Title: It Works Both Ways

Authors: Aimee5 & Angel Leviathan

Spoilers: No idea. Everything.

Season: Early Season 7

Disclaimer: We don't own SG-1. And we guess that's no surprise. Damn! Sam owns Jack though.

Notes: This all began with a stereotypical chauvinistic male comment, and grew from there. We thought it was about time women had their say! We're both scarred for life after researching IMS though…! And yes. We are crazy. Enjoy! Established SJ relationship, that only Janet is currently aware of. (If you would like to read further disturbing stories from us, they will soon be heading your way!)

-

Sam blinked. Blinked again. That had to have been the fourth time she'd seen him storm down the corridor outside her lab. She heard a thud and an expletive, before she grinned across the lab bench at Janet, hearing the rather loud and degrading reprimand that was fired at the SF posted just down the hallway, "…I guess this is another one of his 'days'," she raised an eyebrow.

"Time of the month?" Janet smirked.

She laughed aloud, "I'm sure he appreciates you saying that…"

"Well, I am his doctor."

"Right. Like that's a medical condition."

Janet sat up straighter, her eyes serious, though her grin lightening the situation, "No, it really is!"

Sam playfully craned her neck towards the door, knowing that, had she even been able to see down the hallway from her position, Jack would be long gone anyway.

"Nooo," she almost whispered, her friend's grin infectious. She leaned in closer, "Tell me more."

"Well…" Janet started, "…It's more commonly known as 'Irritable Man Syndrome'…" she tried to keep a straight face.

"You what? You're kidding!" Sam exclaimed, struggling not to laugh.

"I am not!" she affected outrage, "Who's the doctor here, Sam?"

"…Well, technically-"

"Alright, Miss Doctor-of-Astrophysics, point taken. But you'd better pay attention or this could have dire consequences for you…" Janet threatened.

Sam didn't like the sound of this, "…Like what?"

"Like having to put up with that," she gestured down the corridor, "for a good while."

The Major grimaced, "Can't I just feed him chocolate?"

"Doesn't work that way with men…"

"What else should I know about?"

Janet paused, thinking of how to phrase what could otherwise simply come out as a medical lecture. "Okay, well, severe irritability, but we already know that one."

Sam indicated for her friend to continue.

"Hot flushes…"

"Well, he did look a bit red in the face, but I put that down to the whole 'yelling at the SF' thing," Sam mused, before meeting Janet's eyes once again. "What else?"

Janet bit her lip, torn between smiling evilly and looking sympathetic. "Loss of sex drive."

Sam looked at her. "Joke?" she tried, hopefully.

Janet shook her head.

Sam was quiet for a moment, before standing up determinedly. "I'll be damned if that happens!"

"And what are you going to do about it?" the petite woman smiled 'innocently'.

She glanced back at her, "…Do you really want to know?"

"…In some ways…yes…in a lot of other ways…no…" Janet frowned, "Actually…I've heard of something that…gets everything back in order…" she proposed.

"Really?" Sam sat back down, too interested for her own good.

"…It involves herbs."

"Herbs?" she deadpanned, "I have to go out and pick herbs? I'd rather do it the-"

"'Interesting' way?"

"…Now that you mention it…" Sam grinned.

"No, no, it's a tablet they have to take," Janet explained.

"…So I just slip it in his coffee or something?"

"I wouldn't," she shook her head, "It…might give him…a…little surprise…"

"A 'little' surprise?"

"Quite the contrary."

Sam's eyes widened and she backed away from the lab bench, "Are we talking about the same pills here?"

Janet pursed her lips. "Sort of."

"Janet," Sam warned, "You're telling me to give him…"

"No! No, no," Janet cut her off hastily, "another type. It has the same effect, but to a lesser extent. It's a herbal pill that is known to help combat 'IMS'."

"'IMS'?" Sam asked, trying to keep up.

"'Irritable Man Syndrome'. Sam, do I have to keep saying it?" Janet asked, almost embarrassed, regardless of her status as a medical doctor.

"Sorry, sorry," Sam replied, momentarily forgetting the real conversation at hand and grinning at her friend's uncomfortable position.

"Anyway, as far as I can see it, you have two options," Janet continued, glad she was past discussing the details and could go back to vague mentions.

"Yes," Sam pondered, "it appears I do…"

"You can resort to the medical profession…"

"Or," she stood up, a cross between a glare and a grin on her features, "I can go home and give him a night to remember."

"Any clue as to which one you might be choosing?" Janet raised her eyebrows.

Sam was halfway to the door, "That," she grinned, "I'll leave to your imagination…" she swung the door open, "Night, Jan!"

"Night, Sam!" she called after her friend, "…And I'd really rather you didn't!"

-

Early the next morning the two women ran into each other in one of the many corridors of the SGC, one of them with a huge smile on her face.

"Well, was it IMS?" Janet asked, conspiratorially.

Sam grinned, breezing down the hallway. "Nope! Sure wasn't that!"

-

Fin