No Angel Of Mine
A/N: This story is set after FDTW. I do not own these characters Ch does but I love them still.
Chapter 1
It has been 3 months since I last saw Eric. He has not tried to contact me in anyway, shape or form, not even sending Pam. I thought after he had remembered his time and me saving him he'd contact me but no. The only time I seen him was the announcement of formal protection. I give up, I need to move on. I haven't really felt a whole lot from the bond their. Some periodic burst of anger but that could be from me also. That's another thing, this damn blood bond. Who's feelings were whose , Eric once told me I'd learn to like this but right now I hated it.
My night of work was winding down and it had been a crappie night at that. I was miserable and cranky and some of my customers came under my mood. Oops, it was just not in me to care at the moment. All I wanted to do was go home shower and crawl into bed. The drive home was fast, I had just set my purse down when I started to feel all warm and fuzzy. FUCK, could my night get any worse. I heard a knock at the door.
"Hello, lover" Eric greeted me, he also had a bouquet of roses in his hand.
"Don't hello lover me, I haven't been your lover in along time Eric, WHAT DO YOU WANT" I ranted .
"Sookie.." Eric tried to push calm to me through the bond but I pushed back.
"Stop it Eric, don't manipulate my feelings. Where have you been, why haven't you called?" I shouted.
"I will explain everything to you, may I come in?" he asked.
"Yes" I muttered.
"I am sorry I haven't contacted you. My place with the new hierarchy is a little shaky right now and I needed to secure my position for the safety of my people. Felipe has been showing interest in you and not in a good way, I did not want to involve you any farther. I did this for your safety" I cut Eric off before he could finish.
"Stop it, it's always about my safety or what you want, I am not yours to protect Eric. I am my own and I don't need you to protect me. I told you before I wanted out of this vampire politics bullshit. I do not want this blood bond and I do not want you. You are not the same Eric I fell in love with he is gone and the vampire that has replaced him I despise. You could never be him, your just like Bill, you want me for your own gains" as soon as I said the last part I wanted to call it back.
The look on Eric's face was a shock to my system, he looked heart broken. I felt terrible, maybe I was wrong, damn my proud self.
"Eric, I.." he didn't let me finish. With a voice full of pain and ice he said..
"Liam sorry you feel that way. I was coming here tonight to tell you that I was in love with you, what a fool I have been . As for the blood bond.." then I felt the bond being ripped out and replaced by a cold void. The void hurt, I gasped.
"I will tell Pam to see to your protection, we still have a contract to abide by. I will speak to Felipe. You will no longer be bothered with vampire bullshit and I will bother you no longer MS. Stackhouse" he turned to the door but before he left in a voice so low I almost didn't hear it..
"You are dead and gone to me"
Once he was gone I crumpled to the floor. I had hurt him so bad. I don't know why I had said most of that, well I was angry. I am so damn proud sometimes. The void felt like a constant ache in my chest, what am I going to do? I got up off the floor and dragged myself to bed. I was off for the next few days , good I plan to stay in bed and cry.
I didn't sleep very well that night, the dull ache was too much. I just laid there and tried to think of away to fix this. I didn't want it to end like that between Eric and I. I did have some feelings for him but what they were I do not know. Finally after a couple of days of self loathing and such I crawled out of bed. When I went in the kitchen I seen the wilted roses that Eric had brought, I picked them up to throw them out when a small envelope fell out. I picked it up and opened it..
My Dearest Sookie,
I am sorry for my absence as of late. I did not want to harm you farther and bring you in deeper. I was not able to get away until now. I have all the memories of our time together and have had time to think on them. I fell in love with you then and I am still in love with you now. You are on my mind always for now and forever. Thank you for showing me how to love again. I will tell you this and show you everyday, if you let me.
All my love,
Eric
Oh, god what had I done? I needed to see Eric and talk to him. It was almost 6. I went to shower and get dressed. I looked horrible and tried to make myself look presentable. I succeeded somewhat and headed out the door. I flew to Fangtasia, by the time I got there it was 8:30. Pam was at the door.
"Hi Pam, is Eric here?" I asked.
