Letters to No One
Author: ColleenMcPinto
Rating: T
Pairing: B&B
Spoilers: The Beginning in the End.
Summary: B&B write letters in their year apart.
Day 1
She had spent more than an entire day on planes; between the flight from D.C. to Jakarta was 21 ½ hours, then the 4 hour flight from Jakarta to Maluku. To say she was tired would be an understatement, but when she got to her villa, she was restless. She didn't know what else to do, so she sat down and wrote.
Dear Booth,
I'm not sure why I'm writing this letter, Angela says writing can be therapeutic, or can help clear your mind- metaphorically of course. I suppose that's what prompted this. I went on this trip to gain perspective, to clear my head, to figure out what I really want out of my life.
I made it to the Maluku Islands safely. The flight from D.C. to Jakarta was long (21 ½ hours), but relatively uneventful. The last time I was on a flight this long was when we went to China. I must say, you made a much better flight partner than Daisy. I'm thankful that I upgraded to business class, and she had to stay in coach. Daisy made it up to me twice before being threatened by the flight staff that she had to remain in her designated area of the cabin. I understand her enthusiasm, but I think her questions about the equipment for the dig could have waited. I'm a little nervous about spending the entire year here with her.
I thought a lot about our flight to China on the way to Jakarta. I didn't tell you at the time, but I contemplated taking a leave of absence from the Jeffersonian then too. I told you that identification of prehistoric remains was my first passion. I missed it even then. I wonder though, why I still feel so hesitant about this trip. Perhaps it's because a year is a very long time, no matter how we try and tell ourselves it isn't. It's a year of not being partners, not eating at the diner or Founding Fathers. It's 365 days away from Angela and Jack and Cam and everyone else who's made up the best family I've ever had. I thought about them before the trip to China. I took them into consideration then, and decided I didn't want to be away. I guess sometimes I don't realize how quickly change can come, even though I was the one to tell you that change is ephemeral.
Booth, I don't want you to think that I'm running away from you. This isn't about that night, or any nights thereafter. This is about me. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Before you, I was Temperance Brennan, the world renowned anthropologist. Before that, I was Temperance Brennan, the multiple Ph.D. candidate. Before that, I was Temperance Brennan the science prodigy. I've always been able to stand on my own and count on myself. More and more often, though I find myself being called Temperance Brennan, Seeley Booth's partner… and nothing else. I don't think that's a bad thing, but I need to learn how to distinguish myself from us. That metaphorical line has gotten so blurred. I don't know how to be myself without you, and I don't know what that means. I suppose I need to find myself in order to give us a chance.
It's been a long day; actually it's been more than a day, so I'm going to close this simply. I miss you, Booth.
I don't know how to end this.
Bones.
She folded the letter and carefully slipped it into an envelope. Too tired to do anything with it then, she slipped the envelope into the desk drawer and went to bed.