Fic Title: Words

Author: I Love NASCAR

Pairing: Alex/Bobby

Feedback: Please

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own no one in this story, am just playing and promise to give them back.

Notes: Takes place after Amends & Smile.

Summary: Words come back to haunt the partners.

Robert Goren watched his partner at her desk, her head tilted like when she was concentrating on something. He was torn between what he wanted to do, go sit at his desk, help her with the paperwork, and between what he needed to do, for both of their sakes, go to Ross's office, have the talk he'd been putting off for an hour already. The last few months seemed like such a blur, since the moment he'd finally realized that there was nothing he could do for his mother to the newest pain, having to be the one to bring Joe Dutton's murder back up again, having to cause Alex pain. He had thought that they'd gotten closer during the last year, all the pain they'd been through together, but tonight, Alex's words hit too close to home. Too late. He'd been too late to help his mother, protect her, too late with the right treatments that no one could have afforded but could have saved her life. Too late reconciling with his brother, bringing him back to see his mother one last time. Too late finding out about the man who might have been his true father, the man that even Alex hadn't been able to convince him he wouldn't become. Too late to realize that the woman he'd always been in love with, the woman he'd dreamed of, was the woman who'd been there, right beside him, almost everyday for seven years. The woman who considered their partnership poison to her, to her career. Too late, too damned late.

Alex Eames looked up to see most of her coworkers, including her partner, gone. "Great, Bobby," she muttered under her breath. It was one thing for him to give her the silent treatment for some reason even she didn't understand, a completely different thing to leave her alone with all the paperwork, especially after how hard this case had been.

"Detective," Captain Ross appeared at her desk, seemingly out of nowhere. "May I have a word?"

She looked around at the few detectives still hanging around and nodded, going into his office with him. "Is something wrong?"

He took a breath and slowly let it out. "Depends on how you look at it." He paused, hating having to be the bearer of bad news, especially this news. "You're going to be assigned a new partner."

She shook her head, like she hadn't heard him right. "I'm sorry…what?"

"Goren requested a new partner. I'm inclined to respect his request. The two of you are too close."

She felt the room begin to spin, not believing this could happen. "This isn't making sense. I went on leave once, four years ago, and he lost it…"

Ross felt sorry for her, knowing everything the two had gone through, just since he'd been in command: a kidnapping, a family illness and death, two cases that had involved family members, just to name a few things. "I'm sorry." He paused again. "I meant what I said. Anytime you need some time off…"

She shook her head. "No, no, I'm sorry…" She paused. "I have to go." He nodded and she turned, walking away.

Eames made it all the way out to her car, sitting down in the driver's seat, putting the key in the ignition, and shutting the door before she started to cry, unable to hold back the tears any longer. Everything had been piling up on her for so long and she had been struggling to stay in control, to be strong, but one more unexpected goodbye was one more than she could take. She felt like Alice falling down the White Rabbit hole with nothing to grab hold of, nothing to stop herself from hitting rock bottom.

Goren never anticipated Eames catching him on his unofficial stakeout near her house. He had tried going home, but, once again, couldn't sleep. He felt guilty for what he was doing, breaking off all ties, but it was the only thing he could think of. She could have a life, a career, and she wouldn't feel trapped. He was leaving her before she left him.

The passenger side door opened and Eames sat down, locking the door behind him. "It's not that easy."

He turned to look at her. "What's not that easy?"

"You don't get to just walk away. Not after seven years." It had dawned on her recently that she'd been with him longer than she'd been married to Joe. "Now we can talk out here, in the cold, or you can come inside, but you don't get to just walk away without a goodbye."

Although he was reluctant about setting foot on 'her turf' with her so obviously angry at him, he watched her shiver involuntarily from the cold, not to mention some of her neighbors looking out from the windows of their houses. "Inside." She studied him until he unlocked and opened his door, getting out. "I'm going."

They walked across the street together, Eames using her key to let them both inside. Only in that light did he see how red her eyes were. "You've been crying."

He expected her to deny it, but she didn't. "Of course I've been crying. You left, Bobby! You left without even saying goodbye, after seven years! What the hell were you thinking?! You didn't even say goodbye!" Her voice grew quiet and, as much as she hated herself for it, her eyes filled with tears which, mercifully, she didn't shed.

"Eames…drink some coffee. Please? Some coffee?" He worried about her, wanted to make it better, but didn't know how. It had always been her who took care of him, rarely the other way around.

"I don't want coffee," she said, her voice eerily quiet again. "You don't understand…" She started and then realized that the words were really true. The most intelligent man in the world was lost when it came to what she was thinking, what she was feeling, at least this time. "You don't understand."

He shook his head, realizing that the last was more of a question than a statement. "I don't. I want to, but…I just don't. I'm sorry."

She shook her head, taking a seat on the couch as he moved one of the stools to face her. "I can't sleep. It's not nightmares…I just can't sleep." She paused. "Finding that kid…that kid who killed Joe…it brought back a lot of memories, most of them bad." He nodded, not really understanding yet, but willing to listen. "I was pregnant." She watched his face turn confused, having never told him that before. "No one knew. I was having a hard time of it…we wanted to wait until it was safe." She stopped, taking a few moments to breathe.

He moved from the stool to the couch beside her. "You don't have to tell me this." He sensed she had a point, but knew she was in pain.

"Yeah, I do. It's time…It's time I tell someone." She paused. "Joe and I were working different shifts and I wasn't sleeping very well, except for that morning…the morning he left. I was finally able to sleep and he didn't want to wake me." She paused. "He just left."

He already knew what had happened to Joe; she'd never been able to tell him goodbye. "And the baby?"

"I lost it. Three days after the funeral. My parents know, my doctor, but no one else. I couldn't tell my brother and sister…my partner back then wasn't anyone I could confide anything in."

Suddenly it all made sense, the pain she had been in when she'd had to give up her nephew, the pain of the last few weeks following the arrest of Joe's killer, and why she looked so shaken. "I'm sorry." It was obvious from his tone and his facial expression that he meant it, his eyes dark and fully set on her. "I thought…Look, I know we didn't get along at first, but I never realized what I was keeping you from."

"What?" She asked, looking at him, her turn for confusion.

"When you said tonight, it was too late…you were already tarnished by association."

"I did not say that," she said, each word pronounced carefully. "I did say it was too late, but I didn't say I was tarnished."

"Then what did you say?" He asked, truly confused, having taken her for just what she'd said.

"You're an acquired taste." He smiled, remembering the first time those words had come up, during a case where the suspect was trying everything to discredit them, up to and including having Eames testify against him. Although every word she'd said had been hard to hear, harder still had been how the words tore her apart. He remembered again how he'd found out about the letter, the one that asked for a new partner, and how he'd realized what his life would be without his best friend.

"Thank you." He was only partially teasing, but then grew completely serious. "What did you say?"

"It's too late, Bobby. I can't leave you…that's the wrong word. It's not that I can't, because I am capable of it…It's that I choose not to. And, if I have a choice, I'll always choose not to." She paused. "Does that make sense?"

He nodded. "I guess, with things with my family—my mom being dead, not knowing who my father is, not knowing where my brother is—everyone I care about is always leaving me. I guess I just decided to leave before you got the chance."

She sighed, studying him. "Bobby. I'm not leaving. I choose to stay."

He held her hand, feeling how they fit together, almost not knowing where he left off and she began. "Alex. I'm not leaving. I choose to stay."