Author's Note: I told my friends it was a bad idea for me to attempt the writing of LEGO Movie fanfic. I did it anyway. I have some regrets. This will be an adventure. I'm not sure if that title is going to stick.
Destwuction is Awesome
Prologue
The object stood on a podium in the center of a large, vast, underground chamber. Rectangular in shape, the black object, adorned with many colorful buttons, had waited in its hold for decades.
It was an object of legend, this towering device. In the past, it had been heavily sought after by all the important people in the entire world. This black box of a relic was fought after so much that, eventually, The Man Upstairs took it from the people and hid it away in a cavern where no one would be able to claim it for their own.
For years forces would gather in an attempt to find what had been called The Most Desirable Object in the World. None were able to find it and so, eventually, they gave up and took to other methods to gain power. Some fashioned weapons out of floorboards. Others made majestic dragons or ships or whatever. But none of those even mattered. Nor do they have any importance to plot whatsoever.
What does matter to the plot is the arrival of Queen Fluffybutter, the colorful, blocky leader of the Duplonians. While the people across the universe had forgotten about The Most Desirable Object in the World, Fluffybutter had her one, large eye set on it. She had heard the legends. She knew this object, which she had named The Super Awesome Coolness Wand of Mote (SACWoM for short), was the key to having all power over pretty much everything. She knew this, because that's what she had decided. And she was the Queen of an entire kingdom. So she pretty much had a say over everything that happened anywhere.
It was three minutes after the Queen and her subjects had landed on the plot of land the people called a City that her scouting crew had texted her, with the news they had found the location of the SACWoM. So, her crew of Duplonions were beamed aboard their Party Ship just as fast as they had landed in the City. Much to the confusion of its inhabitants, and the heroes that had just saved it.
With techno music blaring, the massively annoying display of glitter and lights that the Duplonians called a ship soared over the vast ocean, over Cloud Cuckooland, over Middle Zealand, through other different worlds just to make a huge scene, before landing at the foot of the cave.
Bats flopped out of the cave, only to be met by a laser from the docked Duplonian ship. Previously mentioned bats fell into the waves of the ocean below, never to flop again.
Three Duplonians exited the ship in an overdramatic light display. The guards and the vastly more important Queen Fluffybutter stared into the cave, the lights from their Party Ship casting a gleam across their gaudily colorful visage. The large, blocky paws of the guards curled in anticipation. Fluffybutter, who was much braver and cooler than her underlings, rolled her one eye and opened her magnificent maw.
"We are fwom the Planet Du-plo and we have no fear!" her childish voice echoed into the cave.
A rousing speech from their most beautiful and gracious leader. Those left on board the Party Ship applauded her amazing wisdom as the guards in front of her, newlyinvigorated, marched forward. Or, more, see-sawed back and forth forward in odd, clumpy steps.
The cave extended in one giant, straight line, ending at a large, rocky door. A sign with the words 'Chamber of Ultimate Power' set high above the large, hardly unnoticeable keyhole directly in front of Queen Fluffybutter's face. The sight begged to question how, exactly, no one else had managed to find this much coveted chamber and its contents first.
Stupid for them, but pretty great for Fluffybutter and her subjects.
With a roaring voice, the Queen said, "Bwing me the Key of Sowento!"
One of the guards, a tall creature with a gangly and uneven neck, stepped forward. The key he held in his mouth was fairly out of place in their own world. Large and shining silver, with a large, foreboding black box and buttons at the end. They hadn't dared to press the buttons yet, for fear of what they could do.
The guard handed the large, foreboding relic to his leader, who balanced it on her nose.
"Today, we will be victowious!"
The sounds of cheering from the Party Ship outside found its way into the cave. Such beautiful, moving words from their esteemed leader.
Fluffybutter turned round to place the key into the keyhole, and immediately missed her mark. Her guards turned, awkwardly averting their one eyed gazes, so as to not embarrass their ruler.
With a growl, the Queen shoved the key near the hole, missing once more.
"Defy? Me? I. Am. QUEEN!" With each word she jabbed the relic towards the hole and missed each time. "GAH!"
A royal shout of frustration echoed through the cavern as he Queen threw the key to the floor.
The shiny relic hit the ground hard, ricocheted towards a wall, bounced off that, and shot, rather delicately, into the keyhole behind the irate ruler.
A moment of silence and awe was shared by guards and Queen alike until the booming voice of Fluffybutter filled the cave. "VICTOWIOUS!" she shouted, as though she had meant to do that all along.
The guards approached the key where it stuck out of the whole, and turned it. The moment they did, the door roared.
Fluffybutter kneaded the ground in excitement.
"Yes," she purred as the door slowly rumbled open.
"Yes!" the royal shouted as the door continued move at a slow pace.
"YES?!" she screamed, heavily impatient. As though terrified of her horrendous might, the door slid completely open in one solid motion, leaving the Queen to cackle evilly. Her guards behind her cackled as well in a monotonous, childlike tone that was almost exactly the same voice as their ruler.
"Today," Fluffybutter echoed her words from earlier, "we will be VICTOWIOUS!"
She hobbled to the podium, which towered above them, set upon a length of stairs. Without missing a beat, the Queen wiggled up the obstacle, cackling madly to herself.
"Destwuction will be nice~!" she sung. But her mood was shot the moment she reached the top of the podium. For her beloved SACWoM, the relic that would give her complete and total power and control over the entire universe, was not where it should have been. It was gone. And, in it's stead sat a small, out of place note with the words "Lol. First!" scrawled in atrocious writing.
The Duplonian Queen went on a rampage. In one leap, she cleared the stairs, landing on the back of one of her guards (who's nose fell off).
"Ah, oh nooo," said the guard, not as taken aback by the loss of said nose as he should have been.
The Queen was even less worried about her guard's nose.
Her plan. Her masterful super amazing royal plan had been foiled! And by a stupid sticky note. "Lol. First!" What did that even mean! So angered by this turn of events, she opened her massive maw and let loose a small spurt of fire.
Rethinking a plan. Rethinking her perfect plan would take at least five minutes. A precious five minutes her and her subjects just didn't have.
Destruction would have to wait for now. First she had to exact revenge. The Super Awesome Cool Wand of Mote had to be found. And she knew exactly where to start.