chapter one
James Drowns His Friends
Remus had made three rules prior to the seven best years of his life:
1. Don't make friends. Or even girlfriends, boyfriends. No. Don't even try. Don't. You'll just end up heartbroken and sad when they find out what you are and they'll reject you. You might hurt them, because you can't control who you are and you'll hurt them. Who cares – seven years of loneliness? Nah. Easy. Just don't make friends. Stop it.
2. Don't show off. Don't try. Okay, you're probably the smartest eleven-year-old werewolf in England. Nobody cares. Stay low. Don't show off in class. Nobody knows who the fiftieth Minister for Magic was and what his favourite nephew's least favourite fruit is. Okay, maybe you do. But don't tell anyone that. You'll draw attention to yourself. You might make friends. See Rule 1.
3. Don't fucking fall in love. Siriusly, don't.
Of course, the minute he stepped onto the Hogwarts Express, waving a sombre goodbye to his teary-eyed parents and self-consciously staring down at his second-hand clothes, the three rules shattered completely before his eyes.
The train was full of first years like himself, already chatting and smiling with one another, becoming friends remarkably quickly. Not for the first time, Remus felt a little twinge that he couldn't have friends like those, friends who he could share things with, friends who he could blurt out all his secrets and insecurities and problems and issues, friends who he could trust, friends who trusted him, friends. Just friends.
Wow. He was one emotional werewolf.
Thankfully, Remus found an empty compartment and comfortably sank into the seat and began to read Standard Book of Spells, Grade One. Immersing himself in the delightful writing of Miranda Goshawk, he was unaware his life was about to change.
"Do you mind if we sit here? Everywhere else is full."
Remus looked up, startled. Hesitating in the doorway were two people, possibly first years like him. Wearing brand new robes unlike Remus's shabby ones, a girl with fiery red hair, luminous green eyes and dozens of freckles on her pale, beaming face stood next to a boy. At least his robes looked like hand-me-downs as well as Remus's. He was opposite of the girl, not raging and pouring off emotion and energy and brightness like her, but rather quiet and brooding, unsmiling and looking like he wanted to be anywhere else in the world.
"Um, sure," Remus found it hard to find his voice. The pair was extremely irregular.
"Lily – I don't think –" the boy started, looking suspiciously at Remus.
"Severus, you're being rude – he's not like that James boy – and there's no other compartment available!" Lily looked adamant. "Do you want to sit with Marlene McKinnon and her friends? I heard them making fun of your hair back there."
Remus looked at the Severus boy's hair. It was greasy. Greasier than a sausage.
"Oh, he looks just like that Potter and that Sirius–"
"Sev, you shouldn't judge on appearance – look he's reading a book–"
"He's reading a book, that doesn't make him the Holy Saint or anything–"
"You're so superficial, just sit with him!"
Severus threw his hands up. "Fine. But if that James Potter comes after again, don't blame me."
Lily rolled her eyes and sat down in the compartment, Severus following soon after. She turned to look at Remus, who was trying very hard to ignore them both. "Hi. I'm Lily."
"Um, hi. I'm Remus," he said, concentrating on his book. Oh, was that how you cast a fire-making spell? He had no idea that was incantation! Oh, and was Alohamora derived from a saying meaning–
"What are you reading?" Lily asked, genuinely interested. Beside her, Severus was staring out the window, ignoring Remus.
Another thing; he avoided conversations. Conversations meant introductions. Introductions meant links. Links meant relationships. Relationships meant friendships, and Remus didn't want to grill those three rules to himself asleep every night again.
Reluctant, he held up the cover of his book.
"Ooh," Lily said, immediately snatching the book from Remus's scarred hands. "I have a copy of it too! I've read all of it though. Have you tried any of the spells? I mean, we're not meant to but they can't jail us if we're young, right? Severus told me all about Azkaban and how wizard criminals are put in there, and the dementors, oh my goodness! They sound like vile beasts–" and then she stopped and stared at the boys who had appeared in the doorway, her excited expression deflating into one of contempt. "Speaking of vile beasts," she snarled and immediately stood up.