"Good Evening Ms. Stackhouse. No Eric is not here. I do need to speak to you for a moment" she replied.
Felicia came to the door with a disgusted look on her face. Pam walked out to the parking lot and I followed.
"I do not know what transpired between you and my Master but he was not to pleased. As he mentioned to you he spoke to Felipe and had you released from any and all contracts. Your services and such are no longer required. Take care of yourself Ms. Stackhouse. " and with that she was gone.
What was with the Ms. Stackhouse? I needed answers ,think. I know I'll go see my neighbour Mr. Compton.
I arrived at Bill's house around 10. The lights were on so he must be home. I knocked on the door.
"Well, hello Sookie" Bill said.
"Hi, Bill can I come in for a moment to speak to you?" I asked.
"Yeah, sure" he said and let me in.
"Um, Bill do you know what is going on with Eric?" I asked.
"Yes , I do" he stated.
"Please tell me?" I pleaded.
"Well, Sookie he's gone." he started.
"Gone, what how?" I asked.
"He resigned as sheriff. He's moved to Las Vegas. He is a liaison for De Castro now. Aren't you going with him, you are bonded" he said the last part with a sadness in his voice. Tears started to stream down my face.
"No. We're not bonded anymore, I told him I did not want it. It's not true though, I don't know why I said that to him. I was so horrible to him and all he wanted to do was love me"
"Eric, Love you?" he said.
"Yes and it was the truth I could feel it just before he ripped it out. It hurts so bad. The dull ache, it doesn't stop" I cried.
"Sookie I am so sorry. I am here for you as a friend if you need one" he murmured.
"thank you Bill" I said and he drew me into a hug.
"I'm going to head home now. I'll see you soon" I told him.
Days, weeks, months went by. The dull ache seemed to lessen overtime but it was still there in the back of my mind and heart like his hum use to be. The next thing I knew a year had gone by, not a day had gone by that I didn't think about Eric. Bill and I had become friends again and it was a nice feeling. The night of my birthday Bill asked me to go to Shreveport for dinner and a movie, I said yes. We went to see Gone With The Wind and it was wonderful. On the way out the theatre Bill seen someone he knew so I waited outside while he spoke to them. I was looking at a movie poster, when I felt the compulsion to turn around. When I did I seen someone I hadn't seen in along time, Eric. HE was across the street looking in the window of a store, then he turned around. His blue eyes found mine and he smiled then it was gone and so was he. Bill came up to me at that moment.
"Bill, I need to go to Fangtasia" I said.
"Oh, well did you want me to come with you?" he asked.
"Yes, I need a friend there with me, if you don't mind?" I asked.,
"No, that's ok. I'll get the car" he replied.
The car ride there well relatively quick was also quiet. I didn't know what I was going to say. I'm sorry, I was an idiot? We walked up to the front, some vampire I didn't know was at the door.
"IS Eric here?" Bill asked.
"Yes" was all he said.
We walked in and got a drink. I downed it very quickly, gotta love liquid courage. I didn't see Eric at first, then I seen him coming out of the back hall. He was with a beautiful brunette. They walk over to his booth and sit down. He puts his arm around her possessively and a twinge of jealously runs through me.
"Bill, I'll be right back" I say and walk towards Eric, he doesn't notice me he's talking to the brunette.
"Eric" I say to get his attention.
"AH, Ms. Stackhouse. " is all he says.
"Can I speak with you for a moment?" I ask.
He looks at me for a moment and turns to his companion and says something in her ear and then presses a kiss to her temple. I feel nauseous. He gets up and I follow him to his office. We go in and he closes the door. When I turn around I catch him looking at me like he's lost in thought. I look down at myself and realize that I am wearing the dress I wore the very first time I met him. I blush a little, he adverts his gaze.
"What can I help you with this evening, Ms. Stackhouse" he asks.
"Stop calling me that Eric. Do you hate me so much that you can't even say my name?" I ask.
"No. I do not hate you Sookie, what are you really doing here. You made it very clear that you did not want anything to do with me" He asked.
