Disclaimer: "Scarecrow and Mrs. King" is copyrighted to Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions. The plot is mine, but not the characters. This story is meant for enjoyment purposes only. No infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Thank you to Taya for the quick and always positive beta work! She makes this story so much more than it was. Any mistakes that are left are all mine.

I wrote this for the Martha Smith Scene Writing Challenge for the 35th Anniversary. I was able to incorporate all of the expected attendees. It was not chosen to be read but it amused me to write it, so I thought I would change it from a scene to a story and post it. Hope it amuses you when you read it.

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Beaman cautiously approached Francine's desk, "Ummmm, Francine, may I ask you a question?"

"Sure Effraim, what can I help you with?" Francine turned her chair from her desk to look up at Beaman who was standing looking apprehensive.

"Well, why won't you go out with me? Every Christmas I ask and every Christmas you laugh at me and walk away." Beaman reached up to adjust his glasses that had slipped down his nose.

"Maybe if you asked me before you hit the eggnog and didn't offer me your car or try to get me to run away with you to raise goats, maybe then I would consider a date with you." Francine swung her chair around again to face her computer.

"You do have a point, but when it comes to asking you out, I need the confidence eggnog brings me. There is no eggnog in sight, and I haven't had a drink in over 36-hours. I'm not handing you my car keys, I'm simply asking you to go out to dinner and maybe a movie sometime. I really like you, Francine. Please consider it." Beaman looked at the back of Francine's head hoping for some sign that she might have heard the sincerity in his voice.

Suddenly, as if coming from thin air, Lee appeared. "Don't answer him." Lee pulled her chair from behind her desk to the middle of the aisle, and spun it so she was now looking only at him, leaving Beaman behind her. Continuing, "Francine, I love you, I always have. Let's ask Billy for a transfer to our Paris office. There we can eat the finest food, shop in the most expensive boutiques, on your expense account, of course. We can live the life you were always destined to live." Lee knelt in front of her, pulled her hand from her lap and started to kiss it lavishly.

Striding out of Billy's office, Paul Barnes approached the group and pushed Lee aside. "Francine, not a word until you've heard all of the offers on the table. I have wanted you since the first day I saw you but I wasn't man enough for you then. I needed to become the Agency's top agent."

Lee stood up, mumbling just loud enough to be heard, "Uh, that would be me."

Paul glared, "Stow it, Scarecrow. Now, where was I…"

Lee, once again mumbled, "And you said I was the one without a brain."

Paul turned to Lee in a threatening manner, "I mean it, Scarecrow. Not one more word."

Paul brought his attention back to Francine and continued "Let me start over. I needed to become the top agent, become a financial genius, a magnificent lover, someone worthy of your love. I have done that. Forget about Beaman's pathetic offer of dinner and a movie, and Lee's transparent attempt of buying your love. Marry me and I'll claim my family's title and castle in England. We will be Lord and Lady Barnes."

Francine looked up at Paul, her eyes wide in wonderment, "Exactly how big is this castle?"

Appearing out of thin air, Jake Williamson swooped in, "Excuse me, Francine, I know you don't know me well."

Francine spun her chair to face Jake and quirked her head to the side, "I don't know you at all."

Smiling, Jake explained, "Well, I've been watching you from afar and I think I love you."

Francine's curiosity was now peaked. She couldn't get a clear picture of the man who was standing in front of her. It was like her contacts were in the wrong eyes and she couldn't focus. "Who are you exactly and why are you all smokey and fuzzy?"

Jake nodded his head in understanding and extending his hand he explained, "Sorry, where are my manners? I'm Jake Williamson. I'm the guy who tried to steal the plans for the bomb and got Amanda's clearance pulled."

Still trying to focus on the man in front of her but not being able to come up with a clear picture, Francine addressed Jake, "Sorry, you need to be more specific, there were at least two of you that tried that."

"You're right." Jake brought his hand to his chin and rubbed, "Let me see, oh, I know what would distinguish me from the other one. I'm the one that this jerk," pointed to Lee, "blew up."

Lee turned his attention to Jake, "That wasn't me, that was Amanda that set the bomb off."

Jake turned to Lee, "Semantics, what does it matter, I'm dead."

Finally understanding, Francine nodded, "Ah, that's why all the smoke and fuzziness, you're a ghost."

"Yes, I am. I hope that doesn't take me out of the running. I've been floating around you for weeks now, hoping you would notice me." Jake floated down to look Francine in the eye.

