AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a brainfart I had in the shower of all places. Yes, I'm writing myself into it, but from a 3rd person perspective, like I'm just another fictional character. Marc is also a real person and is only written in as he specifically told me to do it or he'd post shooped pictures of me all over 4chan.
As ff.n doesn't seem to like site or email addresses in stories, I've edited them so they show up, so just imagine they're real links like wot you'd type out. Also, that is not my real email address. It's close, but not the real deal.
CHAPTER 1
It was Friday night and Kim was at a loss for something to do. Ron was at Felix's killing computer zombies and Monique was at some fashion seminar, so the redhead was stuck by herself. Remembering her computer was for stuff other than checking out the latest fashion at Club Banana and downloading music and porn, although she'd never, EVER confess to the last one, she'd die of embarrassment if anyone ever found out she masturbated, she logged on to her hotmail account and found several people had added her email address to their msn messenger programs.
Denying most of them with the mental reason she'd probably never get round to talking to them or they were just creepy stalker types that wanted to harass her, she came across 2 that intrigued her. The first being someone who was, at least, claiming to be Shego. "If this is really Shego, why on earth would she want to talk to me online?" She mused aloud. She accepted the add without any major fuss.
The second grabbed her attention because it was just too funny to resist. 'Almighty mulletman? What kind of email address is that? I gotta speak to this guy purely to find out what the sitch is on that!' The redhead giggled out loud, accepting the add.
Navigating to her main msn window. She saw that this 'almighty mulletman', whose screen name was 'Gonzo', was online. "Well, at least I got someone to talk to for the moment." She confided to the monitor.
She opened a chat window and initiated a conversation:
KP: Hey. Who's this?
Gonzo: Sup biatch. I R Gonzo. I'm gonna assume for now you're the real Kim Possible and not just some sad inbred posing as her.
KP: O…k.
KP: I gotta ask, what's with the email address? It made me lol.
Gonzo: You want the long-winded version or a quick skim?
KP: Quick skim, please and thankyou. lol.
Gonzo: kk. Basically, got the nickname at college when I turned up one day with a mullet. The screen name is a spinoff I got from work.
KP: lol. Mullet. You remind me of Motor Ed. How did you end up with the screen name?
Gonzo: Spose you want the short version again.
KP: Please and thankyou.
Gonzo: Nobody ever wants to hear the long versions… Maybe it's cuz I ramble like an old man. Anyhoo, my college nickname got round at work, cuz I was a bit… haphazard, shall we say, they changed it to almighty muppetman to be spiteful. Later someone decided as 'The Great Gonzo' was possibly the daftest muppet of the lot, I was labelled such from then on.
KP: lol/ you do ramble like an old man.
KP: lol.
Gonzo: Oh, thanks. :P
KP: You're welcome.
Gonzo: Anyway, now you've bled me for info, can it be my turn nao plz?
KP: nao plz? Wtf?
Gonzo: Ah, you can't be the real Kim! She'd never swear!
KP: I didn't swear! I just insinuated it! And this is online. It's different.
Gonzo: Yeah, ok. Cam or you're lying. Nao plz: now please.
KP: Oh. Gotcha. And what do you mean by cam or I'm lying?
Gonzo: I see by the little wossname in the corner you have a webcam. Switch the fucker on or I assume you're a sad wannabe and block you.
KP: O: Language! -is offended-
Gonzo: My bad. So, cam or no cam? -mouse hovers over block button-
KP: Ok, ok, gimme a sec.
Gonzo: -waits-
'Jeez, why am I proving who I am to this guy?' She thought to herself as she clicked the button for her webcam, adjusting it so her whole upper body and head was in shot.
Gonzo accepted and it was a while before he replied:
KP: You still there?
Gonzo: … OMG!
Gonzo: You really weren't lying! Holy fucking shit, I'm talking to THE Kim Possible! Jesus H. Fucking Christ there is a god!
KP: Seriously! Language please!
Gonzo: Sorry. My bad. I was just a little overcome with surprise. I literally fell off my seat.
KP: -giggles- you dummy!
Gonzo: Well I've seen the cartoon series they did on you, but I never, not in a zillion fucking years, thought I'd speak to the real deal!
