Title: The wrong love
Author: Phaelas
Rating: PG-13
Summary: My view (and hopefully an original one!) on the ring scene.
Author's notes: I know, it's hardly original to write the so-maniest ring scene, but I've done my best to give a somewhat different view. I enjoyed writing it very much, even if my heart was breaking along with Hephaistion's…
Please review, I've put a lot of effort into this! (while I really should've been writing on Blind, right? Forgive me, I've let my inspiration lead me…;))
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Alexander paced through his room, his heart excited in his anticipation. She would be here soon… He could already feel her hands clawing at his back, her high panting and groans as she lay beneath him. He would conquer her. She would resist, he knew she would, he had seen the look in her eyes. And she had accepted to be his pray. To be a proud, beautiful, dangerous, catlike woman who only the toughest could overpower. He wanted her. Gods yes…
A low moan escaped the other's lips as he pushed forward once more, and his back arched. Alexander leaned forward and bit down on the soft skin. He wanted more, ever more, as he drove them both towards completion.
He sucked in his breath at the intense flash of memory, then looked up, startled, as the back door was opened. Alexander walked forward, worried. She would not arrive from there… would she? But it was not her, and it took him no more then a split second to recognize the person that had just entered his room. The only person he would recognize even in the dark. But why would he come here now? Hephaistion was not one for bad timing.
Possibilities ran through Alexander's mind all at once and without words. She could be ill. She could be killed. One of the generals. Something was wrong with them. Something important.
Hephaistion's movements were without hesitance as he shut the door behind him and then turned back to face him. Their eyes met, and in shock Alexander realised the other had cried. Was still crying. Could it be… No. No. Yes? No…
The dark-haired held a finger to his lips and hushed the question on Alexander's lips to silence. Alexander should not speak. Was there a time they needed words?
One swift stroke and they both exploded to silent release, only betrayed by a hitching of breath and the collapsing of one body on the other.
When Alexander's consciousness returned to the outside world, warm arms held him, and gentle fingers stroked his hair. He placed a soft kiss upon his friend's chest before looking up into those blue eyes. They smiled down at him.
"I love you, Alexander."
Alexander's heart cried out in pain. Should Roxane walk in now, he would send her away. For Hephaistion, he would. Hephaistion's bright eyes looked heartbroken, as he had only seen them once. His long-time friend might try to act like nothing was wrong, but as he walked closer Alexander felt everything was wrong, and had to hold himself back to not rush towards Hephaistion and comfort him, king or no. But something in the other's demeanour stopped him.
Hephaistion's face told of revealed secrecy. His heart bare in his eyes. It really was love, that kind of love, after all this time still!, Alexander realised desperately. Zeus, who had given his friend the strength to hide this? And how could he himself have been foolish enough to miss it?
There was a strange moment of nothing, then a sudden panic. Alexander tried to hide how fear and confusion, the strongest feelings of regret and pain all at once jumped at him. He was trapped in those eyes that knew he would answer, expected him to answer, asked him to answer… begged him to please answer…
Hephaistion's lips opened in a silent gasp, and he shot upwards. "You don't feel that way, do you?"
Hephaistion knew how he felt. Alexander could hate himself for failing to have seen Hephaistion's love now that he realised it had never passed, but when their hearts held no secrets they needed no words. Still, his friend bowed his head, as if suddenly insecure, locks of dark hair obscuring his face from his view. Alexander wanted to reassure him, almost breaking the spell of silence, when Hephaistion's hand appeared with a white cloth in it. Alexander's mind was blank as the cloth was unfolded.
Alexander couldn't speak, his mind drowning in a big mess of feelings that refused to form words. His lover left the bed in a swift movement, stiffly walked over to the window and stood still. Strong Hephaistion wept.
Alexander realised, as he stared at his friend's trembling back, this would change everything. On his dream of wanting to be Achilles had rapidly followed his wish for a Patroclos. Who would have thought he would truly find one?
Who would have thought it would be the Achilles that lacked?
It revealed a ring. The gold shone in the scarce light, the amber stone was a deep hue of brown and orange. Alexander swallowed and tried to hold his tears back. It was too late to change things now, for Hephaistion, he had to be strong. He would tell Roxane to never show her face to him again if it would bring a smile upon his friend's face, but this was Hephaistion's way to deal what was, in fact, inevitable. Alexander's heart had found someone else, for it only belonged to Hephaistion in friendship.
