It took Brennan a year to visit his grave. The last time she had stood in this spot was the day of his funeral. She remembered everything about that day. His casket being lowered into the ground, the smell of the fresh soil, the single yellow rose she had thrown into his open grave. She remembered gripping the rose so tightly, the thorn pricked her skin drawing blood before she let it go.
That day she had been...inconsolable. She never knew she could be so emotional. She had cried in her fathers arms for the first time in at least twenty five years.
Time passed as it does and here she stood a year later. Instead of being surrounded by her friends and co-workers, she stood alone.
She has a promise to keep. She finds herself kneeling to the ground in front of his headstone.
Seeley Booth, Devoted Father, Loyal Friend, Hero. She smiles tracing the words. That about summed up her partner.
Brennan clears her suddenly dry throat. "B-Booth..." It felt strange for her to say his name again. "I came Booth. I would have come sooner but..."
This is foolish, she decides, she stands up quickly, crossing her arms in front of herself and stares down at the headstone.
"I feel ridiculous talking to..." She wasn't sure she could continue. "Can you even hear me?" She laughs at the strangeness of the situation, then takes a breath, I can do this, she decides. "I miss you, Booth. I thought it would get easier, it's supposed to isn't it? That's what they say...I really wish I knew who 'they' were." She pauses. "If it happens you really are watching me...you already know...what I did..after you died."
"It took me almost three months to make the decision to go ahead with what we planned." She continues. "It's amazing Booth, every day, it's amazing, the most fulfilling experience of my life." She smiles wiping the tears that fall from her eyes. "I wanted to thank you. Thank you for my son. I just wish..."
She turns around suddenly hearing the rustle of footsteps on the grass behind her. Angela is walking slowly towards her, in her arms is a tiny bundle wrapped in blue. Walking beside her is a blond headed little boy.
"Bones!" The boy calls running towards her waving madly.
"Parker." Brennan embraces him. "Hey, Sweetie." she brushes the blond curls from his eyes.
"We were worried when you didn't turn up for work." Angela explains their presence, she kisses her friends cheek. "Then I realized what day it was, I picked up the baby from the nanny and Parker from Rebecca's. We didn't want you to be alone today."
"I'm fine, Angela." Brennan says automatically, how many times had she said she was fine over the past year? "But thank you for coming." She adds appreciatively and holds out her hands for the baby and Angela places him in her arms. "Hey, sweetheart." She kisses the sleeping childs forehead inhaling his scent. "How did you know I would be here? I've never..."
"Women's intuition, and I know you, remember?" Angela smiles.
"Hi Daddy!" Parker sits on the grass in front of his father's grave. "I went to the zoo last week with Uncle Lance and we saw the monkeys, it was great! A bird pooped on Lance's head, it was so funny!" The little boy laughs at the memory.
"How can he do that? Talk to him like he is right here?" Brennan couldn't help being envious of the boy.
"Kid's." Angela shrugs. "They adapt."
"Did you see my new brother, Daddy? All he does is cry and poop and spit up. Bones says he will be more fun in a few more years time, then he can play hockey with me, right Bones?"
"That's correct." Brennan nods. "Adequate hand eye co-ordination will develop at approximately age six." She adds, much to the young boys confusion. "Parker, you know you can call me Temperance right? Or Brennan?"
Parker wrinkles his nose looking up at her. "No. I want to call you Bones, my daddy called you Bones. Bones is a cool name!"
Brennan and Angela couldn't help but exchange smiles.
They watched Parker continue his one sided conversation with his father for several minutes.
"Did you say what you wanted to say to him?" Angela asks her friend in a soft tone.
Brennan shrugs. "I'm not sure...I can't talk to him, not like Parker can anyway." She looks down at the little boy who was still chatting away to the headstone. "I feel self conscious and ridiculous...Ange, do you really believe he can hear me?"
Angela is quiet for a moment considering her answer. "It doesn't matter what I believe. Maybe he can, maybe he can't, just pretend it's a regular day and you and Booth are having another one your in depth discussions that none of the rest of us were ever privy to." She smiles, then asks. "What do you want to believe?"
"I want to believe he can hear me." Brennan kisses her baby's forehead again. "It's hard for me to do that though, I'm a scientist, I believe in facts, what I see in front of me."
"Sweetie, you're also a human being, why do you always forget this? You lost someone. You lost your partner, your friend, your baby's father. Booth wanted to be apart of his life." She looks at the sleeping baby in Brennan's arms.
"I miss him so much." Brennan's voice breaks and her face crumbles. "He should be here. He is supposed to be here." She swipes away the tears with the back of one hand.
"Tell him." Angela nods towards the headstone. She holds out her arms for the baby and Brennan hands him over. "Tell him." She says again, more forcefully, holding the child against her shoulder, she reaches down with her free hand and takes Parker's waiting hand. "We'll meet you at the diner."
Brennan nods and watches them walk away waving again to Parker.
She takes several breaths then turns back to the headstone. "I miss you Booth." She whispers. "You were supposed to be fine...statistically.." No. No more science, she chastises herself. "Damn." She sighs. "I bet you are laughing at me. I can see you laughing at my attempts to..." Her eyes widened and her lips curl into a smile suddenly as she realizes something. "I can see you..." She says in awe. "And you are laughing at me. Booth, this isn't funny...I'm trying to talk to you...I miss you...I wish you could meet him...our baby...he looks just like you sometimes..." She pauses.
"You weren't supposed to die in that operating room. I find myself very angry at you at times, it's irrational to be angry at a dead person and that makes me even more irritated. Sweet's says its normal to feel anger towards the deceased. You know I don't believe in psychology but I feel like you betrayed me. You left me." She frowns, gritting her teeth together, feeling her face flush. "We were a team and you broke up our partnership." She lets out a breath. "See, now you are making me angry, again!" She says loudly, almost a shout. She looks around the quiet cemetery to make sure no one heard her, fortunately the area Booth was buried in was free of people at the moment .
"I'm still talking to myself." Brennan shakes her head feeling defeated. "This is just too hard."
She looks down at the ground. "I'm trying, Booth. It's hard talking to you like this." She reaches for the headstone and runs her fingers over his name again.
"But I'll keep on trying." She promises.