Pausing to Breathe
Monday morning: 12:30 AM
Marie sat up from her latest nightmare, lowering her head in her hands and massaging her temples. She sighed heavily as she tried to erase the horrifying images of Logan's past from her mind.
Goddammit! I thought that if I learned to touch then I could learn to control the voices too!
She bitterly held her tears back, knowing that she would probably never be able to quiet the voices in her head. The nightmares, the voices, the blackouts from another personality taking over, she would have to live with these for the rest of her life. Despite the constant reminders of how fucked up her life was, Marie refused to cry, not wanting to reveal any bit of weakness.
She got out of bed and threw on an oversized shirt and boxers. She left her bedroom and started for the back of the mansion.
Normally, on nights like this, she'd go to Jean's room and talk with her until the sun rose. But she decided against it tonight, knowing that Jean needed sleep after her fall-out with Scott a week ago. It was true, the fairy-tale romance between the two had finally dissolved. The flame had flickered out for good, and everyone knew that it would happen soon, Scott and Jean included.
Marie couldn't help but smile as she thought about Jean. When she'd graduated she had opted to stay at the mansion in order to learn control and become an X-Man. Since then, her relationship with Jean had strengthened, blossoming into a very strong friendship. However, despite the closeness, Marie couldn't help but want something more from Jean, though she wasn't quite sure what it was she wanted.
She stepped outside and sat at the edge of the pool, dipping her feet inside. She shivered slightly, but soon her feet grew accustomed to the temperature. She leaned back on her hands and tried to focus on something besides the voices threatening to tear her mind apart, but to no avail. She sighed and opened her eyes, jumping when she looked directly into the emerald eyes that always seemed to bore pleasently into her soul.
"Jesus Jean! You scared the shit out of me!" Marie said as Jean moved from her position behind her to sit beside her.
"Tsk tsk, such language." Jean scolded playfully, dipping her feet into the pool. Marie rolled her eyes.
"Don't scold me Jean, I'm not one of your students anymore." She said with a smile. Jean laughed.
"I guess you got me there. What are you doing out here?" She asked seriously.
"You never were one for small-talk." Marie observed. Jean shrugged.
"I can't do small-talk when something is obviously bothering my friend. Now, what's up? Normally you come to my room when you have trouble sleeping." Jean said, speaking gently.
"Well, I figured that you needed sleep after what happened with Scott." Marie wispered, blushing for some reason. Why am I blushing? It's just Jean!
"Awww, that's sweet. But I wasn't getting much sleep anyway. I went to your room to talk to you, but you weren't there. I mentally scanned the grounds for you, and now I'm here!" Jean said in a sweet way that made Marie chuckle half-heartedly. Jean noticed that the laughter didn't reach Marie's eyes, and couldn't help but feel curious as to what was troubling Marie.
"Marie, what's bugging you?" She asked seriously, trying to catch Marie's eyes but failing miserably.
"I...just...can't sleep. I've had a lot on my mind lately." Marie inwardly called herself a coward. Honestly, how pathetic was she?
"Oh really?" Marie flinched as she heard Jean's response, knowing that she wasn't falling for her vague comments.
Smooth move loser! Did you honestly think that you could fool Jean?! The woman's a fucking telepath you moron!
Marie, have you ever considered the fact that you're way too hard on yourself?
Marie stared wide-eyed at Jean when she felt her presence in her mind. "Jean, were you reading me?!" She almost growled.
"I didn't have to Marie." Jean soothed. "You always get this intense look on your face when you're scolding yourself."
"Uh, I do?" Marie asked, ducking her blushing head and refusing to meet Jean's eyes. God I can't even yell at myself without being painfully obvious!
Now that thought I heard.
"Stop it Jean." Marie said tiredly, to emotionally drained to yell. Jean immediately became worried. Marie refusing to argue? The very thought of it was unheard of. This had to be a sign that something inside the young woman had snapped, or was dangerously close to doing so. She slipped her arm around Marie's shoulders, noticing how Marie tensed at her touch.
"Okay, no more beating around the bush Marie. What's going on?" Marie bit her lower lip and shut her eyes tightly, refusing to allow her tears to fall.
"I've just...had a lot to worry about lately, that's all." She wispered.
"Marie, you can touch now, school is on summer vacation, nothing even remotely interesting has happened in weeks! How can you expect me to believe-"
"I DON'T KNOW! MAYBE I THOUGHT THAT YOU'D TAKE A HINT AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Marie shouted as she jerked out of Jean's grip and looked away, breathing heavily through her nostrils. Jean's heart clenched at the sight. Marie was obviously on the verge of an emotional breakdown, the fact that she was holding her tears in was only making it worse.
"Marie, please calm down. I just want to help. Please, let me hold you. You look like you really need a hug." Marie almost screamed in frustration. She didn't need Jean's hug, she needed Jean.
She stopped her train of thought right there. Yeah, that was it, she wanted Jean to love her as more than a friend. That explained everything. When Jean and Scott broke up, Marie had felt a wave of relieve wash over her. Up until now, she could never figure out why she had felt that way. Now she understood, she was in love.
She leaned into Jean's warm embrace, resting her head on her shoulder. As she sat there, she suddenly realized how stupid she was being. Love? How could she possibly fathom that something like that could be possible? Honestly, it was Jean she was pining for. The perfect queen of the Xavier Institution. Obviously straight as an arrow. For God's sake, she had the same boyfriend for an ungodly amount of time! And even if Jean were gay, why would she want to be with Marie? She was like a princess and Marie was like a lowly pauper. She could never give Jean the things she wanted, so she might as well give up now before she got hurt.
As she buried herself in her thoughts, Jean shifted underneath her. She sat up and looked at the doctor, expecting her to go back inside. Imagine her shock when Jean's gentle hand grasped her chin and tilted her face upward. Her brain short-circuited when she felt Jean's soft lips press against hers in a deep, loving kiss. She finally regained her senses and kissed Jean back, running her tongue across the older woman's luscious bottom lip. Jean moaned into Marie's mouth, sending a shudder of arousal through the younger mutant's body. When they finally broke for air, tears were falling freely from Marie's chocolate eyes.
"Marie, are you okay?" Jean asked as she brushed her tear's away with her thumb. Marie smiled, despite the waterfalls cascading down her face.
"I'm fine Jean, I just needed to pause for a minute. I just needed some room to breathe." She assured as her head returned to Jean's shoulder. Jean's arm snaked it's way around her waist, pulling the girl as close as possible.
As Marie drifted off to sleep, she couldn't help but notice that she couldn't hear the voices anymore.
AN: I needed a break from my autobiography, so I wrote this! Hope ya'll liked it!