KP: Grrr! Language! But I suppose I should be flattered that you hold me in such seemingly high regard.
Gonzo: You kidding? No, actually, I won't go into it cuz you'll probably think I'm, to coin a phrase, 'wrongsick'. :P
Gonzo: Oh, and the language? I'm an Englander and I worked in a factory. You're considered weird if you -don't- swear. But then I'm weird anyway.
KP: You live in England?! Isn't that like… 6 hours ahead of my time?
Gonzo: Roughly. It's just gone 2:15am here.
KP: So what are you still doing up at that hour? Are you nocturnal or something? lol.
Gonzo: Getting that way. :P
Gonzo: I was browsing t3h interbutts for pr0nz.
KP: In English please?
Gonzo: I was surfing the net for pron.
Gonzo: Porn, even.
KP: Eww! Gross! Waaaaaay TMI!
Gonzo: You asked. :P Bet you got your own little stash somewhere, no doubt. :P
KP: O: Rude! I'm a perfect lady and I'd never degrade myself by looking at that filth!
Gonzo: You really aren't any good at lying. Even over the internet. :P
KP: -blushes- Was it that obvious?
Gonzo: Yes. The fact that your face went bright red on camera helped give it away too. :P
KP: OMG! PLEASE don't tell anyone! I'd DIE of embarrassment if anyone else found out!
Gonzo: Fukken lawl!
KP: I'm being serious! What will it take to get you not to tell?
Gonzo: Quit yer whinin'. I'll keep shtum.
KP: Thankyou SOOOO much! -hugs-
Gonzo: One o' them in RL would be nice though. :P
KP: RL?
KP: Wait, I got it now.
Gonzo: goodgood. :P
KP: So do you have a webcam? Seems a little unfair I don't get to see who you are.
Gonzo: Yeah, gimme a sec to set the useless POS up.
KP: Cool.
Gonzo proceeded to set his own up, propping it up on a big pile of books and some other crap he had sitting in the corner of his desk and sent the invite. Kim accepted and a few seconds later, the redhead was looking at the strange Englishman with the funny nicknames.
KP: You look funny. :P
Gonzo: -rolls eyes- everyone says that. I would respond with the same, but I'd be lying.
KP: What do you mean?
Gonzo: I take it hidden compliments are lost on you an' all. :P
KP: Are not!
Gonzo: Well you didn't get that one, and it wasn't exactly well camouflaged. :P
KP: d: yourself! Tell me what you meant!
Gonzo: Oho! Getting forceful now, are we? Tut, tut. :P
Gonzo: The not-so-hidden compliment was me saying, in plain English so it's not lost in translation, you are absolutely fucking stunning. So ner. :P
Gonzo: Aww. You really are cute when you blush. :P
Kim was, indeed, blushing something fierce, much to the obvious amusement of her foreign friend.
KP: Uh, thanks. :)
Gonzo: No problem. :D
Just then, another conversation window popped up:
Shego: Hey, princess.
KP: Is that really you, Shego?
Shego: I should ask the same of you, but then I did get your address from Wade after threatening to torch his ass, so I guess there's no need.
KP: Ok, I guess that really is you.
Shego: Damn straight it's me! Who else do you know who has access to the InTerrorNet and StalkMail?
KP: Oops. Didn't check the end of your email address.
Shego: Doy.
Gonzo's window started flashing:
Gonzo: Who else ya chatting to? Cuz you don't blush for no reason and I still got you on cam. :P
KP: Nosey! I'm talking to Shego. I asked if it was really her and she pointed out she was the only person I know to have a StalkMail account.
Gonzo: kk. Any chance you could get her to add me:D
KP: LOL! Keep working on that PDP, cuz it just makes me laugh. I'll see what I can do.
Gonzo: Fukken sweet!
KP: Although I won't bother if you keep swearing like that! GRRR!
Gonzo: Sorry! As I said, I'm an Englander, I can't help myself!
KP: Yeah, ok.
She flicked back to Shego's window.
KP: Hey, you wanna add my new friend?
Shego: Why would I wanna do that?
KP: Cuz he's from England and is actually pretty cool, if a bit weird-looking. And he swears too much.
