Warnings: spoilers, twisted timeline, slightly crackish, mild Yaoi, language
Summary: A night of expired cheesecake and pushing buttons, and Light wakes up to find he's switched bodies with none other than 'dear friend' L. Surveillance cameras. Matsuda being... Matsuda. Misa's smothering love. Let the chaotic fun begin
Full Summary: After a night of cheesecake and pushing each other's buttons, L and Light wake up to find they've switched bodies. To avoid suspicion, they decide to act like each other to the best of their abilities – or at least in front of the investigation team. But, wait! What about the surveillance cameras? And Misa's smothering love? It's going to be one heck of a ride.
A/N: A Freaky Friday spin on Death Note, featuring a Kira-memory-free Light. I can't promise anything but I'll try to keep my yaoi fangirl side under control.
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. Unfortunately.
SWITCHING HANDS
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- Double Lift
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L liked percentages. Almost as much as he liked strawberry cheesecake or pestering Light in the midst of his grooming. Percentages meant parts of a whole which meant the advantage of predicting within the measures of logic. And logic happened to be one of L's very reliable, if not very dangerous, methods of ensuring one thing he held very close to his heart. That he was right.
A measly 4 percent is what kept the man from letting the Yagami boy, dubbed his 'first friend', back into the world. Yet it was this 4 percent that kept the teenager who was possibly (certainly in L's dictionary) Kira, within a 5 foot radius of the detective at all times. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. L had taken the phrase to a whole new, much literal, level. What he hadn't expected was…well, a lot of things.
Most of the time, there was a 5 percent chance that L would turn the 'damn computer screen off' – in the words of a sleep deprived Light – and retire beside the auburn haired teen. But on more occasions than not, the childish detective could hardly lie still amidst the blankets and sheets. If sharing a rather small queen sized mattress with a mass murderer wasn't any comfort, the black sheep recently plaguing his dreams left L in a dire state indeed. (They were cheesecake stealing sheep with sharp teeth – he took note to lay off expired cheesecake in the future).
That night didn't seem out of the ordinary. Technically, since it was past three, it was morning but the detective wasn't sure the teen had heard him. Light was buried under a mountain of blanket and sheets and even after much shoving, lay comatose save for the slight rise and fall of his chest. L sat as he always did, legs drawn to his chest, against the headboard with the laptop balanced precariously on his knees. The white glare of the screen gave his face an eerie glow in the darkness of the room.
All of a sudden, his stomach gave a loud growl.
"Light-kun." L gave the mound a sharp jab in what he thought was the stomach. Silence. He gave another jab.
"Nhn…," grunted the mound in reply,"…what do you want?"
"Just ensuring you're alive," said the older man monotonously. "And I require sustenance so please do get up."
The mound snorted. "Sugar, y'mean?"
"Cheesecake would be more precise but yes. Watari kindly put some in the mini fridge in the office. It's not too far."
The mound gave a muffled sigh of exasperation. "I thought the stuff was giving you nightmares."
"I didn't know Light-kun held me in his concern. I'm very touched."
"Oh, shut up." The mound shifted. "I just don't want you grabbing me in the middle of the night, screaming about sheep and cheesecake…happened too many times."
If he had more colour in his face, L would have blanched. Instead he gave the mound another sharp jab. "Come on, Light-kun, get up. I'm hungry." He gave the chain a tug, for motivation.
"You're so juvenile," spat Light, emerging from under the blankets. His usually alert chestnut eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with a memory of two other sleepless nights. "So damn juvenile."
"Fascinating." L was already dragging the other – scantily clad in only his boxers – to the mini fridge. Paying no attention to the teen shivering in periwinkle undergarments, the detective proceeded to sift through the desserts inside the fridge. "Hm…baklava…no, too sticky…mousse…hmm…." As he listed each item, dissatisfied, he threw it over his shoulders, dangerously close to Light.
"Can you hurry up and choose already?"
"But there are so many choices."
Light frowned, apparently unimpressed by the pout of the other's lips. "I thought you wanted cheesecake." He quickly stepped to the side as a tray of cupcakes splattered onto the tiled floor.
"Oh, yes, thank your for reminding me, Light-kun. Aha! No, wait...my mistake – sponge cake." Splat.
If it weren't for the chain or the fact he was three quarters naked, Light would kicked L right into the freezer. Instead, he rubbed his hands together, occasionally jumping out of the way of the sugary projectiles courtesy of the detective. After what seemed like long enough for a coating of frost to settle on the bridge of Light's nose, the teen pushed the older man out of the way and proceeded to find the damn thing himself. "Damn, Ryuzaki…waste enough damn food to feed an army…fucking cheesecake…."
"Very…interesting," said L, chewing tentatively on his thumb.
"What?" Light didn't pause in his raid of the mini fridge. It had to be alphabetically ordered, he thought, taking note of the placement of everything. Damn that L, pretending he didn't know where it was. Candied violets. Caramel squares.
"It seems when you are very tired or annoyed, the vulgarity of your language dramatically increases."
"They don't call you a genius for nothing."
