"Do you want to keep her?" It hurts to remember that he asked that question, but it absolutely kills him to know that he had such hope that her answer would be different this time.
It wasn't. The resulting tightness in his chest and the way his heart physically hurt is something that he has been thinking about and experiencing with perfect clarity since that moment. It's been a day since Beth was born. A full 24 hours. She is still at the hospital and they are keeping her for another day, and then, if they have not picked out adoptive parents by then she will be going into the foster system until they do. He can not bear to think of that sweet, new little baby being in a foster home.
Of course, if they do pick adoptive parents, then they will take Beth when she is released. He can not bear that thought either. He gets nauseous thinking about someone else raising his daughter. Another man that Beth will call 'Daddy', who will get to tuck her in at night, get to see her grow up, get to tease her about boys, and get to scare the hell out of them when they pick her up for a date.
HE is her father. Yeah, he's young. And yeah, he's still in high school and he has no idea what he is going to do with his life. Honestly, he didn't really think about any of that stuff until the day he found out Quinn was pregnant and that the baby was his. He was always getting into trouble and making his mom worry about him. He was popular and feared and he had always kind of liked it that way.
Mostly because if people were afraid of him, then they wouldn't try to get close too him. He wouldn't care about them so they couldn't hurt him. And maybe, deep down, he could acknowledge that maybe he did things to piss his mom off, because he would rather her be mad at him, worried about what the hell she could do to get through to him, focused on him, then to be one hundred percent focused on his deadbeat dad and what she did wrong that made him leave. Anger was better than being depressed in his book. Depression was all about being sad and what could have beens. Anger fueled change.
Anger. He was angry at Quinn. Not because of choosing adoption, but because of why she chose it. She wanted to have someone take the baby so she could pretend that nothing had ever happened. She could go back to high school, be a Cheerio, and probably even try to get Finn back. She could go back to being the perfect daughter, the popular girl, and a role model Christian. She wanted to forget the whole thing had happened, and Puck knew she would try and probably be moderately successful at it.
Giving the baby up was her way of getting out of everything and still looking like the good guy. It's not that he was against adoption, because he isn't at all. It's just that he thinks that putting a baby up for adoption is a completely selfless act. It is done by people who are thinking about nothing but the good of the baby. He doesn't think that Quinn is thinking about Beth at all. Maybe she is a little bit, but mostly, she is thinking about herself. And that's why he is against the adoption.
That, and the fact that he wants Beth. He wants to keep her and raise her. He figures teenage pregnancy happens all the time, and some girls keep the baby even if they have to raise it alone. So, he figures he can raise a baby as a single dad. He knows it will be hard. He knows that it will be exhausting and frustrating. He knows that he will be more likely to not go to college. But hell, he honestly didn't see himself going anyway. He had never thought about it really. He was not the one that had dreams of getting out of Lima and moving somewhere else and being famous. He wasn't like Berry. He didn't think that he was driven enough or good enough at anything for that to happen anyway. But he knew that he could be a good dad. Looking at Beth after she was born, so small and bundled up in a blanket and looking up at him with those big eyes and gripping his pinky finger, he just had to figure out a way to be with her. And he would.
Rachel was posting a new video on Youtube when her doorbell rang. She went to open it and was shocked to see Puck there. As she looked at him, she noticed that he looked completely exhausted.
"Hi Noah", she said. No reply. "Come in."
He stepped past her toward the living room, and then turned around. "Look, I know that I said that we were not friends after our week of making out, and I know that we don't really hang out or anything, but..."
"Noah, it's ok. What can I do for you?"
"Quinn wants to give Beth up. I don't. I can't. I need to keep her. I can be a good dad, Rach. I know it. I just need to convince Quinn to sign full custody over to me.
And I have no idea how to do that. Can you help me convince her? Please, Rachel."
Rachel inhaled deep and exhaled slowly. She had assumed this visit would be about his daughter, but she thought it would be to talk and maybe even yell at her for not being at the hospital. This was a whole different situation. But looking at him and seeing how desperate he was to get his daughter broke something in her. It broke the part of heart that knew exactly what being adopted felt like, the knowledge that you were given up by a parent, and the seed of self consciousness that will always be there making you think that it was in some way your fault or something you did. That part of her heart demanded that she tell Noah to stop talking, grab her keys and his hand, pull him to her car and drive to the hospital to talk to Quinn that second.
