A/N: It has been a long time since I got back in this writing saddle and I've found I remember why I enjoyed it so much the first hundred rides.
Warning: Rated M for adult themes such as slaughter, murder, and torture. You have been warned. I am also taking a major dose of creative license here! Celebrian is a little known of canon character and I get to play with her all I want! Mwuhahaha. This has not be beta'd, all mistakes are mine alone.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Lord of the Rings characters, backgrounds, or names. I am not gaining monetary compensation for writing this nor have I stolen these ideas from any other author on this site or any other.
Thank you, and please enjoy the read!
oOo
Running a hand over my blackened and cracked lips I hooked a calloused finger into my bow string and pulled it taught, taking aim at an orc stumbling towards our camp. The arrow sang as I released the tight string, my keen ears catching the 'thwump' of it impacting with the orc's frontal lobe. I sighed and relaxed my arching stance, rolling my shoulders.
I reached up again to rub my face, my soot and ash darkened hands trembled faintly. The dark and barren landscape seemed to press in from all around me, the faint murmurs of my camp fading as the sound of my blood pulsing filled my ears. I swallowed dryly and fought down my coming panic.
The looming shadow of the villainous Mount Doom was killing me.
Suddenly, all sound ceased and my ears swiveled back as I caught the tail end of a familiar call. Blinking hard I turned on my heel, passing by the elf sent to relieve me of my position.
My father had called me to his tent and I went with light feet, picking my way through the sharp rubble and dead weeds. My thick boots, the boots of man, protected my hardened soles as I went down the slight hill towards the heart of the camp from which we would be launching from in the morning.
We were to march on to Mount Doom.
Breathing through my mouth to protect my sensitive nose the air burned its way down to my lungs in a way that I was fast getting used to. My dirtied mithril shirt tinkled like a thousand bells as I walked, the long ends tapping my knee-guards and the sleeves reaching into my gauntlets. Not for the first time I was glad that elves didn't sweat.
Sweeping back the flap of my father's tent I took a step inside, feeling more stifled than ever in the hotter than hot canvas.
There was a reason I had volunteered for so many outer shifts.
My father stood leaning over the map of Mordor, Gil-Galad, Glorfindel, Elrond, Thranduil, and my father's kinsman Oropher all conversing in quiet voices over their plan of action. My father's brilliant blonde head came up as I stepped in, along with all the other elven lords. Butterflies erupted in my stomach as I fought not to flinch under the weighty stares of my leaders.
My father's blue eyes gave me a quick glance for injures before he nodded and beckoned me over.
"Yaway, pray tell me what you see," he said, his voice like icy honey as he said the name I had carried in the beginning of my life, before he was my father.
My heart froze but I walked closer, unwilling to disobey him in front of his comrades. A thousand plans flashed through my head.
They made room for me, each watching with a heavy stare as I looked over the map and figurines of the troops we would lead. It was pretty obvious that they didn't really want me there and I had to fight down the urge to just throw up my hands and leave.
Why was I here if they didn't want me?
"I take it your plan of attack is simply frontal marching?" I asked, not waiting for the obvious answer, scanning the landmarks for plateaus and hills. My gaze froze on the pass we were planning to take.
"Is there a way around this?" I asked, fearing the answer.
The pass would let the enemy bottleneck us and slaughter us a few hundred at a time with long-range archers as we went.
"Yes, though it will divert quiet a few days of our time to go around it," Gil-Galad spoke up.
I nodded.
"Well, that is the best plan of action that I can se-" I stopped, coughing into my fist as my voice gave out. I took a deep breath and started again, my voice a low rasp. "If we make for the pass they will shave our numbers, our legions are unable to fit through the walls all at once." I cleared my throat again. "If they're smart, they'd pick us off as we went through until our number was much more insubstantial," I told them as shortly as I could, my eyes not leaving the map and my brow furrowed as I tried to see any more pit-falls that might await us.
I rubbed my chin as I tapped the map.
"If we go this way," I slid my dirtied finger over the surface, showing them the uphill march, "and go around here," I pointed at the dip in the land, "we could hit them from the side unnoticed if we make haste in our last league or so of marching."
