Summary : Tumnus writes to Lucy before she goes back in her world. Because he knows he's going to loose her. POV Tumnus.
Disclaimer : C.S Lewis owns the characters =)
This is a translation I made of my own fanfic "Te dire adieu". I am a French native speaker so, if there are some mistakes, do not hesitate to tell me ! =)
I hope I did it well ! =)
My dear Lucy, my beloved Queen,
I just can't figure out what I must understand. I don't know why it is given to me to spend those moments with you if you have to be taken away from me in a near future.
It took a while for me to approach you. To loose this feeling of embarrassment I had on your side. Because you're much more brighter, much more alive than me ! Because you're everything I'll never be… I would have never dared to hope talking to you as we actually do. I would have never thought you could pay attention to me, the little one lost in the darkness. So, to dare thinking you could appreciate me… there was a gap, a gap I looked as unbridgeable, a gap I crossed though, without being aware of it, since hope was missing.
Now, I'm lost in this gap, and there's no hope to ever come back… Every moment I spend on your side allows me to know you better and I can say you are one of the most beautiful persons I've never met in my entire life. Although I don't know everything about you, I do know, deep inside my heart, that you are a good person. Someone I'm already deeply attached to, even though I should not. Because I'm going to loose you. I'm going to loose you, as I've lost all the others, as I always loose the ones I love. You will leave. One day, you will leave. And maybe this day is closer than I want to admit. You will make your life somewhere else, away from us, away from me. And I won't be a part of this life. Because you're not as much attached to me as I am to you.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe not. You are the only one to know. But I refuse to believe in it. Because it will hurt me so much when you left that I can't take the liberty to hope you want to come back. I'm a part of your kingdom. Not of your life. I'm your adviser, not your friend. I think you are able to easily grow away from people, if necessary. And that's what will happen with me. You will forget me, as if we had never met, you will live your life as if our roads never crossed. And I know it will hurt me. If you can forget, I know I will never. How could I ? You're the light, you're the life. I refuse with all my heart to forget someone with whom I smiled so much, from whom I learned so much. Thanks to you, I know now I have the right to make mistakes, I know that in this world, there are people like you who don't go by appearances. I also know that I can be appreciated, despite what I think about myself. And I know I would live once more everything I went through for the promise to meet you again.
I think I'll never be enough grateful to the one who keeps an eye on me for having ade you cross my path. And even if I have to suffer from your loss, suffer as I hardly did for the loss of a beloved one, I will never, never regret to have known you. Because your presence, your smile, only the fact to see you live made me happy. That's why you must leave. That's why I have to loose you. For you have to be happy in life and to go your own way. For you have to stay free. That's all that matters. That's all I wish for you. My pain doesn't matter as long as you remain this extraordinary person I had the good fortune to approach somewhat. My tears don't matter if you always remain the same, as I used to know you. Don't loose your way please...
Maybe you'll think my words are excessive. I would understand. But let me tell you they sincerely reflect my feelings. It's the only way for me to express what I can't say. And please know that, as far as you can be, physically or not, I'll always be thinking of you with all the deep affection I have now for you. Thanks to have been a part of my life. Thanks to have given to me all those moments by your side. Be happy and never change.
With all my heart,
Tumnus