AN: We need more genderswap stories. Yeah.

Three hairs.

Three bloody grey hairs.

That's three more than yesterday, and Tetsuko'd be damned if there'll be another three tomorrow. They've been trickling in lately…like tourists to a blasted holiday resort. But the problem was they're there to stay, unless she did something about it.

Reaching up with baleful glare, she tugged the offenders out. She briefly wondered if there was a NEXT with powers to zap out grey hair. She'd be more than happy to pay that person a visit, evil or no.

While she's at it, how about finding a NEXT who can turn back time too? Staring back at the mirror was a woman facing the edge of middle age crisis. No matter which angle she saw herself, she still couldn't mentally Photoshop out those varicose veins, cellulite…and good God, are her breasts starting to sag? Motherhood really was the pits. She resented those lingerie models who'd bounced back into their fab pre-baby bodies as if they hadn't just squeezed a watermelon out of their orifice and then saying they actually enjoyed motherhood. Tch, harlots. What do they know? Tetsuko realized that whatever genetic wonder she was bestowed with, having those of a model's wasn't part of the list. She was turning into Baba Yaga, she could feel it. Soon she'll run away and live in a hut with crow's feet. Or was it chicken?

She pulled on a shirt, briefly dreading the thought of her email inbox flooded by greetings of what a happy day today was. She could just hear their voices, without knowing who the sender was. Happy birthday! And again, happy birthday! Keith. Happy birthday, sweetums. Have a margarita on me. Do they even have margaritas over there? Nathan. Yo…happy birthday, princess. Get your ugly ass back here pronto so we can finish our round. Antonio. Pao-Lin and Ivan would likely pepper their chirpy greetings with LOLs and smiley faces, while Karina would shoot out something similar. And Bunny…

Well, Bunny. Hm.

Now that's a conundrum.

Tetsuko never imagined she'd ever wish this on her birthday, but she hoped he'd forgotten this time.

Muramasa actually smiled at her when she stepped out of her room. She quirked her brows, but smiled back nonetheless. Kaede bounded up and threw her arms around her.

"Happy birthday, mum," she grinned, giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. "Come on down. We've prepared something we know you'll like."

"What, it's not another baking set, is it?" Tetsuko joked. Her resume in cake making hasn't exactly been extensive.

"Oh, no. Something even better. Now, close your eyes."

"When I'm on the stairs?"

"Fine, close them before you go into the kitchen."

Tetsuko had counted her blessings, and was glad that she had any. Kaede had morphed from a mum-hating kid to a mum-hating teenager…but she supposed that's normal. She'd put up with enough Jekyll and Hyde-like moodswings to realize that teens were supposed to be monsters. But there'd be times, unexpected times, when Kaede would open up and let her mother into her world. Granted, it was awkward and tentative at first, but now that it's becoming more of a regular occurrence, Tetsuko supposed that whatever list of disappointments Kaede had stacked up against her had been atoned for bit by bit.

She felt movement beside her, and hands touching hers. Muramasa and Kaede were guiding her into the kitchen.

"No peeking," Kaede warned.

Tetsuko heard some scrabbling, followed by a metallic-sounding rattle. "Can I look now?" she asked.

Kaede made her stop, then said: "Ok, now."

Tetsuko opened her eyes. Her grin faded when she saw the rectangular thing before her.

"Oh, no," she breathed. "You guys really didn't-"

Nathan Seymour was a social network all by himself. Hidden inside that twice-bleached and Seraphine Pink-coloured head was the mind of a military tactician, and anyone whose been in his place for long enough knew that knowledge was the real power.

There'd been rumours circulating within the Hero grapevine, and he'd been proud to admit (silently, of course) that he was the one who started it. Wild Tigress was coming back to Sternbild, but this time as a teacher. Hero Academy had offered her a position. Contract basis, starting off with the standard six-month probation period.