I bit my tongue and stopped talking, suddenly aware of the utter silence around me. I looked up to meet my father's gaze and found warm approval there. I breathed an internal sigh of relief. I knew that I could get carried away when I got into something and it had just occurred to me that they might have had a completely different plan in mind.
I took a hurried glance around at the other males and saw either thoughtful frowns or slow nodding. I gave myself a mental pat on the back. It had been a long time since I had had to strategize aloud like that.
But why had my father called me here? Just for that?
I frowned at the table.
"It is a worthy plan," Thranduil, son of Oropher, spoke up suddenly.
I wondered if I was supposed to say thank you.
"Yes," Glorfindel said next, nodding his head.
"Well said." Gil-Galad spoke shortly.
I nodded hesitantly and looked to my father.
"Is that all, my lord?" I asked as politely as I could.
Father made a tutting noise in the back of his throat and held out a flask of water for me to take. His gaze said, 'What would your mother say, you rascal, can't believe I let you talk me into coming.' I smiled and took it, turning to leave.
"Yaway," my father spoke up suddenly as I pulled back the tent flap. "Do not venture far."
"Of course, sir."
oOo
Swinging round, the pulsing energy of the battlefield soared within me as I took down orc after orc after orc.
The air sang with the song of sailing arrows and the ground pulsed with the beat of my bladesuntil my head was spinning and my vision blurred.
At the foot of Mount Doom we fought and died as one and the earth drank greedily of our shared demise.
Haldir was a blur of blond beside me, the flash of my ax and blade and the burning ash that spewed from the mouth of the volcano above us the only light to my eyes as I took another agent of evil apart with my swings.
Then, with a climax of defeat/elation/power my enemies were gone.
And I was alone.
oOo
The Watchful Peace had begun.
oOo
Shifting on my feet I watched as my father bade farewell to what remained of his fellow leaders.
Thranduil, Glorfindel, Elrond, and my father were the only elven lords left standing after facing Sauron. Gil-Galad and Oropher had fallen, the songs of remembrance still vibrating on the air from the mourning elves.
"Celeborn," Thranduil said, clasping my father on the arm last. My father nodded, his darkened hair swinging down his back. It almost made me smile, seeing everyone so dirty.
I refrained. Barely.
Patting my father's horse gently as it nickered impatiently and stomped I nearly jumped out of my skin when a shadow loomed above me.
"Well met," Lord Elrond said softly, holding out his arm.
I blinked in surprise and hesitantly took it, looking into his stormy grey eyes.
"Merry part, my lord," I said lowly and let him go. His hold lingered, his eyes searching mine before he let go.
"Indeed!" Glorfindel spoke up, clasping me on the shoulder from behind and almost sending me to the ground under his huge hand.
I spun, catching his wrist before I could think about it, squeezing on the nerve between his thumb and first finger. His eyes boggled with mine when I accidentally sent him to his knees. I let him go just as fast and caught him by the elbow to haul him up again.
My face was hot enough to cook an egg on.
"Sorry, so sorry!" I stuttered as fast as I could.
About then Elrond began to laugh, spurring Glorfindel's heated glare and my appalled and embarrassed stare.
Elrond bent at the waist and just kept laughing.
oOo
Leaning into my mother's embrace I sighed as her hold tightened on me.
Nenya pressed against my mind like a cool stream, rocking me to peace as I clutched my mother to me.
Soon, my mother would let me go.
Soon, I would go and retire my armor and breeches.
Soon, I would go and bath the filth of battle and death off of me.
Soon, I would put back on my skirts and jewelry.
Soon, I would become Celebrian again.
And Yaway would be pushed into the darkness of my mind from whence she came.
oOo
The first time I noticed something different about myself other than being so small when I could clearly remember being bigger was when my friends started to get older and I did not.
I remember, clear as yesterday, the worried glance that Archer shared with Noria when I got my yearly measure for new clothing. Their glance spoke of fear, confusion, and worry.
I started to worry then too.
oOo
I stumbled upon the wizard, Gandalf the Grey, half-mad with grief and rage at the death of my family.
