(Sigh) I have officially developed the guts to remake Brawl in the Family. But this time, it's Sulu and Chekov who will argue over the shirt. This place takes place in 2275 (Post TMP era). Also, prepare for this to not only be a Kirk torture fanfic, but for the ENTIRE crew to be unlikable throughout let's say: two thirds of the fanfic.On the Enterprise bridge, the crew and Admiral Kirk remain at their posts, but no one has the Helm and Navigation controls.

Kirk: Captain Spock, where are Sulu and Chekov?

Spock: They are on lunch hour, Admiral.

Bones: They've been gone for 3 hours!

The turbolift opens, with Sulu entering the bridge, wearing his same yellow shirt, only shiny.

Kirk: Where the hell were you, Commander Sulu!?

Sulu: Admiral, did you notice my new shirt?

Kirk: No, Mr. Sulu.

Sulu: Shiny, isn't it, Admiral?

Chekov enters the bridge, wearing his yellow shirt.

Chekov: Idmiril, look what I got!

Kirk: A yellow shirt?

Chekov: Uh... yes, Idmiral? How did you know?

Kirk gets flashbacks.

Kirk: (nervously) No...

Chekov sees Sulu.

Chekov: Idmiral, zince when did we get ze mirror?

Sulu: That's not a mirror, that's me! Now go take your mirror back!

Chekov: What? No! You take yours back!

The two growl at each other, then Spock throws them to the turbolift, then he makes it go down. Spock presses a button on the intercom.

Spock: Bridge to Enterprise, Sulu and Chekov are unavailable. We are now hiring two tactical officers as helmsman and navigator.

Kirk: Spock, Sulu and Chekov need my assistance!

Uhura Sulu and Chekov are two weird men. For some reason, only I can understand them. You wouldn't understand.

Kirk: Don't give me that, Commander Uhura. Sulu and Chekov need me to help them out until...

Kirk shivers.

Spock: Until what, Admiral?

Kirk: Until the crew makes the Enterprise becomes off limits.

Scotty: You canna do that, Admiral. On this ship, we have a crew fight protocol. If you butt out, they will resolve it on their own.

Kirk: Crew fight protocol, what the hell is that!?

Spock: I was unaware.

Scotty: We didn't tell Spock because he canna keep the secrets, Admiral.

Kirk: Well, I'm going!

Kirk enters the turbolift.

Scotty: No, Kaptin! You'll make the fighting worse!

In Sulu and Chekov's quarters (yes, in a 305 meter long ship, they have to share a quarters), Kirk knocks on the door and he enters. He sighs.

Kirk Greetings. I know you two are having a little problem.

Sulu: Admiral.

Kirk: But I think I can settle this.

Chekov: Idmiral.

Kirk: Mr. Chekov, why don't you just return the shirt? Sulu once said bright yellow makes you look sour anyway.

Chekov: (To Sulu) Wait, what!?

Kirk: Okay, okay. I'm just spitballing here. Sulu, why don't you return the shirt? Chekov says Bright Yellow makes you look like Rose Tico. And who wants that? Am I right?

Sulu: (To Chekov) Oh my!

Kirk: So what do you say? Ready to handshake it out?

Sulu: We already handshaked it out! We were fine! But now that I know that he thinks I look like Rose Tico, WE ARE DEFINITELY NOT FINE!!!!!

Chekov: You insulted me incestry! Nothing's gonna make that right!

Sulu: Excactly, commie!

Sulu and Chekov argue at each other. Kirk looks scared as he gets out of their quarters, and shuts the door. Just then, the other officers were angry at him for making the fight worse. Lincoln falls.

Bones: Dammit, Jim, we told you to stay out of it! Now look what you've done!

Scotty: Admiral, the threat level on the Enterprise has changed from Ren Hoek to General Gardner. Sisters, to your stations!

Kirk: What is going on?

Uhura: Let us handle it.

Spock: Fascinating. This afternoon, the crew were acting fine, the next hour, they're reenacting The Loud House season 2 episode 3b.

Kirk: The Loud House? That show is a classic!

Spock: Yes, Admiral, we all have seen that program at young ages. Now, there is no time for nostalgia. We must sabotage the crew fight protocol. And I believe there is a plan.

Spock whispers the plan into Kirk's ear. He becomes shocked.

Kirk: Spock!

Spock: Yes, Admiral, it IS wrong.

Kirk: But it feels so good!

Later, Spock sneaks up behind Chekov. Spock performs the vulcan nerve pinch on Chekov, knocking him out. Spock grabs his communicator.

Spock: Admiral, I have Commander Chekov. Do you have Commander Sulu?

Kirk: Not yet, Spock.