Nathan never once believed that retirement was for Tetsuko. She was the kind of woman who had to do something. An image of the Wild Tigress sitting at home, twiddling her thumbs up her ass was a sad one. An image of Barnaby carrying about his work and acting as if he didn't care was an even sadder one. Nathan knew, with as much certainty as the next Alexander McQueen sale, that something had gone down between them, and no amount of poking and prodding on Barnaby's part would elicit any form of concrete answer from the man. He'd dodged questions the same way he dodged bullets, albeit in a very maddeningly polite way. Nathan felt compelled to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him at times.

Well, there's more than one way to fix a broken nail, and there's certainly plenty more ways for Nathan to get some juicy gossip out of those two. The first step was to get Tetsuko back to the city. A little business powwow with the Hero Academy's director took care of that. Helios Energy's generous contribution, along with the promise of a brand new VR training facility came with Tetsuko attached, and the director was more than happy to oblige. He'd always welcomed former Heroes joining the teaching staff, and if it meant having Barnaby jumping aboard in the long run, then all the better.

If it were any other crazed megalomaniac conceiving his ultimate dastardly plan, he would've sealed it with a triumphant 'Mmwahahaaaa!' followed by the customary thunderclap. But this was Nathan, and he chuckled quietly instead, examining his manicured nails with microscopic scrutiny. Oh, he's brilliantly fabulous. He couldn't wait to see Handsome's response after all this.

"Don't say I never did anything for you, girl," he purred smugly to himself.

Tetsuko stared morosely at the computer screen, mentally composing the email she'd been dreading to send. Dear Mr. Brooks- no, too formal. Whazzup man?- nah, too ghetto. Hey, howzit shakin'? – oh, God. That's too…whatever.

With a resigned sigh, she began typing.

Yo, Bunny,

So you've probably heard by now, but if you hadn't, then…well, you'd better prepare yourself. This old woman that is you ex-partner is coming back to Sternbild! Hahaha, thought you've seen the last of me, eh? Fat chance, buddy! Anyway, so…um, just so we're clear…I don't want things to get weird between us, okay? Not that things were weird before…but I meant weird as like that time when Ivan said he had some neko hentai…

Tetsuko paused, fiercely debating how she should end the message. She typed in the next three words, erased it, tried again, resisted the urge to delete it again, and simply went on:

So I hope that we could asgasfdegasdaf-

Tetsuko slumped in her seat, quite taken over by the brain fart moment she just had. This is stupid. She sounded like some lovesick schoolgirl! Bunny would never accept this! Shit.

"Oi, Tetsu! What're you doing? If you wait any longer, the car'll drive itself!" Muramasa hollered from the front door.

"Okay! Okay!" Tetsuko shouted, getting to her feet. "Just needed to grab something!" she went on, then dashed upstairs.

Kaede darted out from the kitchen, waving a small travel pouch. "Mum, you forgot your vitamins again! Honestly, you always forget the important stuff!"

She stopped short in front of the computer. The email addressed to Barnaby was still on, and a message flashed: Auto-saving to Drafts. She pursed her lips and shook her head, bending over to add a brief line at the bottom before pressing the 'Send' button.

"Mum, I'm shutting down the computer! You're not in the middle of doing anything important, are you?" she called out.

Tetsuko emerged from the stairs, looking visibly flustered. "Eh. Ah, yeah. Um, j-just close everything up, will you? Thanks! Er, you didn't happen to read anything…did you?"

"Please. I've got better things to do than poke around your emails, mum," Kaede deadpanned, dropping the vitamin pouch onto her mother's hand as she brushed past. "Now come on! It's two hours to Sternbild and you still need to unpack once you're there."

"Er. Right you are," said Tetsuko, shooting the computer an uncomfortable look before hurrying after Kaede.

About a hundred miles away, Barnaby sneezed. Somebody must've been thinking of him. Tetsuko had always believed that kind of superstitious nonsense. He'd retorted that if that was the case, then he, as the undisputed King of Heroes, would be sneezing every five seconds.

His phone suddenly chirped. He sighed, flipping it open. If it's another spam message from his telco provider, why he'll-

He frowned. It was a message from Tetsuko. So she'll be coming over to Sternbild. Well that's a…surprise. He'd reached the part where she broke off into a nonsensical garble and shook his head. That's very much like her. He could almost see her flailing her hands and rolling her eyes as she typed this. The final sentence, however, intrigued him.

