Title: I Could Hold Your Hand For A Lifetime
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~4,600
Characters: Dick/Zatanna
Summary: Zatanna's a lot more terrified about her pregnancy than she lets on.
For: letliferoll
I Could Hold Your Hand For A Lifetime
There's a pregnancy scare about a year and a half into their marriage.
He comes home one day to find Zatanna sitting in the middle of the couch, a mug of tea and honey in hand and Say Yes to the Dress on the flat screen. It's enough for him to know that something's bothering her because she hardly ever just sits down and watches TV because she doesn't like to feel unproductive. She just gives him this tentative, distracted smile when he goes to kiss her cheek, and when he asks her what's wrong, she presses her lips together like she does when she's worried. He rubs her back as she admits that her period is three days late and the pregnancy test she took on her lunch break turned up positive, and okay, maybe his heart stops a little but, can you really blame him?
They've always been wary about using protection. There's just too much going on in their lives for them to even begin to think about bringing a child into the world right now. The one and only time they forgot the condom was two weeks ago, because their plane was delayed and they had first class all to themselves and they just got a little carried away and…
Well, neither of them had condoms in their carry-ons, and then they were just lost in how amazing everything felt without one.
"We must be like, super fertile or something."
She laughs.
It sort of just bubbles out of her, and she's crying a little, too, so he just grins and brushes away her tears with the pad of his thumb. She's always telling him how much she loves that he can put a smile on her face or make her laugh when she needs to, and right now, it's what the both of them need.
They order takeout from their favorite Thai place so neither of them has to cook, and he buys two more pregnancy tests and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked from the store on his way back from picking up their food. They don't talk much while they eat, just sit next to each other on the couch and watch a marathon of How I Met Your Mother until they've finished, and she goes into the hallway bathroom to take the tests while he busies himself with cleaning up to, you know, try not to freak out or anything.
She comes out a few minutes later and both tests confirm that she isn't pregnant after all.
"Don't hate me," she exhales, "but—"
"No, I know."
He pulls her into his arms and they're both laughing in the middle of their kitchen, relieved. Honestly, he's not sure what he would've done if she really was pregnant.
"Can I still eat ice-cream straight from the carton?" she asks after a while, and he laughs, kisses her in the middle of her forehead and says to grab two spoons from the drawer.
... ...
They talk about it later, obviously. Not that night or the next, but two days after the pregnancy scare when they meet up for lunch at their usual restaurant that's almost exactly between Wayne Tech and the theatre where Zatanna puts on her magic shows. Dick brings it up because he knows they need address it at least once, and they both agree that they were kind of terrified at the idea of becoming parents right now and wouldn't have known how to feel or what to do had those tests also come up positive. He thinks that all of this was implied that night by how relieved they'd been at the false alarm, but this is one of those things you should never leave to implication.
"You're going to make an amazing mother someday, though," he tells her, meaning it.
She glances up from her menu, gives him this smile and asks, "Really?" in this small voice, like she believes differently.
How silly of her.
... ...
Zatanna's a lot more terrified about her pregnancy than she lets on.
Well, it's not really the pregnancy that scares her. Their doctor says that she's probably the most pleasant, laid back pregnant woman he's ever met, and even though she gets a little grumpy about her morning sickness, that's all Dick's ever heard Zatanna complain about. She's had no trouble at all changing her diet to avoid the foods that you're not supposed to have when you're pregnant, and whenever someone hands her a glass of wine or champagne at the parties they go to, she just accepts it politely and holds onto it until he can swap it with iced water or something else. He thinks a lot of this has to do with the fact that she has Artemis to go to for advice, since she already went through her first pregnancy.
But Dick knows that Zatanna's scared of becoming a mother. She used to say it all the time in the very beginning, after the news had time to settle and fully hit her or something. Everything has been pretty easy for her to deal with now because her routine is still relatively normal, but her magic shows are going on a summer hiatus after this Sunday and since she'll be into her third trimester by the fall, they can't open up again in September like they usually do and will have to wait until she loses most of the baby weight and feels comfortable performing again. It'll put her out of work for a while, which is something she isn't used to, and he thinks realizing this brought back her anxiety.
