I don't mind the gays, I like what they did with Halloween, but I'd rather sit next to that albino while he swears and curses at me - than to take it in the ass. I'm just not sure if I could handle something like that, and lately I've had the demented honour of hearing 'do you like it in the ass' being blared though the base; but I guess that had to be better than hearing the other side of things, quite literally. Sitting in the living room as of now I had realised something, or maybe I discovered it over watching Tobi munching on Dango's.
Examining him quietly from the coffee table he seemed to really be enjoying the food, enjoying it a little too much. Standing up I leave, I'd rather sit in the dark secluded work space Sasori left behind. While I've been opening up to new possibilities, I've also been unlocking doors I wish I hadn't. I think the reason I called Sasori 'danna' was because that's what I wished he could have been, my 'master', my lover if we could have been. The reason I cried for his death was because I…loved him…but I also grinned because Sasori tasted my art, sweet - and yet so bitter - fleeting life.
Opening the rusty silver door knob my azure eyes twitch, Tobi had been in the room again. Or at least that's what I thought until I saw the state of the puppets, someone had been in the room doing something else. Shutting the door behind me it creeks to a small bang, my feet inching across the endless waste of space to stand by the closet. Turning my head I glance at the wooden furniture, something I hadn't seen before taking my sights. Twisting my soft hands reach out to run across what seemed to be a small door, the contents where gone however.
Kakuzu must have been in last time looking for Sasori's money, reaching up my hands grab the tie on my hair. The long blonde locks flowing down my back while the tension on the top of my head is released, I'd wear my hair down more often but it just makes me look like a girl. Letting out a low yawn I start picking up the pieces, I know I should be upset about Sasori, but I've already cried any possible tears away. I've grown to acknowledge that he isn't coming back, and I accept it completely because I'm happy that he in some ways became my ideal art. Beautiful, vivid and fleeting in every aspect - that was my danna for sure.
Hanging up the rattling wooden dolls I glance at the door, scurrying feet thundering up the hallway and back down. Tobi must have been looking for me because he was yelling my name, strangely he never thinks to look in this room. Getting down onto the ground my fingers shift roughly through slick clay, the blob slowly becoming a bird over time. Carefully I run my nail through the face, creating a swirl going towards the eye. It fascinated me to how Tobi looks, he has a toned body (from what I can see through that tight suit he wears), and perfect short black hair. Well actually it's shoulder length, but he hides it behind the band on the mask.
We share the same room and I've seen him getting changed, he sleeps with the orange lollypop mask as well. I really do wonder what it is he is hiding underneath there, he doesn't seem to need the mask.
Staring into space with my hands in the clay my entire body raises when someone yells outside, I knew who was there but it scared me all the same anyway. Looking at the door again he runs off, now it seemed like everybody was searching for me. They probably didn't want to be looking for me, if I wanted to be found then I'd be outside now wouldn't I?
Turning away again my lip pouts to the left, the side that I hadn't swirled had gone slightly deformed. My fingers had crushed its face, maybe that was what Tobi was hiding - a deformity, like a scar. Mashing it up I start to make a centipede, even though they reminded me of the Uchiha I try to ignore it. My headphones in to block out the sounds while I make more creatures, the base gets boring most of the time; and even though I enjoy Tobi's attention, too much of it is annoying. I guess the reason I like Tobi is because he reminds me of something I lost - my childhood, my innocence, and perhaps my ability to find astonishment in just about everything around me.
[All the rain in the sky won't wash them black sheep away, it should be no surprise that it's the end of the road. You should be seeing who I am, instead you wanna talk about where I've been. It's too bad things have turned out this way, It's too bad I'm not made of clay]. Bopping my head gently my hands reach into my small bag, orbs of brown dirt being pinched to make antenna for the insect.
[You'd think the sky would be all rained out, you'd think that we could forgive by now. The anger in the sound of your voice, the way that I am that you call a choice. It's always darkest before the dawn, so we'll say goodbye and then we'll move on. Here's another bit of truth that is known, who you love is not the same as what you own].
Even though my music was on I could still somewhat hear people yelling, but not about me anymore - in-fact they were fighting now, as usual.
[It's too bad things have turned out this way, it's too bad I'm not made of clay. Mama, I'm tired of playing this play. It's too bad I'm not made of clay, made of clay. I called to you from the top of the stairs, I wonder when you stopped being there. You used to know just what to say - oh, I guess things are different today]. Pushing the volume up a little louder I shut my eyes, trying to concentrate my energy into ignoring the yelling. Standing up I go to the window, the rain out side hits against the small blackened window of the house.
