Hey there my green beans! I don't really know what to say, but I feel like I should say something so...
This isn't my first story, this just happens to be my first story on this account. I'm not a fantastic writer nor am I good at keeping my characters, well, in character. I aspire to be a writer, so I'm trying to put all my time and effort into this story. There will be no rushing therefore the updates will probably be longer in result. (If anyone is really counting on an update cause they would take actual people liking this, which I'm doubting by the second.)
I have no beta. Yes, that's probably stupid, but I'm a shy person on and off the computer. So, I choose not to try to get one because my interactions on here are as awkward as they are in real life. Btw, this will probably be only a couple of chapters because, well, that's how I planned this out
In this story there will be: Drug Use, M/M, Implied or actual sex ( I suck at full blown sex scenes, but I'm workin' on it, guiiiise!), Cursing , Slightly overboard OOC!Kurt, and possible character death. ALSO AND MOST LIKELY DUMB AS FUCK TYPOS, I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE!
I wasn't suicidal or 'emo'. I mean, I had a roof over my head, food to eat, and friends and family to enjoy things with. The only problem, or should I say problems, were the neanderthals that seemed to somehow be at the top of the food chain.
How can people who are such assholes with barely any manners, be so popular and loved of all things? It was against my morals to wish anyone dead, but how I really wished some of them would have got into any form of accident.
It was all too much for me. The shoves into lockers, the taunts, and especially the slushies. They say, "It get's better.", but tell me, please, when will 'better' come?
So, you know what I did? I changed. I changed my hair, my clothes, my attitude, my interests. I changed it all and I know deep down that I regretted it. I regretted how bad I treated my father, how bad I treated my friends, and how bad I treated myself, most of all.
I wasn't a whore or a slut or any of those degrading titles that people whispered behind my back. I liked to have sex and have fun. To smoke and drink and get high.
But...was that really me? And, you might be saying, "Why are you asking me that?" and there's a very simple, yet maybe not, reason for that: I didn't know who Kurt Hummel really was anymore.
"Mm, I got to get going, Russel." I said, pressing my lips against the older man's quickly. "But you haven't even had a shower." The British man whined, dark eyes staring at my lips until he couldn't help but place a not so innocent kiss on my lips. Grinning, I gripped his biceps and nipped at his sharp jaw a little to sharply, but hey, he wasn't complaining.
"Stay here, let me cook you breakfast. And a couple more rounds of sex wouldn't hurt, eh?" Russel raised his eyebrows and gave a poor excuse of jazz fingers. "As lovely as that sounds," I slipped on my studded leather jacket and slipped my feet into my boots, "I rather not eat your food. It's very...British. And disgusting."
Russel glared at me, flicking his middle finger up with a muttered "twat" although you could tell he was kidding by the playful gleam in his eyes. "Cunt." I shot back and he gasped, covering his heart.
I rolled my eyes and patted his chest. "As lovely as our little American cuss word's vs. British cuss words wars are, I really need to go. I happen to have school and it seems I'm late, again, because of you." I trailed my fingers up his bare chest, tracing around the circumference of his nipple before I wrapped my arm's around his neck.
"Now kiss me goodbye."
...
"Mr. Hummel, this is the third time this week that you have arrived late. You'll be expecting a call from me this evening!" Mrs. Lincoln said with pursed lips. Waving her off, I stomped back towards my row before I stopped in my tracks.
"And who are you?" I asked saucily, raising my eyebrows for extra effect. The helmet head boy was reading a book, Pride and Prejudice from the look of it, before he noticed that it was extremely silent and looked up.
"Are you...are you talking to me?" He asked with wide hazel eyes behind thick black frames. "No I'm talking to the person beside you." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, the leather of my jacket tightening around my arms.
The boy glanced beside him, noticing that the seat was empty, before looking back at me."You're talking to me..." He murmured with a small flinch. "Is this your desk, I'm so-," "Just get out of my seat dip-shit!"
The boy jumped up and hastily grabbed his stuff, placing it messily on the desk next to mine. He tripped slightly on the edge of the chair and I didn't even try to muffle my snicker. He eyed me before sitting down awkwardly. "Who are you anyway?" I asked, dropping my messenger bag decorated with band buttons on the floor and sitting down.
His eyes lit up and he clasped his hands in his lap. "Oh, hello there! I'm Blaine Anderson, and I just transferred here from Dalton." I eyed this 'Blaine' guy with a distasteful cringe and gave him a terse smile. "Well howdy there, Blaine. I'm Kurt and I can't say it's a pleasure." Blaine stared with wide, hurt eyes before they darkened considerably.
"What's your fucking problem man?" Blaine hissed at me with furrowed eyebrows. I blinked, taken back before I let out a bark of laughter. "Oh! Shorty has guts." I brushed off my plain black tee casually before I rested my cheek on my knuckles, looking at the boy-with-to-much gel with amusement.
"My problem, man, is that I fucking hate this school, everyone in it, and now you come along," I pinched his cheek belittling so, "With your fucking stupid gelled hair, and your fucking stupid bright clothes and I just know you're going to join my V.I.P list full of people I want to fucking beat to death."