"Your sarcasm isn't appreciated."
"Just shut up and take it." Light trust the plastic container labeled 'CHEESECAKE' at the detective. "C'mon."
A few moments later they were back where they had began; L tapping away on the computer, occasionally looking over at the mound under which lay a haggard Light or taking a bite of cheesecake. The chain strained for a moment, then the mound shifted a bit and Light's face came in view.
"Hello, Light-kun. Have you given up on this new turtle shell approach?"
"Yeah, I guess," he sighed in response, propping his head onto his arm and looking up at the ceiling. "Just trying to block out the noise but…I get worried."
"Mm," nodded the other in reply, "it seems Light-kun is too paranoid for his own good."
"Hark who's talking."
"Touché. Would you like some cheesecake?"
Light blinked, looking at the detective for a moment then back at the ceiling. "Not in the mood."
"Suit yourself," shrugged the detective, "…a mood for cheesecake, Light-kun?" He grinned impishly. "I find that surprising."
"We're all not like you, Ryuzaki. We don't eat square meals of sweet things."
"We?" L leaned forward, clearly hanging off his every word.
"We as in most normal human beings," snapped the other in annoyance. "Honestly, you can't link me through Kira by turn of phrase."
"I never said I was, Light-kun. Kind of you to point it out, though. 5 percent."
"Gah, shut up, just…shut up." Light flopped onto his stomach, covering his head with the pillow.
"I was kidding."
Light snorted. "Of course."
If he heard the sarcasm, L seemed unscathed by it and instead leaned in more intently. "So what of this cheesecake mood you and other normal human beings apparently have? Enlighten me." He gave the teen's bronze kissed skin a prod when he didn't receive an instant response.
"I guess…when I'm craving it or something – when I'm hungry…now will you let me sleep?"
"Craving it…."
"You seem fascinated by my eating habits. A plus to the surveillance tapes and the chain. Congratulations, you officially qualify as my stalker."
"I thought that spot was taken by Misa-chan," L deadpanned.
"Shut up."
"Not yet. One more thing."
A strangled sound, something between a sigh and a scream, escaped Light's lips. He sat up, pulling the sheets with him and glared icily at the detective. "WHAT?"
"No need to be hostile, Light-kun. I simply wanted you to have some cheesecake." L held out the container showcasing a small quarter left of the dessert.
"Honestly, Ryuzaki…you're pushing it."
"Pushing what?"
"Me."
"I'm not touching you, Light-kun."
"It's an expression."
"Ah. Cheesecake?" The detective forked a piece and extended his arm towards Light. A smear of cream tainted his lips.
"No."
"No, you must try some, it's delicious."
"L, I'm warning you."
"Threatening me? And using my alias? What a Kira-like approach."
Light was too tired to muster the energy to punch the bastard in the face so he did the next best thing. He cupped his fingers tightly around L's unsuspecting face and claimed the other's lips rather roughly. L went completely rigid, giving Light the opportunity to slide in his tongue and explore the sickeningly sweet crevasse. As the detective began to struggle, Light pulled back and fell back onto the mattress lightly. "You're right, Ryuzaki, it is delicious. But I think I've had enough for one night." He turned away, his back to the detective, smiling to himself. One to nothing, bastard. Surveillance cameras be damned.
L touched his cream-free lips gingerly, eyes narrowing. Ten percent. Have it your way then, Kira.
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Something was wrong.
The gothic 'L' from the laptop screensaver hovered ominously on the opposite wall. Freaky thing to see first thing in the morning but nothing out of the ordinary; a constant reminder of who had clasped the manacle around his wrist and who held the cards, so to speak. Light groaned inwardly as he saw the sticky yellow mess of squashed cheesecake on his shirt. Great, a white shirt, too.
Light froze. A white…shirt? Was the detective playing doll with him now? He wouldn't put it past the spindly creature, probably hell-bent on revenge for last night. Like that one hangover back at high school, the memories slowly began to seep back into his fuzzy mind. Speaking of fuzzy, what was the confounded dark thing that was in the way of his eyes? It was soft and smelled faintly of strawberries. And it was stuck on his head. He brushed it away several times but to no avail. Forgetting the chain that connected him to the detective, who had curled up under a mound of blankets, Light began to make his way to the bathroom mirror when he was pulled back, falling onto the mound.
The mound gave a muffled cry, quite uncharacteristic of L, who crawled out from under the blanket mountain. Only it wasn't the detective. It was…Light?!
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Matsuda looked up from his morning paper – the comics, anyway – wondering what was keeping L and Light this late in the morning. And what was that loud yelling and falling bodies about anyway?
They probably slept in. He shrugged, shaking his head. Kids these days.
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A/N: Yes, the story's loose theme is card tricks. I don't know how to do any of them so don't bother asking. :P
1) Switching Hands – when the cards in one's hand are switched with that of another and/or opponent
2) Double Lift – when a magician lifts two cards but presents them to the spectator as only one card
And yeah, a lot of conversation but that's L and Light. Reviews are clickable love. Click the purple button on the left…you know you want to. (: