Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers
Summary: Everyone always assumed they were the strong ones. This wasn't something they both wanted. This was something they needed. Set between Transformers 1 and 2. EppsXLennox slash! Don't like it, don't read it.
Rating: High T, but not quite an M
In Pieces
Everyone always assumed they were the strong ones, and that was understandable. Both Will Lennox and Robert Epps walked around like bullets would bounce off them. It had been driven into both of them since they were children, since they had joined the military – they had to be the ones who always managed to hold up, no matter what was going on around them. No crying, no panic attacks, no feelings. They had to be the tough guys – it was their job to be the tough guys. Not behind closed doors. Behind closed doors, it was a completely different story. Behind closed doors, Epps was sitting on the edge of his bunk in one of the crew rooms. Proper accommodation at Diego Garcia was still under construction – the US army hadn't expected a fighting force of soldiers from different parts of the world and several alien robots to be using the island as a military base... well, not so soon anyway. Epps had his head in his hands and was shaking uncontrollably. In Mission City, just over a month ago, he had seen Decepticons killing people. The carnage had been worse than anything he had ever seen, even in the Middle East, and it had been rough at times there.
The crew room door opened, and Lennox walked in. Epps didn't look up. He knew who it was. Lennox dropped his bag on the floor and just stood in the middle of the room for a while, like his brain was trying to process what was going on. It was. Everything just seemed like a jumbled up mess – leaving Sarah and Annabelle again so soon, coming to this random island in the middle of the Indian Ocean – it wasn't even a real island. It was a coral atoll – in simple terms, it was basically a coral reef left behind when a volcano sank back into the sea. He walked over to where Epps was sitting and threw himself down next to his best friend, ignoring the creaking sounds the bunk made. He stared intently at Epps. Lennox reached out a hand and placed it on Epps's shoulder, feeling his best friend trembling.
"Epps?" Lennox asked softly. He squeezed the other man's shoulder. "Epps... Bobby, come on. We need to get through this – together. Like we always have. Do you remember when we were posted to Helmand Province, when I came back from being held hostage? You helped me get through that, Epps. I needed you then and we need each other now."
"Lennox... Will..." Epps mumbled, his head still buried in his hands. "I can't... I can't, not after Mission City. It's... we saw so much that day... so much that should've have happened. There were... people died. Lots of people... children... women... our own men. We don't leave people behind Will, but... but there wasn't enough left of some of them."
"I know, Epps. I was there. I saw it." Lennox let out a shuddering sigh. "I was the one who had to make all of the phone calls... I had to tell wives, parents... I had to tell people their loved ones weren't coming home." Lennox stared down at his lap. "Do you know how horrible it is, hearing them sobbing down the phone, and there's nothing you can do about it? I've had people screaming down the phone at me that I'm a liar, that no-one is dead. I'm just trying to trick them. That's what really hurts, Epps. Then after that, you get survivors guilt. There are so many times I think back on a situation and the words 'It should've been me' come to mind. I even had those words yelled down the phone at me, once."
"Lennox... I need to feel in control again." Epps insisted, sitting up properly, rubbing his eyes and turning to look at his best friend. He looked tired. "I don't feel in control of anything anymore, not... not since those Transformers came..." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at it. "I can't even look at my phone without waiting for it to transform!" Epps threw his phone across the room. It hit the wall and broke into a few pieces. Lennox flinched at the cracking sound and walked over to pick it up.
"It's the same for me." Lennox said softly and bent down to pick up the pieces. He placed them on the bedside table and stood in front of Epps. "You're not alone in this." Epps looked up at Lennox. "I'm serious. We'll get through together, like we always have." Epps grabbed the front of Lennox's shirt and dragged him down to his level. He pressed his lips against Lennox's in a violent, possessive kiss. Lennox instantly responded, opening his mouth to allow Epps's tongue inside.
This wasn't something they wanted. It was something they needed to get through the mess that their lives had become. It was a secret that stayed between them, wherever they were. It was always the same. Helmand Province, Qatar... now Diego Garcia. Everytime something traumatic happened, they found each other again. They helped each other. It wasn't love. It was nothing like love. It was escape. An escape from all of the pain and the turmoil and the endless fighting. That was what they told themselves later, when it was all over and the awkwardness crept in.
End.
A/N: this has been sitting unfinished on my laptop for a few weeks now, and I just had to finish it and post it.
I blame the bunny on Epps and Lennox's relationship in my fics "One Last Time" and "One More Time". There just seems to be a jealous undercurrent at some points, but that just might be me reading too much into it.
I know I do it too, but it seems that everyone always has Epps and Lennox down as strong army soldiers, who are completely unfazed by everything that happens around them. I just wanted to explore a different angle.
I'd love to hear what people think of this. If you leave me a comment, I'll try and get back to you at some point.
I Caught Myself.