Archer, beautiful, lovely human Archer, had passed in common childbirth. Of all things. Then, Noria, short and stout and so strong had been slain by the townspeople for witchcraft.
I had been stuffed in a chest kicking and screaming and tossed in the river to die. They were too cowardly to kill a child, too afraid that I never aged, and too stupid to know that I was very, very strong.
Standing half-drowned in the high reeds on the bank of that river I vowed that I would kill the people who killed my family.
Walking in the dark to our small, humble shack I stared in horror at the smoldering remains of my home.
Picking through the ashes I found Noria's ax and Archer's bow. That wasn't all I cared about though and so I stumbled to the woods beside my home and dug up our box of treasure.
Rings that were for a hand much larger than mine went on a long chain to hang around my belly. Bracelets of glass beads fell heavily around my thin wrists and bone combs pulled back my hair as I slipped into a dry cloak and grabbed the empty canteen.
Last, I grabbed a long, wickedly curved knife and went to fulfill my promise.
Then I walked away, leaving most of my sanity in the puddles of blood and the writing on the walls of the town hall.
"Ever mind the Rule of Three,
Three times what thou givest returns to thee,
This lesson well,
Thou must learn,
Thee only gets what thou doust earn."
The dripping red letters and the mangled bodies of the head villagers that had killed my family would teach a lesson that they wouldn't soon forget.
oOo
Wiping my mouth on the back of my hand I watched with wary and uncaring eyes as the old man sat across from me.
The fire crackled merrily between us and the old man reaching into his sleeve had me tensing for a fight.
But then, if he did have a weapon, I wasn't sure that I wanted to live enough to try and defend myself.
Killing that slimy black thing that had been hiding in the bush next to the road that this man was traveling on was for my own convenience, not his.
Something inside me calmed at the site of a long pipe appearing from within his baggy grey sleeve. It reminded me of cold nights in the shack cuddling next to Archer as Noria lit her pipe to tell us a story. The fire would cast her face into shadow and she would tell us of Dragons and Trolls and Elves that she had encountered on her way from her home in the Misty Mountains.
It used to enchant me.
Now, I was thoroughly disenchanted with life as a whole.
"Where is it that you hail from, young one?" the man asked me, his voice warm and rough like water rushing over gravel.
I just stared at him, watching as he blew a ship out of his mouth with the smoke of his pipe.
He watched me with kind eyes and it made me want to cover the filth I had been living in the past who knows how long since I had killed the townspeople that had killed, killed my family.
Sitting in another sentient beings' presence made the emotions all the more moving and I had to blink away the water that gathered in my eyes.
Shivering where I sat, the spring nights carried a sharp chill to them, I looked away from his kind eyes and stood.
I had overstayed my welcome.
"Do you know where you're going?" he asked me, and I could hear the concern in his voice.
"Not all that wander are lost," I said quietly, feeling a pang of pain in my chest. It had been one of Archer's favorite sayings.
"Indeed, but you are not wandering, are you?" I glanced at him sharply.
"You are looking for something, though I feel you know not what that something is," he continued, ignoring my stare and taking a long puff on his pipe.
I was silent, astounded at his astuteness.
"I know of others like you, they could help you find what you're looking for I'm sure," he went on, his eyes lifting to pierce me where I stood.
Others like me? No, it couldn't be so…could it?
"Like me, you say," I said cautiously, wavering in my decision to leave.
"And what exactly does that mean?"
His eyes grew as wide as dinner plates.
oOo
Walking beside the old man that had introduced himself as Gandalf I pondered at my decision to go with him to meet these "elves".
I had never heard of them before outside of Noria's fantastical tales. It made me wonder if what else she had spoken of was true.
Still, I don't know what surprised him more; the fact that I didn't know I wasn't a child of man or that I had no family to speak of.
Listening to him hum his accursed traveling song again I snapped.
"Stop!" I snarled at him, craning my head to met his amused gaze. Lords above, he sounded like a dying animal!
My hands balled into fists and I longed to hit him in the knee…or groin, whichever I could get to first.
