Then
Obito was the first to say it, and Kakashi still remembers the disgust and accusation in his voice when he did, That weirdo's got a major crush on you! as if somehow Kakashi was to blame for it as much as Gai himself.
It became a kind of inside joke, Gai's ʻcrushʼ on Kakashi, one that was never brought up when Gai was around because back in the day Gai was the kind of hothead who'd get into fistfights about anything. Kakashi, however, had to hear it all the time; he had to feel it all the time, the force of Gai's attention, his admiration, his obsession. It was like a spotlight constantly pointed at him, the heat of Gai's gaze, burning into the back of his neck.
There was no stopping it, no matter how often he pretended to ignore Gai, how often he turned him away, Gai always came back and he never stopped looking at Kakashi like that. Like he was someone special, someone admirable, like he was the greatest person Gai had ever seen.
You know he talks about you all the time, right? Genma used to tease him, Kakashi this, Kakashi that, all day long. I mean, girls dig you, too, sure, but I doubt any of them spend even half as much time thinking about you as Gai does. His brain's like the Kakashi-channel.
Sometimes I'm not entirely sure whether it is indeed love or whether it might not be some twisted form of hatred, but then some philosophers might say that hatred is nothing more than a twisted form of love to begin with, so… Ebisu would trail off and push up his glasses, and Kakashi would roll his eyes and sigh.
They grew up, but the joke remained the same. It came up less frequently and, thankfully, Gai grew a little more mature. He mellowed out, as Genma tended to say.
Still, the first time Gai had a girlfriend Asuma smirked, patted Kakashi's shoulder, told him, don't worry, no matter who he's dating, you'll always be The One, in a mock-comforting voice.
And all joking aside, deep down Kakashi knew it to be true. He still found himself on the receiving end of that look sometimes. Gai's eyes would go soft; there'd be something tender and fragile in them, and Kakashi would feel the sudden urge to turn away, his stomach light with something like nausea.
Now
"Happy New Year," Kakashi said the moment the door swung open, and smiled at the peeved expression that greeted him.
"It's the third already." Gai folded his arms over his chest, ready to make a big deal out of a measly two days. "And haven't you forgotten something, Rival?"
"Hm? What? Me?" The innocent act was tried and true, no matter how often Kakashi used it on Gai, it always worked wonders. Suppressing a smirk – Gai would be able to tell, even with the mask – Kakashi pushed past him into the warm apartment. Gai followed behind like a looming shadow.
After kicking off his sandals, Kakashi poked his head into the kitchen. Disappointingly clean. Not even a crumb.
"No cake?" he asked.
"You don't even like cake." Birds could have perched on Gai's jutting lower lip. "And also, if you think there should be cake then clearly you do remember-!"
"New Year's cake," Kakashi said as he made his way to the living room, "you always have cake on New Year 's day for some reason, and I like cake better than mochi."
"That's because it's my –"
He plopped down on Gai's creaky couch and proceeded to give him his best puppy eyes. "But you didn't save any for me. I'm disappointed in you, Gai-kun."
"-birthday!" Red-faced, Gai towered in the doorway like some vengeful spirit of ancient lore. This time it was even harder to hold back on the smirk.
"Hm, did you say something?" Kakashi frowned, blinking a scatter-brained old man blink.
"It was my birthday! Two days ago!" Gai'd gone and shouted himself breathless in his doorway. He had to hold himself up with one hand, fingers practically digging grooves into the wood.
"Ah, is that so? I had no idea!" gasped Kakashi. Thankfully, he was an expert at masking his feelings. No one would have been able to tell that he was about to burst from the unhealthy wave of triumphant glee that washed over him. He'd done it again. He'd made Gai say it.
"You had-?! You… You!? No idea?!" Gai sounded like he was about to die of incoherency. One more "Hm? What did you say?" from Kakashi would probably kill him, Kakashi decided, so he just smiled. For real this time.
And extended his hand.
