The Gain of Loss
Disclaimer: I do not own the Loud House and make no money from this story.
The tranquility of the early morning was, as more often than not, shattered as the front door to 1216 Franklin Avenue burst open. Eight sets of feet clamored to get through the doorway, a ninth remaining behind after they had all made it through. And as most of the Loud kids made their way to Vanzilla for the ride to their schools, one stayed put on the front porch.
"Are you absolutely sure that you want to walk to school today, Lucy?" Lori asked for the eighth time.
"Yes." Lucy stated simply.
"You do realize that if you leave on foot now, you're literally going to be late, right?" The oldest sibling asked while getting Lily situated in her car seat. "It would have been better if you had left earlier like Lynn did."
"I'm willing to risk it. I really just want to walk and have a little time to think. I'm still upset."
Lori let out a sad sigh. "I know. We all are. But you can talk to us about it, you know."
"I know that. But I would prefer a little time to myself first."
"Okay, it that's really what you want. I won't force you to ride with the rest of us." Lori said, getting into the driver's seat of the van. "But just a heads up, I'm going to let Mom and Dad know so they don't ask me why you were the only one late today when they knew I was driving us all to school."
"That's fine. I'll see you later then." Lucy replied giving a wave as she watched Lori back Vanzilla out of the drive way. Once they were out of sight, she stepped into her room and reached beneath her bed, pulling out her coffin. For a moment Lucy merely stared at it as if silently debating what to do next. But then she gently knocked on the lid.
"You can come out now, everyone else just left."
The lid of the coffin slid open and Lynn crawled out from the velvet-lined enclosure. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair was down and messier than anything else, and her breathing was a bit uneven. She mumbled out a 'thanks' and then went over to her bed where she ungracefully fell onto it, hiding her head beneath her pillow.
Lucy put her coffin back into it's proper place and went to sit next to her big sister. She could tell that Lynn was still softly crying, her body trembling with each quiet sob. To see her like this was very unsettling for Lucy, who had always seen Lynn as the type of girl who could hold back her tears. Sure, she had let them fall at least once in a while, but Lynn had never been like this. The poor girl was an absolute mess.
After taking a minute to think of something to say and coming up with nothing, Lucy decided to remain silent. Instead she opted to gently place her hand on Lynn's back and try to comfort her. However, the moment her hand made contact, Lynn tensed up. Then she suddenly swung her arm out to force Lucy's hand away, startling the younger girl.
"Don't touch me!" Lynn snapped.
"Sorry." Lucy softly replied. "I was only trying to help."
"You already helped me, now just leave me alone!"
Lucy flinched a little at her sister's harsh tone, but remained by her side. She waited patiently while Lynn continued to cry. And when it seemed that Lynn had begun to calm down a bit more, Lucy placed her hand on Lynn's back again, slowly rubbing in little circles.
"I told you I don't want you touching me!" Lynn grumbled.
"I know. But it seems to me that you need this." Lucy replied. "You just won't admit it."
Lynn sat up and pushed Lucy's hand away again. She stood and stormed out of the room, Lucy following her at a reasonable distance. The teen led her down to the kitchen where she began raiding the fridge. After grabbing a piece of key lime pie (their father's recipe), Lynn parked herself at the kitchen table and began eating the dessert with her hands.
"Eating your feelings?" Lucy questioned.
"No, just the last slice." Lynn replied. "Why are you following me?"
"Because you shouldn't be alone. Someone needs to be with you. At least until you feel better. And I think I can help you with that."
An indignant snort came from Lynn in response. She rolled her eyes and took another bite of the pie, dropping crumbs onto the table. Lucy wrinkled her nose at her sister's bad manners a tiny bit. But as usual Lucy kept her comments to herself and just remained focused on the topic.
"So, I take it that you don't want my help." Lucy said before giving a shrug. "That's okay. But if you don't want my help, then I won't be covering for you while to try to play hooky today. So I'm just going to give Lori a quick call."
"Are you serious?!" Lynn spat, slamming her palms onto the table. "You're gonna rat me out just because I don't want to deal with your touchy-feely crap?! Since when do you even do touchy-feely crap?!"
"Since the reason has to do with death." Lucy answered. "So go ahead and keep stuffing your face until someone comes home to get you. Or...you can just come with me for a little while and then go back to having time to yourself after that."
"Fine!" The jock griped, scowling as she got up from the table. "Just make whatever it is quick."
"It's up to you how long we'll be gone. But first, you need to get changed."
"What's wrong with what I'm already wearing?"
Lucy smiled a little. "Nothing. I just picked something out for you that will be more appropriate for where we're going."
