Caged By:Kat57
AN: I hope you enjoy this short snip from my brain. Please Review! Toodles! Keitorin
My fingers gently lifted, one by one, and then slunk back down to tickle the keys. Tickling, with such a feathery light caress, coaxing those vibrating entities to sing, and such lovely songs they sang to me.
This was such a gentle way to calm my nerves. I could simply romance this beautiful art to play for me.
That control, that power over something fed my inner self. I like, love rather, that direct control over something else, whether it be human or otherwise. I stopped now, and inhaled a cleansing breath.
"Sometimes I feel as if my mind leaves me hanging, in such a vast world, with no support whatsoever to keep me intact. What would I do then? My life is already so hectic, so unorganized. That in itself is why I love to play my music, because it is in fact my music, not anyone else's. I can wheedle that harmony out of that piano to my heart's content, but life's not always like a song. My life's song controls me, and is on a constant repeat. I'm in a never-ending procession of heartbreak, grieving, and loss."
"Why?"
I paused, and then laughed out loud at that question.
"Have you no thought process behind my life?" Such an astringent smile plastered my face, I knew. Of course I knew. Every single time I talked of the world around me, I couldn't help the harsh, bitter thoughts that hamper my brain.
"Do you believe you have no fault in the conflict?" He asked this now, with such indifference.
How cliché, I thought, for someone of his status to not comprehend my lifestyle, or choices. Not ironic in the least, truly. I encircled my tiny bracelet with my index finger and thumb.
How I wished in that mere moment that I could snap that false security. The idea that something around here was mine fully was laughable. Nothing in this shitty place was in my pocession, nor would I want it to.
"Conflict?" I giggled; such a girlish thing to come from my mouth, like acid dripping off my lips.
"I assure you, I have no doubt in my mind I was part of the problem…" I began, and his slight smile cut me off.
"Oh, Kagome, that's progress, no matter how small," he smiled at me then, a full blown scary smile with huge teeth. I swear that man could have a side job as a serial killer. I cocked my head to the side at that thought. How ironic it was indeed.
"However," I continued and that severe look crossed my face again as I saw his "child killing" smile falter. My breath hitched at the excitement, because I just knew the horrified look that would cross his face at my next words.
"As much as I know I was part of the problem, I also know I was solely the solution. Ironic, eh? I alone saved innocent lives. You might not take me for a saint, but I'm as damned close as you're ever going to get," the uncontrollable giggle leaked again.
He stood immediately, sidestepping my chair and keeping his distance, and my giggle heightened to a loud laugh. One of those laughs that was awkward and obnoxious, but I just watched on.
What else could I do?
I kept watching my body convulse with insane laughter as the Doctor walked out. He was such an irritating man. He thinks I can be cured of my illness by talking to me.
As he was a psychiatrist, I could understand his theories, but his logic was a tad off kilter. I wasn't just ill, I was controlled. That voice just kept leaking out of me, and I was caged inside of myself, unable to appear to outside sources.
I was trapped in my own body, by that odd creature that dictated my brain.
My thoughts were mine alone, solely mine, but my actions and words, were frightening.
This was my sixth year in a Psychiatric Ward, as they called it. Some simply call it the "Nut House", which I perceive as far more appropriate. Technically speaking, my body committed a third degree homicide six and half years ago. My attorney convinced the jury I was insane, understandably, but they don't know the half of it.