Preface: Inspired by the 2005 movie Mr & Mrs Smith. If you have yet to read Mrs & Mrs Swan by hoovahoopah please do so because it is amazing and needs to be finished.
AU: John and Jane Smith are a normal married couple, living a normal life in a normal suburb, working normal jobs... well, if you can call secretly being assassins "normal". Neither Jane nor John knows about their spouse's secret, until they are surprised to find each other as targets. No magic, no familial ties.
"Okay, I'll go first," Emma says with a nervous chuckle, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "Let me say, we don't really need to be here. See, we've been married five years-"
"Six."
"Five, six years," Emma brushes off Regina's correction without sparing her a glance, "and this is like a check-up for us. Chance to poke around the engine, maybe change the oil. Replace a seal or two."
"Stop rambling."
This time Emma does shoot Regina a glare and the psychiatrist is the one to shift uncomfortably.
"Very well, then," Archie loosens the tie around his neck. "Let's pop the hood."
Regina rolls her eyes, "I sincerely doubt either of you know your way around a car engine."
Emma narrows her eyes and scowls, "What exactly is that supposed to mean?"
"It means your metal coffin on wheels was retired for a reason."
Emma frowns thinking about the custom storage shed in their back yard, expanded in size to fit tools for the gardeners and her old yellow Bug. Regina had leaned more towards demolition, but this was their compromise. Compromise. The thought almost makes Emma laugh.
Seeing he needs to diffuse the situation before an argument can start three minutes into their session, Archie interrupts.
"On a scale of one to ten, how happy a couple are you?"
"Eight," Regina answers immediately.
"Ten being perfectly happy and one being totally miserable, or..."
Regina sighs, "You're stalling."
"Just respond instinctively," Archia amends with a kind smile.
"Okay."
"Ready?"
Emma nods and Regina stares at him blankly.
"Eight," they answer in unison.
"How often do you have sex?"
Regina flicks imaginary lint off her skirt, "I don't understand the question."
"Yeah, I'm lost." Emma doesn't sound lost, just evasive. "Is this a one to ten thing?"
"Is one very little, or is one nothing? Because technically speaking, zero would be nothing."
Emma would like to point out that her wife is now the one rambling, but she doesn't really want to answer this question either.
"How about this week?" Archie suggests.
Emma squints, as if trying to recall. "Including the weekend?"
"Sure."
"I don't understand the relevance," Regina interrupts suddenly, nervously twisting her wedding band around her finger. "Can we discuss another topic?"
"Describe how you first met."
For the first time during this entire session Regina's lips curve up, forming a small smile. "It was in Colombia."
Emma smiles as well, "Bogota. Five years ago."
"Six."
And just like that the spell is broken and they both return to their impassive expressions.
"Right. Five or six years ago."
Five or six years ago...
Emma sits at the bar of her hotel room, reading a newspaper and sipping coffee when the sound of sirens catches her attention. She can hear the sounds of one emergency vehicle after another passing on the street outside. She sits up, looking out the window as a group of armed men enter the building.
She motions over the bartender and asks him what's going on. He tells her The Huntsman has been killed and the police are looking for tourists traveling alone.
The men are yelling out orders when Emma turns to look over her shoulder for an exit. One of them notices her immediately and she shifts, leaning back on her elbows against the bar and subtly reaching for the gun tucked into the waistband of her jeans. It's too hot here to conceal her guns in a shoulder holster under her leather jacket and the metal is a heavy, reassuring weight against her back.
The man who noticed her motions for another officer to approach and as he does he calls out to her, "Estas sola?" She shakes her head and holds her hand up to her ear, acting like she doesn't understand. "Estas sola?"
Just then, a woman barges into the building, followed closely by two more heavily armed men while she ignores their calls for her to show them her papers.
Emma immediately disregards the man approaching her, her entire focus shifting to the beautiful woman in front of her as they openly stare at each other in what can only be described as unashamed eye sex.
"Papeles," one of the officers shouts, getting in the woman's personal space. "Estas sola?"
"No," she replies simply, further annoying him.
As he moves to grab her by the arm and escort her god knows where, certainly out of Emma's life forever, Emma steps forward, unable to see this beautiful woman go.
"No, no, no. Esta bien," she says in a broken accent, not noticing the bartender giving her a funny look because he had just been speaking with her in perfect Spanish. "She's with me. Esta bien."
She extends her hand and when the woman takes it, Emma quickly leads them away from the men asking questions in the lobby and back to her room, locking the door behind them. They both lean against it, listening to the commotion still going on outside. The woman looks up then and catches Emma's eye, giving her a smile and extending her hand again, this time for a hand shake.
"I'm Regina," she whispers.
"Emma," the blonde replies.
She doesn't release Regina's hand after she shakes it. Instead, she holds the woman's wrist in a loose grip, gently stroking her palm and giving her a shy smile.
Later that night...
They get lost among the locals and drink tequila at a small party in the center of town. After a toast to "dodging bullets," Regina has had enough people watching and stands, once again extending her hand to Emma.
"Dance with me."
Her voice is smoky, like the smell of the bonfire surrounding them in this outdoor fiesta. The sound burns its way down Emma's spine, like the tequila burned its way down her throat.