They're in the kitchen making dinner together when he hears her mutter a curse, and he turns and sees the knife fall to the floor before she can catch it. He takes her hand in his, runs his thumb lightly over the cut. She only nicked herself a little bit, but she's never done that before, ever, and maybe it sounds silly, but that's really alarming to him right now.
"Come here," he says, even though they're standing like, a foot apart.
"It's nothing," she insists.
Which… well, yes, this little cut is nothing at all.
But he knows she knows that's not what's worrying him, so she steps forward, anyway, lets him push his forehead against hers. Her eyes are closed and she's gripping the front of his shirt with her uninjured hand really, really tightly like she does when she's trying to be calm but is far from it.
"You're going to be a great mother," he tells her firmly.
"No, I'm not," she exhales. She tries to pull away, but he slides his hand over her hip and she stops. "I grew up without a mom. How could I… I have no idea how to…"
"It's just like with your magic, 'Tanna. Remember?" She opens her eyes to stare into his. "Remember how insecure you were when we were younger? You had the ability all along and it just took time for you to trust yourself enough to learn. That's the same thing here, except you're not going to go through it alone. You'll have me."
He says that last part softly, because, for whatever reason, they both sort of get quiet for important things, things that they want to emphasize. It usually works, and right now, her eyes soften just a little bit at his reassurance.
"You had absolute faith in me back then, too," she says.
He grins and tells her, "You're easy to believe in," and she bites her lower lip a little, because she knows that that's a huge deal with him and has always been. She didn't used to get it before and he wasn't exactly the greatest at showing it, but once she understood that him thinking that she was always on a different level entirely from everyone else was a very, very good thing, she stopped being so insecure about everything. He shows affection a little differently sometimes, other than the physical things or the compliments.
She kind of likes that type of affection best, though. She's told him as much.
"I'm freaking out about this, too, you know," he says after a while. She gives him this look. "It's true. I mean, I remember my parents as much as you remember your mom, but not enough detail to really remember their parenting style or anything like that. And I love Bruce and Alfred, of course, but they weren't exactly—"
"Traditional?" she guesses.
"Who cares about traditional?" He grins at her and she shakes her head, amused. "But yeah, I want to be a little bit more normal for our children."
She laughs.
... ...
He gets the call while he's in another city with Bruce on Wayne Tech business and almost – almost – doesn't even pick it up, because it's Wally's name on the caller ID and their meeting is about to start. Had this been any other time, he probably would've ignored it. But Wally, Artemis and Jayden are spending the weekend with Zatanna while he's on business, not because Dick doesn't think Zatanna can't take care of herself, but he'd rather her not have to. So Dick answers, anyway, because the guy probably wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important, and then Wally's voice is in his ear telling him that he's at the hospital now because Zatanna's water broke.
She's not due for another month.
He curses, and a woman in his peripheral gets this offended look on her face. He ignores her.
Bruce is looking at him, and Dick isn't sure if he overheard Wally's end of the line or if he can just tell by the look on Dick's face, but then he says, "Go," in this low, serious tone. "I'll be there as soon as I can get out of here."
Dick nods, takes off down the hallway and doesn't even bother answering the questions thrown his way as he passes.
He takes the zeta tube in the alleyway behind the building to the nearest location to the hospital and runs the rest of the way there, meets Wally in the lobby so he can take him to Zatanna's room. Alfred is waiting in the hallway with Jayden in his arms and Artemis and Selina are both in the room with her, each holding her hands.
As soon as she sees Dick, she pulls her hand from Artemis's and reaches for him. She grips onto him so tightly that he probably lost the feeling within seconds, but his eyes are on her and he hardly notices anything else.
Maria Sindella Grayson is born exactly fourteen minutes after midnight, with a head of dark hair and the brightest, prettiest shade of blue eyes, ever.
