A/N: Also on AO3
"Irisviel? Irisviel?!"
Irisviel opened her eyes slowly, the bathrooms fluorescent light immediately flooding her vision. The room swam slowly into focus through a thick mist, cracked tiles and broken mirrors becoming clearer and clearer. Irisviel blinked. She could hear the faint trickling of water somewhere nearby but she couldn't will her head to turn just yet. It still felt like it was made of lead, as it had for the past few days, but she hadn't gotten used to it.
"Thank god," A breathless voice said. "You have me worried."
A blurry figure in dark clothing was leaning over her. "Saber?"
"Yes Irisviel," Saber said. "It's me."
"Why am I..." Irisviel rubbed her eyes. She was laying across the tiled bathroom floor, her head in Saber's lap while water spilled unceremoniously around her as it poured from the overflown tub. Her skin was tinted pink from the heat of the water and the tips of her fingers had started to wrinkle. "Did I fall asleep?"
Saber nodded. "I feared you may have drowned. Forgive me, I wouldn't have entered otherwise." Saber's clothing was soaked through and her hair stuck wetly to her face. She was shaking slightly, one arm around Irisviel's bare shoulders. She hadn't seen her breath so hard when she wasn't in battle.
"Then I owe you, brave knight." Irisviel said with a weak smile. Saber didn't return it.
"You fainted, Irisviel. Has this happened before?"
"Once or twice so far. Please don't make that face Saber I was prepared for this."
Saber's frown deepened. "If you knew this could have happened I wish you would have warned me. You promised you wouldn't hide your condition from me again."
"You're right, you're right. I'm sorry, Saber." Irisviel brushed wet hair from her face. Her skin was covered in goosebumps and her body was shivering, an odd sensation when she couldn't feel the cold her flesh was reacting to. Saber pulled away from her, though she seemed reluctant.
"It isn't a matter of being sorry, it's a matter of me keeping you safe which I cannot do if you aren't honest with me."
Irisviel stumbled as she tried to get to her feet but Saber caught her arm before she could fall. "Thank you. I don't mean to hide these things, really I don't, it just happens. More a reflex than anything else. I don't want to worry you."
"I am not Kiritsugu."
"I know."
"It is my duty to protect you."
Irisviel took the towel that Saber handed her and wrapped it around herself. "It's one of your duties."
"What kind of knight would I be if I couldn't save one princess?"
Irisviel smiled sadly as she walked by her. Saber followed her path down the darkened hallway. A single blinking light was all that illuminated this section of the house and she was sure that the rough state of the wooden floor beneath her feet would probably bother her ordinarily. Every step in their new base felt unfamiliar to her, new and uncomfortable in ways she couldn't explain, the house clearly hadn't been lived in for some time. Irisviel stopped when she reached her own room.
"You'd only be a bad one if the princess was meant to be saved."
Saber reached forward and caught her by the wrist.
"Would you mind?" Irisviel said, not meeting her eyes. She nodded towards the door to her room, tugged the towel higher up her chest. Saber's face fell. She let go of Irisviel.
"I don't want to be too far away from you. In case you need me again."
"There are three clean rooms in this house, Saber. The one right next to mine is free if you like."
Saber sighed. "That will have to do. You will call me if you need anything, right?"
"I don't think I'll have any other choice." Saber nodded and headed for the adjacent room. "Saber?" She turned. "Don't go too far."
Saber blinked at her, traces of surprise on her face, and then smiled. She took a bow.
"I wouldn't dream of it, milady."
"It seems everything in this building is covered in a layer of dust." Saber said quietly.
Irisviel stood on her toes on the ladder and ran a gloved finger across the top of one of the few pieces of furniture that they'd found without any holes worn through it; an old cabinet. It came back covered in a thick layer of grime. Irisviel stared at it with a determined expression.
"Dust isn't too bad. We can definitely fix dust."
"I suppose. But do you really want to? Are you sure you're feeling up to it?"
