"I still don't understand why you don't want people to be there for your Soulmarking!" Leah Burke, Simon's best friend, exclaims. "I mean, it's supposed to be this big party."
Simon rolls his eyes. "I don't know, I mostly just want to be alone for it. I'm not even letting Mom or Dad or Nora in the room."
Leah opens her mouth to respond, but is cut off by the bell. "Gotta go," Simon says, relieved, and picks up his lunch tray as he rushes off.
He feels a little bad about it, honestly. He's known Leah for years. He tells her everything, and she tells him everything. That's the way it's always been.
Everything, except...
Simon sighs as he enters the math room. He doesn't have anything against the soulmate system- actually, he thinks it's pretty metal, how your arm is branded with your soulmate's name in a flash of blinding pain the minute your sixteenth birthday hits. He also doesn't have anything against Leah. In fact, he wishes he could invite her, and Nick and Abby, for that matter, to his Soulmarking.
But he can't, and he despises it. He despises that just because he's gay, and his soulmate is a guy (at least he hopes, with all his being), that he can't even let his parents into the room without outing himself before he's ready. He despises that he'll have to cover his soulmark until he's ready to come out, and even a little longer, if his soulmate isn't ready when he is. He despises that he isn't even fucking sure that the soulmate system will put him with a gay guy. That's something he's feared since he was fourteen, when it occured to him that maybe there was a percent of a chance that it'd get him wrong, put him with a girl, or a straight boy, and that he'd maybe never find true love.
And most of all, he despises that none of that ever happens to straight people.
It's 11:57 and Simon's world is about to change. He's still fully clothed from school- he hadn't had the energy to do much more than stress-eat and scroll through stories about other gay people and their soulmates- and even though he's certain his family's asleep, he's been checking the lock every ten minutes.
He checks his phone. Two more minutes. He takes a deep breath and opens Instagram to a DM from Leah. She'd sent him a post two minutes ago. It's picture of a girl and a guy, holding up their soulmarks, grinning at the camera. Accompanying the post is a single green heart emoji. Simon chuckles. Leah's always been so sweet, and he knows she means well with the post. It's just a little bit off.
His eyes flick to the top of the screen. 11:59. He sends back a yellow heart and a kissy-face emoji and flops face-first onto his bed, but quickly sits up. His heart's beating fast, seemingly beating out his worries- what-if, what-if, what-if, what-if.
He stands up and notices his hands shaking. In a futile attempt to calm down, he opens the clock app on his phone. There are twelve seconds left, and by the time he sits back on his bed again to prepare for the pain, he's abandoned his phone. He counts down, and looks up to the sky, calling in his head to whatever greater power there is above.
Five. Please, please let them be a guy.
Four. Let Leah and Abby and Nick stop bugging me about them.
Three. Let my family be okay with them, if they are a boy.
Two. Please.
One.
And then, his right wrist explodes in the most massive surge of pain he's ever felt. He feels a gutteral noise come out from his throat and he prays no one hears it. The pain is more than anything he's felt- it's like someone's lit a fire behind his skin and let it burn. A tear slips down his cheek and he bites his lip, drawing blood. It's bitter, raw desperation in his mouth.
And then the pain fades. His first instinct is to check his clock- a whole minute has passed, and he's got seven texts from Leah, three from Nick, and nine from Abby.
He can't bring himself to look at his wrist. Another tear splashes onto his jeans and soaks in.
Simon inhales a shaky breath and turns his arm over.
Bram Greenfeld.
His first thought is of how grateful he is that his soulmate is not a girl. His second thought is- oh, God, my soulmate is Cute Bram of the soccer calves and the perfect grades?
Simon exhales and laughs a little to himself as his phone chimes again. He picks it up, and his friends have made a groupchat and named it Simon and his Soulmate. As you do.
He scrolls up through the texts in the chat. There's only a few.
NICK: well uh simon tell us how it goes
ABBY: she better be cute!
LEAH: yeah for real :o
LEAH: OH MY GOD SIMON JUST SAY SOMETHING
Hands still shaking, heart still beating fast, Simon taps out a message.
SIMON: i got my soulmate. they're exactly who i wanted. i'm sorry, guys, but i'm just not ready to tell you yet.
He turns his phone on silent and places it face-down on his desk before heading to bed. He doesn't get any sleep that night.