She cries for the first half hour as she's being cleaned and fussed over, but then gets quiet and passes out in her mother's arms, wrapped in a blanket that Bruce and Selina picked out for her during their vacation in Florence the month before. Artemis goes back to his and Zatanna's apartment to grab the bags from their bedroom because, yes, he likes being prepared and packed a month and half early and thank god for that this time around. After everyone leaves with congratulations and promises to be back tomorrow, the three of them are finally left alone, and he leans over to kiss Zatanna in the middle of her forehead. Her eyes are weary and red, her cheeks are flushed a bright pink, and a light layer of sweat makes her disheveled hair stick to her skin, but she still looks completely beautiful. Maybe it's a biased opinion, but whatever. It's true.
"No turning back now," Zatanna says, gazing down at Maria in her arms with a tired but amazed smile on her face.
"Like we could before?" he asks.
"Shut up."
He chuckles and kisses her on the lips this time.
... ...
Maria is totally her mother's daughter in that she pretty much has everyone wrapped around her little finger. They don't spoil her or anything, but hell, she's an infant and everyone loves holding her and hates to hear her cry for even a second.
For the first few months, he comes home to find Zatanna and Maria lying out on a blanket over their carpet, Maria's toys scattered around and classical music playing from Zatanna's laptop. If the weather's nice enough, they'll put her in her stroller and take a walk outside by the park and up and down some of the blocks with all of these dive shops, and they'll pick up dinner from a different little café or restaurant each time and dessert from their favorite bakery. They're always in the same room as Maria, too, and sing to her more often than people would think, so it took almost no time at all for Maria to start recognizing their voices and even less time for her to start trying to mimic them.
The first time she laughs, he's carrying her and they're both watching Zatanna making pancakes into shapes, and when Zatanna cracks up about almost burning a bird-shaped one, Maria just gets this huge smile on her face as she's watching her mommy and bursts into giggles. It's insane, really, how much she sounds like her mother when she laughs. She's almost eight months when she says her first word. They're sitting in Bruce's huge backyard, having a late lunch with the rest of the family under the sun after coming over after breakfast to cook it together, and Alfred is bouncing Maria on his lap. Damian's basically in love with Maria even though he won't flat-out admit it, so he's pulled up a chair in front of her and Alfred and has this smile on his face as he's talking animatedly to her about patrol stories (good thing she can't understand him), making her giggle and babble like crazy at his sound effects. Then Zatanna walks behind his chair on her way to refill her glass of lemonade, and Maria sees her over Damian's shoulder, points and says, "Momma!" excitedly.
It's quiet and everyone's looking at Zatanna, who sort of just stares at Maria for a moment.
Damian smiles, says, "Yeah, that's Momma," and Maria repeats the word louder this time so that Zatanna goes over to kiss her cheek. She doesn't gesture to be picked up, so Zatanna continues walking to the table when Maria's focused on her Uncle Damian again, and Dick walks over to Zatanna and slides his hand over her hip.
"I wish I recorded that," he tells her. "But I wouldn't worry, because now she'll be saying it all the time."
She laughs a little, wipes at the corner of her eyes. "You really think so?"
"Why wouldn't she?" She looks at him and he presses a kiss to her temple, says, "She's got an amazing mother," against her skin and loves the little sound she makes.
... ...
They've sort of been talking for a while now about having another kid, ever since Maria turned three and started hitting all of these major milestones a lot faster than they were told was average. It's amazing to watch her grow up and become her own little person, but at the same time, he misses her being their baby. She's obviously still dependent on them for a lot of things, but she can feed herself now and pick out her clothes and get dressed on her own, and she's always asking to help around the house. They give her simple chores like washing the dishes or helping fold and put away the laundry, and they're always watching over her while she's in the kitchen, but for the most part she's growing up quickly.
It's awfully bittersweet, if he's being honest.
So, yeah, they want to have another kid, but they're kind of worried (okay, terrified) that Maria won't be okay with that.
She's such a sweetheart, you know? She says please and thank you all the time and passes out I love you pretty often and whenever she's baking, she'll always make extra and try to decorate them a little differently to match whoever she's giving it to, even if that's just swirling their name onto it in frosting and putting sprinkles with different shapes and colors.