Leaning back in my seat, I looked down at him with a barely disguised scowl before giving a fake happy giggle. "Now, that, is my fucking problem." I turned back towards the board, barely holding in a sigh as I saw what the teacher was writing on the board. God, I didn't have time for this.
After the bell rang, I strolled casually down the hall, hands in pockets and eyes cold. I plucked a cigarette out of the half full carton and lit it up as I neared towards the exit. "Kurt!" I stopped and looked over my shoulder. "Yes," I asked, after I had blown out the smoke.
"First off, you shouldn't be smoking, and secondly, what did you do to Blaine?" I stared at Finn blankly, searching for 'Blaine' through my head before my eyes lit up. "Oh, bow tie boy. I didn't do anything. I simply answered his question."
Finn shook his head and stepped towards me. I held up my cig threateningly, taking a deep drag before blowing the smoke out towards him in small rings. "Stay away, I have a weapon." I waved the cancer stick for effect.
Finn let a small smile slip over his face, but it was replaced by the same stern persona that I hated. He was always trying to be the 'older brother' and protect me and yes, we were close, but it gets real old real fast. "Look, I might have been a bit harsh, but to be fair, he did start it." I said truthfully and Finn bit his bottom lip.
"I seriously doubt that, but sure... just watch out, okay? Rachel's pretty good friends with him and I know how much she gets on your nerves. She even get's on my nerves sometimes, and she's my girlfriend!" Finn cautiously wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me towards his chest. I sighed and wrapped my free arm around his back.
"Now will you let me smoke my cigarette in peace?" I huffed with fake exasperation. He rolled his eyes and pat my back a bit too hard. "Yeah, yeah. See ya later dude."
I glared at him and he held up his hands in surrender. "Sorry, sorry. See ya later..bro." I scrunched my nose up but shrugged. "Better." I muttered before pushing open the school doors and exiting.
Closing the door with a small huff, I dropped my bag by the door and pushed my boots off with my feet. "Home." I muttered, knowing no one would hear me with the low tone.
"Kurt, living room now." I cursed silently to myself before shoving the carton of cigarettes in my book bag along with anything else my dad could confiscate if he found it on me.
"Coming father!" I called back with a falsely sweet voice. Considering the tone of my father, this couldn't be good. Probably that fucking teacher who did this, oh how I wish I could stab her with the end of my comb.
I strolled casually into the living room and faltered in my steps when I noticed who was sitting opposite of my father on the couch. "You bitch..." I growled out, glaring daggers at the diva known as Rachel Berry. There she was in all her glory, wearing her too short skirt, knee-high red socks, and a deer sweater. What kind of monstrosity was that? How could someone actually wear something like what she was wearing? Not even the stingy librarians at school wear shit like that and they're ancient!
Burt gave me a look and I covered my mouth dramatically. "Oops, language." I gave him a sarcastic smile and his nose flared in irritation. "Kurt..." He started and I raised up my hands.
"Sorry, sorry. Now what do you need me for? I was planning on taking a nap." Raising an eyebrow, I switched between Rachel's and Burt's face. Burt crossed his arms the same time Rachel folded her hands in her lap and I groaned.
"I heard from Rachel here that you've been bullying people." My eye twitched and my mouth dropped open. "Bullying? Me?" Rachel raised her chin and looked at me haughtily.
"Kurt, Blaine told me what you said to him. He's only been here for a couple of weeks and he's already shaking in his loafers because of you." She stated and actually had the nerve to look at Burt for condolence.
Burt frowned and searched my face. "Kurt, what do you expect me to do when I hear from Rachel here that you've been bullying someone. You of all people?" I threw up my arms in exasperation and mouthed some illegible word.
"I expect you to not believe anything she say's until you talk to me..." I murmured, my chest pounding and blood rushing to my face from anger. How dare she come to my father with this bull. Burt removed his cap and rubbed his bald head.
"I'm not saying I believe it exactly, kiddo. It's just...you have changed a bit." He made his way to get up but I held out my hand. "Okay, first off, what does me changing have to do with anything? Everyone grows up."
"But, Kurt, you didn't grow up, you did a complete 360. Personality and all tha-," I hushed him with a hard look in my eye. " Secondly, how the actual fuck do you listen to this bitch ass girl and allow her to sit on our couch, Elizabeth's seat, Dad, you know...your wife, my mom."
Burt's eyes narrowed dangerously, but to be honest I could care less at the moment. Rachel stood up and set her fist on either side of her small waist. "Now, Kurt, I won't let you talk to me like that! I brought this up because I'm worried for you. There are cases of people that have been bullied in the past that start bullying others because they're insecure."
My body practically trembled and I backed up a step to actually hold back throwing a fist.
At that exact time, Finn strolled in innocently, shoving hand pulls of corn puffs into his mouth. His eyes lip up when he saw me and Rachel, and he waved. " Hey guys!" He shouted, chewed up orange mush flying out of his mouth, though at the moment that was the least of my worries.
