peep-fuck! Surrender or I become giant Wilford Brimly!!! Grease up da pig cooter, I's goin' in!!!"
CryingChild and Ztar grinned, knowing only one person in the world could scream nonsense so well.
"Invader Bast!" Ztarlight cried. CryingChild took a deep breath
"Eggy weggy full of shmeggy!!!" she screamed, "I feel like chicken tonight, you fucking pez crumb!! Soon my salad bar will be all powerful, MY BUTTER HIDES IN YOUR ASS TONIGHT!!! Fear my nut!!" All three broke out in hysterical laughter, to the bewilderment of passers-by.
"Gawd Sarah," Mel sighed "I always knew you were an idiot, but I didn't realize there were others with your desiease!"
"Oh, you'd better believe there are!" Bast grinned.
CryingChild snickered. "Are you working for the... convention... thingy?" she asked Bast.
"Nah, some lady dressed like Zim came up to me and asked me to pass 'em out. That was the last one though, I'm thinking of heading over to the hotel where the convention is now."
"We may as well come with," Ztarlight said. "...Or we could frighten more strangers..." They considered this for a few minutes.
"Let's go to the hotel," Bast finally said, "There'll be more fans there, then we can ALL frighten strangers!" And so the intrepid foursome set off, with Mel complaining all the while.
"Are we THERE yet? I wanna put my stuff away, I wann-"
"Shut your noise hole, taco human!!!!" cried Ztar.
"We're THERE Mel, you can shut up now" CryingChild said wearily.
Bast looked contemplative. "Now, according to the brochure, 'Once you arrive, you will be ecorsted to a two-bedroom suite, which you will be sharing with another fanfic author'" The remaining three stared at her. "Look," she said defensivly "I was reading that line to about seventy people, I couldn't HELP but memorize it, 'kay?" Inside, a man with a "Z?" t-shirt and a black trenchcoat handed them their room keys.
"We'll meet up with you guys here after we drop off our crap." CryingChild called, as she and Mel headed towards their room.
The tiny blonde girl began kick-boxing the air, and doing a possesed sort of dance while randomly quoting Happy Noodle Boy. Her jubulation was interrupted by a high pitched buzz.
"Sweet angry jeezus," she quoted, "It's .... THE PHONE!" She picked it up, still softly eek-ing with pleasure, and spoke into the reciver. "Hiya vile earthling!" she said gleefully (A/N: That's how I answer the phone now, thanks to Irken Insane:c)
"Sarah?" came the familar voice from the other end of the phone lines.
"Bon-bons?" she asked, surprised.
"Yes," her aunt replied, "I was wondering... you've mentioned a show called 'Invader Zim' before haven't you?"
CryingChild cocked her head sharply. "Yes, I may have mentioned it in passing, every five seconds, why?"
"Well..." her voice was nervous and uncertain, "Melanie just got a letter, and it... well, I *think* it's about that show..."
Aunt Bonnie seemed hesitent and nervous, more so than usual. "Well..." CryingChild prompted, "Um, why don't you read it to me?"
There was a pause, and then she heard; "'Dear lucky fangirl, we are pleased to inform you-'"
"That you have been accepted at Hogwarts skool of witchcraft and wizardry, right?"
"Be serious, Sarah."
/Sheesh,/ CryingChild thought, /Bonnie's a Harry Potter fanatic, this must be serious!/ "Sorry." she said. Bonnie continued:
"'You are invited to San Fransisco, for a week-long convention. But this is no ordinary convention, NO! This is a magical convention! This is a convention of such goody goody goodness it will make your brain leak out your ears!!!" She paused. "Do you suppose it's some kind of joke?"
"No, that's the way IZ fans talk, so go on."
" ...For this is a convention of IZ fanfiction authors! Hosted by FanFiction.net, this week will include trivia contests, character battles, costume contests...'" She went on to list several other events that would be going on. "'... And to top it all off, the week culminates in an autograph signing by Jhonen Vasquez and the cast of IZ!' I thought you said Invader Zim was a cartoon."