"Stop following us," Lily said, full of rage. "We haven't done anything to you!"
The front boy – and now Remus realised this was James Potter, the one Lily and Severus had talked about – swaggered into the compartment, smirking his bespectacled face and sweeping his already-messy hair to the side. "Hey, Evans."
Lily breathed in and out slowly and Remus thought she looked a bit like a murderous tomato. "What do you want from us?"
Another boy stepped in – probably the Sirius boy – and Remus suddenly felt a little cramped. The Sirius boy was tall, incredibly tall, with curly black hair and white, flashing teeth. Remus couldn't help notice the unbuttoned shirt, the loose tie and the way Sirius rolled up his pants and stood on the balls of his feet like he was going to fly.
"We want you to an apology for your boyfriend Snivellus hexing Peter over here," he said, jerking a thumb at a little, plump boy who looked thoroughly traumatised. "I mean, okay, I'll give you a few points. Damn, that was a good spell, but damn, that was a good spell. So good that poor Peter here had a right scare. Little Pete is in shock."
"Maybe he looked in the mirror," Severus barked, earning a glower from both James and Sirius. Even Lily looked a little troubled at the comment.
At this point, Remus was feeling anxious. There were too many people, too many people who could be ripped up and eaten by an out of control monster, namely him. Even as disgusted with himself as he was, he couldn't help overcome the animal instincts of wondering how Sirius's chest, of which he could see from an unbuttoned shirt, would feel, or how Sirius's wavy hair would smell. All animal instincts about how delicious Sirius would be. Right. Just animal instincts. Right?
James noticed Remus for the first time. "Who's this? Another boyfriend?"
Peter giggled a little, but Sirius was too busy scrutinising Remus. Was Sirius taking note of how Remus's eyes lingered on his mouth a little too long, or how glazed over his eyes were?
"He's a friend," Lily said, face as red as her hair.
I'm really not, Remus thought. Please don't call me your friend. I don't want friends.
Remus thought James was making fun of Lily, but when the sandy-haired boy looked up at James, he found that James was genuinely troubled at the suggestion Lily liked Remus. Maybe, subconsciously, James was vying for Lily's affection in a way only rational to James.
"You're blushing, Evans," Sirius said, still frowning at Remus.
"Well, I'm not the one staring hungrily at Remus like he's some sort of prey," Lily retorted and then Sirius, suddenly realising that he was staring, looked away from Remus and the latter felt his face become warm.
In the silence that followed, Severus coughed awkwardly, and Lily took that as her time to leave. "Well, goodbye Remus, I hope these idiots don't bother you too much," she said and left, Severus's wrist firmly in her grip.
As they left, Remus's heart sank as the three boys took that as their time to sink into the seats in the compartment, Sirius sitting next to Remus, and, as much as he internally protested, Sirius leaned on Remus's shoulder.
"Snivellus. God." James looked angry. "What does she see in that guy? He's like a dementor, wearing all those black, second-hand robes."
James saw Remus staring at his own uniform and his eyes widened. "Oh. Sorry. No offence."
Feeling his face heat up, and James starting to apologise again, Remus began to pick his stuff up and leave.
"Don't go. C'mon, we can be friends," Sirius said, frowning and Remus stared into Sirius's brown eyes, the colour of melted chocolate, of Remus's mother's hair, of their wooden rocking chair that Remus always fell asleep in.
After a too-long pause, he blinked and picked up his stuff. "Bye. I, uh, need to get my book back." Which was true because Lily had taken his book away in her outrage and need to get away from the boys anyway. They were becoming dangerously bordering guys-you-say-hello-to-once-in-a-week to guys-you-say-hello-to-everyday.
As Remus left, he felt Sirius's frown at his back.
Remus Lupin frustrated Sirius. Why didn't want to be Sirius's friend? Was it something Sirius did? Was Sirius not as charismatic, charming or cool as he thought? Was Remus Lupin a high-standard guy who only took sophisticated people like Evans? A nasty thought worthy of his horrible cousin Bellatrix echoed in his head: He certainly doesn't look sophisticated. Then Sirius slapped himself, literally. Now he was thinking like his ungrateful family? What was this? This Remus boy was sparking uncomfortable, unfamiliar things inside him and that frustrated. There was something aching in his chest, and Sirius knew that it was all Remus Lupin's fault, that bloody git.
