This was the last thing I would have thought of. Me sitting here screaming Nate's name crying hard yelling at him to wake up. "Wake up stop p-pl-playing Nate." I cried. "Mam. I'm afraid to tell you but he's not going to wake up. He's dead." A Doctor said with sad eyes. He knew I was in pain and confused. "No he's not. He can't be he promised he wouldn't do this to me." I cried holding Nate's still warm body to me. "You promised." I whispered softly to him.
"Caitlyn?" Someone said. "Yes?" I said looking up. "Oh god he's … um…." Mitchie said sat down right away. "Yeah he's gone…" I said holding him for a few more seconds. "Caitlyn you need to let go…You have to let go of him soon." Mitchie said with teary eyes. She knew this was hard. I mean I didn't even know until a few hours ago. I had gotten a call about Nate the nurse said he was hit by a drunk drive on Appleton street. He was coming over… And he never did then the nurse told me I better come down and say goodbye…. That he would make it till tomorrow morning. I was there instantly. Watching him sleep for a few hours. He was loosing it. He was gonna leave me. I knew it I could help it. I was pained. I need to talk to him. And kiss him on last time. "Nate…. I.. I.. I love you…."I whispered shakily. I hated feeling weak. Now all I wanted was to be strong right now… I couldn't take it… I was weak…
Weak and helpless. I kissed his lips once then let go of him. "I love you Nathanial James Thomas. I'll always love you." I said looking down at my feet playing with the cross around my neck. I wasn't really a person to be overly-religious. But it was the last thing Nate gave me. It was hard to let him go…
Just like any other funereal I've ever gone to it was hard. Even when I went to funerals to people I didn't know I would always get upset and start crying. This one was worst. Looking at him like that. It wasn't him… He was to stiffened and straight… It wasn't him he always looked comfortable when he was a little loosely laying around. Like on weekend and you wake up with the TV on and your mom yelling at you for sleeping on the couch instead of your bed. He was to dressed up. He also would never let himself do that. He would rather be in his favorite skinny jeans and a button down top. It wasn't him. He wouldn't look like that. But I didn't be a part of the funereal arraignments. So I couldn't do anything. I was helpless again. Everyone was there. Well everyone he knew. It was heartbreaking to watch it happen. Everyone sat still in watching the Minster talk about a few things. He said "That man died young… But he will forever stay in our hearts." I agreed with him. I would never forget Nate much less move on. It was hard just thinking life with out Nate…
I had slowly walked up to his casket. Placing one of my cds. One know one ever heard and never would cause it was his. All the tracks were based around him all the words came from my heart and there wasn't anything changing my heart. Well at least anytime soon..
"Angels have taken him away and I hope he'll watch down on me." I mumbled. I turned and walked away. In fact I walked out of the room and out of the funereal home altogether. I left. I couldn't handle it anymore I had to go… Leave and get as far away from here as I could. I would move away start over. Try my luck with another guy. I finally got back home grabbing anything I could and tossing it into a duffle bag. I quickly turned my laptop on and typed a quick message that told who ever it was who read it would just leave me be. I'm trying to remember in my own way. If ever come back I'll contact them. I also added that there was some lyrics and stuff written under a file and that once they were found I wanted Mitchie to record them. I then fixed it so the laptop wouldn't shut off or anything then I closed the laptop. I left my cell and anything that would contact me in anyway. I also took anything that would be worth holding onto. Like a picture of him and I. A few old family thing my mother passed to me. Also I grabbed my camera. I knew I would end up taking pictures some were.
I headed out of state to god knows were. I just had to leave. After a while I stopped. I was in the middle of know were and just cried my eyes out. In fact a cop stopped at checked on me. I told him I was fine. Just a little upset over my boyfriend breaking up with me and that I was moving as far away as I could from him. I officer believed it and left. Then I just felt lonely. Like I was the only person there and there was no one left on earth. I stopped and pulled out my Camera looking upward towards the moon. I didn't realize I had been going for so long.
=3 I wrote this a while back. I didn't realize it but it's kinda random angst...