"I'm sorry, Jake. But I have to draw the line at dating the dead. I really need someone who is...well...alive." Francine swung her chair back to face Paul.

Jake, clearly disappointed, "It's okay. I understand. I guess I'm going to have to get my jollies from haunting that mean guy on the 4th floor. He doesn't like it when I make his cigarettes float. Oh no, I've got to disappear now. He's coming. I don't want him to see me."

"Desmond!" Dr. Smyth's bellow echoed through the bullpen.

"Oh please, not you too!" Francine rolled her eyes while turning her chair to where the voice seemed to be coming from.

Dr. Smyth smiled a soft smile at her, "Oh no, as lovely as you are, Dear, you are not my type. But if you pick the brainless one, I might try asking Amanda out."

Francine gasped, "Amanda! Why Amanda?"

Dr. Smyth tried to explain, "Well, there was that moment at the elevator at Christmas time. A simple kiss."

Angrily, Lee turned to look at Smyth, "Amanda kissed you?"

"Hey! I thought you wanted me?" Francine crossed her arms across her chest and started to stand, only to be pushed back into her chair by Paul from behind her.

Lee ran his hand through his hair, obviously confused, "I do, it's just, well, old habits die hard."

Frustrated, Dr. Smyth bellowed as he stomped out of the bullpen, "Enough Kiddies! Francine make your choice quick before Fred Fielder shows up professing his love too. Billy might allow all this nonsense in the bullpen, but since he's not here, I'm telling you all, get back to work! We have a country to protect."

Lee, not wanting to drag this out any longer, dropped to his knee in front of Francine. "Francine, Smyth is right. You have to end our misery and let those two bozos get back to their mundane lives."

Not sure what was going on, Francine questioned, "I thought you loved Amanda?"

Lee, softly smiled at her, "I do, well, I did but she's missing one thing."

"What's that?" Francine signed, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"She's not you." Lee stated before he lowered his lips to hers only to be stopped suddenly by a voice coming from behind him.

"Lee?" Jamie timidly called out

Francine pushed Lee away and stood up, "Hold it right there. You have to be," holding her hand up to her shoulder to indicate a height, "at least this tall to ride this ride."

Jamie approached the group and babbled while he pushed his glasses up his nose, "Ms. Desmond, you're pretty and all, but I'm only 12, though my mother keeps telling people I'm 8. I still think girls are, well, gross. Now, if Phillip were here, he had a football game and a date so he couldn't come, but if he were here, I'm sure he would throw his hat into the ring. Well, if mom allowed him to, and he will be that tall real soon, I'm sure."

Turning to the young man that was now standing next to Lee, Francine demanded, "Then what are you doing here?"

Jamie looked at Francine earnestly, "I'm here to ask Lee not to leave my mom." Standing tall, he directed his explanation to Lee, "She really loves you; you make her happy. She smiles and sings more now than she ever has. Also, Grandma thinks you're an 11 and you have your own hair, for some reason that seems important to her. On top of all that, well, Phillip and I need you. Who's going to teach Phillip how to drive or throw a spiral or pick up girls? And I need you to talk mom into letting me get contacts. I mean, Phillip's right, I'm always going to be a dorkface if I wear these oversized glasses. Please Lee, stay with mom. We need you."

Lee looked at the floor to avoid Jamie's eyes, "Jamie, you and Phillip have your father to teach you those things. He's a good man, though a little straight laced. I'm sure once I'm no longer in the picture, your mom and dad will get back together."

"Lee, I love my dad, I always will but where do you think I get my dorkiness from? He picked out the glasses." Jamie let out a frustrated sigh.

As if appearing out of nowhere, Amanda admonished her son, "Jamie, don't call your father a dork. He's a very nice man who loves you."

Frustrated, Lee stared at Amanda, "Why do you always stick up for him?"

"Lee, I've explained this to you. He's the boys' father and because of that I will always love him, but I'm in love with you." Amanda touched Lee's arm.

Lee pushed her hand from his arm and started to pace in the small space. "Well, I've had enough of Joe this and Joe that. I mean comparing everything I do to him. Joe's a better cook, Joe's a better handyman, Joe's a better lov-"

Amanda stepped in front of Lee to stop his tirade, her face flushed, "Lee, stop, Jamie's listening! I didn't say he was better, I just said I liked the way he did, well, you know what and maybe you could take some pointers."

"No, Amanda, what you said was for me to ask him how. Now that's going too far." Lee wagged his finger at her.