"Finn." I said blankly and he smiled at me jubilantly, doe brown eyes sparkling. "Yes?" He asked with steps already headed towards me.
"Take your girlfriend and either take her to your room or outside, because if you don't I may just break one of my morals." For a second, Finn looked at me with confusion but once he took in the scene with Burt, Rachel, and me, realization over clouded the confusion and he grabbed Rachel's shoulder and led her out the front door quickly.
"Kurt, I don't know what happened to you, but I'm not liking it. You come home smelling like cigarettes, looking like you've been hit by a tornado though I know the real reason you look like that-, and now you're cussing range has reached the top. Son..." He looked at me with sad eyes, "What happened to you?"
I tilted my chin up and looked down at him with frosty blue eyes. "Like I said, father, I. Grew. Up." Turning my head away so he couldn't see the tears that I was trying so hard to hold back, I clenched my teeth and clutched the keys to my navigator.
"I'm going for a ride." I stated, smoothing out the fabric of my jacket with an almost scary calmness. Strutting-, not walking, to the door, I ignored the calls of my father and jogged out to my car.
Shoving the keys into the ignition, I started up the car and backed out just in time to see my father running out the house, cheeks red and eyes wide with worry. I stared at him out the window as the first drop of rain hit the glass and he stared back, eyes holding a million different emotions. I swallowed and shook my head at him, turning away and driving off in the direction of the Lima Bean.
Once I had pulled into the rocky driveway of the infamous coffee shop known by all Lima residents, I hopped out the car and slammed the door shut. I knew my eyes were red and my hair was a bit of the mess, but I wasn't in the mood to worry. Why did life had to be so hard? Why did people have to be so irritating? Why couldn't I just die?
I shook that last thought away, eyes focused forward as I entered the warm shop. Heading up to the counter, I looked up at the menu for a split second before saying in a dull tone, "Grande nonfat mocha." She tapped something into her little computer and I handed over a $10 and told her to keep the change.
As they made my coffee, I leaned against the wall and out-of-the-way of the other customers. I looked for a spot before my eyes landed on a group of four boys and noticed the familiarity of the only one that was out of the ridiculous uniform.
The bright yellow high-waters paired with neon pink socks, a cashmere sweater over an equally neon button up and to top it off, he had the clown of a bow-tie that was yellow like his pants with little pink pigs. That was almost, and probably more, ridiculous then the boy's in uniform.
Speaking of the boys, they were staring right at me with a vindictive look in their measly eyes. Ah, bow-tie boy must have been talking about me. I licked my lips and shifted my body so my upper half was closer to the wall while my lower half was arched out. The boy, though a bit baby-faced, was cute enough and a good fuck was just what I needed. Plus the fact that he was Blaine's friend made it that much better.
The Asian boy hit the other guys shoulder, throwing a glare my way and saying a few things. The baby-faced guy said something that made the Asian and African-American guy laugh and I frowned when Blaine let out a small chuckle of his own.
They were probably calling me faggot, or lady face, or any other gay degrading name they could think of. After all, that's how everyone in Lima is. Turning my back to them, I stared down at my feet before looking up when my name was called.
The woman scrawled Kurt on the coffee cup and handed it over to me with a polite smile "Have a good day!" She said dismissively and I nodded back to her. Stopping by the door, I stared directly into Blaine's now frightened eyes and smiled darkly. I flipped up my middle finger and puckered my lips at him.
He flinched back and the African-American guy made his way to get up, but the Asian laid a hand on his bicep before sending me a harsh glare. I winked and raised my coffee cup up in a greeting before leaving with a fake smirk on my face. Once I had reached my car, I slipped in to get away from the rain and stared into the rear-view mirror for a second.
My eyes weren't red anymore but the blue color was dull, and almost lifeless. My cheeks were pale though my nose was flushed to a rosy color. The skin of my lips were chapped and I mentally cursed myself for forgetting the second part of my moisturizing routine.
My brown and blonde hair was astray and my pompadour was going flat. I let my chin drop and hit my chest. What was I doing? Why was I such an asshole? Why did people hate me?
I lifted my head and stared at the fogged windows of the Lima Bean. There, I could see the group of boys, now chatting happily and laughing with each other. It looked like Asian boy cajoled Blaine to eat a cookie who was now looking around the group with shocked eyes before shoving the rest in his mouth.
Why did I have so many questions for myself?
Taking my phone out from the back pocket of my tight jeans, I dialed a number with shaky hands and placed the device against my ear. A slurred hello was what I was greeted with and I worried my bottom lip between my teeth.
"Hey, Roxy. I...I think I'm going to take you up on that offer."
Okay then! That tis it for the first chapter, m'dears! Tell me what you think of it, but if you're gonna flame please don't even. I usually say constructive criticism is fine, but I get so hurt over it, so maybe not... I guess simple things are cool. If there are any big, bothersome, typos, I'd like if you would let me know so I could fix them!
Please review because reviews make me update and make me happy!