The more rational part of her, and thankfully the one with the most control, had questions. "Noah, I know that this is hard. It is hard for you and I know that it is hard for Quinn even if it doesn't seem like it. Are you sure that adoption would be such a bad thing? I mean not for Beth, but for you? You could finish high school, go to college, work on getting your dreams to come true."
"But, that's just it, Rach. I don't have any dreams to work toward. I have never thought about getting out of Lima. I never had any type of drive to work for something until Beth. I have to figure out a way to do this. I will do whatever it takes. I can still graduate and I can still go to college. It just won't be as easy going with a kid at home. But even if I don't, I will find a good job. I have been thinking about seeing if Burt needs help at the garage. He probably shouldn't be working too hard anyway after a heart attack, right? I mean, I still work part time at Sheets-N-Things, and I could work at the garage on the weekends. It should be decent enough money since I would live with my Mom at home, and wouldn't have to pay rent. I mean, I would have Beth's expenses, but that would pretty much be it, at first anyway. I talked to my mom last night for hours about this. And she agreed that I could bring Beth home. This morning, I waited until my neighbor came out to check her mail, then asked her if she had any baby stuff I could buy cheap since her twins are three now. She was happy to give me a crib, a swing, a bathtub, and a bouncer seat since her kids can't use them anymore. She said that I could just do some yard work this summer as payment. I know that I need a lot more stuff, but this could actually work, you know? I…"
"Noah. Breathe. You are starting to sound like me." She laughed a little bit as he realized she was right and cringed slightly. "I can tell that you have put a lot of thought into this. I'm glad that you have talked to your mom. And I will go with you to speak with Quinn. When do you want to do this?"
He looked at her with wide eyes, clearly shocked that she agreed faster than he thought she would. She nodded her head slightly, silently repeating her question. "Um, is now ok?"
"Sure. Let me get my keys. Meet you at the car."
Puck stumbled out of the house and down the driveway to where his truck was parked. He climbed in and turned toward the house to wait for Rachel. He was nervous but excited. He felt that if he could get Rachel and his mom on board, then he had a real shot at convincing Quinn. He was so glad that even though he had not been the nicest to Rachel that she was willing to help him out. He may have been better since they dated, but he knew that he owed her big time for even agreeing to talk to Quinn with him. He smiled when he saw her walking toward the truck and vowed to be a real friend to her from this point on.
'Alright, Noah, let's go." Rachel smiled to him.
Instead of putting the truck in gear, Puck looked at her. "Rachel, no matter how this turns out, I really appreciate you doing this. I really want you to know that. And I know that you probably still have doubts about this, but I promise that I love her and that I can do this. I will do whatever it takes to provide for her and I will find a way to get her whatever she needs. "
Rachel reached over and put her hand on his arm. "I know Noah. I believe you. Let's go." She kept her hand on his arm as they pulled away from her house, and drove toward his dream.
Puck walked slowly toward Quinn's room on the maternity floor. He paused outside the door, and Rachel heard him take a deep breath. She took his hand and squeezed it for support, and walked through the door behind him as he entered the room. Luckily, Quinn was alone. Rachel thought that they may have encountered some fellow glee clubbers and was glad that that was not the case. She didn't think that Noah would have wanted to discuss anything in front of them, and she was not sure that they could explain why she stayed behind with Noah if he would have had to kick them out of the room for privacy.
Quinn looked up from a file when the entered. She closed it and set it aside on a table, and Rachel could see that it was a file from an adoption agency. She narrowed her eyes a little when she saw Rachel behind Puck. "What is she doing here, Puck? I told you that we needed to sit down and pick out some parents for the baby today. I had Mercedes and Kurt go home 2 hours ago because you were coming. And you're late. I know that I am not exactly doing anything except lying in a hospital bed, but it is completely irritating that you would make me wait around like this."
"I'm sorry Quinn. I had to do a few things this morning and then I needed Berry's help with something so I brought her with me. I'm sorry." Puck sat down next to the bed on the little couch, and Rachel sat down beside him when he looked from her to the couch pointedly.
"Whatever." Quinn rolled her eyes. "I thought you would have some opinion about who raises your kid, that's all. I thought that would be important to you."
"It is. And I actually want to talk to you about that, Q." Noah took a deep breath, and looked at Quinn right in the eye. "I don't think that we should give Beth up."
Quinn's eyes got huge, and he could almost hear her heartbeat quicken. "Puck, I told you that I can not keep her. I am not ready to be a mother, and we are not even together. I can not give her the kind of life that she deserves. I don't want to. I want to go to college, and get the hell out of Lima. I want to live my life and travel. I can't be tied down with a kid at seventeen. I just can't. I do want kids someday, I think, just not now."