He smiled at me and leaned on his stick.
"And what do you propose I sing, beinmin?" he asked me politely, calling me the name he had picked up when I refused to tell him mine.
I sighed, and with a frown, started a familiar song.
"This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends…"
His eyes boggled at my use of the language Noria had taught me but I just kept on singing.
Anything to keep him quiet.
oOo
Staring up at the massive trees I wondered if I had died; they were so unreal.
Who had ever heard of metal trees?
Gandalf stopped suddenly, almost making me run into the back of his knees but then I heard it too. A rustle from above.
My knife was in my hand before one could blink and I spun, ready to fight when Gandalf's hand slammed into my shoulder.
"Friends, beinmin, friends!" he warned me, making me scowl and slowly lower my weapon as tall, graceful beings dropped from the trees above us.
They all glowed with an inner light but what I noticed were their weapons.
Bows and arrows and knifes adorned each and every one of them.
It made my skin itch with the need to fight but I held the urge at bay while Gandalf smiled widely and greeted one of the ethereal beings.
The older man with dark hair and bright eyes greeted him just the same.
"Mithrandir!" he cried, clasping Gandalf on the shoulder.
I wondered if Gandalf hadn't told them his name.
"Why do you have a child of man with you?" a voice asked pensively from behind me.
It startled me and with nary a thought I twirled on my heel and lashed out with a foot to catch the young man in the knee and sent him to his ass on the forest floor.
Gandalf was immediately turned, his hands holding both my shoulders and pulling me towards him as the young man on the ground sputtered indignantly.
"Ah, mayhaps we should go before the Lord and Lady to tell our tale, hum?" Gandalf said hurriedly.
The older man who had embraced him watched me with narrow eyes but nodded shortly.
"Any child that can take down my protégée is indeed worthy of an interesting tale," he said, turning on his heel to take to the trees.
"We shall escort you," he said in parting, snapping out a quick, "To me, Haldir," at the young man I had knocked down.
Haldir glared at me as he passed.
I just stuck out my tongue and pulled down an eyelid.
It made him fume.
oOo
"Mommy?" I asked, my voice pitifully small.
The glowing woman with long red hair who mirrored the woman in my dreams stared at me with the same fixation I was giving her. Slowly, she knelt, holding out her arms for me.
Weakness over took me and I let go of the handful of Gandalf's robes and took a few faltering steps before I was running, throwing myself into her arms.
"I dreamed of you," I said in quiet, bewildered desperation into her pointed ear. She gripped me tighter and in my mind I heard her.
'And I of you.'
oOo
"Galadriel," the man standing beside her murmured in disbelief as she picked me up and clutched me to her bosom.
"Celeborn," she returned quietly, her voice full of hope.
And so, under the loving, gentle hands of the Lord and Lady of the Golden Woods Yaway died and Celebrian was born of her ashes.
oOo
It was nearly ten years into the Watchful Peace when, "What did you think of Lord Elrond?" my father asked me one morning over breakfast.
I didn't give it much thought.
"We didn't speak long enough for me to make much of an impression but his leadership skills are commendable and he is rather handsome," I said, taking a sip of water and watching as my father's face fell flat at my mention of attractiveness. My mother smiled.
"What would you say to joining with him?"
I choked on my water.
"I would say he could ask me himself!" I sputtered hotly when I recovered, staring at my parents in horror.
"Where has this notion come from?" I asked, my eyes wide on my mother's calm features and my father's thoughtful gaze.
"It seems he was rather impressed with your performance on the field. He has asked for the right to court Yaway," my father said lightly, twirling his glass between his fingers.
I choked again in surprise. I had only exchanged a sentence with him!
"He is unaware." I could believe it. As Yaway I strapped my breasts down, wore armor and breeches and fought like a hardened warrior. As Celebrian I wore dresses and walked like I was on a cloud. There was quite a distance between the two.
I stood without asking to be excused muttering, "I need to think," as I walked away.
Gracefully, my parents allowed me to leave.
Luckily, 'I need to think,' was interchangeable with, 'I'm gonna go beat on Haldir.'
oOo
"So," I said, out of breath. Laying on my back in the grass of a secluded training field my long hair tangled with Haldir's. There was silence from my companion.