The choice was left to him. Hephaistion would not make any decision. He had placed his whole heart, his whole being, into Alexander's hands. As every soldier would, once Alexander was king.
But this was Hephaistion, his Hephaistion. Even if Alexander's love for him was of a different nature, how could he turn this person that meant so much to him away after proof of such loyalty and love?
Hephaistion's voice trembled just the slightest bit as he tenderly touched the ring. "I-I found this in Egypt. The man who sold it to me said it came from a time when men worshipped sun and stars."
Hephaistion glanced up at him, and Alexander saw he had stopped fighting back his tears, and they freely travelled down his cheeks. Dearest, honest Hephaistion. Practiced words? When had they become needed? Alexander wanted to silence the other, but could not. He had to hear Hephaistion out.
Hephaistion's fingers handled the ring with utmost care. The Gods knew how much time he had spent looking at it, how often he had told his love to the jewel, just so Alexander would know it, when it would be his. His childhood friend avoided his eyes, uncomfortable in the silence once more, but gripped his hand without hesitation. Hephaistion's touches did not linger as the ring was pushed on his fingers carefully.
"I'll always think of you, and I pray your dream will shine on all men." Tears threatened Hephaistion's voice as he spoke the words with mixed hesitation and passion. Words that had been repeated in Hephaistion's head and to the stars a million times, Alexander realised.
He followed Hephaistion's path over the cold floor. Two pairs of teary eyes met in a silent exchange of questions and understanding. If they'd speak, the world would crumble down around them.
A trembling arm reached out to Alexander, stroked his cheek, then dark hair fell forward as his head followed his hand. Lips brushed over sensitive skin, then moved over Alexander's lips.
Hephaistion had finally dared to look up, and despite the sadness that was written all over his face and the broken heart that laid bare in his eyes, Alexander also read relief that the words had finally been spoken, the planned actions done. Alexander knew the other wished for no apology, no words of the deepest regret that was tugging on his heart wildly as he looked at the other's smudged eyes, just this. And a part of him was glad as well. They were still together, this was not a goodbye. It would never be a goodbye.
They shared a smile that was not only a smile, but spoke of a little embarrassment and understanding, sadness and happiness, love, and more love. How he loved Hephaistion, his friend, his brother. And how he would never say those words, for they spoke of the wrong love. No less true, no less significant, yet different, and the words would only hurt.
Hephaistion suddenly looked uncomfortable, about to say more, but with an almost imperceptible shake of his head Alexander stopped him. The understanding was immediate, and Hephaistion threw himself forward in Alexander's arms and breathed with relief. "I wish you a son…"
Alexander strengthened the embrace even further, his heart full of love for this man, the one and only that truly mattered. The only one that understood him. He buried his mouth in the other's dark hair and the furs of his mantle.
"You're a great man," Hephaistion added in a whisper, and after another strong tug he moved back. But Alexander's arms stopped him from moving back too far.
The kiss was intense and loving beyond words, beyond thoughts. Where their hard kisses had always been passionate but fleeting, this time the combination of lips and a warm tongue lasted, and told everything. Knowing such love made Alexander's knees go weak. Made him realise that it would be his doom if he would ever betray this person. Hephaistion showed him just how great his love was, what Alexander would have to accept in their friendship, and they both knew Alexander could never turn him away.
Hephaistion's warm breath ghosted over Alexander's lips, their noses touching as the great Alexander, king of Macedonia and Persia, sought to reassure his soul brother of his loyalty, in the only way he knew would be truly right. The next moment there was a faintest touch of moist lips on his, slightly apart and welcoming in their love. He closed his eyes as their tongues met tentatively.
Afterwards they had held each other for a long time, time and feet freezing, both clinging to what they needed most. Each other.
Hephaistion startled up straight as something moved in the room, and Alexander followed his gaze to Roxane with a heavy heart. The knowledge he had done this to them, that it was his fault they should be interrupted, was a hard truth.
When his eyes returned to his friend, he finally saw some of the accusation Hephaistion had to be feeling, but it was only a mocking glimpse as he turned around and left Alexander behind under the scrutinizing gaze of his newfound wife. This was the way things were and would be, as they had accepted long ago. They had to live with it.
They would meet the future together. It would not be kind to them, they knew, but they would be together, and would face it.