Irisviel pulled her gloves off and pulled out a rubber band, tying her hair out of the way. She was wearing clothes more casual than Saber had ever seen on her and it was almost hard to recognize her. She still had to admit that even in what looked like loose fitting men's pajamas Irisviel still looked natural. The obvious fatigue that had covered her face the previous night was all but gone. Her eyes were bright and clear again. She'd even tried to cook breakfast-making a valiant effort before giving up and asking Saber to do the work under her instruction. It had tasted awful but she'd still eaten seconds.
Saber let herself be used as a railing as Irisviel lowered herself down. "I'm feeling much better today," She said. "Besides if I'm not doing this what should I be doing? Kiritsugu doesn't need me right now. Fixing up this place is better than staying idle."
"I understand but I don't want you to strain yourself."
Irisviel smiled. "I'm afraid I'm not really in heavy lifting shape. You may end up doing most of it. So as long as you're here I'll be fine." She paused, a look that Saber couldn't read painting her face. "You're my knight after all."
In the end Irisviel and Saber cleared out two more rooms, a hallway and half of the shed before Saber decided that she'd probably had enough. The vast majority of the work had been done by Saber of course but Irisviel still followed her every step and there was a lot more moving around for her than would be expected. It had begun to grow dark at that point, the blue of the sky tinted black before she finally agreed and let Saber half drag her back to her room, letting the door to the shed swung shut behind them.
"Wait...Saber wait, my shoes..." She mumbled against Saber's shoulder.
"What?"
"This is a Japanese style house...you can't wear shoes in here."
Saber laid her down across her futon and bent down to pull of her shoes. When she looked up Irisviel's eyes had closed. Not wanting to risk moving Irisviel she grabbed one of the extra blankets from her own room (the lightest one she could find) and covered her with it carefully. Irisviel remained still and Saber allowed herself a few moment to watch as her breathing slowed down to a more normal pace.
"You probably think this is all pointless." Irisviel said quietly. "Why invest so much into something I'll never get to enjoy?"
"Not at all. Parents don't always get to see their children grow into an old age but they raise them anyway. It's a labor of love."
Irisviel rolled over, curling in on herself across her bed. "Thank you."
"You don't ever need to thank me Irisviel."
"Thank you anyway."
Saber nodded. She made to stand up but Irisviel caught her loosely by the arm. Her hand shook from the effort of holding itself up.
"Irisviel?"
"Would you mind staying? I think I'd feel a little better if you were here."
"I..." Saber said. "You've changed your mind? I do not understand-"
"I'm sorry." Irisviel let go of her arm and closed her eyes again. "That was a silly thing to ask. I probably smell funny and I haven't even changed-"
Saber seated herself firmly down on the end of the futon and took Irisviel's hand. "I'd gladly stay if you'll allow me." She squeezed it gently.
Irisviel nodded and shifted deeper into her blankets. The heating in the house wasn't yet working, though Maiya had been able to get the water running quickly after they'd arrived. Heating was not exactly a priority for her so the entire house was still subject to the winter chill. But even under her thin blanket Irisviel didn't look at all bothered by the cold. She was breathing slowly, body turned away from Saber, right hand loose in her grip. After a few minutes of silence it occurred to Saber that holding onto Irisviels hand was pointless. If she wasn't bothered by the cold she probably couldn't feel Saber's hand.
But Saber didn't let go. She fell asleep sitting up, head bowed against her chest and told herself that she didn't mind. She'd slept in more awkward positions.
Most nights Saber dreamt of battlefields stained with blood and the bodies of her comrades piled high around her feet.
That night she dreamt of nothing.
Irisviel wasn't very much better the next day. She wasn't in pain, as she stated repeatedly but watching her fumble with her buttons for ten minutes because her fingers wouldn't obey her proved to be among the most painful ten minutes of Saber's time in the Grail War up to that point.
"Irisviel..."
"I've got it Saber." She said, fingers stumbling awkwardly over the top button of her blouse. "Really, Saber, it's fine."
Saber bit the inside of her cheek and waited. It took almost an hour but Irisviel was eventually able to dress herself.