Shego: Only you would pick up on the swearing. Damn goody-two-shoes cheerleader. Yeah, gimme the address and I'll add the weirdo if it'll shut you up.
KP: Thankies! almighty-mulletman(at)msn-co-uk
Shego: Done. Will that get you off my back? And where in fuck did he get an email address like that?!
KP: Yup. And language! You'll have to ask him yourself. :P
KP: Why'd you add me anyway?
Shego: Why not? Got nothing better to do with my evenings than sit in front of a godforsaken computer and chat to people. It's not as if I can go out anywhere and socialize.
KP: I suppose you got a point there.
KP: What do you make of Gonzo then?
Shego: Who?
KP: My new English friend.
Shego: What, you want me to talk to him as well now? Jeez, talk about asking a lot of someone!
Shego: Oh wait, no need. Your English buffoon has started a conversation all by himself.
KP: He's a brunette actually. Kinda cute if you get rid of the weird goatee.
Shego: Why didn't you say he'd got a fucking beard in the first place?! Guys with beards are hot!
Shego: Wait… I did not just tell you that, did I?
KP: -laughs hysterically-
Shego: Ok, maybe I did…
Shego flicks to Gonzo's window:
Gonzo: Sup Shego.
Shego: Nothing much. Is Kim right in saying you got a goatee?
Gonzo: Damn straight.
Shego: Pics or it didn't happen.
Gonzo: -blinks- Please tell me that wasn't just coincidence and you're a fellow /b/tard!
Shego: 4chan all the way, baby!
Gonzo: I think I've died and gone to heaven!
Gonzo: Has invited you to start viewing webcam. Click (Accept) or (Decline)
Gonzo: You have accepted the invitation to start viewing webcam.
Shego: Wow. That's one impressive goatee. And Kim was right. You are kinda cute.
Gonzo: -cringes- Please for the love of Raptor Jesus DO NOT CALL ME CUTE!!!
Gonzo: As you can tell if you had your eyes on the cam, I physically cringe and shudder when someone uses that word.
Shego: Rofl! Man, that display actually had me in stitches!
Gonzo: I'm glad I amused you.
Shego. You're cute when you frown.
Gonzo: You said that on purpose!
Shego: Fukken roflpwnd! -wipes tears away-
Gonzo: You're evil, you know that?
Gonzo: Forget I said that. I got no real desire for you to start calling me a buffoon.
Shego: lol. Nah, I'd rather call you CUTE instead.
Gonzo: FOR FUCK'S SAKE! -wishes he'd kept his mouth shut-
Shego: lol. You love it really.
Gonzo: Only cuz it's you. Anyone else woulda got a snotty reply and b&.
Gonzo: On that note, pics or it didn't happen to you too, biatch.
Shego: Whatever. Gimme a sec.
Gonzo: kk.
Gonzo: Has invited KP to the conversation.
KP: Wow. Cool. I didn't know you could do that.
Gonzo: Easy when you know how. Even though I only found out by accident yesterday.
Shego: Is inviting you both to start viewing webcam. Click (Accept) or (Decline)
Shego: You have both accepted the invitation to start viewing webcam.
Gonzo: In't this nice? All three of us having a jolly old chat with video.
KP: -giggles- Weirdo/
Shego: Whatever.
Gonzo: Shego, not that I'm complaining (far, far from it!) but do you wear anything else besides that truly epic catsuit?
KP: Yeah, I've only ever seen you wearing that too.
Shego: FYI, yes, I do. I have plenty of short skirts and low cut tops and shit. I just don't get a chance to wear them very often. Blue boy has absolutely no concept of decency, so I have to be 'on call' 24/7 unless I 'persuade' him to give me some holiday. -grins evilly-
KP: O: Language, Shego! And I DO NOT want to know what you do to Drakken to get holiday!
Gonzo: I do! I do!
Gonzo: I also wouldn't mind seeing you in those other clothes you were on about, but we won't go there…
KP: Gonzo, you're disgusting!
Gonzo: Flattery will get you everywhere. Anyway, who you calling disgusting, eh?
KP: DON'T YOU DARE!
