Serena and I sat on the porch swing at her house. The wind was bitter, and a few rain drops were splashing onto the porch cement. I put my arm around her to try to keep her warm. Her soft blonde hair tickled my cheek, and when I looked into her eyes, it felt like she was staring deep into my soul. All was quiet, except the rain hitting the roof, and the wind swirling through the trees. A few lamp posts were lit, and Serena's porch light was covered with moths.
"Hey, Serena, it's 11:00; Your cerfew," I said, looking down at my watch. She stood up and fixed her skirt. I stood up after her, and put my arms around her waist. She put her head on my shoulder, and I whispered, "I'm glad you decided to go out with me tonight."
"After Darien dumped me for Lita, I thought it would be good for me to move on. He would have wanted me to date again," she said to me, looking at me with those big blue eyes. I took her closer to me, and kissed her. She smiled, and was about to walk into her house, when a beam of light appeared behind me. Suddenly, four strange looking creatures appeared. One had a purse, one was wearing a funny looking hat, one had a ball, and one was riding a scooter. All four got in a line and each were trying to say something. It sounded like a bunch of jibberish. Then, Rini came out of the front door to check on Serena.
"Serena, it's past your cerfe-- AGHHHH TELLITUBBIES!!!!!!! WHERE'D THEY COME FROM!!!!!" Rini screamed, and hid behind Serena, extremely terrified. We all gasped, and were really scared at that point. The four tellitubbies pointed at their boxes in their stomachs.
"Purple Purse Power!" Tinky-Winky shouted as a flash of purple light came out of his stomach and transformed him into a sailor.
"Green Hat Power!" Dipsy shouted as a flash of green light came out of his stomach and transformed him into a sailor.
"Yellow Ball Power!" Laa-Laa shouted as a flash of yellow light came out of her stomach and transformed her into a sailor.
"Red Scooter Power!" Po shouted as a flash of red light came out of her somach and transformed her into a sailor.
"They're sailors too?! How many of us are there?!" Serena shouted, extremely confuzed. "Moon Cosmic Power!" Serena transformed herself into Sailor Moon and walked over to the imposter scouts. "Listen here, telli-whatever you are, I am the defender of love and justice, and on behalf of the moon, I will punish you for trying to be cool and act like me. Humph!" She snuffed her nose up at them, and turned around to walk away. Suddenly, Sailor Tinky-Winky opened his purse, and took out a huge bazooka! He pointed it at Sailor Moon.
"Tubbie Custard Bomb!!" He shouted, shooting yellow custard at Sailor Moon. She started running around like a chicken with its head cut off and screaming, "Mini-brat help me!" So finally, Rini quit laughing, and transformed into Sailor Mini-Moon.
"Pink Sugar Heart Attack!" Mini-Moon shouted, waving around her little wand. Pink hearts shot out of the wand, and hit Tinky Winky in the face. This made him really mad, so he shot little purple triangles from his head back at Mini-Moon, knocking her on the ground. I stood up, and ran over and tackled Sailor Tinky-Winky, making him drop his bazooka. Sailor Dipsy then took off his hat, and shrunk it to frisbee size.
"Dipsy Hat Slicer!" He tried to say, while tossing it toward me. I jumped out of the way, but he only sliced my apron.
"Andrew!" Sailor Moon shouted, as I fell to the ground. She ran over to me, and helped me up.
"It really sucks not to be able to transform," I mumbled to Sailor Moon as I got to my feet. She just laughed, and smiled at me.
"Venus Love Chain Encircle!" From out of nowhere, a yellow chain of hearts flung and smashed Sailor Dipsy's hat into three different peices. Then, all the other scouts jumped out of the tree by Serena's house.
"Venus, Jupiter, Mars, and Mercury!" Sailor Moon shouted running over to them.
"Yeah, we decided to show up and see what the trouble was Rini informed us about," Mercury explained. "Who are those four colorfull things? They look like sailors!"
"Well, they are. Don't ask me why, but they seem to think that they are Sailor Scouts like us," Sailor Moon told the girls. "They are a pretty strong opponent!"
"AGHHHHH THEY ARE TELLITUBBIES!!!!!!!!" Jupiter shouted at the top of her lungs. The other girls moved in closer, and then each screamed too. "KILL THEM KILL THEM! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!" Mars then walked over to the hyperventilating Jupiter and slaps her in the face.
"Will you please shut up! We need to think of a way to get rid of these "things" and you're freaking out over here! Get a grip!" Everybody then settled down and Sailor Laa-Laa picked up her ball over her head.