"It is, they must mean the voice actors. I didn't know Melanie was an IZ fan! Much less a fanfiction writer! What's her screen name? Who's her favorite character? Wh-"
"She isn't either." Bonnie said sternly, "This letter must have come by mistake. Maybe it was ment for you."
"Doubtful." replied CryingChild, unable to keep the grin out of her voice, "Because I got the exact *same* letter! And it has plane tickets and everything! I don't know what kind of idiot would send plane tickets in the mail, but they did! And I'm going to San Fran-freaking-sisco! Is it frito? Is it frito? Yes it is!!" She squee'd and resumed her previous spinning, overflowing with excitment. "So," she said, calming down ever so slightly, "What are you going to do with Mel's letter?"
There was an *extremely* long pause on the other end. "Well... they enclosed the tickets... and they ARE non-refundable..."
"GreatI'llSeeYouAndMelAtTheAirportBye!" CryingChild slammed the phone onto the reciver, and resumed her spinny dance.
***
"So I told him he could go to-"
"Dudley's for the finest chicken necks this side of-"
"The Moon, by Pink Floyd, and you play the Wizard of Oz at the same time, It'll-"
"Ruin everything! Because-"
"She was wit my MAN, and I can't deal with-"
"Purple tank top! I've always wanted-"
"War against Wisconsin!"
The snippets of various conversation drifted past Melanie. As she walked through the airport terminal with her cousin, they were all replaced by the grating rhyme that CryingChild kept repeating over and over... "Thee thells thee thells by the thee thore, thee thells thee thells by the thee thore, shhhhe ssssells sssssea shhhhhells by the ssssssea thore. Aw thit."
"Would you PLEASE cut it out?"
"But I juth got thith retainer yethterday, and Doctor Thmoron thaid that it would take thevral days for my lipth to go away! I don't want the exthperianth to be tainted because I thound thtupid!" Melanie giggled. "That doeth it, I'm taking thith thing out." CryingChild said, slipping the plastic retainer out of her mouth and placing it neatly in it's case.
Melanie looked at her cousin in horror. "But you're not allowed to take it out!" she cried "You're supposed to wear it all the time! I'll tell your mom you took it out!"
"Look, there's the baggage claim!" CryingChild interrupted. She waited, keeping an eye out for her green backpack with a picture of Jhonen on it, when her eyes were caught by a very cool looking black backpack, with a 'Z?' on it.
She looked at it for a moment before it was snatched away by a thin hand. Her eyes followed the hand to it's owner, and she saw a green eyed girl with brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, wearing a black t-shirt, with a hand-painted red Irken logo on the front, and the words "They're Coming..." in neon green outlined in white on the back.
"Hiya!" she said cheerfully, "You here for the convention?" It was a retorical question if there ever was one. CryingChild was dressed in a neon green shirt, with a handpainted black Irken logo and the words "/We're/ Coming" on it, a black 'Z?' baseball cap, a black trenchcoat, black sneakers, and bluejeans upon which she had hastily scribbled IZ, HNB and JtHM quotes last night. Additionally, her left arm was covered in IZ themed pen tattos, and doodles of Happy Noodle Boy. It didn't take a genius to figure out the answer.
"Yeah," she said, very shyly, "We both are." she indicated Melaine. The beponytail'd girl raised an eyebrow. Compared to her cousin, Melanie looked hardly fanlike. She was wearing a simple pink shirt with a white kitten on it, and bluejeans.
"Kewl!" she said, turning to Melanie, "My name's-" "Popcorn! Get yer popcorn hyar!" a passing vendor shouted. "...But my screen name is Ztarlight."
Suddenly all shyness and akwardness faded from CryingChild. "You're Ztarlight??" she cried, "Ztar! I'm CryingChild!" The two ficers began screaming with hyper-happiness.