Shego: Oooooh, with a blush like that, it's gotta be something extra-juicy! Spill, Gonzo, spill!
KP: Gonzo, if you dare breathe a WORD! I'll get Wade to set me up a ride RIGHT NOW and kick your ass into next week, in person!
Gonzo: Just to meet you in person is quite tempting. :P
Gonzo: But I won't say. I gave you my word.
Shego: Aww! Booooooring! -sulks-
Gonzo: Well let's see if Kim will tell us herself, shall we?
KP: Never in a million years!
Shego: And just how do you propose we do that, mulletman?
Gonzo: Easy. If you admit to it too, then judging by Kim's reaction, she'll have no choice but to spill.
KP: You're more evil than Shego! I don't know why I'm still here!
Gonzo: I do. It's cuz you wanna know if Shego does it too. :P
KP: …ok, you got me there.
Shego: Wait, what am I admitting to?
Gonzo: Do you download pr0nz and fap? Yes, I realize you can't actually fap, but you know what I mean.
Shego: Is the Pope catholic? Is my skin green? Do I work for the biggest bozo on the face of the earth?
Shego: Is Kim now turning a deeper shade of red than a beetroot?
Shego: HELL YES!!!
Gonzo: Oh fukken lawl!
Shego: No prizes for guessing you do, britfag. :P
Gonzo: Doy. :P
Gonzo: I probably shouldn't be as proud as I am of how much of it I have though…
KP: Dare I ask? -blushes more-
Gonzo: … Over 40gb…
Shego: -gawps-
KP: That's just sick and wrong!
Gonzo: I won't tell you what a…range… of sexual deviations that lot covers then.
Shego: Do it! Do it!
KP: Seriously, no. Please don't do it!
Gonzo: I wasn't about to. Sorry to disappoint, but this is for my knowledge only.
Gonzo: Anyway, I do believe it was Kim's turn to confess…
KP: Dammit! I thought you'd forgotten!
Shego: And there you are telling US not to swear! Come on, Kimmie. You know we do, we can guess that you do, but you gotta tell us yourself. :P
KP: Okay! Okay! I masturbate! Happy?
Gonzo: In't she …cute… when she blushes?
Shego: lol! Yup.
KP: SHUT UP! And Shego, I swear to god if you tell anyone else, I'll flay you alive!
Shego: Tsk, tsk, princess. Threats will do you no good. :P
Gonzo: You know we'll keep it to ourselves anyway, Kim. Or at least I will.
Shego: Who am I gonna tell anyway? Drakken? I don't think he's even hit puberty yet. The seniors wouldn't really care. Junior's gay anyway. Dr. Dementor's too busy inventing spastic gadgets to have any time for anyone besides himself and DNAmy and Monkey Fist are too wrapped up in each other to do anything but laugh.
Gonzo: I knew it! I fucking knew Junior was queer!
Shego: You don't even know him!
Gonzo: If he acts anywhere near as camp in real life as he does in the cartoon, how could he not be gay?
Shego: …Fair point.
KP: Ok, I trust you to keep it to yourself.
Shego: …Wait, you trust me now?
KP: Do I have any choice in the matter?
Shego: I suppose not…
Gonzo, while keeping an eye on the current chat window, had opened up another one to brag to one of his friends. 'I'm fucked if I'm not gonna rub his nose in this!' He thought as he typed in both windows frantically.
Gonzo: Sup dude. I bet you a tenner you won't be able to guess who I'm on cam to!
Marc: Not a clue mate, and I'm skint, so I ain't taking you up on the bet.
Gonzo: Bah! Bloody n00b! I'm only talking to the two fittest females on the entire fucking planet!
Marc: …Sorry, I got nothin.
Gonzo: Kim Possible and Shego you epic dunce!
Marc: PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!
Gonzo: I can do better than that, dude. Wanna talk to 'em yourself?
Marc: Dude, I would actually let you buttfuck me if I knew you weren't lying.
Gonzo: Get the lube ready, cuz you're not gonna be able to sit down for a fucking month. :P
Flipping back to Kim and Shego's window, he quickly answered what Shego had just asked him:
Shego: Why you grinning like an idiot, mullet boy?