-A short bike ride later-
Lynn couldn't decide what aggravated her more; the fact that Lucy was forcing her to go to the one place she's rather avoid (other than school), or what she had been made to wear before they left the house. It also didn't help that Lucy would have told on her if she had chosen to say 'no' at any point. Lucy was really getting on Lynn's last nerve. If the goth wasn't careful with how things proceeded from that point forward...the twins wouldn't be the only ones in the family whose front teeth were missing.
As they neared their destination, Lynn hopped off of her bike and began walking it the rest of the way. Lucy did the same with her own, taking the lead while they continued on foot. She briefly looked back at Lynn while they walked, gaining the irate girl's attention.
"What?" Lynn asked rather tersely.
"You look nice, that's all." Lucy sincerely replied.
Lynn's cheeks flared up with embarrassment. She glared angrily at her sister as her face became as red as the dress she was wearing. It didn't make a lick of difference that it was modest, it still made her look much too girly. Whatever it was that Lucy had planned, it had better be worth putting up with all of this.
"So why did you want to drag me out here?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Lucy asked in return. "We came to see our auntie."
"No, you're making me see a patch of dirt covering her coffin. Again, why?"
"Just trust me. I know what I'm doing."
Lucy led Lynn through the cemetery until they found the spot she was looking for. They set the kickstands of their bikes up and left them by a nearby tree. Then Lucy went to stand before a gravestone, one with the name 'Phyllis DiCicco' on it. Lynn crossed her arms and tried her best to ignore how uncomfortable she was beginning to feel.
"Okay, so now what?"
"Say something to her." Lucy answered, gesturing to the stone. "Let her know how you feel right now."
"How I feel?" Lynn repeated, gritting her teeth and turning angrily to face Lucy. "I'll tell you how I feel! I feel like I'm wasting my time right now! Talk to her? Talk to her?! What are you, stupid?! She can't hear me! She's DEAD!"
The moment Lynn finished speaking, she felt Lucy's hand slap her across the face. Lynn reached up to touch the now sore area, completely stunned. Lucy gave her a moment to let it sink in before explaining herself.
"First of all, sorry about that but you were starting to get hysterical. Second, you shouldn't say that she can't hear you because you don't know that for sure. And third, even if you are right and she can't hear anything you say, you should still say something anyway. I can tell that you're still keeping something inside. Please, just let it out. Otherwise it will take a lot longer than it should for you to feel better."
Lynn crossed her arms again and looked away from her sister. "That's a load. I'm not 'keeping something inside'! I feel just fine, nothing is bothering me!"
"Is that so? Well, I guess I was wrong about you."
"Yeah, you were."
"I thought you loved our Auntie Phyllis."
The next thing Lucy knew., Lynn had knocked her flat onto her back. The older girl was pinning her down with her left hand and threatening her with the right. Lucy did nothing but stare up at her big sister while waiting for her to strike. But Lynn never landed the punch. Her hand seemed frozen in place and Lucy could see conflict in the other girl's eyes. The part of her that wanted to swing her fist was being held back by a different part. One which had gotten the point that Lucy was trying to make.
Lucy waited for Lynn to make her move. There was a distinct chance that she'd still punch her. And if that was what happened, then Lucy was willing to take it. But that didn't mean that she was interested in doing anything that would provoke Lynn into throwing the punch either.
Seconds passed by before Lynn finally lowered her fist. She let go of Lucy and sank down to her knees. Fresh tears streamed from her eyes which expressed something one rarely ever saw from the normally strong headed girl.
Lynn was hurt emotionally, and very badly so.
"You don't get to say that." Lynn said, choking back a sob. "I loved her just as much as everyone else! I just . . . I just . . ."
Lucy gently placed her hand onto Lynn's shoulder and gve her a small, soft smile. Again she gestured towards the grave.
"Tell her what it is that you have to say. I promise it will help. And I can step aside if it makes it easier for you. Do you want me to give you a couple minutes alone?"
For a moment Lynn hesitated, but then she shook her head. Lucy gave a nod and sat silently so Lynn could proceed. The older girl remained silent for a bit, seeming to struggle with her words. She looked to Lucy again, finding comfort in the pale girl's minuscule smile. It was enough to give her the strength she needed to speak her mind.
"Auntie...I miss you a lot. And I don't just mean because you passed away. I've missed you ever since you had to move down to Florida. I know you had to go there because the doctor said it would be better for your health, but . . ."
She trailed off, getting stuck again. Her hands gripped the hem of her dress, tugging it down a bit as though it wasn't covering her well enough already. But she could only keep fidgeting for so long before she got an encouraging nudge from Lucy.
"I missed seeing you at all of my games." She continued. "I missed how you would always take a picture of me posing with my new trophies and how we'd always go get ice cream afterwards. And I . . . I . . . "
Lynn trailed off again, her eyes beginning to moisten. She briefly tried to hold them back, but quickly gave up and let them flow like water bursting through a dam.