"I wanted to apologize to you. I said things that I didn't mean. I was just angry and miserable cause I had not seen you in awhile. I was being stubborn" I said.
"Thank you for that Sookie. It is to late to venture down that road again no matter what I… No it's to late. I am with another now" he started.
"Do you love her?" I asked.
"No, you killed that feeling that emotion in me. It gave me weakness, I will not let that happen again. I do not love her but I am loyal to her as I was to you" Eric stated.
"Loyal?" I blurted out.
"Yes, Sookie I was loyal to you. Since the bonding in Rhodes, I had not tasted another in anyway. Even though, I could not remember our time together something inside me would not let me be disloyal. A bonding is a sacred act and one not taken lightly by our kind." he exclaimed.
"But I was with Quinn" I said., the room was starting to spin.
"I know, Sookie, Sookie" Eric was calling me then the room went black.
I woke up and the first thing I saw was Eric's blue eyes, his face inches from mine. I reached up those extra inches and pressed my lips to his, my tongue brushed his lips looking for access. I felt Eric stiffen and jump back from me. Suddenly I felt ashamed. My eyes started to water.
"Come Sookie I'm taking you home" he stated.
"What about Bill and and " I asked.
"I sent them both home, we need to talk you and I" he said.
"Oh, OK" I said.
I followed Eric out to his car and he opened the door for me. He got into the drivers side and started the car. We headed for Bon Temps, but instead of going to my house he pulled over to a picnic area and stopped the car.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I think here would be a better place" is all he said.
"Sookie what has been happening to you?" Eric asked.
"I don't know, ever since you took your love away from me, I have felt this void. It has lessened overtime but it is still there. I'm sorry that I kissed you, that was wrong" I stuttered. My hands were shaking and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"Sookie, don't " Eric said, just like he did long ago and I was able to calm down.
"I'm sorry and I miss you, Eric. Did you leave because of me?" I asked
"Yes. To get you out of Felipe's thumb I had to resign as sheriff and work for him for a year, there were also penalties money and other wise" I cut him off.
"What do you mean?" I asked, Eric looked away from me.
"I was punished .."
"NO, No, No why why did you suffer for me after how I treated you" I was crying hysterically now.
"Sookie, shh" he soothed rubbing his hand up and down my back.
"It was what you wanted , you wanted to be free. Your words hurt me but I didn't stop loving you , I would have endured a lot more for you. I wanted you to be happy and safe, that's all I ever wanted. Sadly I could not give that to you and for that I am sorry" he murmured.
"Are you back now?" I asked.
"I'm not sure. Pam is the new sheriff and she is doing well. I may travel for awhile, maybe go back to Sweden" when he said that his eyes sparkled.
"Alone?" I asked. He looked at me then said.
"Yes. Sookie I lied to you earlier, Anna is my childe. She was part of my punishment. She is very skittish, Pam has taken a liking to her so she will take over teaching her. Iam sorry that I lied" Eric stated.
"Why did you lie to me?" I said.
"I wanted you to believe that I had moved on, Sookie we can not be together no matter what you or I want or how either of us feels. That time has passed." he exclaimed.
"Tell me now Eric the truth, do you love me?" I asked.
The minute the last word was out of my mouth Eric was gone from the car. I got out and started to look for him. I found him down by the pond. I started heading towards him.
"No, Sookie stay there please" I stopped in my tracks.
"You want to know how I feel about you? Does it matter really? I wanted you to go back to the car in the backseat there is something there that I wanted to give so long ago, after you look at it come back" he said.
I went to the car and reached in the backseat there was a medium sized box, I grabbed it and brought it out. Inside the box was a photo album, I opened it. The first page had an elaborate drawing of me the first time I was at Fangtasia under it said My Sookie and the initials EN. Eric had drawn it, it was so beautiful. The next thing was a photo of me in Eric's shirt the night the Maenad attacked me, how did he get that? There were lots of pictures some of me and Eric and some of me. The ones with Eric were nice and in all of them I was smiling, my real smile not my nervous one. I noticed by the dates that some of these pictures were added after our fight. In the last sleeve was the most precious ring I ever saw, it was an engagement ring and a small card it read "Tonight I will ask you to be my wife and I hope that in time a wedding picture will accompany this card. I love you Sookie Stackhouse forever and always"
I sat there a moment thinking back through everything that had happened between us. In these pictures I was happy and it made me realize that I had been in love with Eric I was just to stubborn to see, that those feelings I use to get were mine, he never made me feel anything I did not want. I grabbed the ring and went to face Eric.
