Contains 9x10 spoilers! Please watch the episode before reading this!
I wrote this thing at school and I tried to fix it the best I could but I had no beta reader fot this, so I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if it's generally a huge bunch of nonsense. I used the dialogues from the real scene, but they are slightly modified (I couldn't remember them completely, I had to use a bit of Tumblr for help and I re-watch the episode but I'm not good at transcripting the dialogues, so I improvised a bit). I don't know what's the point of this fic but I wanted to publish it. (Might be Destiel if you squeeze it but I don't really know, it's up to you.)
He can't stand it anymore. No matter how hard he tries to think that now it's Gadreel who's in control, it's still his brother who's being basically tortured. He lifts from the counter he has been leaning on and walks down the hall, stopping in front of the big fan that he hopes will provide some 'cleaner' air and some background noise that can distract him from his brother's screams of pain. He hears footsteps behind him and he knows Castiel has followed him.
"Hey?" the angel calls out, his tone concerned, and he appears in front of the hunter as he lifts his eyes from the floor.
"I can't do it anymore." Dean whispers and Castiel looks lost for a moment as he thinks about what to say.
"I understand."
Heavy silence falls between them, only to be broken by another screech of pain coming from the main room and Dean shifted uncomfortably, looking for something to say that might cover the noise.
"How you doin'?" he eventually asks and he almost wants to laugh because that's the most inappropriate question at the moment and the look he gets from Castiel can say it all.
"What? Why do you want to talk about me now?" the angel asks back and Dean actually can't sort out his tone: it seems half incredulous, half confused and half angry, but all he can think about is damn, can't you get a goddamn hint?
"I want to talk about anything that's not my brother screaming!" he snaps before turning towards the fan again, taking two further steps and desperately running a hand on his face in an attempt to stop the stupid tears that are burning at the corner of his eyes.
Castiel stares at him for a few seconds before shaking his head, "I'm okay. I guess." he mutters and the silence that follows is filled by a long shuddering gasp coming from behind them that makes Dean cringe. The angel notices and gets closer, actually standing behind him and invading his personal space like the good old times.
"Okay, good." the hunter distractedly says and, when he turns around, he can't help the small jerk that shakes his body as he almost knocks into Castiel. He looks at him and for a moment he wonders if Cas is still human or something, because the emotions showing on his face are overwhelming. Pain, sorrow, concern, hope, faith (in what, he doesn't know and he doesn't even want to know). Something about that look on the angel's face makes him tell something he never thought he would be able to say, "Cas, I'm sorry."
"For what?" he hates Castiel for that, because he really doesn't get it? Or maybe he doesn't care? Well, he should, really should. He should be angry at him.
"Kicking you out of the bunker. Not telling you about...you know, Sam." Dean answers hunching his shoulders and he looks away for a brief moment.
"His life was in danger, Dean." of course the angel would say that. The hunter shakes his head, he's about to say something but he's once more interrupted by his brother's yelling, which goes straight to his brain and erases every word that was about to come out of his mouth.
He suddenly feels like his body is betraying him, mind above all, because every regret and guilt he locked away in the back of his head a long time ago is resurfacing all at once. The angel probably can feel it or something, because his hand is on the hunter's bicep, squeezing gently, "Dean?"
Dean's body is moving on his own now because his mind is probably in some other dark place and he barely notices he's reaching forward and grabbing the edges of Castiel's new coat, fingers curling in the fabric and pulling. The angel follows the movement and gets even closer, almost chest to chest, and Dean is pretty sure he might hear his thundering heartbeat and irregular breathing from this distance.
"Dean, are you alright?" Castiel asks and Dean feels it more than he hears it, soft breath hitting his face as he speaks. For a brief moment, right before the torturous screeching brings him back to reality, he finds himself back in time, with his precious awkward angel who stared too much and stood too close. Castiel has changed, has grown up, has made mistakes, and many times Dean has wondered if that was all his fault, if he managed to drag him down as well and let him drown, if his touch really corrupted.
He jerks when he feels hands tightening on his own and Castiel is about to pull away and apologize when Dean clutches at his coat more tightly. He's sure Cas has heard him, because wasn't he able to read minds or something? "Do something. Say something." Dean stutters, voice breaking, desperation climbing up his throat like bile.
"What do you want me to do?" the angel asks and he's so calm, how does he even do that? His calm would probably have pissed Dean off if he wasn't about to break in a half like a twig.
"Whatever, I just-" he stops half sentence and forces himself to breathe while Castiel simply stares at him with what looks like a thoughtful expression on his face. He doesn't get to continue because then there's a hand on the back oh his neck and he's being pushed towards Castiel. He stiffens, tries to figure out what the hell is going on and he suspects the sudden pain in his chest is an heart attack because what else could it be?
He snaps back to reality when his chin makes contact with the angel's shoulder and two strong arms wrap around him, one on his neck and one around his shoulders, "Cas. Cas, what are you-"
"It made me feel better when you did it to me." he simply says and Dean can't help but slide his own arms under Castiel's coat and around his back, emotions and memories hitting him hard like a kick in the stomach. Some small part of his brain is probably telling him that this hug might be a bit too romantic for two friends but he sincerely doesn't give a damn at the moment. Might be Castiel's grace or Castiel himself but he's relaxing, letting the world around him blur for a second and let him breathe.
"Do you feel better?" the angel asks after some time and Dean mumbles a 'yes' against the crook of his neck before he takes another deep breath. He notices only now that the hand on his back is rubbing small, delicate circles as if Castiel doesn't really know if the gesture is correct. Good old times again.
"Laverne! Shirley! Get in here!"
Dean immediately straightens and pulls away as gently as he can, letting his arms fall at his sides. He breathes once more and yes, he feels slightly better, "Thank you, Cas."
The smile on Castiel's face is faint and soft, but it's there, "Anything, Dean."