"I know, Q. I want all of those things for you too, and I know that you are not ready to be a mom. But I want to be a dad. I spoke to my mom about it and she supports me. I want Beth. I want her to come home with me. I want to raise her. I will take full responsibility for her. I won't bother you for anything. I want you to sign over full custody to me, Quinn. Please, let me have my daughter." Puck closed his eyes and seemed to hold his breath as he waited for her to answer.
"Puck, I don't know what to say. Being a single dad at seventeen is a big decision. You can not do it alone. You would need a whole support system in place. People that could help out when there is an obstacle. I mean, it's a baby. Not a puppy, you know?"
"Dammit Quinn. I know she's a baby, not a damn puppy. I am not the one trying to give her away here like she is one. I …" Puck broke off as he felt Rachel grab his hand and squeeze hard. He looked at her and she shook her head. He could almost hear her voice in his head saying, 'Noah, stop. This is not the way.'
"Quinn, I know that we are not friends. You can't stand me really, and I have done things that definitely warrant that feeling. But please hear me out. Noah came to see me today. I knew that he would be upset about Beth, and I let him in thinking that we could talk about it, and I could help him understand the reason you want to give her up. But, as soon as he came in, he was begging me to help him figure out a way to keep Beth. He wanted my help to come and talk to you, I think, because he felt that if he could convince me that he would be a great father, then I could help convince you. We all have acknowledged Noah's behavior and horrible actions toward me at school over the years. So when I say that he is changed a hundred times for the better, you know it is true. He told me today about talking with his mom, and then getting things from a neighbor for Beth. He talked about getting a job with Kurt's dad at the garage, and finishing school. He promised me that he would do whatever it takes to get the things that Beth needs and to take care of her, because this is his dream. Being not just a father, but a dad, to Beth is Noah's dream, Quinn. And I think that he will be a great dad to that baby. And as he said, his mom will help. I am sure that everyone in glee club will help. And I will help. Noah can do this Quinn. I know it. So let him."
Rachel could feel Puck's eyes on her as she sat back, and she felt her face flush. However, she did not take her eyes off of Quinn. She could see that Quinn was struggling with what to say. She could see a question in her eyes as she turned to Puck.
"What about me Puck? I mean, if you have custody of Beth, and everyone is helping out with her, where does that leave me? I don't really know if I could know that she was with you, 5 minutes away from me, and not see her. Especially since I am sure that I would see her out and about, and hear about her in glee. How would that work?"
Puck reached over and took her hands in his. "Q, you could still be a part of her life, as much as you wanted. I mean, if you wanted to see her you could. I would not stop you. But I do want you to sign over full custody to me. I don't want to have to worry about losing her again. But I promise you, if you want to be in her life, you will be."
Quinn blinked her eyes a few times to ward off the tears that threatened to spill over. She looked back at Puck, and then at Rachel, who nodded and smiled encouragingly. She laughed a little, and looked back at Puck. "Ok then. You can keep Beth." She laughed a little as he stood up and grabbed her for a hug. "Yes, I am serious. I'll sign the papers." She replied after he asked her about it.
"Thank you so much Quinn. I will never be able to repay you for giving me my daughter. I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything else. Just get the papers so we can make this official because Beth is being released tomorrow."
"Um, guys. If it is ok, I can have my dad draw up the papers today at work and bring them over to the hospital on his way home. That way you can sign them and he can file them when he goes in tomorrow. Besides, that will free up some time for Noah to get everything ready to bring the baby home tomorrow."
"She's right. I have some furniture, but I have to go shopping. I need to get some clothes and diapers and wipes and formula and…"
"Puck, my mom and I have some stuff for her. My mom has been buying stuff for a while when she thought she could get me and the baby to come to live with her. She has some clothes and the essentials like diapers and things. Enough for a few weeks anyway. That should get you started." Quinn said.
"Yeah, and I am sure that we can get the glee club to put together some sort of baby shower for you so you can get some gifts and things. For now, let's just focus on getting some things you will need for the next few days, and then we can register for the rest, ok? I'll text Kurt and Mercedes. They can set up the shower." Rachel said, taking out her cell.
"Ok. I've got a lot to do. But first, I'm gonna go tell Beth the good news." Puck grabbed Rachel's hand and pulled her along with him. "Come on, Berry. Come meet my daughter. Elizabeth Grace Puckerman."