The man I wish I had

by NCISforever

Gibbs and Ziva are secretly having feelings for each other,but neither knows they are returned. I'm not a native speaker don't be mad if there are some mistakes. This is my first FanFic please review.

1. Chapter 1

The man I wish I had

EPILOGUE

~ZIVAS POV~

I am in my apartment, sitting alone on my couch, reading a book drinking wine. I did that often lately; it distracts me from the thoughts in my brain. Thoughts I am not supposed to have. They are about feelings, feelings I am not supposed to have either. I realized some time ago, that there is no way to hide from your feelings. Right now I wish I could. I know this is wrong; I should not have feelings for him for more than one reason. First he is my boss; second is way older than me and third rule number twelve. I also know that he could never have the same feelings for me as I have for him; I am not a red haired after all. So I drown my sorrow in the wine and distract myself with reading. I usually read until I fall asleep, otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep because the thoughts about him would be coming back every time I stopped reading. Sometimes I thought I saw something in his eyes that made me think he had feelings for me, but I never allowed myself to believe in it. The chance to be disappointed was too high. I keep flirting with Tony at work, so no one would realize that I have feelings for him, especially Gibbs himself. Gibbs. The boss. The man I love.

~GIBBS POV~

I am standing in my basement, sanding my boat. It calms me, gives me time to think. I still have no name for the boat; no name seems good enough for it. None of the names have a connection to the boat. I often named my boats after persons I thought about while building it, but the only one I could think of is her, and I am not about to name my boat after my coworker, my door has no lock, the team can visit every time, what if one of them sees it? What if she sees it? Until now I couldn't name it. Not after her and no other name is worth of this boat. Why it had to be her name, why I had to think about her most of the time I was building the boat, I am not sure. The last time I was this obsessed with a woman was with Shannon, but it cannot be, she is my coworker after all, I have a rule against this. Sometimes I think that she has feelings for me, those moments when her look lasts just a little too long, but then I remember how she always seems to flirt with DiNozzo and how she could have everybody she wants. Why should she want to be with an old man like me, if she can have any other man? But still I want her, no need her, but I know that that will never happen, hell it can't ever happen.