"I hated it so much! I hated that I never got to see you unless it was on a video call! I hated that we couldn't watch games together anymore! I . . . I . . . I . . ." She paused to inhale deeply before letting out a pitiful wail. "I hated that I couldn't even be there to say goodbye!"
With that final outburst, Lynn gave in fully to her emotions and began bawling. And just like earlier that day, Lucy found herself unsettled by the sight. But this time, she was better prepared to handle it, in part thanks to Lynn's cooperation.
Lucy pulled her big sister into a hug, feeling Lynn's tears soaking into the shoulder of her dress. She began rubbing Lynn's back and Lynn wrapped her arms around her, nearly crushing her in a powerful squeeze. It got to be quite uncomfortable for Lucy, but fortunately for her Lynn soon lightened the embrace a bit as she kept crying. A few minutes later she let go of Lucy and leaned away, wiping the last of her tears from her eyes.
"Feeling better?" Lucy asked.
"Yeah, I am." Lynn answered before giving Lucy a steely glare. "But don't you dare tell anyone that I cried like that."
"That will be just between the two of us. I promise." Lucy said. "But if it helps you feel any better about it, you still didn't cry as much as Pop-pop did at the funeral last Friday."
A small smile tugged at Lynn's lips. "Yeah, I know. I thought he might never stop. I didn't even know that he could cry before that."
"Well, he was heartbroken, that's all. He grew up with Auntie Phyllis, he said she was his favorite cousin. I bet if you visited him, he could tell you all sorts of stories about her."
"You think so?"
Lucy nodded. "I know so. In fact, I think you should definitely do that. Letting Pop-pop share his memories of her with you will help you both move on. And as long as you hold onto those memories, she won't really be gone for good. She'll live on through you."
Lynn's smile grew. "That kinda makes sense."
"Plus, you still have that dress too." Lucy added.
"What, you mean this?" Lynn asked, looking down at her attire. "What's so special about it?"
"It's the one she gave you for your thirteenth birthday, that package that came in the mail. Although you may not remember since you hid it away for months."
"Oh hey, you're right! She did send me this!" Lynn said, her eyes widening in realization a bit before moistening again. "It was the last present that she ever gave me."
"And now it can be a memento of her that you can cherish. You can probably ask Leni to alter it so you can keep wearing it until you become an adult. Maybe you can even pass it down to your daughter one day. You know, if you ever have one."
"Yeah, well I can think about that stuff later." Lynn said, getting up and stretching a little. "For now I think I should get home and put it someplace safe since you're making it sound so important."
"Good idea." Lucy said. "To be honest, someone has probably tried calling Mom or Dad by now to ask why we aren't in school. I'm pretty sure that we're going to get in trouble."
"In that case, let's see if we can get home in time to dig into some ice cream before we get busted."
"Okay. But I'm taking the blame when we get found out, alright? All of this was my idea in the first place."
Lynn cracked a smirk. "Fine by me. But no changing your mind later on. Got it?" She said, going over to her bike. "Hey, feel like racing home? Winner can have dibs on the TV remote."
"Guess that means the sports channel will be on." Lucy remarked.
"Hey, don't admit defeat without at least trying to win first. In fact, how about I give you a head start? One full minute. I actually have one more thing that I want to say before I'm ready to leave."
Lucy nodded. "Go right ahead. I'll start heading back and in a minute I'll be eating your dust."
She got onto her bike and began pedaling for home at a steady pace. Lynn put her bike on its kickstand again and went back to their aunt's grave. She knelt down in front of it, a small yet somber smile on her face.
"Hey, I promise that I'll come back to visit soon. When I do, I'll tell you about all the games I've won by then. And I also wanted to say thank you for this dress. I wasn't crazy about getting it at first, but now I'll take good care of it and only wear it on special occasions. Thanks for being such an awesome auntie too." She said, kissing her fingertips and lightly touching them on the stone. "Love ya and I always will. See you soon, okay?"
Lynn stood again, feeling far better than she had been earlier that morning. She started walking her bike out of the cemetery, not caring at all if she gave Lucy more of a head start than she originally intended. If the spooky girl beat her back to the house then so be it. Letting her have an easy win was the least Lynn could do. Lucy had helped her when she was in need and thanks to that, now she could move past the sorrow that had been holding her down. Because thanks to Lucy, she wasn't just feeling like herself again, she was feeling a little bit stronger than ever before.
The End.
So yeah, as many of you who follow my stories may have noticed, there have been increasingly larger gaps between my updates over the course of the past year or so. I have put up an explanation to this on my profile page for those who wish to know why. It will remain there until Friday May 31st, 2019