God.
A huge giant of a man with a pirate's beard and a lantern in hand waved the first years off the Hogwarts Express after it had stopped and lead them to the Lake. The giant would've been terrifying, but his eyes were kind and his mouth was grinning and it made him immediately likeable. After ushering them to the Lake – whose shore was filled with small boats – he pronounced that up to four could go on one boat.
Unsurprisingly, Remus ended up in a boat with Evans and Snivellus. Also unsurprisingly, after getting in the boat with Sirius and Peter (and constant reassurances that the trip was safe and Peter wasn't going to die, you bumblin' idiot), James proceeded to manoeuvre their boat near Lily's.
Sirius didn't know what the heck was going on with James and his obsession with terrorising that little redhead (and that greasy-haired, hook-nosed, bug-eyed friend of hers. But mainly Evans). Maybe James fancied her. Sirius thought about it and then guffawed to himself, slapping his knee and then earning a judgemental look from Peter and then slapping Peter. James Potter fancying Lily Evans. Pfft.
James steered the boat beside Remus's and began smirking and talking about all his antics at home to Lily and Severus, Peter nodding and grinning beside him. Remus was – he was reading a book! And while they were under the glory and majesty of the Hogwarts castle! Was this kid mad?
"You know," Sirius was saying, leaning over onto Remus's side, "they say you'll crack your neck if you put your face too close to a book like that."
"And who's 'they'?" Remus asked, nose still buried in the book.
Sirius knitted his eyebrows together. "Well, I don't know. But you shouldn't read. You should be talking. To me. Right now."
Remus actually sighed. "Take a hint, Sirius. I don't really want to talk."
Sirius leaned closer, elbow now on the rim of Remus's boat. "Why not?"
"Because I want to read," Remus said.
"Why? You can do all the reading and studying once you get to Hogwarts."
Remus snapped the book shut. "Why must you ask me questions all the time?"
Sirius's torso was now wholly inclined onto the other boat, but Remus kept leaning closer. "Because you're very interesting. As much as my daring nature opposes the fact, I do like learning new things."
"Such advanced language for someone as daft as you are," Remus said, and their faces were inching closer, both boys staring at each other and trying to uncover the mystery underneath.
"How rude," Sirius said, and he noticed that due to James casting a silly Cantare Charm, Snivellus began to burst out in song and run around the tiny boat and trying to clamp his hand around his mouth, Lily screeching and fussing over him. But all Sirius could observe was that Remus blinked at least twenty five times every minute, and he sniffed lightly once in a while, his angular nose scrunching slightly ever so often, and he always had the faint look of sadness in his blue eyes, the bluest Sirius had ever seen, holy Shizuka Wantanabe, Shizuka being a professional Quidditch player, and, oh, did Remus like Quidditch, Sirius wondered, oh and Remus also had three freckles dotted on the right side of his face, and his hair fell over his eyes even though Remus adjusted it every five minutes and–
And their heads smashed together as both their boats capsized.
Sirius couldn't breathe, obviously, as he sank into the icy waters of the lake. Momentarily, he freaked, and thrashed wildly, trying to swim, swim anywhere. Gaining his wits as he saw James flawlessly speed upward into the boat and upturn it, Sirius surged up and flopped ungracefully onto the boat. Exhausted, Sirius waited for his friends to submerge, and Peter and Lily did, the little boy grasping the girl's hand, frightened and traumatised yet again, much to the redhead's exasperation.
After maybe ten seconds of tenseness, Sirius asked, "Where's Remus?" at the same time Lily asked, "Where's Severus?"
"I'm going to get Remus," Sirius said, suddenly worried and then confused because he doesn't even want to be your friend, Sirius, you idiot.
"I'll save your snivelling friend, Evans! Perhaps you'll become my friend afterward?" James asked, grinning.