"He'll be here in a few days," Haldir said, making me groan.
"They were kind to tell me," I said sarcastically, rolling onto my stomach and popping a weed into my mouth.
Haldir's face screwed up as I stared at him upside down and he pushed himself up, sitting beside me.
I sighed and closed my eyes, letting the warmth of the sun calm me down from our sparring.
"It is up to you, Celebrian," he told me seriously.
"I know," I said quietly.
"He has wanted an alliance with Lothlorien for some time."
"So he either wants me to secure it or he wants me in addition to it," I said lazily, playing with Haldir's boot-ties.
"So it would seem."
oOo
Brushing my hands down my skirt I stared at myself in my mirror.
My silver circlet was bright against my auburn hair as my long locks curled over my shoulders unbound. A piece of twisting metal looped down from the silver leaves and branches to touch the bridge of my nose. My eyes were a deep blue and my dress an opaque white with silver thread. Silver rings graced each of my hands and my sleeves trailed to cup my hands loosely.
I looked very regal.
I looked very royal.
I was very, very scared.
I had come to the decision that I would give Elrond a chance if it was what he so wished. It made me nervous.
Unlike the embarrassing kiss I had had with Haldir when I was a budding girl this could possibly lead to a relationship that would last for the rest of eternity. For a girl raised in the beginning of her life by humans eternity was a very frightening concept for me, even at the age of 800, to deal with.
And then I had the jitters because really, Elrond was very handsome and very male and I had to wonder if I was pretty enough or if he would like my hair or if this dress made me look unbecoming.
It was all very silly and staring at myself in my mirror I hardened my face to the icy look my mother was so known for and vowed that unless he made a big deal out of it, I wouldn't.
I would meet him, greet him, and try not to embarrass myself.
And that was all I was going to hope for.
oOo
Taking a deep breath I watched as Lord Elrond and his party climbed the stairs. I fought down the butterflies in my stomach as I watched his long dark hair swing around his shoulders. His strong jaw and deep eyes stared at my mother and father before settling on me for but a moment before they moved on.
It hurt my feelings a bit and I reminded myself that he didn't know me in a dress and probably just hadn't recognized me.
As he greeted my mother and father I wondered if he really wanted to court me, Yaway, or if my father had just trumped it up.
No, I told myself sternly, my father wouldn't have said anything if he wasn't sure.
Swallowing dryly when my father introduced me as his daughter, Celebrian, I stepped forward and curtsied.
"Merry meet again, my lord," I said lowly, watching his eyes widen in something akin to disbelief.
I felt so incredibly relieved. So he hadn't recognized me in a dress, he hadn't been shrugging me off.
What a relief.
oOo
"My lady, if I may speak with you," Elrond said after the feast we had thrown in honor of his visit.
I nodded and stood, hesitating, before taking his arm to walk outside.
The noise of the party left behind us I lifted my skirt to step over a tree root and looked up at Elrond's much taller form.
"You wish to speak in private, yes?" I asked him, gently pulling him in the other direction towards a glade I knew of next to my talon.
He went without protest and soon enough we stood beneath the trees, the moonlight shinning through them softly.
"It is a beautiful night," I said, looking up at the sky. "But that is not why you brought me out here."
Elrond cleared his throat in surprise and I saw a darkness spread across his cheeks.
"I apologize for my abruptness, my lord," I laughed, "my tongue often gets the better of me."
"It is not something one should always apologize for," he told me, clearing his throat again.
"If I may be equally frank, my lady?" he asked me, turning to look me in the eye.
"Of course."
He took a deep breath and seemed to gather his courage. "What would you say to an alliance between us?"
I let go of his arm and slipped around so that I was before him, meeting his storm gray eyes.
"I would say that I wonder at your motives," I told him blankly, watching as his eyebrow raised. He was silent and I took that as permission to continue.
"I can only see two reasons for which you would want to join with me. Either you fear that without my hand you will not have an alliance with Lothlorien or you want me in addition to the alliance in order to secure it," I said slowly, watching as his eyes widened.