Maiya stopped by briefly to drop off a few supplies. Simple things, food, tools for Irisviel's magic and other things of that nature, items Saber wouldn't have been otherwise able to go out and get without leaving Irisviel undefended. She didn't stay long. After she'd set up a boundary field she told Irisviel that Kiritsugu was keeping his eyes on the other Masters and was gone, leaving the two of them alone again.
Since Irisviel wasn't feeling well enough to accompany Saber while she cleaned, the two of them ended up in the shed. Saber spent the hours watching as Irisviel inspect the boundary spells Maiya had put in place. She sat on the cool floor of the shed, watching Irisviel intently. Irisviel closed her eyes when she worked, seated in her magic circle, sensing thing Saber really couldn't image. Though she was essentially just a construct of magic Saber knew she'd never have close to the kind of understanding of it that Irisviel had. In a strange way, Saber found that watching her like this was almost relaxing. The steady intake of her breath and the occasion fluttering of her eyelids was hypnotic. She could just barely feel the way Irisviel's power manipulated the magic around them, the occasional soft twinges against her skin that left goosebumps in their wake was the only sign that she was doing anything at all. She was so focused that Saber was all but sure she'd been completely forgotten about until Irisviel finally opened her eyes and turned to her with a smile. The electricity that had been coursing through the air faded.
"How about we call it a night?"
"Irisviel..."
Irisviel lowered her shaking hands slowly, not meeting Saber's gaze. "I know. Saber, would you please help me undress?"
"...Of course."
Saber worked quickly, moving her fingers swiftly over Irisviel's buttons. In nearly an hours time she hadn't managed to undue a single one. She smiled at her when Saber caught her eyes. She looked a little disappointed in herself but there was still relief apparent on her face. Saber's fingers fumbled on the bottom button. It was hard to look away from Irisviel's eyes once she'd started looking into them. She cleared her throat.
"Have you spoken with Kiritsugu as of late?" Saber asked, her words aimed at the floor by Irisviel's feet.
"Of course." Irisviel said. "Why do you ask? You've seen us together."
Saber slid Irisviel's blouse off of her shoulders carefully and then stepped back to fold it. Her heart was pounding loudly in her ears. "That is not what I mean."
Irisviel shrugged the rest of her clothing down and sighed. Saber didn't want to think about it but the added weight of Irisviel's clothing was probably a burden on her already weakened body. Despite that, Irisviel still stood and waited for Saber to help her into her gown. It was immensely difficult while trying not to look at her too much. Every brush against her unnaturally cold skin made her feel like she might break Irisviel.
"It's easier on him if we don't speak beyond when we're fighting other Masters. You don't need to look away like that Saber, you've already seen everything."
"Ah," Saber said. "Right." She looked back at Irisviel.
If Irisviel noticed her discomfort she didn't say anything. She smiled as politely as she ever had and watched Saber tug her gown the rest of the way down her body. Saber felt somewhat guilty for taking solace in the fact that Irisviel couldn't feel the way that her hands shook when she touched her. It was stupid of her anyway. She had seen her soliders naked a good many times, seen more of her Knights of the Round than she honestly would have preferred. This shouldn't have bothered her either. Irisviel was her comrade as they had been. The time may have been different but that had not changed. There was no reason for her chest to hurt so much when Irisviel smiled at her.
When she finished straightening her gown Saber went quickly back to folding.
"Perhaps it's easier on him,"said Saber, "but what about on you?"
"It's easier on me if it's easier on him. We planned on seeing each other less and less as the War progressed from the very beginning."
Saber stopped folding.
"Why would you want that?" Irisviel tugged at her sheets until Saber took the hint and lifted them up, allowing her to slip between. "You don't want Kiritsugu to mourn your death." She said. It wasn't a question.
"I don't want anyone to." Irisviel said, voice muffled slightly by her pillow. "He's given me so much. I don't want the only thing I give him in return to be grief."
"You are his wife. If he feels anything, if he is not entirely the cold-hearted man I think him to be then he will mourn you still."
"I know he will. Even if I want him to he won't be able to forget me."
"As will I."
Irisviel turned over. "Saber?"