Gonzo: Cuz I'm just about to rub my mate's nose in the fact that I'm talking to the two most gorgeous females in the known universe. :P
Shego: Have you taken lessons in how to be cheesy?
Gonzo: Has invited Marc to the conversation.
Gonzo: I was only stating fact, Shego.
KP: Stop it! You're making me blush! Again!
Gonzo: heh. Getting quite good at it too, I see.
Marc: Gonzo, I hate you more than anything else in the world right now.
Gonzo: Fukken lawl!
Shego: Who's this?
Gonzo: My friend whose nose has now been completely rubbed in it. :P
KP: Ooh, have you got cam too?
Marc: For you, anything.
Marc: Has invited you all to start viewing webcam. Click (Accept) or (Decline)
Marc: You have accepted the invitation to start viewing webcam.
KP: He's cute! Can I take him home with me?
Gonzo: You're in there, mate! Just pray she digs tats. :P
Marc: G, I take it back. I love you! You fucking rock!
Gonzo: -buffs nails; Yeah, I know.
Marc: Kim, you can do anything with me you fucking like!
KP: Then I'm gonna kick your ass for swearing! pouts
Marc: I apologise. I tend to swear a lot when I'm excited.
KP: Gonzo just seems to swear a lot in general.
Marc: You should hear him in RL. He hardly ever stops! F'ing this, f'ing that… The language that comes out of that bloke's mouth is disgusting!
Gonzo: Thanks, mate. I owe ya one for that. Cunt.
Shego: Oooh, I'm liking you more and more, mr. mulletman.
Gonzo: Is that so? -grins-
Shego: Wait, what's that in your teeth? Did you forget to floss? Cuz that's just gross!
Gonzo: No, it's a piercing. It's called a Smiley. Goes through that little web of skin between your top lip and gum.
He proceeded to lift his top lip up to show off the metalwork.
KP: Ew! How could you get that done?
Gonzo: Quite easily. Snot like it hurt. Stung for about half an hour, but after a quick beer, it went away and I forgot about it.
Marc: You wanna see the other one he's got.
Gonzo: wtf you on about? I don't have any others, dumbarse!
Marc: Yeah you do. Prince Albert?
Gonzo: I still haven't got it done yet.
Marc: eh? You said you had.
Gonzo: I said I was planning on it.
KP: …What's a prince albert?
Gonzo: Click the link for a picture: www-lemonparty-org
KP: ok, cool.
Marc: FUKKEN ROFL!
Shego: That's just mean! But it's fucking funny!
KP: EW! GROSS! THAT IS JUST FUCKING WRONGSICK! YOU'RE DISGUSTING! I HATE YOU!
Gonzo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Marc: Fucking classic! Dude, I'm buying you a beer for that!
On realizing what Gonzo had just done, Marc couldn't keep a straight face and grinned. Gonzo had managed to keep a dead straight face and Shego let a slight smirk show. However, the look on Kim's face and her reaction caused the other three to break down into literally fits of laughter. Shego had slipped off her seat and could be seen curled up in a ball shaking from laughing so hard. Gonzo wasn't much better having to hold on to his desk for support and Marc had gone completely red and was having trouble breathing.
Kim was far from amused and sat there glaring at the others through the webcam with her arms folded.
Minutes passed and the three /b/tards managed to control their laughing enough to hold a normal conversation again, but they couldn't stop smirking and occasionally one would lapse back into a quick fit of giggles.
Shego was the first to recover:
Shego: Back on topic, It's a penis piercing. And if you get it done, I am SO coming to England to see it!
Gonzo: Looks like I'm going down the piercing shop tomorrow then…
Marc: You're pathetic! You'd get your dick pierced for a woman?
Shego: S'cuse me?
Gonzo: Marc, ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND?!! Just LOOK at her! I'd staple my nutsack to my forehead if it meant I had a shot with the woman! Aside from a certain redhead, she's THE SEXIEST female on the planet!
Shego: You mean to say you'd rather have Kim over me?
KP: -blushes- I still hate you, though!
Gonzo: No. I'd have both of you at the same time if I could, although the bad girl image does sway it in your favour a fair way. And Kim, I apologise sincerely, but that was just too good an opportunity to pass up. :P
KP: Hey! I resent that! I can do the whole 'bad girl' thing! And I suppose I can forgive you.
