Fic Title: Do Over

Author: I Love NASCAR

Pairing: Casey/Munch

Feedback: Please

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own only Kennedy Novak. All the others I promise I will return.

Notes: Takes place after this year's season premiere. My first solo Casey-Munch story.

Summary: A short little piece about what I think happened after Casey was choked.

Olivia Benson caught up with Casey Novak as she was leaving the 16th precinct. "Hey."

"Hey," Casey said quietly, neither woman being in that great of a mood. "I heard what happened. How's Kathy?"

It was hard for Olivia to keep a straight face. While she didn't hate Kathy, she was worried about her partner getting hurt again and, for reasons she didn't understand, missed him, although he was there every day. "Elliot says she's okay. The baby is too."

Casey nodded. "He's got to be scared. It's not even my family and it scared me." She couldn't imagine what she'd do if anyone from one of their cases held someone she cared for hostage.

"It's his worst nightmare come true. Well, maybe not his worst." He was always afraid of his cases coming home though, in one way or another, and only his passion for making the world safe for his kids kept him doing what they did day after day.

"I haven't asked…are you doing okay…with all of this?" Casey turned to one of her best friends, deep concern in her eyes.

She nodded. "Elliot loves his kids. He needs to be with them."

"But…" Casey started, but was cut off.

"I heard what happened in court today." Casey was a walking disaster area, having been badly beaten, held with a gun to her head, and, earlier that day, choked, just in the three years she'd been with the unit. "You okay?"

"I will be…once I see Kennedy." At first, she had been afraid of having a baby, seeing every possible reason not to during work hours, but she'd been too attached to the baby to do anything else. "Liv…I've been having nightmares."

Olivia nodded. "We all do, Casey. It's part of it," she said softly, her turn to be concerned. "About this case or Kennedy or?"

Casey shook her head. "About the one where John and Elliot got shot." She remembered the case from two years ago as easily as it had been the day before. A school shooting, fueled by racism and greed, had cumulated in Munch being shot in the ass, Elliot in the arm, and Casey having a gun pointed at her head.

"We do tend to deal with insanity a lot," Olivia tried to joke, but failed. "Have you talked to him?"

Casey shook her head. "I can't."

"It's time, Casey. You know it's time." She paused and then asked something she never had before. "Does he know…does he know he's the father?"

Casey smiled. "Yeah. He knows. It's not him and her. It's him and me." She shook her head. "I've gotta go home." She paused. "You want some coffee? Talk?" She worried about Olivia, mostly because of the changes Elliot had made, but partly because she seemed tired, on nerve, a lot lately.

"I'm okay, Case. But thank you." Olivia made sure Casey left safely before leaving herself.

Odafin Tutuola looked at his partner as he turned the lamp on his desk off. "You should get out of here."

"Oh, yeah?" John Munch looked up at his seven-year partner, one of his two best friends. "Where should I go?"

"You know damned well where you should go," Fin muttered before speaking up. "Hands were around her neck and she couldn't breathe."

Munch knew instantly who he was talking about, his eyes connecting with his partner. "What?" He looked shocked and not a little frightened.

"Novak. One of the 'personalities' of that girl choked Casey during the trial." Fin referred to the suspect who had passed herself off as having different personalities so she could kill her parents. "You didn't know." He was floored and couldn't have felt like a bigger idiot. He had just assumed Munch was being a stubborn ass, like usual.

John shook his head. "Is she okay? Where is she?"

"Yeah, yeah, she's okay," Fin tried to placate his partner, hoping that it would be the shove he needed to fix things. "You know Casey. She's more pissed off than hurt."

John couldn't help but smile then. All his wives had been beautiful but dumb. Casey was one of the few women he could have a conversation with and he'd always admired how strong and stubborn she was. "Yeah."

"She was here, during your press conference. She watched it here, with us." He had been sure that had meant something, knowing very well that Casey could have watched the news anywhere in Hogan Place; she hadn't had to make the trip over to their precinct. "Look, whatever happened between you guys…"

Munch looked around; the bullpen was empty. "You remember Amy Soloway?"

Fin nodded. "Kinda hard to forget her." Despite all odds and understanding, his partner had developed a connection with the woman who ran a suicide website and had been connected with two of their cases. He looked at his partner and his eyes narrowed. "You didn't sleep with her."

"No, but, the way it ended up, I might as well have." He drew a deep breath and let it out. "I tried to get her a black market kidney. Casey and Elliot caught me…I thought it was worth the risk. No one was going to use it…If they hadn't come…I thought I was dead for sure. Elliot took me aside and Casey took Soloway out to the car. I thought one of them would turn me in, but they never did."

Fin listened, trying to figure it out. Casey had covered for all of them, at one time or another, and, while she got mad, sometimes furious, while it was happening, they were always forgiven soon after. They were too much of a family to be mad for long. "You should talk to her. Tonight."

Munch nodded. "I'll call her." He knew Fin was right; he usually was when it came to Casey.

Fin nodded, grabbing his coat, starting to leave and then turning back. "Hey, Sarge." Munch looked up at him. "I'm glad you're back, partner." He left.

The first thing Casey did when she got home was not change out of her work clothes, even though she hated wearing heels, or eat, although she'd skipped lunch, but go to the nursery. She just watched for a few moments, as Kennedy played with her teddy bears. It had been awhile since she'd come home this early; normally her little girl was long since asleep. Although she was very lucky to know for a fact that Kennedy was safe and well taken care of, she missed her more than words could say.

"Mama?" Kennedy turned, her brown eyes fixating on her mother, lighting up, a smile growing across her face as her tall thin body began to run towards Casey.