Saber sat down besides her. Something in Irisviel's voice made Saber's words come easier."You are my friend. When my wish has been granted and I am able to save Britain from destruction you will be my thoughts. Your strength will guide my blade when I fight for my country. I promise I will not forget you. And neither will Kiritsugu. If he saves the world then he will undoubtedly see your face etched across the new world he has made. That, I think, will be enough for him to forget his grief."
Irisviel fell silent, her red eyes wet and lidded.
"Irisviel? Have I said something wrong?"
Irisviel released a slow breath. "No Saber."
"If I've spoke out of line in anyway-"
"No, no. Thank you. I needed to hear that."
Saber stared at Irisviel for a moment and then nodded. "Would you like me to remain here again?" She said quietly.
"If it isn't too much trouble."
Saber folded her legs under herself and arranged herself more comfortably. Irisviel smiled, her eyes still wet with unshed tears. Saber's hand twitched briefly before she finally let it rest on top of Irisviel's own. The skin was deathly cold.
"You don't feel well."
"It doesn't bother me."
"You'll get sick."
Irisviel shook her head. "I can't get much worse."
"I'll get you another blanket."
"No, please, I feel like I'm suffocating when I wear too many."
"I don't want you to-"
"They're so heavy and I can't move in the morning when I wake up. If there's an attack and you can't get to me, what kind of fight can I put up if I'm stuck under a blanket like a helpless child?"
"That won't happen." Saber said firmly. "If there is an attack I will be by your side."
"You don't know that for certain. The situation might get out of hand."
Saber let go of her hand.
"Excuse me..."
"Saber?"
Saber pulled off her jacket and hung it across an empty chair. Very gently, she laid down besides Irisviel on top of the sheets and moved as close as she could. Irisviel made a soft surprised sound when Saber pulled her towards her so that Irisviel's head lay against her chest.
Saber was prepared for some kind of protest but none came. Irisviel was quiet in her arms and slowly she relaxed into her body, letting Saber wrap her arms around her a little tighter. Beneath the blankets she could still feel the inhuman cold of Irisviel skin. Wherever she was the coldest, Saber tried to pay that spot extra attention, laying her arms over Irisiviel's own and moving closer until her knees brushed Irisviel thighs. Neither of them said anything and Saber stared straight over Irisviels head until her breathing slowed down enough that she was sure Irisviel was completely asleep. Then she drew back enough to chance a quick look at the woman's sleeping face.
She was still when she slept. Without Irisviel's body against her own, Saber doubted she'd have been able to feel the woman breathe. When her face was this blank it was almost impossible to remember what her smiling one looked like, she was so doll like. Saber knew what her Master's wife was, knew that she had been created for the Grail War, but even when she saw her in this state, silent and unmoving, she didn't look like a cold shell for the Holy Grail. She still looked like Irisviel.
For once, while she watched Irisviel sleep, Saber let herself considered the possibility that there were things in this unfamiliar time worth all the pain that had brought her there.
Thing apart from the Grail.
Things that were holding her tight in their sleep.
Things would ideally die if Saber was to get her wish.
"It's alright Saber. I like it more in here. It's easier to control the flow of mana in a place like this."
Saber clenched her fists against her thighs. The shed was small and more insulated than the house and with the bright light of the magical circle Irisviel laid in it was actually warmer too. There was a knot in her stomach as she watched Irisviel lay so helplessly in front of her. There were three Servants dead at this point. Three. Saber tried not to think about what Irisviel would look like after three more.
"Kiritsugu said he plans to stop by in the morning." Maiya said. "Until then it's best if she remains where she is."
Irisviel pushed herself awkwardly into a seated position, bracing her hands awkwardly against the floor besides her as if her body wasn't sure where they were supposed to go.
"Thank you Maiya, we're fine in here for now."
Maiya caught Saber's eye and she nodded to her. Maiya nodded back and left, closing the shed door gently behind her.
"I know I expected this but...if I could have lasted just a little longer." Irisviel laid back down. "It's a shock that I lasted this long at all. I shouldn't want more but-"
"You do not deserve this."
Irisviel shook her head. "You're wrong. I didn't deserve Kiritsugu's love. This is my purpose."