"Laa-Laa Bowling Fun!" She filled the ball with tubbie energy and Laa-Laa whiped it at the discussing scouts. They all saw the ball coming, but couldn't get out of the way fast enough. They were all bowled over. Sailor Mini-Moon then got back up from being stunned on the porch by Sailor Tinky-Winky. She picked up her wand, and screamed "Pink Sugar Heart Attack!". All the hearts blasted right through Sailor Laa-Laa's ball, putting a huge heart shaped hole in it.
"BALL!!!!" Sailor Laa-Laa screamed, running over to her
deflated piece of rubber. The Sailor Scouts then got up, and blocked Sailor Laa-laa's exit.
"What do you want!?" Sailor Moon shouted sternly. "Why are you here?!"
"We are here to collect Sailor Energy! We are the true evil that you were warned about. We're a new breed of heart snachers!" the other three Sailor Tellitubbies walked over to the girls, and explained themselves.
"You? Evil? Oh please! You're part of a PBS kids show for god sakes. The only evil you all posses is to make the little kids in the audience watch those damn movies of your sex slaves doing it again again, while you all get horny and screw the vacuum!!" I shouted at the Tellitubbies, from over on the porch. I was holding Sailor Mini-Moon on my shoulders, because she was still really scared of them. I guess I ofended Tinky-Winky, because he took out his purse, pulled out some triangle shaped chinese stars, and he flung them all at me!
"Mercury Ice Bubbles Freeze!" Sailor Mercury shouted, as bubbles shot out of her hands toward the triangles. A bubble surrounded each one, freezing it. They all fell to the ground, about an inch in front of me.
"This is getting pointless. C'mon guys, lets take their hearts," Po said to the other Tellitubbies. They all nodded in agreement. Suddenly, all their stomachs started glowing, and each Tubbie shot a glowing beam at a Sailor Scouts chest. They pushed Sailor Moon out of the way, so she wouldn't get blasted. Then, four lifeless bodies fell onto the grass, and the Sailor Tellitubbies had pure heart crystals glowing inside their stomachs.
"Minna-san!" Serena screamed, staring at the lifeless bodies. She fell to the ground and started pounding it with her fists.
~~~~~CUT!!!!!!~~~~~
"What's the matter, Serena?" I asked, really puzzled why she would cancel the movie.
"Oh please! Like, didn't you get it? Like, first off we're using the dubbed names, and then we like start talking in Japanese? Hello?!" Serena got up from the ground and started tapping her boot on the grass.
"I thought it was a good script!" Darien said, taking off the Tinky-Winky mask. "What I don't understand is why I couldn't be a Scout in this movie. Why do I have to be the gay tellitubbie! What did I do to deserve this?!"
"Yeah, I didn't do anything wrong either! Is this what I get for being Rini's friend?!" Hotaru took off the Po mask and threw it on the ground. Laa-Laa and Dipsy took off their masks too and threw them on the ground as well.
"I have some real heart snaching to do! I can't be doing this movie!" Mimmet shouted, while fixing her hair. "This Laa-Laa mask is screwing up my hair! I'm going to call my lawyer!!"
"Yeah, me too. Molly is probably worried sick about me! Why am I stuck doing this dumb movie!" Melvin shouted, wiping off his glasses from being under the Dipsy mask for so long.
"Alright!!! EVERYONE STOP COMPLAINING! WE'RE DOING THIS MOVIE THE WAY I WROTE IT IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! SO SERENA, WE'RE GONNA TAKE IT FROM YOUR LAST LINE!" a voice from the shadows shouted at the cast. They all grumbled and put back on their masks.
"Oh fine. You are like a total party crasher," Serena growled back at the voice.
~~~~~ACTION!~~~~~
"Minna-san!" Serena screamed, staring at the lifeless bodies. She fell to the ground and started pounding it with her fists. I ran over to her and picked her up off the ground.
"Sailor Moon, you are the only one who can help them," I told her, trying to reasure her self-esteem.
"WHAT ABOUT ME? HUH!!!" Sailor Mini-Moon shouted at me, pointing her wand. PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!" a flow of pink hearts shot at me, and hit me in the stomach.
"Ouch, ouch, that really hurts. You're killing me until I'm dead," I mumbled in a very monitone sarcastic voice. She growled, and marched over beside Sailor Moon.
"C'mon Sailor Moon, let's send them back to the demonic world from which they crawled out of," Sailor Mini-Moon shouted quite angry.
"Right! Let's save our friends!" Sailor Moon shouted back. "Moon Crisis Power!" a big wave of butterflies covered her and transformed her into Super Sailor Moon.