We lived on a hill just beside the forest, and it was peaceful here when no one was screaming at each other (which is rare). Getting up I leave the room, passing and dodging flying pots and pans from the kitchen while I go towards the door. If it was something everybody had started to notice it was my silent atmosphere now, unlike when I was younger I don't yell anymore. I don't pick fights when someone annoys me, and I tend to hide away. So regardless of how much I hate him, I suppose I've turned out to be some what like Itachi.
Ignoring Hidan hurling abuse about me looking like a girl I traipse passed, opening the door my marine eyes glance quietly at the soaked horizon. The yelling still blurred through the music and shut door while I take a leap of faith from the steps, my sandals sinking into the wet soil while I find my feet again. Stepping across the stone path I glance back at the house, the lights where on for only a moment before what looks like Tobi being thrown smashes them. I suppose they are my family, my messed up freak of a family.
[It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart, beating close to mine. Pounding up against the stone and steel walls that I won't climb]. Letting the rain cover my skin in soft patters I sigh deeper, Tobi was too innocent to understand my feelings. Even if I plucked up the courage to tell him he would probably take it in a brotherly fashion, he seemed that way inclined.
[It's hard to know when to give up the fight, two things you want will just never be right. Its never rained like it has to night before, now I don't wanna beg you baby for something maybe you could never give. I'm not looking for the rest of your life, I just want another chance to live].
Biting my tongue I step through the forest, ignoring the chilling breeze running up my spine through the net and cloth of my vest top. I'll probably catch another cold but I don't mind so much, it was refreshing and helped clear the blocked passages in my mind. I still had to figure out what to do about that partner of mine, I knew some of the other members were gay but I wasn't sure how they would take my coming out. I'm basically the youngest before Hidan and Itachi, it scares me slightly to think of peoples reactions. I already hide away in worry about my hands and chest, even Kakuzu was somewhat freaked out about them when he first saw them, (and he's the weirdest out of all of us besides Kisame).
[Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep, with all this rain falling down. Strange how hard it rains now, rows and rows of big dark clouds. When I'm holding on underneath this shroud, rain]. Stopping by an old log I sit myself down in the mud, my back up against the rotting wood while I stare upwards, tilted up towards the sky. Each dull silver thread like droplet clattering across my vacant expression while I search desperately for an answer. It was probably rather obvious where I was sitting, my blonde hair was like a torch for that plant Zetsu to see.
The black and white man slowly creeping up and out of a tree like moss, his obnoxious yellow eyes glowing through the darkness while he watches me. I'm not stupid, I was looking right at him when he passed me a suspicious grin. He was probably acting like a buzzard, the annoying man waiting to see if I'll die any moment soon.
"I'm not dieing Zetsu, un" I grunt, my placid expression making him pout and fade back into the tree with a soft mutter. Casting my eyes to my legs I mumble, my shins and ankles etched in flakes of mud where my trousers stop to become baggy. Gnawing at my cheek I sigh deeply and lean back again, the sound of water being splashed taking my attention.
"Senpai, senpai!" hearing that unforgivable plead my head turns to look up, Tobi was standing looking down on me. His hands on his hips while he watches me, sheepishly I stare up at him expectantly. I had started blushing but I doubt he'd have noticed, the orange swirl would probably mistake it for a fever creeping up. "You shouldn't sit out here, you'll catch a cold!" he pines, that rubber ducky sounding voice unhinging me like a radiant sirens charm. There was something about him that made even the leader like him, he just had a way of talking that made people love him more. I suppose that was why I hate and love him all the same, unlike me he could make people like him even if he hid behind a mask.
I was jealous and somewhat lonely, it was hard being me at times. Even my mother before she even knew me ran away, they found me beside a lamppost two hours after birth. The rain was basically my mother I suppose, it was always there for me anyway. "Senpai?" blinking I zone back in, he had started crouching to look at me closer. His strange orange mask almost brushing against my nose, flinching at the close proximity I glance at his hair. Each barbed black strand of hair catching droplets of water, the small beads sliding down and onto his mask or shoulders.
"Tobi, go back inside. You're going to catch a cold out here, un" I state, sternly watching him straighten up and reach out his hand.