The next day is unfortunately a school day, and when he gets out of bed at 6:30, he realizes too late that he doesn't own anything with long enough sleeves to cover the soulmark completely. He panics and pulls on a red hoodie, slapping three rubber wristbands from when Nora ran a 5k to benefit cancer research on his wrist. Wristbands on, he heads down the stairs with as much courage as he can muster and hopes his parents are still asleep. They are, thank God, and it's just Nora sitting at the table with a cinnamon roll. There's one at his spot too, and he sits down quietly to eat it.
Nora breaks the silence. "So, did you get your soulmate?"
"Yeah, I did."
"And?"
Simon takes a deep breath. "Nora, you can keep a secret, right?"
Nora looks at him funny. "Yeah...?" It's a statement, not a question, but confusion creeps into her voice. "Is something wrong, Si?"
"No. Everything's right." He rolls up his sleeves and pushes the bracelets up his arm, and lets the tender moment soak in for a minute longer before he shows Nora his arm. Simon holds his breath.
"Bram Greenfeld," she whispers. There's silence.
"Please say something." Simon can feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes.
Nora's voice is soft. "He's the captain of the soccer team, right? Wow, you got lucky. He's really hot."
Simon chuckles, and a tear slips from his eye. "He is. And he's sweet, and he's so smart, and oh my God, Nora, you should see his soccer calves."
Nora grins. "Well. I'm happy for you, Simon. And I hope you know I don't think anything different of you." She stands up. "Can I have a hug?"
They embrace, and Simon sinks into the hug. He thanks the world for little sisters. If only everyone in the world was this accepting. If only he could wear a T-shirt to school today without worrying about bullying. If only he could just call Bram up and say, Hi, Bram, I'm your soulmate, and I want to go on a date with you and kiss you.
"Nora, can you help me cover this up?" he asks.
She nods. "Of course. You're a little paler than me, but I think we can make it work."
They pull up to Nick's a few minutes late, so Nick's waiting out front. He opens the door and smiles at Nora, then turns to Simon. "Bro! How'd last night go?"
Simon pulls away from the curb. "It was fine. Painful, but fine."
"Are you not gonna tell me who she is?"
Simon glances in the rearview mirror at Nora. "Nope." He pops the P.
Similar conversations go down with Abby and Leah, but Simon doesn't budge. "I talked to them last night, and they don't want anyone to know." It's only a half-truth, but he figures it's better than making up the name of some girl.
Of course, this sets off the girls. "Well, is she hot?" Leah asks.
Simon smiles despite his attempts not to. "Yeah. They're exactly who I wanted."
The rest of the day breezes by. Simon watches Bram as much as he can, picking up little details he'd never noticed before. He's got these knobbly hands, and the straightest handwriting (which Simon finds ironic, because apparently Bram is not straight in the slightest), and his dark brown eyes seem to stare into Simon's soul. He watches over Bram's shoulder as he Snapchats Garrett a double-chin selfie, and smiles because that's just the most adorable thing he's ever seen in his fucking life.
Not many people besides those at Simon's lunch table know that it's his birthday, and at his request, Leah does a more low-key celebration at lunch than normal. Anna, Morgan, and Garrett all want to know about his soulmate, but Simon brushes it off with the same excuse he used with his other friends. He can't help but notice that Bram is even quieter than he usually is, almost like he's hoping for something.
But he doesn't approach Simon, and Simon knows Bram doesn't have his soulmark so he doesn't approach him either.
Over time, Simon starts to let his guard down a little. He still applies concealer to his wrist daily, but he's started to wear short sleeves and actually wash his hands after he uses the restroom, instead of just wetting his palms like he'd been doing.
And then one day in mid-January, he wakes up late, and instead of applying his concealer, he just throws on a deep red sweater he'd bought in case this very situation happened. The day goes as normally as ever, until rehearsal, when he goes to grab a soda and known douchebag Martin Addison follows him out in the hall.
"What do you want, Martin?" Simon says as they reach the vending machine. "Oh, if you want a soda, you're gonna have to pay me back."
Martin blinks. "No, that's, uh, not what I want. I think you'll be interested to know my brother's gay."
It doesn't sink in at first, and Simon can't figure out why Martin's telling him this. And then he remembers skipping the concealer, and he looks down at his arms and his fucking sleeves are rolled up to his fucking elbows. He curses under his breath.
"No, Martin, that wouldn't interest me." He rolls down his sleeves and fixes the blond boy with a stare.