Maybe it was retribution, the way Gai grabbed it and pulled Kakashi off the couch and against his chest in one hard jerk. Kakashi found himself in a rib-crushing embrace, in the tight circle of Gai's arms, and murmured with his lips close enough to Gai's ear for his friend to actually feel the brush of smooth fabric, "Happy birthday, Gai."
"So where are you hiding my present, Rival?" Gai asked as soon as he had released Kakashi – minutes later.
Kakashi smiled wanly. It was true that he had just completed an A-rank in the Desert of Wind, but this here? This required actual ninja skills.
"Well…"
Gai was scratching his chin in a very unsettling manner. "Come to think of it… you still owe me dinner from last year!" he exclaimed before Kakashi had time to distract him with something shiny or confusing. Damn.
"Ah, see now… I've only just come back from a mission, you know?" Appealing to his shinobi nature, not a bad plan. "I didn't exactly have time to go shopping yet."
"Is that so?" Gai frowned, making his monster brows look like they were having some sort of crisis-meeting over the bridge of his nose.
"Plus, I still have to give the kids their New Year money…" Better not tell the kids that.
Gai frowned even harder. "Sakura is the only one of your students in Konoha right now," he pointed out.
Charming people had never been a problem for Kakashi; he was good at it. A natural, a genius.
He threw his hands up in apologetic mock-defeat.
"Tell you what, how about I grant you one wish right now?" he asked. This was a pretty good idea, he had to give it to himself. "Whatever you want, I'll do it." Maybe a little risky…
Sadly, Gai looked somewhat unimpressed.
"Kakashi," he said in an uncharacteristically tired voice, as if he was already willing to let Kakashi off the hook. He was disappointed, Kakashi realized, and that realization burned itself into his chest. Gai had expected more and Kakashi had let him down. Not the way he usually did, not as part of the old routine, and he didn't understand it. Why now?
Kakashi felt himself grow irrationally angry. What did Gai expect after all this time? Shouldn't he know better by now? After all, Kakashi was the man who had let three out of three members of his team die – a one hundred percent failure rate – then they'd given him three students, three, and how many did he have left now?
Zero.
Stop looking at me like that, how often had he wanted to say that to Gai?
"You want a spar? We can go to the training grounds right now. Your mission reports are overdue? I'll file them for you. I could do your laundry…" Kakashi offered – and what an offer it was; the smell of Gai's spandex after hours and hours of training could have knocked out an elephant. "…for a month!" Bitterness had snuck into his voice, his teeth had become whetstones that sharpened every word slipping through them.
"Kakashi—"
"I'll kiss you," he said it coolly, so that it came out more like a threat than an offer. He hadn't meant to say it at all, but he had, he truly had, he could tell from the way Gai gaped at him, his jaw perfectly slack with surprise.
And although he hadn't meant to say it, he'd meant it. He would kiss Gai. He would close the distance between them in two big steps and press his lips to Gai's stupid mouth; he'd slide his fingers into Gai's stupid haircut and Gai would kiss him back and love him more than anyone else ever had because he knew him – knew him down to the marrow of his bones – and somehow still managed to look at him like that.
Like Kakashi was the strongest and most honorable man in the whole world.
Gai blinked once, twice. His brows returned from their hiding place under his bangs. Then his face broke into his most blinding smile and he laughed that loud, open laugh of his that had never failed to warm Kakashi from the inside out. Until now.
"Kiss me? Kakashi, ha! That's a good one!" Gai slapped his thigh like some old man and winked theatrically. "Let me buy you a drink first, though!"
It was Gai who closed the distance between them. In one long stride he was next to Kakashi, slinging an arm around his shoulder and leading him towards the hallway. Kakashi went along stiffly like a puppet on a string. He felt as if something inside of him had been crushed. Nothing big or important, only a tiny thing, an irrelevant thing like a budding flower growing in a crack between rocks, just something that had never even mattered at all.
"Come on! The night is young!" Gai had laughter on his lips still as he pulled Kakashi out the door with him into a night that to Kakashi felt a thousand years older than an hour before.
It was funny, in a way.
end.