Shego: No you couldn't. Don't lie.
KP: I so could!
Shego: Could not!
KP: Could! Couldcouldcould no returns.
Shego: ok, prove it. Get your tits out on cam.
Gonzo: Funny, I thought there was no such thing as a whole body blush. Learn summat new every day I spose. :P
KP: SHUT UP!
Marc: lawl!
Shego: See? Told you you couldn't do it. Amateur.
KP: You wanna bet?
Kim, much to their amusement, fell for yet another trap and reached behind her and undid her bra, pulling it out from under her top before pulling the t-shirt up to expose her pert breasts.
Gonzo grinned like the Cheshire cat while both Shego and Marc just gawped.
KP: There. Told you I could do it!
Gonzo: FUKKEN SAVED!!!!!!!!!111!1!!!1111oneone
Marc: wtf?
KP: What do you mean?
Shego: S'cuse me?
Gonzo: Ever wonder what the 'Print Screen' button was for?
Marc: dude, you fucking ledge!
Gonzo: Why the fuck you think I was grinning while you and Snow White were gawping?
Shego: I still don't get it.
KP: …omg!
KP: DELETE THAT PICTURE NOW!
Gonzo: Not on your life! You think I'll ever get to see 'em again? I want a reminder of just how epic that was!
Shego: Ohhhh! I get it now! lol.
Shego: …actually, bitch, I'm the jealous type and I don't share! I'm with Kim. DELETE THE FUCKING PICTURE, MULLET BOY!!!
Gonzo: Cha gonna do if I don't?
Shego: I'll get my ass on a plane to England and burn your dick off before you get the chance to get it pierced!
Gonzo: -deletes the picture asap-
Gonzo: Ok, it's gone. I no longer have it on my computer's hard drive, I swear. Are you happy now?
Shego: Very.
Marc: oh lawl. That was some funny shit to watch!
KP: Ok, this is really starting to bug me now. CAN EVERYONE QUIT SWEARING?!! Seriously, I consider myself quite tolerant of most things, but swearing is not one of them!
Gonzo: ok, ok, get off yer soapbox! I honestly apologise for my language, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's become so ingrained I can't find an 'off' button. I got a feeling Marc's not much better. I doubt Shego's gonna even make an attempt to stop (not that it's a problem for me -winks-)
Marc: Speak for yourself, cripple! I'll do me best to stop swearing, Kim.
KP: Aww, thanks! -hugs- You're just too cute!
Marc: -hugs back- No problem little laydee.
Gonzo: -gags- I think I'm gonna be sick.
Marc: Just cuz you ain't gettin' anywhere with Shego doesn't mean you have to take it out on us.
Shego: Who says he's not? Here, just for you, Gonzo…
Partly to get one-up on Kim, and partly to get Gonzo to give her his full attention, Shego unzipped her catsuit and flashed her own assets, pulling a sexy pose with one foot up on the edge of her desk as she bit her finger in an innocent manner.
All three just stared, Gonzo not even able to tear his eyes away from the screen as his finger hit the 'Print Screen' button a second time.
As Shego covered herself up again and resumed her normal pose, Gonzo frantically opened 'Paint' and pasted the image into the program, saving it and making several copies before even attempting to crop the picture.
Shego: You'd better have got a screenshot of that, cuz I refuse to bare myself in front of Kim or your friend ever again… Unless you're involved. :P
Gonzo: …I'm speechless. I'm actually speechless. The catsuit shows off the curves, but… DAMN, woman! I nearly came!
KP: I really hope you didn't cuz that's just gross! TMI on Sooooooo many levels!
Marc: lol. And would it be gross if it was me doing it over you, Kim?
KP: -blushes- That's different! You're cute! His beard scares me!
Gonzo: -raises an eyebrow- Why does everyone think it's scary? I really can't work that one out…
Marc: Quit yer whinging, dude. Shego digs it. Be happy.
Gonzo: -grins- Believe me, I couldn't be happier. I got the world's most wanted woman lusting after my crippled ass. What more could I possibly want?
Shego: Wait, you're a cripple?