"Irisviel-"
"He didn't have to love me. He didn't have to be kind to me and show me the side of himself that he never showed anyone else." She smiled fondly. "He could have used me and been done with it. Performed his duties to the Einzbern, taken his money and left. But he didn't-"
"That doesn't mean you owe him your life!"
"I will die anyway, Saber." She said. Saber flinched. "Yes, regardless of what Kiritsugu does, when I've received enough of the souls of the Heroic Spirits I will be used to grant the winners their wish. I doesn't matter what state I am in."
Saber lowered her voice and it came out harsher than she meant when she said, "Then why does any of this matter to you?"
"I'm not supposed to have a will of my own, but I do. It was Kiritsugu greatest gift to me. I shall take his will and carry it with me when I perform my duties as the Grail's Vessel. Hopefully that will be enough for me to able to grant him his wish."
Saber fell quiet. In the darkness of the shed the magic circle cast shadows across their faces in blue. Reflected in that magical light, despite how weak her body looked, Saber thought she had never seen Irisviel look stronger.
"Some might consider sacrificing yourself for the sake of others foolish."
"If Rider is right then we're both fools then." Irisviel said and Saber managed a small smile. A pain that had grown horribly familiar returned to her chest as she watched the homunculus in silence.
"I want to help you." She said at last.
Irisviel smiled her sad smile up at her. "You can't."
"You haven't heard my offer yet."
"I already know what it is and I couldn't ask it of you."
Saber made sure Irisviel was watching so she knew when Saber placed a hand gently on her arm. Irisviel stared down at it, brow furrowed together, still smiling at her. A tear rolled down her cheek.
"I don't deserve this from you at all. You're just a Servant, a tool for completing the Holy Grail War. You don't owe me your loyalty. I'm not even your Master."
"And I am not a proper Heroic Spirit." Saber said. "We are both of us tools in war, we are both not entirely meant to be here. Perhaps we suit each other in that respect. Two fools fighting side by side."
When Saber dared to move her hand onto Irisviel's cheek she leaned into the touch. Saber had expected her hands to shake but it seemed the moment she'd made up her mind all trace of nervousness was gone. It was strange how nature it felt from there to move so that she was leaning over Irisviel, their bodies scant inches apart.
"Please do not mistake me...if it were Kiritsugu I would not do this."
"Then...why?" Irisviel said softly, her voice breaking. She placed her own hand over Sabers. "I'm not worth this, Saber."
Saber leaned further, elbow braced against the side of Irisviel's head. She was so close now that she could count Irisviel's eyelashes if she wished too. She could see the way the reds of those same eyes shrank as her pupils widened, feel the tingling of her breath as it whispered across her own lips. For a moment she forgot herself in her thoughts, forgot that she had any reason at all beyond her own perverse selfishness for her actions. All that mattered was Irisviel warm beneath her hands and staring at her with eyes so open that she feared she might fall into them. She brushed away one of Irisviel's tears with her thumb and brought herself out of her thoughts with a heavy breath.
"Your wish is to see Kiritsugu's wish granted,"Saber said. Irisviel parted her lips ever so slightly as if she was going to speak but said nothing, "If I cannot save you, and if I cannot protect you, than it is the least that I can do as your knight to carry you long enough to allow you to see your wish fulfilled."
Irisviel nodded and that was all the encouragement Saber needed to finally bring their lips together. The magic circles blue light filled both their vision and through that single touch Saber felt a rush of magic rising from her very core and a second, weaker one to match it rising from Irisviels own. The light grew so strong that Saber thought she felt it filling her with soft warmth but with the sound of her own heart pounding in her ears and the soft yet eager press of Irisviel lips the warm feeling only grew until she felt like it might consume them both.
Finally she pulled away, breathing heavily. She let her fingers intertwine themselves with Irisviel before she placed a kiss on the back of her hand.
"Forgive me, my princess, it would be a lie to say I haven't thought of this moment before. I hope you will not think less of me."
The tears flowed freely down Irisviel's cheek as she smiled. When she spoke her voice was weak."Not at all, my brave knight. It seems that you have more in common with your princess than just being a fool."