They're not those kinds of parents that think their children are perfect and never wrong or anything, because yeah, they know Maria's not always an angel. Sometimes she'll give them attitude and talk back whenever they ask her to do something she doesn't want to do, or if they do something she doesn't like, and lately she's been trying to get away with getting people to buy her things or take her places by batting her eyelashes and dropping hints in this cute little voice. She's totally got her mother's charm and power of persuasion like that, but everyone says that the kind of adult way she talks and deliberately tricks people is all him and, yeah, it probably is.
He should've known she was going to be a devious little thing the older and smarter she got.
But honestly, that's not really what worries them. It's the fighting that does, and Maria only ever acts like a total brat whenever she's with Mal and Karen's daughter, Sienna. Those two just can't stand each other for whatever reason, and no matter what the four of them try, they're almost always fighting or arguing if you put them together. It's so strange because the two of them separately are adorable. Sienna's totally got Karen's sass and some of the things she says are kind of brutally honest, but the way she says it is hilarious as hell.
They're hoping it's just a phase that the two of them will outgrow soon, but he and Zatanna are a little worried that it might not be, that if they do have another kid, especially another girl, then Maria will hate that her baby brother or sister will be taking the attention from her or something.
It's a little extreme, maybe, but you can't exactly blame them.
"Zatanna?"
It's quiet when he comes home, which is unusual because he almost always comes home to the Zatanna and Maria laughing about something, or at least talking animatedly with each other. All he hears right now is someone in the kitchen, so he walks in there and finds Zatanna standing at the counter, dipping strawberries in chocolate.
Wearing dark blue lingerie.
"Shit," he breathes out in a laugh, because really. She's got her back to him, one leg bent at the knee with her hair pushed over one shoulder, and she turns to meet his gaze and gives him that smile of hers that always makes him groan. Today is no exception.
"Welcome home," she greets casually, as if she weren't dressed in sheer and silk and totally sexy in front of him.
(Well, she's always sexy, but right now…)
He walks over, presses his hips against hers so that she's sort of trapped between him and the counter, and presses a kiss to her neck. "Maria's spending the night with her Uncle Tim and Auntie Stephanie, having a slumber party," she says before he can ask. He hums against her skin. "Earlier she told me she's jealous that Cory has a little sibling already," she adds, and the look she gives him is fierce and intense and makes him think of all of these things as she turns her head a little more and tugs on his tie to press a hot kiss to his lips.
... ...
Maria is totally in love with her baby brother.
They tried to involve her as much as possible as soon as they could, like asking her to help them pack John's baby bag before they leave the house, or if they needed a bottle or wipes and a clean diaper, she knows how to put the bottle in a warm mug of water and knows where everything is in the nursery so she can grab it for them quickly. She picked out the jungle theme in John's room, too, because she loved the cute animals and thought the shades of blue, green and brown on the blankets and furniture were perfect for her baby brother. Maria is also pretty patient with John. She knows he's too little to really play with her, but she'll sit on the blanket with him and help him roll and tumble and play with his toys until she gets bored and finds something else to do. Her favorite thing right now is using her daddy's phone to take pictures and videos and then sharing it with John.
They also try to make sure Maria still gets time with them to herself, at least with him or her mother, when Maria's getting antsy and wants to do something outside. Or if John's asleep and someone's there to watch him, they'll both take her out so she knows they don't love her any less or anything just because there's a baby in the house that requires more of their attention. One time, when Dick took her with him to walk to the bakery and pick up some pastries, he asked Maria if she missed being the only child in the house and she told him that yeah, sometimes she did, especially when the baby's extra fussy and noisy or if neither of them can bake with her right away. But she loves John very much and can't remember much before he was there, which, considering she's only turning five, is probably not a total exaggeration.
It probably helps that John absolutely adores Maria, and that because he's a baby brother, Maria still gets to be the princess of the family.
But seriously, John always, always smiles when he sees his big sister, and when he's being fussy, Maria will hold his hand or just talk to him or kiss his cheek and he'll calm down in seconds. Sometimes Maria can get John to stop acting up faster than they can, which is both amusing and kind of frustrating.
Maria's honestly their little angel.