Marc: Yeah. Dumbass rode into the back of a van on his motard and fucked his arm up. The op scars are hench though!
Gonzo: -nods- Yup. If you've been paying attention, you woulda noticed I've hardly moved my left arm from it's current position the whole evening. Severed some of the nerves in my neck that control movement and feeling, so I got big, numb bits and I can hardly move it.
Shego: Oh thank god for that! I thought you meant from the waist down! But whats a motard?
KP: I was about to ask that.
Marc: Short for Supermoto. Type of bike. Basically a crosser with road wheels.
Gonzo: Steal my thunder, bitch.
Marc: You love me really.
Gonzo: Yeah, whatever. Go dry-hump Kim. :P
KP: Eww! Don't you dare!
Marc: Would you rather I wet-humped you instead?
KP: I'd rather just do 'it' with you the regular way.
KP: OMG! I can't believe I just said that!
Marc: Booyah! The Jackal is in!
KP: If you say 'booyah' again, I'm gonna go off you real quick. I don't need 2 Rons in my life.
Marc: Sorry. My bad.
Gonzo: Shego, do you really call her princess and all that other crap?
Shego: wtf? Where did that come from? And yes, I do. She loves it so much!
KP: Do not! -pouts-
Gonzo: oh right. And I dunno where it came from. Just one o'them random thoughts.
Shego: Fair enough.
Shego: So you gonna get your shlong pierced tomorrow then, cripple boy?
Gonzo: oh hell yes! If it means I get to see you in person, I'd get the Jacob's Ladder as well!
Gonzo: …Why did I say that?
Shego: You do realize you gotta get that as well now…
Gonzo: oh lawd! Why did I open my fat face?
Shego: You're cute when you're despairing. :P
Gonzo: SHUT UP!
KP: Did I miss something? And Jacob's Ladder?
Shego: Gonzo absolutely detests being called cute. Just watch the reaction he gives. And www-hai2u-com has a few pictures. Some of it's in Japanese though.
KP: Are you sure this isn't something disgusting again?
Marc: Positive.
KP: I'll believe you.
She navigated to the link Shego had given her and was once again assaulted by retina-burning disgustingness! She actually felt slightly queasy at this one.
Gonzo: OMG! She fell for it again! Fukken roflpwnd!
Shego: -sniggers-
Marc: lol. Ownd.
KP: YOU BASTARDS! Marc, how could you?!
Shego: Naughty naughty with the swearing, Kimmie. :P
KP: Shut up. Bitch.
Shego: -laughs-
Marc: Sorry, I couldn't help meself! I live for the lulz and that was pretty lulworthy. I'll make it up to you, I promise.
KP: You'd better! -pouts-
Gonzo: Anyhoo, Jacob's Ladder. Different knob piercing. All you really need to know. Aside from the fact I'm not gonna be able to piss without cringing for a month. Among other things.
KP: TMI! Seriously TMI!
Shego: Aww. Ikkle Gonzo gonna be a bit sexually frustrated?
Gonzo: YFKT! And in agony when you turn up to look no doubt. I got visions of you doing all sorts of…things…to get me worked up just to see me suffer.
Marc: YFKT?
KP: What he said.
Shego: -grins- You know me too well already, lover boy. :P
Gonzo: YFKY: you fucking know that. And I ain't gonna be doing any sodding lovin' any time soon the way things are going!
Shego: Don't worry, I can wait.
Gonzo: It's not you I'm worried about! I turn into a right miserable bastard when I don't wank for a few days! Fuck knows what I'll be like after a month!
Marc: lulz. I think you dug yourself a bit of a hole there, mate.
Gonzo: Naw! You don't say?
KP: LANGUAGE! And TMI! Again with the TMI!
Gonzo: It's not like you don't do it, Kimmie. :P
KP: I'm gonna kill you!
Shego: Hey! Hands off my property! Go play with your own Englishman. I'm sure he won't complain.
Marc: Hell no!
Shego: See?
KP: What if I don't wanna play…that way?
Marc: Then I get very upset and turn to Gonzo for man-love.
Shego: You want me to toast your ass too? -lights a hand-
Marc: I was joking! Seriously! I don't bend that way!