"Oh, don't worry, I won't tell anyone."
Simon breathes in. "Tell anyone what?"
Martin blinks innocently. "You know what. But I do have a request. I want you to help me, well, talk with Abby Suso. You know, hang out and stuff."
"Why would I do anything for you?"
Martin just stands there, and Simon finally gets it.
"Are you blackmailing me?"
Martin's face goes pale. "Let's not call it that, you know? Think of it as you scratch my back, I scratch yours."
"So you're blackmailing me. Fine. I'll help you with Abby, but I won't like it."
"So simple! That must be why they call you Simple Simon."
Simon turns and grabs his soda from the machine. "Nobody calls me that, Martin."
TEXT MESSAGE TO: ABBY SUSO
SIMON: hey abby can i talk to you real quick?
ABBY: yeah ofc what's up
SIMON: you sitting down?
ABBY: yeah...?
SIMON: so here's the thing.
SIMON: i'm gay and bram is my soulmate.
SIMON: but you can't tell anyone. nobody really knows, and i don't want people to find out.
SIMON: please say something.
ABBY: simon, i'm so proud of you. i'm so glad you trust me enough to tell me. and i hope you know i don't think anything has changed.
SIMON: (heart)
SIMON: there's something else.
ABBY: shoot
SIMON: martin found out. he saw my soulmark.
ABBY: martin addison? that douchebag
SIMON: and he's blackmailing me. he wants me to help him make you fall in love with him or else he'll out me
ABBY: he's whAT
SIMON: yeah
ABBY: okay here, this is what's gonna happen. i'm going to go on a few dates with him, and when you've come out on your own terms, i'll let him down gently. that dickbag!
SIMON: you have 0 idea how grateful i am sksdjknsclk
ABBY: (heart)
SIMON: (heart)
It's a week after the Martin Incident, and apparently, it's Bram's sixteenth birthday, which gets Simon's heart going again. Abby's been nothing but helpful. She's gone one one date with Martin, to Waffle House, and she and Simon have been texting daily, trying to make sense of the situation and just hyping each other up.
But today, Leah's brought an Oreo sheetcake to lunch, and Bram's wearing long sleeves he'd never wear on any other day, and even more telling, Bram's been staring at Simon when he thinks Simon's not looking. Which almost definitely means that Bram has Simon's name on his wrist.
The sheetcake is delicious, but Simon can't help but wonder what Bram's lips would taste like.
After school, Bram approaches Simon at his locker. He makes some excuse, something about needing a ride because Garrett already took off and his mom's at work or something, and before Simon knows it, he's sitting in the car next to Cute Bram Greenfeld. It's more awkward than anything else.
Simon turns left onto Main Street. "Hey, is it okay if we take a quick detour? I have some stuff to do at the park."
Bram doesn't say anything, but nods.
The park is only a mile or so away and they ride in silence. Simon pulls the car into a parking spot and turns off the radio.
"I know you're nervous."
Bram nods again.
"Me too, but I don't think either one of us has to be." He takes a deep breath and rolls up his sleeve, pulling a makeup wipe from his backpack and swiping it across his wrist. "Bram Greenfeld."
Simon turns his head to look at Bram, whose face has lit up in a beautiful grin. He tugs his sleeve up, and for the first time, Simon sees his own name on his soulmate's skin.
"Simon Spier," says Bram, still grinning. "Wow. I was afraid you'd have someone else."
Simon's mouth turns up in a smile. "You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now."
Bram looks down sheepishly. "Well, I wouldn't say that, because I think I want to kiss you even more than you want to kiss me." His voice is smooth, like melted chocolate, and when Simon leans in, his lips taste even better than chocolate.
Neither boy has ever kissed anyone before, so there's a lot of fumbling around, noses in the way, but the swoop in Simon's stomach and the tender smile Bram gives Simon as they break make up for it. Simon smiles back and grabs Bram's hand.
"What now?" he asks.
Bram grins. "I'm all in if you are."
"All in, like boyfriends?" Boyfriends. The word is foreign on Simon's tongue, but it feels so right.
"Boyfriends." Simon can tell Bram's trying the word out too. "That sounds amazing to me."
"Boyfriends it is." Simon leans back in and kisses Bram, and God, he's never felt anything as good.
4:56 PM
SIMON SPIER is in a relationship with BRAM GREENFELD.