So, come over to my old apartment and I'll show you what Kaede got me for my birthday.

A friendly gesture? Or simply her way of saying she wanted to pick things up where they left? The sudden change of tone almost made him believe that someone else had added the last part before sending it off without Tetsuko's knowledge.

But that didn't matter. The point was she's coming, and he felt slightly guilty for not wishing her happy birthday. He'd remembered, of course, but he couldn't for the life of him understand why he can't do something he'd always done naturally when they were working together.

Maybe it's that weird factor. Yes, that must be it. But she didn't want it to be weird, so he could somewhat go with that. And…what's all this nonsense about Ivan's hentai? He mentally filed it under 'Irrelevant', positive that it was something he didn't need to know.

He snapped his phone shut. It's time he'd thought of some suitable welcome back gift for her.

Tetsuko exited the toll and drove up the flyover linking directly to the highway. Inside her breast pocket was the final cheque her brother gave her for working at his liquor store. It was…significantly more than her usual pay, but he'd waved her protests aside and gave her a tight hug instead.

"Stay out of trouble, willya?" he'd whispered fiercely to her. "I mean it."

Kaede finished texting her friends, and said to her mother. "So I bet your Hero friends have got a party all planned out."

"Ha, I doubt it. I haven't told anyone about my job yet."

"Really? Not even Barnaby?"

"Nothing's confirmed yet, remember? I still have to attend the interview."

"Uh-huh. And yet you still brought all of your stuff with you."

Tetsuko chuckled. "Ok, Miss Sherlock. Who taught you to be observant all of a sudden, hm?"

"Just thought that Barnaby would like to know, that's all," Kaede retorted sulkily.

"Well then, why don't you text him and tell him I'm coming? I know you have his number, BarnabysFutureWife," said Tetsuko, quoting her daughter's IM username.

That, however, didn't elicit the response she was expecting. Kaede merely snorted and waved a hand dismissively. "That's so yesterday's news, mum. He's too old for me. Besides, everyone knows he's got the hots for you."

Tetsuko, who was signalling to get to the next lane, suddenly swerved, causing the EconoVan behind her to parp angrily and zoom past her.

"Eeh, what?!" she squawked. "Is that really what everyone thought? Sorry, Mister Van!"

"Hmph." Kaede threw her a derisive look. "Don't think I don't know what the two of you did on your last night at Sternbild! I've got the pictures and everything!"

The horror of horrors dawned on Tetsuko's face as a single, desperate train of thought sped past her mind. Oh, God. Please don't tell me someone saw us going to his place. And…and that one time in his car…oh, dear…

"You were at the Cultural Expo, acting all lovey dovey and everything! He even had his arms around you!"

"Eh?" Oh, that time. "Come on, it was chilly! He was just keeping me warm!"

"It was in the middle of summer! Honestly, mother. Sometimes I don't know if you're really getting senile, or you just deliberately don't remember! As for warm, I'm sure certain bits of his were getting toasty enough, but that is something I don't even want to think about!"

"Well, good! Because you're still too young to think about his bits…or any other guy's bits for that matter!" Tetsuko shot back.

Kaede humphed again, muttering something along the lines of "…'m already thirteen…" Tetsuko could literally write an entire dictionary of teenager responses, from simple grunts to monosyllabic words like 'Out' and 'No', by just observing her daughter.

They drove along in silence for while, the sounds of Kaede's latest mp3 collection warbling through the stereo system.

"Just tell me something," she finally said. "Are you replacing dad?"

Tetsuko sighed. She hated that question. "Kaede, no one can replace him. I told you that many times, remember?"

"Yeah," she said, turning to look out the window. "Sure." Her face, however, indicated that she wasn't too happy about Tetsuko's answer.

The former Hero pursed her lips. It wasn't the first time that she wished she had telepathic powers. She'd come to dread the closed-off expression her daughter sometimes wore. It made her wonder what other screw-up she'd unknowingly committed this time.

She'd paid a visit to the cemetery the day before yesterday. It seemed like a foolish notion, but she really wished she could hear her husband's advice again. She lit the incense, pressed it upon the earth, and leaned back on her heels as she looked up at his tombstone.