"You don't know me, nor do I know much of you. You say you wish to have a joining between us but how can you ask me to decide when I know so little about your character, your wishes, or your personality? How can you want me when you do not know me?" I asked him, turning to pace and return as I talked.
"Does my superficial beauty enchant you? If so I pray you be wary, for it may turn out to be just that." I stopped before him and watched as he took a breath and digested what I said.
"I wish to know you better and while it is true that I wish for an alliance between Imladris and Lothlorien I would never seek to use you in the way that you think I would or could. I know you do not know me and that is why I wish to court you, so that we may know each other," he said softly, his body like a line of heat before me.
"I ask you to decide nothing now, only to give me a chance to prove myself and my intentions to you."
I tilted my head as I thought about it and he waited for me.
Finally, I held out a hand.
"It's cold, let us continue this talk inside," I said, boldly slipping my arm back into his.
The blindingly bright smile he gave me made it worth it.
oOo
"Favorite color."
"Green."
I laughed. "I can see it suiting you very nicely."
"Favorite gem." Elrond shot back just as fast as I.
"Does amber count?" I asked him, amused to see him keeping pace with me.
"Yes," he nodded decisively.
"Favorite season."
"Spring," he said simply. "You?" he asked.
"Fall."
He gained a gentle smile as he reached over the table to touch a lock of my hair. "It suits your hair."
I gave him a sly smile. "My, what a charmer."
Elrond gave a shallow bow while he was sitting. It looked rather ridiculous. "I do try."
"Favorite flower?" he asked me, leaning in to rest his chin on his hand. His eyes were glued to my face and he seemed to hang on my every word. It was very flattering and very ego-inflating to think that my likes mattered to another person.
I shrugged and took a sip of the sweet tea that he had made us. "I must admit that I don't really have one," I confessed to him, watching as his eyes narrowed.
"You're a woman," he stated, and I caught the teasing edge to his words and ran with it.
"Why, thank you for noticing my lord." I batted my eyes and twirled a piece of my hair around my finger. He laughed a loud.
"I thought all women liked flowers," he said, slightly confused but still smiling.
"I never said I didn't like them, I said I didn't have a favorite," I corrected him gently with a smile.
"Do you have a least favorite?" he asked, a frown starting to develop between his eyes.
"No, not really," I told him, taking another sip of tea to hide my growing smile.
"You're making my job harder," he warned me.
I snorted, unladylike, and rolled my eyes to the ceiling. "Oh, you know you love it," I chided him. I blushed as soon as it left my lips, shocked at my own forthrightness. I caught his eyes shyly, clearing my throat.
'Indeed, I do,' his eyes seemed to say.
I blushed harder.
oOo
Sitting in the shadow of my tree I curled my legs closer to me.
Elrond was leaving tomorrow and he had given me the choice of going with him. Not to be his wife, no, he had yet to even hint of furthering our relationship beyond the occasional brush of hands or slight caress.
But he seemed like he would miss my company.
I knew that I would miss his.
Breathing, my breath fogged in the chilly air and my hands grew cold the longer I sat in the frosted grass, contemplating my choice. I tugged down my sleeves and fought off the defect that had remained with me since my childhood where other elves lost theirs. I still got cold so easily. But…
To stay or to go…
What in the world was I going to do?
oOo
Standing off to the side of Elrond's company I waited for him to get done talking to my mother and father.
In three months I had gotten to know him and I was going to miss him.
Watching as he walked over to his horse I admired his long, graceful lines. He came to a stop before me and I met his eyes with a sad smile.
"Until we meet again, my lord," I said softly, staring into his pained eyes.
He reached out slowly to grasp my hands and bring them to his lips. Laying a reverent kiss to my knuckles he turned over my hands and kissed my palms.
I couldn't help it. I could feel his sorrow like it was my own and it was unbearable.
Jerking my hands out of his I saw his hurt gaze for but an instant before I threw my arms around his middle and buried my head into his chest. Damn propriety, I growled mentally, closing my eyes tightly.