"Before I answer your question I want to tell you something. I just received a call from Pam. I just sold all my controlling stock in Fangtasia, I no longer own it. Iam not staying I have been waiting to hear about this deal before I left again. I won't be returning. Pam is leaving as well, she is moving to New Orleans to Sheriff from there. The answer to your question is yes. I have never stopped loving you and I don't think I ever will but it is killing me being here around you. I remember the way you laugh and the way you smell so beautiful and how you feel to be inside you or to hold you. Love was not enough for you and now it is gone for both of us"
"Eric, I realize now after looking at that book that I loved you to, you made me so happy, I was happy around you and that was my feelings through the bond. I was just to stubborn and proud to admit it, all you ever wanted to do was love me and take care of me and I wouldn't even let you. I was an ungrateful bitch to you and for that I am sorry, please forgive me. I love you still and will love you always" I say to him.
"There is nothing to forgive. Thank you for finally admitting your feelings for me, I am only sorry that it is to late" he said stepping closer to me.
"Why Eric, why is it to late?" I asked.
"WE can not be together Sookie, if Felipe ever found out I would be put to final death and you would become his, I will not bring you into all of this again" he stammered.
I began to shake again. I had really blown it, I gave up the only chance I had at ever being truly happy. I fell to the ground in a heap crying, I didn't care how I looked, I just wanted to die.
"I can't go on anymore without you it hurts to much, I'd rather be dead then live like this. Please Eric just take me home" I croaked out still sobbing.
Eric came over and picked me up and put me in the car. We arrived at my house 10 minutes later, Bill was sitting on my front porch.
"Bill" was all I got out, he came and got me out of the car and took me in the house. He took off my shoes and put me to bed. I cried myself to sleep that night, not knowing how to go on.
I slept through most of the day, only getting up to get a bottle of water. I don't think I'll ever get out of bed again. Everything just hurts so much, oh how I wish humans new how to turn back time. I'd turn it back to that night and give Eric a chance to explain, to tell him I loved him and that I would be his wife. I hadn't noticed that the sun had already set. I heard knocking at the door, I ignored it. After 10 minutes I heard tapping at my window.
"Go away. I don't want to see anyone" I yelled.
"Sookie, It's Eric please let me in?" he asked.
"Come in Eric" I mumbled. He slid the window open and climbed in. I couldn't look at him so I buried my head in the pillows. I heard him take off his shoes and I felt him climb onto the bed and he pulled me close to him.
"Sookie, I can feel your despair, come on you need to stop this" he was saying.
"What, wait how can you feel anything from me?" I asked.
"Well, um well when I ripped out the bond it only seemed to effect both of us for awhile. When I came back to Shreveport I noticed I could still feel you and since last night it has been getting stronger. The bond seems to be damaged on your end only, when I'm gone it will lessen" he said softly.
"Eric, please don't leave me again. I love you and I want to be with you. Take me with you, I'll never come back here again I just want to be with you" I cried.
"Sookie, this is your home, you belong here" he countered.
"I belong with you" I stated and grabbed his head and brought him in for a kiss. He started to respond, I forced my tongue in his mouth. I poked my tongue with his fang and blood trickled into his mouth. Eric let out a groan and began to suck my tongue, massaging the blood out. I could feel him hard and heavy against my thigh. I ground into his erection and let out a strangled moan. Then I felt a vibrating against my leg.
"Sookie, I have to answer that" he said pulling away.
"Yes, I'll be there" he answered and hung up.
"Sookie that was the king he is in Shreveport. He has summoned me I have to go" he said.
"What?" I asked.
"He knows you were at Fangtasia last night"
OH,HELL……………..
TBC