AN: I guess you could call this a parody of Persona 4. But then that would justify it.

PERSONA?!!

Chapter 1

RISE OF THE MC

April 11th 2011

Train Station Entrance…

Ryotaro Dojima and his pint-sized daughter Nanako were waiting impatiently for their relative from the city to arrive. A huge pile of cigarettes was building up at Dojima's feet, already taller than his offspring. Because the hot-shot detective couldn't hold more than twenty cigs in his mouth at one time, he enlisted Nanako's help in smoking the ones that couldn't fit.

Nanako coughed and retched horribly, clearly unable to inhale tobacco properly. Dojima sighed, disappointed.

'Damn, lightweight.'

'I (COUGH!) love you, dad.'

'Shut up.'

Finally the train arrived, and bizarrely, only one freaky looking kid with grey hair walked onto the platform; his stern and icy stare belied his age.

'Oh, hey.' Dojima started when he approached him and Nanako. 'We waited here for almost five minutes. Did the train derail because of your fat ass, Souji?'

'Nice to see you again, Dojima-san.' Souji replied, deadpan.

'Yeah, I remember the last time I saw you, you were still wearing diapers. What was that, last Christmas?' Dojima thought to himself. Then he turned to Nanako, who was trying to hide behind a small mountain of cigarettes. 'Hey, Nanako, come over here and say hi to your sexually confused cousin.'

Nanako emerged from behind the cigarette pile, eyeing Souji disapprovingly.

'(Sigh) Dad, you said he was twelve feet tall!'

'Well, I'm sorry. You wouldn't have come to meet him if I said otherwise!'

Nanako gave Dojima a little girl slap on his flank, to which the fully-grown man hollered hysterically and fell to the floor in a heap, screaming the whole way.

'Oh, GOD! Souji, you're gonna have to take me home and cook dinner! And raise Nanako as a supplement father because I'm so damn good at my job!'

'Just give me the keys.'

Seconds later, a red jeep screamed down the sunny roads of Inaba, smashing through columns of trashcans and flipping entire streets worth of parked cars onto their roofs. A few people shrieked and madly dove out of the way before going back to their pointless loitering like nothing had happened.

'More gas!' Souji yelled from the passenger seat as Nanako struggled at the wheel of the car; unable to see over the dashboard. Dojima was unconscious in the back, strapped tightly into a baby seat.

Then, luckily the jeep ran out of juice and cruised to a gentle stop in front of a gas station.

As soon as Souji hopped out of the car, a girl dressed as an attendant of the gas station bolted towards him. He screamed and dove back into the car, locking the doors.

The girl, who for some reason had red eyes and dark-grayish hair, clawed at the window like a manic beast. Nanako, meanwhile, was pumping gas, watching the meter tick upwards patiently.

'Are you a high schooler!?' she screamed, her deep dramatic breaths fogging up the window.

'Go away!' Souji yelled.

'We're ALWAYS looking for part-time helpers! Think about it! We don't give a SHIT if you're still in high school!'

'Nanako! Get us out of here!' He pleaded to his younger cousin, whom finally noticed what was happening and threw open the car door, breaking the lock in the process. 'PUNCH IT!'

With a mighty roar, the two-cylinder vehicle shot off the mark, leaving flaming tire treads in its wake, and taking the attendant girl for a little ride.

As the red jeep tore down the streets at insane speeds, the attendant girl, who was holding onto the rear bumper of the car, hoisted herself up and smashed the rear window inwards with her bare hands.

'PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT!!' She roared, thrusting a calling card towards him like a knife.

'AIIEEEEE!!!!'

Then, Nanako, still driving blindly, pointed a pistol behind her without even turning around and fired a single shot into the girls hand.

Because the car was turning a sharp corner when this happened, the attendant was thrown hundreds of metres from the car before smashing into a well placed telephone pole.

Souji sat up from the back seat of the car, watching the figure that would haunt his nightmares gradually fade from sight.

'Asta la vista, bitch.' He growled, suddenly not feeling too well.

'Are you carsick?' Nanako asked timidly, hitting the curb and driving the car on two wheels.

Souji ignored the question.

X

Later at the Dojima household…

Souji and Nanako dragged themselves out of the car, carrying Dojima by shoulder and feet. The red jeep was a smoldering wreck; it's roof was missing, every window was smashed, the wheels worn down to the rim, huge claw-like gashes were striped across the doors, and a recently- deceased clown was splayed out on the hood.

Inside the house, Nanako put her father to bed before saying goodnight and rushing off to her own room. Nobody had cooked dinner.

Souji stood quietly in the living room for a while, taking in the sights.

So this is the place I'll be staying at for a year…

He recounted the recent events of that day. Slowly.

I'm dead.

With that cheerful thought in mind, he hobbled up the stairs to his room backwards and went off to sleep. (Even though no one had told him where his room was supposed to be)

He dreamed of silly things that night. Mostly about being the main character in a videogame, and people kept calling him stupid names like Dark Omega, or Master President and a whole host of western names that any teenage gamer would have. It was a borderline nightmare. Why did so many people name the main characters in games after themselves? It was downright egotistical.

But aside from that, he had another, much more uninteresting dream, where he was running down a misty corridor of a nameless dungeon, before heading through a trippy square door thingy and engaging in battle with a strange enemy called "Triple Question Mark."

'Wassup, dawg. You'll never solve this whack mystery, homie.' The mist shrouded effigy taunted him.

'I ain't your homie.' Souji growled, selecting the attack command, doing a pathetic 17 points of damage.

'That's shit's for realz, mu-fuhgga. This twist will be all like blat-blat over yo candy ass!'

Then, predictably, Souji's dream faded away before anything exciting could happen. This pissed him off, so he tried to punch the shrouded figure before he passed out completely.

Elsewhere, Nanako was making breakfast; a single, raw egg with a toothpick in it. As she busied herself with the monumental task, an immense crash that shook the entire house came from Souji's room. She rushed upstairs and threw open the door to see her older cousin collapsed atop the coffee table in the centre of the room, his limbs painfully contorted in random directions.

'What happened?' Nanako asked, bewildered.

'I fell off my bed.' Souji replied groggily.

'You sleep on a futon.'

'……'

He was NOT going to survive here for long.

X

AN: I'm sorry. I just had to get this out of my system. Review please. Souji commands it!