She didn't fear death. Not anymore.
Not here on the ground, where death was as frequent as rainfall.
Not when her makeshift medical tent was filled to bursting with the ill and the dying.
Not when she saw the small graveyard outside their camp's walls
Clarke did not fear death. She despised it.
Death took and took and never gave anything in return. It stole away lives, quiet as a whisper or piercing as a scream. It was the only absolute in their hectic world. Live or die.
She felt its dark, cold tendrils wrapped around her as she looked over what was left of her people. They had lost so many.
Atom. Wells. Charlotte. (And though she didn't know it yet, many more would be added to that list. Anya, the people of Mount Weather, Lexa, Roan, Luna…Jasper.)
Death seemed to stain her hands, fill her nostrils with its stench, taint the air she breathed. Its presence surrounded her, suffocated her, stifled her. She saw its dismal cloud hanging over the med tent, over the cemetery. It worked its way into every corner of their existence, contaminating the oxygen, withering the plants, casting a gray shadow over their camp.
The only break in the fog was when he walked past. She felt his warmth, a startling contrast to the constant chill that accompanied her. A beam of sunlight seemed to radiate from him, from his rare smile and sparkling brown eyes. She found herself drawn to him, basking in the light he emitted.
His touch was another story. How his hand ghosted her shoulder in encouragement when she was performing a difficult surgery, how he brushed past her, how he squeezed her hand when they made contact with the Ark on the radio. It was like a jolt of electricity, shocking her system. It was wild and reckless and dangerous, yet soft and secure.
It felt right. It felt like home.
Death stayed away when they were together. Clarke didn't miss the damp, slimy feeling it used to leave behind. Its firm grip released and was replaced by something gentler, something more easily broken.
They fought together, worked together. They were a team, protecting their people. They tried to keep the dark reign of death away for as long as they could.
So when Clarke had to close the dropship doors, knowing Bellamy was on the other side, still fighting, never giving up, she felt a tug on her heart.
For the first time in a long time, she was afraid of death.