"I feel stupid talking to a piece of rock," she said. "But you're the best listener I've ever known…and I just wish there's a way to bring you back." She paused, collecting her thoughts. The sickly sweet smell of sandalwood and myrrh mingled in the air, strangely reminding her of Bunny. That man was big on aromatherapy, and was deeply offended when she once made fun of it. Tetsuko unconsciously let out a laugh.

"Sorry, mind's wandering a bit there. So I'll be going back to Sternbild again. Hah, thought I was done with that place, but guess I was wrong. Um, wish me luck on my new job, okay?"

Tetsuko could almost imagine her husband reflected on the marble surface of the tombstone, pushing his glasses up his nose, smiling and nodding at her.

"About Kaede…well, she no longer hates me a lot…that just means she hates me a bit. Did you know she's become quite a smartass? I blame your genes for that. Anyway, the girl worships you. Well, she worships Bunny, actually. I can't believe she's got close to fifty of his autographs by now. God only knows what she does with them. Probably as wallpaper? Looking at her, I sometimes can't help but wonder…" Tetsuko trailed off, biting her lower lip.

"Maybe the wrong parent died."

There. She'd said it. It shouldn't be said, but she did anyway.

"Anata," she sighed. "I'm scared shitless here. Please tell me what to do."

She waited. For what? Whatever response her husband could give her were now swallowed beneath six feet of earth. The idealistic part of her imagined some sort of sign, maybe a shower of cherry blossoms, or a white dove flying overhead.

She pressed her palms flat together and offered a silent prayer. The wind had dried her tears by the time she left. On a sudden whim, she found herself at the nearby shinto shrine. She remembered dragging Antonio all the way there during their school days; they'd prayed for stupid, juvenile things and tried to steal from the offertory box. God, they really were a bunch of rascals.

Tetsuko ambled over to the ema board, eyes wandering idly over the messages scrawled over the plates. Please marry me. Please give me that promotion. Please heal my grandmother. Help me win the lottery.

"Heh, I could do with a little lottery win myself," Tetsuko chuckled to herself. She suddenly stopped, cocking her head sideways. Her hand slowly came up to unhook a curiously written ema. For a long moment she stared at it, wondering if she was seeing things.

Please make my mother happy. -K. Kaburagi-

There was a childish scrawl of a tiger's head at the bottom.

Tetsuko didn't know how it happened, but at that moment, this was the answer she was looking for.

"Eh?" she said, shaking herself out of the past. "You said something?"

"I said you shouldn't worry about me," said Kaede, eyes still watching the landscape blurring past. "You need to find someone who'd take care of you."

"You mean, like a nursing home? Is that where you're dumping me once you get old enough?"

"Mum, I'm serious!" Kaede snapped to the background of Tetsuko's tinkling laughter.

"Okay, okay…peace! Rock Bison's taking care of me. You know he's your godfather, right? Isn't that cool? How many kids can actually say they've got Heroes looking out for them? Hm?"

"I suppose."

"Come on, Kaede. You're getting all mopey again, just like Bunny! I swear he's a bad influence on you! Look, we'll check out Hero Academy together, just you and me. Who knows, maybe in three years' time you'll have me as your teacher when you enroll there. I'll be sure to give you passing marks anytime. 100% guarantee!"

"That's favouritism, and I will not stand for it! If I earn merit based on who I know and not my real talents, then what's the point of working hard?"

Tetsuko was visibly taken aback. "Sheesh, what's wrong with kids these days? All of a sudden everyone's all goody-two-shoes. I was just saying, ok? I'm putting the idea out there, so it's up to you whether you want to take it up or not. Besides, don't knock it until you've tried it. You have any idea how tough exams are? I always fail mine."

"That's because you always study at the last minute. Dad told me."

"Eh? Ah? Is that so? Well…ahaha, I guess he's right," Tetsuko grinned, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. "Lucky for you, mama's here to help you out anytime!"

Kaede rolled her eyes, and uttered the textbook reply teenagers used to underline the ignorance of adults: "Whatever."

Episode the next: Bunny meets Tetsuko's birthday gift.