"Kewl! You can call me Ztar, since we're supposed to call each other by our screen names. So... she your sister?" Ztar indicated Melanie.
"Mel? Nah, she has the honor of being my cousin. Speaking of sisters, is Sugarbaby here?"
Ztar shook her head. "Guess she wasn't prolific enough. What's Mel's screen name?"
"I don't have one," Melanie said self-rightiously, "I'm not allowed on the internet."
Ztar raised an eyebrow, CryingChild shrugged. "Well, we'll have to make up one for you then!" Ztar said enthusiastically.
"How about 'Stinky'?" CryingChild suggested.
"How about 'Invader Mel'?" Ztar replied.
CryingChild shugged. "They're both good."
"Whatever." said Mel.
"Great! Invader Mel it is then! Though with 'Invader' in her name, she'll now have to do a Mary Sue!" Ztar laughed. CryingChild giggled
"Who's Mary Sue?" Mel asked, and CryingChild and Ztar burst into hysterics.
"So," CryingChild asked, "how'd you know we were supposed to call each other by our screen names?"
"From this brochure," Ztar said, holding up a black, folded sheet of paper with a picture of Zim, Dib, Gaz, and GIR running from hysterical fangirls. "I got it over there." She indicated a tall thin girl with cool blue hair styled like Akima's. She was wearing a sleeveless black PVC trench coat, JtHM boots, and the Invader Zim "Doom" tee. She was handing out brochures, but a casual obsever would think she was threatening people. The trio walked up to her.
"Hi!" she said brightly as they approached, thrusting a brochure in their faces, "Want to join ESIR?"
"What's that?" Asked Ztar.
"Earthanoids Supporting Irken Rule." she replied.
"Neat!" said Ztar, "Sure, I'll join, how 'bout you CryingChild?"
"CryingChild?" The way-to-happy girl replied, "Fellow Noodle quoter! How can this be? You... You're a marshmallow peep, aren't you??? It's not easter, you peep-fuck! Surrender or I become giant Wilford Brimly!!! Grease up da pig cooter, I's goin' in!!!"
CryingChild and Ztar grinned, knowing only one person in the world could scream nonsense so well.
"Invader Bast!" Ztarlight cried. CryingChild took a deep breath
"Eggy weggy full of shmeggy!!!" she screamed, "I feel like chicken tonight, you fucking pez crumb!! Soon my salad bar will be all powerful, MY BUTTER HIDES IN YOUR ASS TONIGHT!!! Fear my nut!!" All three broke out in hysterical laughter, to the bewilderment of passers-by.
"Gawd Sarah," Mel sighed "I always knew you were an idiot, but I didn't realize there were others with your desiease!"
"Oh, you'd better believe there are!" Bast grinned.
CryingChild snickered. "Are you working for the... convention... thingy?" she asked Bast.
"Nah, some lady dressed like Zim came up to me and asked me to pass 'em out. That was the last one though, I'm thinking of heading over to the hotel where the convention is now."
"We may as well come with," Ztarlight said. "...Or we could frighten more strangers..." They considered this for a few minutes.
"Let's go to the hotel," Bast finally said, "There'll be more fans there, then we can ALL frighten strangers!" And so the intrepid foursome set off, with Mel complaining all the while.
"Are we THERE yet? I wanna put my stuff away, I wann-"
"Shut your noise hole, taco human!!!!" cried Ztar.
"We're THERE Mel, you can shut up now" CryingChild said wearily.
Bast looked contemplative. "Now, according to the brochure, 'Once you arrive, you will be ecorsted to a two-bedroom suite, which you will be sharing with another fanfic author'" The remaining three stared at her. "Look," she said defensivly "I was reading that line to about seventy people, I couldn't HELP but memorize it, 'kay?" Inside, a man with a "Z?" t-shirt and a black trenchcoat handed them their room keys.
"We'll meet up with you guys here after we drop off our crap." CryingChild called, as she and Mel headed towards their room.