"Pink Sugar Heart Attack!" Mini-Moon shouted as she did a majorette dance and then finally pointed her wand at the tellitubbies, who were patiently waiting for something to happen.
"Rainbow Moon Heart Ache!" Super Sailor Moon did her majorette dance too, and Sailor Mini-Moon's hearts and Super Sailor Moon's hearts combined into a big beastly heart thingy that I can't exactly name right now.
"Big Beastly Heart Attack Thingy!" Super Sailor Moon and Sailor Mini-Moon shouted in unison, and four huge rainbow colored hearts smashed through the tellitubbies. The two scouts smiled at each other, but when the dust cleared, the Tellitubbies weren't even phased!!!
"Psssstttt..... Serena... isn't this the part where Luna comes out of your house and gives Andrew a magickal coin, on which to transform with?" Sailor Mini-Moon whispered to Super Sailor Moon.
"Yeah, like Luna was suposed to be here a while ago, but she must of like totally missed her cue. That is so like her," Super Sailor Moon whispered back to Sailor Mini-Moon. The good thing is, their conversation was never seen or heard on tape!
"LUNA!! WE NEED YOUR HELP FOR AN UNKNOWN REASON THAT I DON'T HAVE A CLUE ABOUT BUT IF I DID HAVE AN IDEA I WOULD HAVE A FEELING THAT ANDREW WOULD POSSESS A SPECIAL POWER AS A SCOUT AND YOU ARE THE ONE WHO GIVES HIM HIS MAGICKAL TRANSFORMATIONAL THING. BUT I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!!!" Super Sailor Moon shouted into her open window at her house, not trying to be direct.
"Well, since you're powerless against us, just hand over your pure heart crystal! NOW!" Dipsy shouted and gave an evil laugh. Finally, Luna came out of the window and jumped on the grass near Andrew.
"As Sailor Moon was pondering, you are a part of the scout family after all. You are Tuxedo Arcade Guy. You um... throw money at your oponient... and you have a killer broom.... and well, other than that you suck," Luna explained to me.
"You really know how to lower a guy's ego. Alright, where's this transformation thingy?" I replied back at Luna. Artemis jumped out of the window next, carrying a golden coin in his mouth.
"This is it. Just flip it, and shout, "IamnotevenarealscoutlunaandtheothersfeltbadformethatiswhytheygavemethisPOWER!"
"That sounds easy enough," I said, still a little confused. I took the coin out of Artemis's mouth, and flipped it. "IamnotevenarealscoutlunaandtheothersfeltbadformethatiswhytheygavemethisPOWER!" I was then transformed into a Tuxedo character just like Tuxedo Mask.
"Wow Tuxedo Arcade Guy, you look good!" Super Sailor Moon winked at me.
"Now it's time to try this out. Arcade Broom Sweep!" I shouted pulling a retractable broom out of my belt loop. I swept it at Po's stomach and the heart crystal flung out, and landed back inside Mars. Po went flying back and landed on the ground.
"That's it! That's their weakness! Get rid of the crystals and then they will be venerable to our attack!" Sailor Mars shouted, regaining conscience. Andy winked at her and swept up the other three crystals. Then, Super Sailor Moon and Sailor Mini-Moon used their attacks.
"Big Beastly Heart Attack Thingy!" The rainbow hearts crashed through the tellitubbies again, but this time, they de-transformed, and ran away screaming, "AGH MOMMIE SAVE ME!" Sailor Mini-Moon and Super Sailor Moon gave each other a high five.
"I love you, mommy!" Sailor Mini-Moon jumped into Super Sailor Moon's arms.
"I love you too, little Rini," Super Sailor Moon smiled back. I walked over to them both and gave them a big hug. Suddenly, four full of life scouts ran over to us and joined the big group hug. It was a happy ending, to a sick and twisted tale.
~~~~~CUT! THAT'S A WRAP!~~~~~
"Like, get off of me, you little brat! And you, cape boy, don't touch me! You all have some serious germs," Serena squealed, pushing everyone away from her.
"GREAT JOB EVERYONE! YOU'RE ALL FREE TO GO!" the director yelled, walking out of the shadows.
"DIANA?!?!?!?!?!?! YOU'RE THE DIRECTOR!?!?!?!" Everyone shouted in unison, extremely confused and dumbfounded. A sweatdrop appeared on all of our heads, and we all fell to the ground, our limbs pointed in every which way, like the traditional anime pose!
~*~*~*~THE END~*~*~*~