Casey smiled, picking her up, kissing her forehead. "Hey, baby." She hugged her four times. "One for Auntie Liv, one for Uncle El, one for Uncle Fin, and one for Daddy." She kissed her head again, stroking her red hair.

"Mama byebye?"

It hurt Casey that Kennedy automatically thought she was leaving because she was able to spend time with her, but she just shook her head. "No, baby. No byebye tonight. Time for sleep."

"Tory, Mama. Tory." Casey had to laugh at her insistent little face, so stubborn and determined, so much like her parents.

Casey got down Kennedy's favorite book, a present from Cragen when she was born. His daughter wrote children's stories, making cops the heroes, but this story had been written especially for Kennedy, about bears playing baseball, only all the bears were named after Casey and the cops she worked with. Kennedy grabbed her 'night night' blanket, the soft blue throw Olivia had given her that Kennedy refused to sleep without, and Casey lifted her onto her lap, reading the story until she heard the soft, even breathing that meant Kennedy had finally fallen asleep. She sat there for a little while, until she was sure that Kennedy would stay asleep, then put her in her bed. This was the hardest part, to back the few steps out of the room and lose eye contact. There was never enough time to spend with her and every second spent away felt like an eternity.

Finally, Casey went to the kitchen, pulling out some spaghetti she'd cooked on Sunday and making a small salad, then bringing both to the table. By the time she finally settled down to eat, the first time all week that she hadn't brought paperwork home, there was a knock at the door. She looked through the peephole, removed the chain, and unlocked the door.

"John." She smiled, although she was more than a little worried. "Or should I say sergeant?"

Munch paused, looking at her, and then finally spoke. "We need to talk."

Casey's smile faded slightly. The last time he'd come to the apartment, saying they needed to talk, was the day Fin's stepson had walked on two murders. "Yeah. C'mon in," she said, her slight Virginia accent creeping through. He walked into the apartment, feeling more at home there than he did in his own place. "Coffee? Have you eaten?"

"Fin and I caught something on the way back to the station. Coffee's good, but I'll get it. Go ahead and eat." He got out two oversized blue mugs, filling both with coffee, and bringing them to the table, handing Casey one.

"I've been meaning to tell you…I'm proud of you. About the sergeant's exam." She'd been the only one who knew he was trying for it and had helped him study every chance she could. "And this case. I thought you did well."

"I screwed up," he said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Everyone does, John. No one's perfect. I remember how many times I messed up, my first few months on the job. You were the only person who gave me a break."

He nodded, a little bit uncomfortable. "How's Kennedy?"

"Perfect, as usual. Asleep." She smiled. "She's stubborn, already."

He laughed, rare for him, but something that came more easily around her. "What do you expect?" Casey smiled, laughing softly with him, until the laughter died again. He studied her. "Fin told me about what happened in the courtroom." He paused. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm not going to say I wasn't scared, but I've been through worse. We both have." They were both thinking of the same thing, the courtroom shooting she'd been having nightmares about.

"I'm not good at apologies. I'm not good with women. But…I'm sorry. I really am sorry."

She studied him. "What are you sorry for, John?"

"I haven't been here, for you. For Kennedy. I love her, I love both of you, it's just…I'm not good at families. I'm not a good enough dad for her."

She sighed, stopping eating, looking at him, really looking at him. "John." She didn't know quite what to say. "I never expected you to be perfect. I'm not. No one is. Kennedy is not the reason we're not together anymore."

"It's Amy." He paused, a question in the statement.

She shook her head. "I used to think it was. I wanted it to be."

He studied her, uncomfortable with the questions, with the emotions, but needing to finally understand what happened and whether or not to walk away, like he had from all the others. "What did you say to her that night? What did she say to you?"

"That you were a friend, that you were helping her. And I asked her…I asked her not to tell anyone. After I dropped her off, I called Elliot and asked him the same." She finally admitted that she'd arranged a cover-up, something that would have made her an accessory and damaged her life and career if it had ever come out.

"You did that…for me?" He'd had partners cover his ass before, but never a woman. Then again, he'd learned a long time ago that there would never be another woman like Casey. "And that's why you left?"

She paused. "I hate myself for this. I'm not jealous, I'm not petty, I'm not…but I need to know. I just…I need to know, John."

He put his hand on top of hers. "Need to know what?"

"You were pushing so hard on a conviction. In fact, we were fighting about it, because I wasn't going to try her again." He nodded, remembering the first case Amy Soloway had been involved in, running a website that dealt with suicide. "And then you just changed. I mean, I didn't retry her because of you, but…it was like you changed completely. After that night at the hospital, and from then on, where she was involved…I need to know what happened. I need to know why." She paused and said again. "I need to know."

He paused, breathing in and out, closing his eyes and then opening them again, time seeming to stand still. "My father committed suicide, Casey."

"Because of the depression," she connected the two facts, knowing both his father and uncle had been severely depressed, something she always worried about with him.

He nodded. "I blamed myself for years. I was a smartass kid, always mouthing off…The last words I said to him…they weren't good."

"John." She turned her hand, holding his in her own.

"I just…it wasn't Amy. I mean, part of it was, but…she reminded me of my dad."

"You thought by helping her, you were helping him," she said softly. "John, I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't investigate, didn't read the signs. If I had looked deeper, I would have seen…I thought it was just about the kidney. I didn't see."

"Do-over?" He looked at her, confused. "Sometimes, people, they call a do-over. They can't erase the past, but they can start over, have another chance to make things better."

He nodded, stroking some of her hair out of her face. "Do-over."