Gonzo: Good!
Shego: Good!
Gonzo: Jinx! You owe me a beer. :P
Shego: You know it doesn't count online, right?
KP: So does!
Shego: Shut it, princess.
Gonzo: Bah! Bloody skinflint.
Shego: Keep talking mulletman and I'll toast your ass too!
Gonzo: No you wouldn't. You love me too much. :P
Shego: Ok, you got me there.
Gonzo: Damn straight. Anyhoo, much as I'd like to talk to you until my fingers wear down to nubs and my eyes turn red and congealed, I'm gonna hit the sack. I'll send you an email or summat when I get back from having holes put in my dick.
Marc: I'd better head off too, ladies. I got work in the morning.
KP: Okay. Been nice talking to you both. Especially you, Marc. -blows a kiss-
Gonzo: gags NO! Cooties! Keep them away!
Shego: -sniggers- Catch you later mullet boy.
Gonzo: Peace, biatch.
Marc: Later.
Marc: Has left the conversation.
Gonzo: Has left the conversation.
Shego: I spose I'd better thank you, Kimmie.
KP: What for?
Shego: For making me add that mulleted freak. :P
KP: lol. No big. How come he's a freak all of a sudden?
Shego: Look at him! Yeah, he's cute an' all, and he's got a goatee and cool piercings, but he's definitely a bit of a freak.
KP: ok, I can see your point now. But you're the one that's got a crush on him!
Shego: I swear if you make that public knowledge they'll be sending what's left of you home in a matchbox. Besides, you got a crush on that other one. :P
KP: Have not!
Shego: KP: He's cute! Can I take him home with me?
Shego: Need I say more?
Shego: Aww. Blushing AGAIN? I've lost track of how many times it's been tonight.
KP: SHUT UP!
Shego: Admit I'm right.
KP: No.
Shego: Admit it! It was so blatantly obvious you have the hots for that Marc guy! What's the buffoon gonna think when you tell him you're falling for a britfag?
KP: Britfag?
Shego: It's /b/tard for Englishman.
KP: What's a /b/tard?
Shego: -sighs- www-encyclopediadramatica-com I swear on mulletboy's life that's not a trick site. Go on there and type it into the search bar.
KP: Yeah, ok. If it's a trick site, I swear I'll… do something unpleasant.
Shego: What, like vomit on Marc's dick after giving him head? Lol.
KP: You're disgusting! And I'm blushing! AGAIN! What's wrong with me?!
Shego: ROFL! Anyway, Drakken's screaming at me. I think he's invented some new deathray and wants to gloat. Catch you later britlover. :P
KP: Bye Shego.
Shego: Has left the conversation.
Kim sat there for a while going over what had just happened. She'd just had a 4-way conversation with her arch-nemesis and 2 weird Englishmen. She navigated to the site Shego hat sent her and typed in /b/tard in the search bar.
After reading some of the information, she became slightly unnerved. If the information was correct, she could have been speaking to 3 very sick and wrong individuals, not to mention fancying one of them! Kim was going to ask them about it as soon as she saw them online again.
Shego had indeed been called over to hear Drakken gloat. She'd only been there about 30 seconds and she was already contemplating threatening him with physical violence, but she was feeling unusually generous at the moment, so let him ramble. She was too busy thinking about the new man in her life. Even though he was on the other side of the globe.
It didn't matter to her too much, though. It wasn't like she couldn't nab one of Drakken's hovercrafts or whatever and go globetrotting to kidnap him. She grinned at the thought.
Marc had indeed gone straight to bed, but sleep was eluding him. All he could think of was Kim and the fact she was into him. 'What have I done to land such awesome luck?' He thought to himself repeatedly, before eventually drifting off, a grin still on his face.
Gonzo, however, was sparko as soon as his head hit the pillow. No laying awake thinking over the conversation for him. A large mouthful of his favourite liqueur had seen to that. After all, he had an appointment with the piercing studio when he got up…
FOOTNOTE: Review, flame, whatever. Not fussed. Although if I get particularly wound up by a flame, I'll e-pwn yo' ass.
This is probly gonna be a short story that I might expand on with more stories, but I dunno yet.