"Senpai, you'll catch a cold as well" for once I was stuck for words, fair enough Tobi was usually this nice - but there was something different about his kindness this time. Spitting softly I stand up without his help, glaring at him as usual to try obtain some kind of dignity. It was hard to do when he made strange whimpering sounds, his entire body shivering from the icy weather fermenting around us.
"I don't need your help, Tobi. Un" I state, flicking my saddened bang back. It would have looked better if it hadn't went right back onto my left cheek again, the dull strands of hair being spat out while my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Walking passed him with what courage I can pluck up my body tenses, that same rough black glove grabbing my forearm and holding it firmly. Twisting my head I look at his tight spandex-cloth sleeve, the strong tone behind Tobi's voice taking me by surprise.
"Senpai, why do you hate me?" that squeaky voice was still there, taunting me with a playful monotone he doesn't mean to have. I knew he couldn't hold an argument; he would either start crying, or latching onto the persons leg until they forgave him.
"You're annoying, un" I reply, not looking at the mask while I glare. His grip tightening as he pulls me further towards him, for once he was acting odd (well…could Tobi actually get any stranger?).
"That's not it, senpai…" he mumbles, his quivering body ceasing while he turns me around to look at his collarbone.
"Tobi get off" I grunt, trying to get him off only to have his arms wrap around me, holding me firmly to the spot as he grabs my chin too force my gaze to meet that black hole. "Tobi!" I snap, glaring at him before flinching when he shifts closer. His mask raised up and those rough lips against mine, I probably would have felt the surprise kiss more if my lips weren't numb. Widening my eyes every nerve in my body felt like it had just been short circuited, had that bobble-headed idiot really kissed me? Fair enough my nose was somewhat crumpled up against his orange mask, but he didn't seem surprised when I started kissing back. I couldn't help myself, no one had ever even tried to be this close to me.
That was probably the only thing that scared me about Tobi, I could never be sure if he was only getting closer to use me. He could legitimately be trying to be nice to me, and his affections could have been real but I wasn't sure. The saying 'It's in his kiss' doesn't really work when you can hardly feel it, at least the rain seemed to lighten up somewhat around us however.
"Senpai…why do you hate me?" he asks me again, his voice sincere while he waits for a reply. Trying to gain consciousness I stare at the orange mask in a dizzy fashion, unsure to what I should actually say now.
"You're annoying" I grunt, trying to pretend the kiss hadn't effected me. I knew Tobi wasn't going to buy it, that creepy aura around him had strengthened as if he was somewhat angry however.
"I don't get it senpai, I try to be nice to you and polite…but you still hate me. Out of everyone in the base I wanted you to be the one closest to me…" Tobi speaks, a sting of pain in my chest like heart burn started to develop. "But if you want me to leave, then I will. Because your happiness is more important to me than you seem to think" widening my azure eyes I stare at Tobi, I could tell he was upset because he didn't use senpai throughout that entire sentence.
"Tobi…I-" I try to speak but the words don't come out, why did he care? For the twenty-two years of my life no one has given me a scrap of kindness, so why did Tobi - the most annoying person in the entire world - want to change that? Feeling him let me go I come out of my own little world, when I look up he is already walking away. His strong broad back like the dissipating wall between us as he walks away, it was now or never because I knew I wouldn't get another chance. Feeling my body shift the sudden wet cloth against my face didn't faze me, Tobi on the other hand had stiffened. The mud and water splashing up around us as the sun seems to part behind the clouds, it felt like a soppy dream because when did anything like this ever happen in real life? It was too perfect to be real, but at the same time it felt too real to be perfect.
With my arms wrapped around him I bury my face into him, I wasn't trembling from the cold any more but from fear. If Tobi rejected me now I'd be lost, the hardest thing I've ever tried to do was bare my soul to someone. Entrusting the only thing I have left in someone else's hands frightens me, because as simple as it was to take it from me, Tobi could also just as easily crumple it up like paper in his hand. I could only hope that Tobi doesn't break me, because I love him too much to have to feel that kind of emotion turmoil.
"Senpai…" Tobi utters, twisting his head only barely to look at my drenched locks. My eyes opening slightly to look at his arms as he turns to wrap them around me, for once it wasn't only the rain that was protecting me. Squeezing me tightly a small sneeze parts me, Tobi's chest rising as he laughs in that sweet manner he has. "I told you, you would get a cold" he pouts, running his gloves through my hair gently.