"Never, you di–"
Sirius didn't hear her sentence as he dived underneath and opened his eyes to the murky depths of the Black Lake. Maybe the water was deluding him, but Sirius felt like a hero at this point. He spotted Remus flailing violently near some seaweed and, like Sirius always imagined he would, sped in his shining armour – black, wet, dirty school robes – to save the damsel in distress – an annoyed, eleven-year-old wizard who hates him anyway – from the enormous beast. Sirius was thinking that there was no metaphor for the enormous beast when he spotted the Giant Squid blipping its way to Sirius.
Sirius never really liked seafood anyway.
Like those moving pictures – movies – Muggles had, a little similar to the moving portraits in the wizarding world, the whole situation played out as if time had slowed down and all that was there was a hungry, horrible monster come to kill his princess and Sirius only had enough time to grab Remus, now limp and possibly lifeless, and drag him through shady water and emerge from the lake, shoving Remus's body onto the boat.
"Fix him!" Sirius yelled, because he was getting more than worried now, anxious that Remus was dead and it was all his fault for leaning too close.
"How?" and Sirius wasn't even aware who was talking, because he was flustered and if Remus didn't get help, Sirius wouldn't be able to count how many times Remus actually smiled–
"What about Anapneo?" Lily asked, almost as hysterical as Sirius. "I-It clears your throat! Maybe it'll clear his lungs as well?"
"Do you know how to cast it?"
"I…frankly? No."
"He needs, uh, resuscitation!" Sirius yelled. "Mouth to mouth! Th-The Muggle thing, I watched my neighbour's TV without them knowing–"
"Who's going to do it?" Peter screamed, and Sirius noticed several other first years on other boats staring, horrified, and inching closer to the dramatic scene.
"I'll do it," Sirius said, and somewhere inside of him wanted to do it, to see how those pink lips felt and whether Sirius could kiss all those freckles–ahhh, what was he doing? Fantasising when somebody was dying?
Lily rolled her eyes and pulled up her sleeves. "You're an idiot, you wouldn't possibly know how to do CPR. I'll do it." She shuddered and then leaned over, her face near Remus's still breathing one. "I hope this isn't as nasty as it probably is."
In a lighter situation, Sirius would have laughed, wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and told Evans that he needed CPR too. But looking at Remus, he suddenly didn't feel all that funny anymore. Evans planted her lips on Remus's–
And then James Potter emerged triumphantly from the water, Severus Snape in his arms, coughing, hacking and swearing. James was about to boast about his victory to Evans – but then saw the same girl snogging somebody James would call a friend.
In his emotionally injured state, James unknowingly dropped Snape from his grasp and later Snape had to be rescued by baffled seventh year patrols finding a drenched, murderous first-year before the Sorting Ceremony, screaming something like "POTTAH YOU'RE GOING TO DIE IF I GET MY HANDS ON THAT SMUG FACE OF YOUR'S I'LL–"
Sirius didn't know what the heck was happening – it seemed like she was performing a Muggle ritual on Remus, alternating between smooching and pounding on his chest (Sirius wondered what Remus's chest would feel like) – but it worked. Remus spat out water, almost gracefully, if that was possibly, and he began to shallowly breathe again. The giant man, Hagrid, came over and saw to that everybody was all right.
A furious rant from an outraged Lily to a totally-ignoring-her-lecture James, a comforting pat on the back from a cheerful Peter and a hiss and a shove from a thankless Severus and a longing stare from a wounded Sirius to an unaware Remus later, the boats filed into Hogwarts and for the first time since Remus had put his face a hair's breadth from Sirius's face, Sirius felt a spark of excitement in him.
He was going to Hogwarts. He had new friends, and, okay, he'd already made a few rivals and one boy who didn't want to be friends at all, but hey? Friends are another name for people you know, right? He had a new mystery to solve – that goddamn Remus Lupin. He had a better life here and wouldn't have to go back to that grim old place his brother called 'home'.
Now. If only he wasn't Sorted into Slytherin.
A/N: Hi! This is my first Marauder fic! R&R
PS: the "siriusly" was intentional ;)