He hesitated not at all in returning my embrace, pressing me to him with such power that I could hardly breath. His cold nose buried itself in my hair as his long, muscled arms wrapped themselves around my back hard enough to leave bruises.
I loved every moment of it, holding him to me as though this was the last time.
His hair was long enough that it draped around his chest and I had been lucky enough to press my face into a piece of inky-blackness. He smelled so good, so male. I never wanted to let him go.
But I did.
Slowly loosening my grip, I felt him do the same. I moved back until I was holding his hands again and staring into his eyes.
Looking into their darkness I said something that I hadn't said in over 800 years.
"May God hold you in the palm of His hand," I whispered so softly that it was almost lost on the wind.
Elrond's eyes softened, even if I knew he had no clue what I had just said, it was nice that he was grateful I had said it.
"Join me?" he asked me as he took a step towards his horse.
I shook my head sadly.
"Not now. But soon, I promise," I told him.
Elrond's hands tightened, his long fingers curling completely around mine. "I will hold you to it."
I laughed joyously at his stubbornness, tossing my head back and crowing.
I beamed at him, overjoyed with his proclamation. "I would have it no other way."
oOo
Humming softly along with Mithrandir I kept an eye on the snowy road around me.
Gandalf was a solid warmth beside me as he puffed on his pipe.
Reaching up my hands I led my horse with my knees as I blew hot air in my cupped fingers, rubbing them together in an effort to get warmer.
Giving up after a moment I cracked my frozen knuckles and picked back up the reins.
Just a few more miles and we'd be at Imladris's borders and then a mile or so after that I would see Elrond's beloved home. I would be warm again.
Pulling my cloak firmly around me I stopped short, my horse nickering angrily at being made to stand still in the icy snow that lay blanketing the land. All thoughts of warmth and Elrond fled me.
Gandalf stopped as well, his hand resting on his staff. His horse threw its head, its eyes rolling wildly.
The land was silent around me.
Slowly reaching behind me I grabbed the hilt of my blade and drew it with a quiet hiss, my heart hardening.
Then the violence erupted with the snap of a branch in the bush.
oOo
Staggering under Gandalf's weight I took another faltering step on the snow.
I took a breath and kept going, one foot in front of the other.
The horses had been slaughtered by the orcs and their wargs, and the few that we had been unable to slay were back at the battlefield, feasting on our poor companions.
I couldn't blame the damned things; it was cold and they were hungry and we were just two travelers.
But our horses…I sent a prayer for them to the heavens.
Shivering, I stopped for a moment to keep from falling. I checked on the wizard, touching his forehead. He was cool. Making sure the bandage I had put on his head was still holding I kept moving, dragging him along beside me.
I had been walking for who knows how long and I was badly lagging, the cold seeping into every blessed crack in my body and taking up roots to grow.
Suddenly, like a cup of steaming water to my head, Narya burned in my mind like an open flame. She scorching me, shocking me into motion.
With the breath of heat she gave me, I gained my air and carried on. Drove by my determination not to die, not to let Gandalf die, and with the help of the Ring of Fire burning merrily at the back of my head, I carried on.
oOo
Hours later I was at the end of my endurance.
Slowly, my eyes rolled up into my head and I nearly tripped, Narya's jolt of heat being the only thing that kept me from taking a long nap in the snow.
Gandalf groaned at being jostled and I fell to my knees, tears pressing my throat closed. I was so tired and cold that I just wanted to die.
Bowing my head I breathed deeply and got back up to my feet, my side burning with a hot intensity and my head throbbing a painful melody.
I made myself take a step, the icy snow closing up around my calf as I was being dragged from the top by Gandalf.
Another.
Another.
And then I was walking again.
oOo
Just when I was ready to give up for good I saw a light shinning from over the top of the hill that loomed before me.
With a lagging gait I trudged up the snowy hill that could have been a mountainside and nearly wept with joy when I saw the windows of the Last Homely House and the light that shinned from within them, casting shadows on the snow.
With haste I fumbled my way down the hill, Gandalf pressed to my side and my arms numb as I crashed through the dead trees that framed the Homely House.
I made it to the door and started to pound on it.