She was a lot more helpful during Zatanna's pregnancy with John than she'll ever know. There were tears during the second trimester when her hormones were all over the place and she kept thinking that she'd be awful at parenting two kids, afraid Maria would hate her for spending so much time with the baby or that something might happen because she can't keep up with the both of them. But then Maria would come home with a handmade card or freshly baked cookies, saying these sweet things to the both of them.
And Dick could literally see all of the anxiety leave Zatanna's face. As much as he reassured her on his own, Maria did a much better job than him and he's thankful for that.
... ...
They go to the beach with the family for the day because it's been a while since they've all gotten together and it's the middle of the summer, so a lot of families are away on vacation right now. They go on a weekday, too, in the middle of the day so that it's not so crowded and won't freak out the babies as much because everyone's gone.
He's sitting on a blanket underneath the shade of an umbrella with Tim. John's playing in the wet sand right in front of where they're set up, and in Tim's arms, Thomas is awake and totally quiet as he's sort of just looking at everything. Alfred and Bruce are on their own blanket right next to them, underneath their own umbrella, and Selina and Cass are lying on lounge chairs on their stomachs, their tops undone so they can tan evenly. They're all sort of just watching from as Damian and Maria are running around in the water, in the midst of a rather intense splash war with Stephanie and Zatanna, and, of course, Bette and Jason are sort of playfully arguing like they do and trying to dunk each other in the deeper end.
It's kind of awesome, really, just sort of sitting here and enjoying the nice weather.
"He's almost two now, huh?" Tim asks, nodding at where John's packing sand into a castle-shaped yellow bucket.
Dick nods. "It seems like yesterday he was still a baby."
Tim gets this smile. "You miss it?"
"Yeah," Dick admits, because he's kind of in love with having a baby in the house. John's obviously still young, but he can walk and talk and stuff now and as much as Dick loves going through all of the firsts again, it kind of sucks at the same time. Maria was already pretty advanced for her age and since John has her, he's picking things up even faster.
"You can always have another," Tim reminds with a laugh. "I know Steph already wants another one and Thomas just turned one. She's crazy."
"You guys going to try and have another one soon?"
Tim doesn't answer and Dick looks at him. He's smiling down at Thomas, who's peering up at him with this totally Tim-like smile. He's going to look just like his dad.
"Tim?"
"Yeah," he laughs. Dick shakes his head, a huge smile on his face. "She's two weeks pregnant."
"Congrats, man," Dick tells him, meaning it.
And, as if she can sense she's being talked about (which she probably can, because she's kind of scary like that), Stephanie turns to look at them, lifts her hand up in a wave. They wave back at her and then laugh as Damian comes up from behind her and dumps a bucket full of water over her head, making her squeal and Maria crack up.
... ...
Zatanna's been pregnant for almost three months now and they haven't quite told how to tell the rest of the family yet. The kids are the only ones that know so far and they've been surprisingly disciplined when it comes to not telling anyone else. Once, they were actually considering have the kids innocently blurt it out as a way of telling everyone, but then they were into the third month and decided that they wanted to tell everyone altogether. It's not that suspicious, really, because they're known for throwing dinner parties and getting everyone together for now real occasion, so when they invite everyone to come that Friday night, no one seems to think twice about it.
"Should we announce it before or after they've eaten?"
They're at the doctor's with Zatanna lying on her back and her shirt pulled up, ultrasound gel spread across her stomach. Dick threads their fingers together, squeezes a little and shrugs one shoulder. Their doctor just grins at them, running the device across Zatanna's abdomen as the grainy picture on the monitor continues to shift.
"We could do it after everyone's gotten food," he considers. "That way they're all settled in one place and not getting up for anything."
She nods as she considers this. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Should the kids say it?"
"Definitely," Dick says. "What do you think, Doc?"
"I'm sure they'll be excited to do it," their doctor answers, grinning. "It'll be a small step towards building a strong relationship with their new baby siblings."
Zatanna blinks.
"What?" Dick asks, because their doctor's sort of just smiling knowingly and not saying much. Then he glances up at the monitor, watching the grainy black, white and grays shift as two – two – very distinct forms come into focus in the center of the screen. Twins. They're going to have twins.
"We must be like, super fertile or something," Zatanna says, sounding dazed.
He laughs.