Sulu pops out of nowhere, not wearing a shirt and holding a sword.

Kirk: Kirk to Spock, Sulu is in my sight!

Spock (from communicator): Set your phaser on stun!

Kirk grabs his phaser and fires at Sulu, only stunning him. Sulu falls to the ground. Sulu and Chekov wake up in their quarters.

Sulu: Admiral, what am I doing with this commie!?

Chekov: What am I doing with him!?

Kirk: You two have caused a hell of a lot of a lot of trouble.

Spock: Commander Chekov will be transfered to Dr. McCoy and Commander Scott's quarters, and Dr. McCoy will be transfered here, just for the night.

Chekov: Works for me, Spock.

Chekov grabs his pillow to sleep in Bones and Scotty's quarters.

Bones: Are you out of your vulcan mind!?

Spock: This is also Jim's idea.

Bones: My god, man! Do you realize what you've done!?

Kirk: Don't worry, The two will cool off and you will be thanking me!

The next day, Kirk wakes up.

Kirk: Hmmm, peaceful. Sounds like Admiral James Tiberius Kirk has saved the day.

Scotty: (Voice) Just admit you're wrong!

Bones: (Voice) You're wrong!

Kirk: Or not.

Kirk sighs.

Kirk: Wait a minute, that didn't sound like Sulu and Chekov.

Kirk leaves his quarters to see Bones and Scotty argue.

Bones: Sulu had the shirt first! He told me the whole story last night!

Scotty: Well, Chekov told me his side, and he clearly had the shirt first!

Bones: Well, you were drinking scotch ALL night! Of course you would believe Chekov.

Scotty: What should you know!? You're a doctor, not a-

Bones: THAT'S MY LINE!!!

Kirk: Bones! Scotty!

Bones and Scotty growl at him. Sulu, Chekov and a security team have got out of their quarters.

Intercom CREW FIGHT PROTOCOL! DIVIDE AND ISOLATE!

Uhura somehow develops the strength to carry Scotty.

Uhura: You're paying for new shocks, Admiral!

Kirk sees the crew argue like children. He is speechless and he cannot move. He then randomly teleports. He appears on the transporter, then we see that it was Spock who beamed Kirk to the transporter room.

Kirk: Spock! How did you know you could beam me to the ship, when I'm already on the ship?

Spock: I didn't, Admiral. I was experimenting.

Kirk: What are we going to do? We got no crew, no ship, no nothing!

Spock: We didn't lose everything.

Spock hands Kirk a phaser.

Spock: You can't stop now, Admiral. Lock and load.

Kirk and Spock set their phasers on stun. At the crew quarters area, Kirk and Spock begin stunning officers, even neglecting to not stun crew members.

Kirk: Forgive me.

Kirk stuns Bones, Scotty and Uhura.

Spock: The last of the officers has been stunned, I may have stunned 20 crew members.

Kirk: And I stunned 30.

At cargo bay, the crew wakes up, tied to the wall and wearing "get along" shirts.

Bones: What is this!?

Kirk: Get along shirts.

Spock: They were invented in the former half of the 21st century.

Scotty: The crew fight protocol! We're now at fleet of klingons!

Kirk: This is what I think of your damn protocol!

Kirk grabs the chart and slowly eats it, cringing at the taste. He finally swallows it, then he cries for 10 seconds.

Spock: Get the picture?

The officers feel guilty.

Chekov: Yes, Mr. Spock.

Scotty: We were wrong for what they did.

Kirk: You have commited treason against your commanding officers for keeping secrets from not only your first officer, but your Captain, now Admiral!

Chekov: We feel terrible, Idmiral.

Kirk: How long has it been?

Scotty: 3 months, Admiral. Why?

Kirk: I don't care anymore. This day, or these two days will be nothing but a funny memory.

The Enterprise is in warp.

Kirk: Captain's log, stardate: 7574.7. My officers, excluding Mr. Spock, have been arguing for a day, but now we've made up. First, we've rescued a boy from being abducted or killed, now the crew had been fighting. What's next? Bones seeks help? We may never know.

The End.

(Sigh) I have officially recreated Brawl in the Family. At least not only Kirk, but Spock is also unaware of the protocol. I assumed that vulcans couldn't keep secrets, despite the fact that Spock is half human. I didn't want to portray Kirk as a black sheep, because HE IS THE CAPTAIN! Or the Admiral, in this case. I have two questions: 1. Which is worse? Brawl in the Family or the worst Star Trek TOS episode in your opinion. If you think your least favorite TOS episode is worse, say it's name. And 2. Should I make another Star Trek TOS parody of a Loud House episode, a Loud House parody of a TOS episode, or something else? Please review.