Realizing Lee was right, Amanda shrugged, "Okay, you're right, that is going too far. I'm sorry but is that any reason to leave me for, for . . . her?"

Turning away from his wife, Lee's voice was adamant, "I'm sorry, Amanda. It's over. I want to run away with Francine. Goodbye Amanda, Jamie. Please say goodbye to Phillip and your mother for me."

Stepping forward, Paul, pushed Francine back into her chair. "Enough of this family hour crap, Francine, you must pick me. I'm smarter than these jerks, braver, I have better hair, deeper dimples and well, I'm better in -"

"Careful Wizard, there are children present." Francine waved a hand in front of Paul and then pointed toward Jamie.

Clearing his throat, Paul continued, "Oh right, I'm better at backgammon." He stepped back with a smug look.

"Nobody's better at backgammon than me." Lee challenged

Smugly, Paul smiled at Lee, "That's not what Amanda screamed last Saturday night."

Confusion clouded Jamie's face as he turned to Lee, "My mom doesn't know how to play backgammon."

Reaching to squeeze Jamie's shoulder, Lee confirmed, "Believe me, Sport, your mom is a champion backgammon player."

Smiling at Lee, Amanda wrapped her arm around Lee, "Thank you, Sweetheart. You get better with practice and well, I do like to practice."

"Having played backgammon with both of you gentlemen, I have to say that Lee is a much better strategist, while Paul plays a mean inside game. Both different but equally enjoyable."

Lee and Paul yelled "Ava!" as she sauntered through the bullpen.

"Yes, men, it's me." She purred while wedging her way between the two men.

Detangling himself from Ava, Lee stepped around her to face Paul, "How do you know Ava?"

Paul stood to his full height and looked Lee square in the eye, "We met in London years ago. Spent some time together. She helped me out with a case, similar to how Amanda helped you."

Ava moved between the two men again, "Oh, Mandy. That's right. Is that how you met the little woman Lee? You picked her up off a street corner? How is she?"

Oblivious until now to Ava, Amanda spoke up making her presence know. "I'm fine. It was a train station and my name is Amanda, not Mandy."

Laughing, Ava never took her hands off Lee and Paul but started eyeing Effraim who had leaned up against the cubicle across from Francine, "Sure it is, Dear. So why are three men fighting over this bottle-dyed blonde when I'm here and available since my husband divorced me? Lee has shared me with another man before, I'm sure we can come up with a schedule so we are all satisfied."

Removing her hand, Lee pointed out, "Ava, you do remember that you tried to shoot me?"

Not to be dismissed, Ava, again, placed one hand on Lee, "That was a misunderstanding from our past."

Amanda exclaimed, "If I hadn't taken the bullets out of your gun, Lee would be dead!"

"But you did, so all is forgiven."

Moving out of Ava's reach, Lee scolded, "No, sorry, Ava. All is not forgiven. Now go back to your jail cell where you belong."

Ava took this cue to leave and with a wave of her hand, disappeared from the bullpen.

Amanda looked at a very disappointed Jamie and decided that she had had enough, "Lee, I'm not begging for you to come home, I did that with Joe and I refuse to do it again. I'm taking Jamie, picking up Phillip and will be at Mother and Curt's. If you come to your senses, you can find us there, and you better have flowers, lots and lots of flowers. Come on, Sweetheart, we can discuss getting you contacts in the car." With her arm wrapped around Jamie, Amanda lead him out of the bullpen.

Frustrated, Beaman demanded, "Time's up, Francine. You have to pick. Pick me!"

The men start spinning Francine's chair around and around mumbling "Francine" over and over again until only one voice can be heard.

Beaman yelled, "Francine, wake up. I know this meeting on practices and policies is boring, but it IS mandatory. I know we were out late last night, and I don't mind the light snoring but the drooling on the desk is a little too much."

Lifting her head off of the desk in the Agency classroom, Francine indignantly said, "I do not snore and I certainly do not drool."

Beaman, smiled and pointed, "I beg to differ."

Francine grabbed a tissue from her pocket and wiped the desk before asking, "Effraim, do you play backgammon?"

Confusion washed over his face but Beaman answered her pridefully, "Yes, actually, I'm a master at the game. Why?"

Francine smiled and leaned closer to him, "Come over to my house tonight and find out."

Beaman inched closer to her, "Can I bring anything?"

With a quick kiss, Francine got up from the desk and glided over to the door but stopped and turned to look at him with a twinkle in her eye, "Yes, a bottle of quality chocolate sauce and whipped cream."