It opened with a slam as a smiling servant saw us and then turned tail and ran.
Faster than I could say, 'Damn, I'm glad to see you,' Elrond came sweeping into the hall with wild eyes and chest heaving.
He took one glance at us and then Glorfindel, in a blur of gold, had Gandalf, leaving Elrond to scoop me up into his arms, pressing my icy, soaked form into his beautiful robes.
I closed my eyes and went to sleep.
I was lucky to ever wake up again.
oOo
Groaning softly I reached up a heavy hand to touch my pounding head. I was warm, something I feared I would never be again.
I heard footsteps in my room and my hand went for the dagger I always kept under my pillow only to realize that I wasn't in my bed.
Where?
Jerking upright my eyes slammed open as I stared blearily around. A shadow and a familiar voice filled my ears with the command to, 'lay back down, now!'
I resisted the large hands that pressed gently at my sore shoulders but soon exhausted myself and back to the bed I went.
Blinking my eyes I saw the worried storm that brewed in Elrond's gaze as his horsetail swung around his shoulders, the fire casting half of his portrait into shadow.
Quickly grabbing the hand he moved towards my face I pressed its warmth into my cheek and curled around his appendage, almost not believing that he was real and I wasn't dead in the snow somewhere.
He was speaking but all I could hear was his pulse in his wrist as I pressed my lips to it.
"You will marry me," I told him before sleep reared up over me and dragged me back into her depths, Elrond's gentle gaze the last thing I saw.
oOo
Loving Elrond was one of the easiest things I had ever done.
He was wonderful, perfect in my eyes for all of his flaws. He was stubborn, but he loved for me to wear pants. He was overbearing about my health, but he danced hand in hand in the rain with me. He was my world and I was determined that he be my husband.
And so he was.
oOo
Our sons were beautiful, perfect.
I let Elrond pick their names, still unused to elven names even after so long of living among them. And laying in my birthing bed, him holding me and whispering praise and love into my hair while the life that we had created nursed at my breast I was the happiest I had been since my friends had died, millennia before.
oOo
Elladan and Elrohir we full of mischief and curiosity and love.
They joined my beloved husband in the center of my universe.
oOo
Arwen, beloved Arwen, star of her father's eye, looked so like Archer that I cried.
With her father's dark hair, my bright eyes, and her own bright smile she joined her brothers and father in my heart, never to be sundered from me.
oOo
Raising my children while being the wife and Lady of Imladris was both the easiest and the hardest thing I had ever done.
Easy, because my children adored me and hung on my every word and teaching. Hard, because they were growing up so fast that soon my sons joined their father in towering over me and my daughter was learning her way in the world without me.
Just as I was growing lonely enough to ask Elrond for another child Aragorn showed up to be my son.
And so I was happy.
oOo
My time with the orcs taught me of pain and despair. It dredged up memories of Noria's fighting, cursing form being dragged away from the still warm corpse of Archer and of me, being shoved in that tight chest and the icy river water rushing up to swallow me whole. I remembered Mount Doom, death, slaying, and my hatred of man until my sanity began to slip away piece by piece under the torture master's blade.
The pain was everything and nothing. It shaped me anew until, like Yaway, Celebrian was no more.
I let it happen.
I never counted on being found.
oOo
Waking up in my husband's care was the worst thing to ever happen to me.
I had known that my family was safe while I was in the orc's tender mercy and I hadn't fought the change that had overcome me. I had never expected to live through being captured and so when I opened my eyes to see Elrond beside me my hatred at myself welled up and ate me alive.
I knew I was no longer good enough for my lovely family.
I had to leave.
I would protect them from myself.
It was decided; I would go to the sea.
And I would leave them safe from the horror that I had become, even if it broke their hearts because they were better off broken than they were destroyed. By me. By my actions. By what I had become.
And so I, Celebrian, Lady of Imladris, adopted daughter of Galadriel and Celeborn, Lord and Lady of Lothlorien, wife of Elrond, Lord of Imladris, friend of Archer and Noria, would sail for the Undying Lands, never to see my family again.
Ever.
oOo
Fin.