She leads Emma to the makeshift dancefloor and pulls her closer with an index finger hooked under the blonde's belt. Emma places her hands on Regina's hips, Regina's arms loosely drape over Emma's shoulders, and the two seem to melt together. They sway to the music, foreheads touching, lost in each other. The band plays on and their touches get more firm. Emma's fingers are digging into Regina's hips and Regina is scratching down Emma's back, hands under the blonde's shirt. Emma spins Regina and pulls her back flush against Emma's front. She encircles the brunette's waist with her arms, holding her in a warm embrace and brushes a sweet kiss against her neck. She can hear Regina humming along to the music and she gets lost again, out of the lust and into something more. Something that feels a whole lot like she could love this woman. Normally this thought would send her running for the hills, but tonight it leads her back to their table where she takes a seat and pulls Regina on her lap.
The brunette is straddling her hips and they're sharing sips directly from the bottle of tequila when the rumbling thunder they've been hearing off and on turns into a torrential downpour. Everyone else runs for cover while Emma simply tightens her hold on Regina's hip with one hand, and drops the bottle of tequila from the other, using that now free hand to cup the brunette's face and pull her in for a searing kiss. When Regina moans, Emma slides both hands down to squeeze her ass before lifting her to sit on the tabletop. She kisses Regina's neck again, this time more teeth than a sweet press of lips. Regina spreads her legs more and directs Emma's hands up her thighs.
Emma hikes Regina's skirt up around her hips and drags both hands up her thighs to the apex of her legs. She lets her thumbs gently trace both sides of damp lace panties and though the rain is pouring down on them she knows the dampness is there for her, from her.
"Em-ma," Regina moans out, and the way she says it sends a fresh shot of arousal straight to Emma's core. "Touch me."
Emma uses her left thumb to gently pull the lace fabric to the side while her right thumb drags a slow trail up the wet folds. Emma and Regina both moan at this and then they lock eyes and snap and it's fast and hard. Emma captures Regina's lips in a passionate kiss; her thumb rubs against Regina's clit; her fingers pump in and out of Regina; Regina throws her head back, the rain makes her white dress transparent; Emma sucks on her skin on the space between her neck and shoulder; Regina's hips rock and the tequila bottle falls off the rattling table; Emma lifts off her seat and leans forward to bite a nipple through the wet fabric of a dress and bra; Regina's palms come down hard and slap the tabletop in time with her chants of 'yes, yes, yes'; Emma drops to her knees in the wet, muddy dirt; Regina grinds against Emma's eager tongue and holds her in place with a fist of blonde hair.
When Regina's orgasm rips through her the sound of thunder drowns out her screams.
The next morning...
Regina wakes up alone and has a mini moment of panic before remembering the events from the night before, what brought her to this hotel room and the blonde who is renting it. She stretches her sore muscles before sitting up in the bed. The sheets are cool and there's no sight of the blonde anywhere. Just as a wave of disappointment settles in her stomach, the door opens.
"Hiya stranger," Regina smiles in relief, not yet ready to say goodbye.
If she's being honest with herself, she doesn't know if she'll ever be ready to say goodbye now.
"Hiya back," Emma says with a shy smile. She locks the door behind her and walks to Regina's side of the bed, placing a tray in front of her. "I think room service fled. I did what I could," she grins up at her with another shy smile.
"Thank you," Regina says sincerely, touched the blonde would think to be so considerate.
The tray has two cups of coffee, sugar, milk, and a newspaper. Emma takes one of the cups and turns, opening the doors to the balcony and stepping outside. She leans on the railing and sips her coffee, looking out at the city below while the woman in her bed looks at her.
Regina adds a splash of milk to her coffee and takes a sip, humming in approval.
"Oh, that's good."
"I hope so," Emma looks over her shoulder with a teasing sparkle in her eye. "I had to milk a goat to get it."
Regina notices the headline of the newspaper mentions the assassination of The Huntsman and when she picks it up off the tray to read the article, she sees a flower had been hidden beneath it. She twirls it between her fingers before looking up and catching Emma's eye. She tucks the flower behind her ear and Emma gives her another shy smile and that's what does it. She definitely isn't saying goodbye now. The blonde looks as smitten as she feels.
She moves from the bed, meeting Emma on the balcony and they pull each other into a sweet kiss that quickly intensifies when Emma carelessly drops her cup of coffee in favor of pulling Regina close. The glass shatters like her resolve.
One month later...
They've been joined at the hip since they returned from Colombia, but today when they woke up Emma realized they've never gone on an actual date. As soon as they're together everything else fades away, getting lost in the background when the lust takes over. But today, the sunlight seemed to dance on Regina's skin and Emma could feel herself falling deeper. She'd never been the dating type, but she realized this is more than just lust. She wanted everything with this woman, even cheesy dates at the fair where they could go on rides and play games and Emma could win her a silly stuffed animal.
So now here they are, on a cheesy date at the fair. Emma has her arm around Regina's shoulders and presses a kiss to her temple and it doesn't really bother her anymore to think of herself as being in love, and even if she's yet to admit it she knows it's true and she doesn't really care that she's currently being so obnoxious about it.
"Step right up, ladies and gentleman. Try your luck." Regina catches the attention of the vendor at one of the booths they're strolling by. "How about you, little lady? Wanna try your luck? Win a prize?"
Regina smiles and Emma smirks at the evil glint in her eye, already knowing how competitive the brunette can be.
"Yeah, all right. Two," Emma tells the vendor, holding her cup of beer between her teeth so she doesn't have to drop Regina's hand and she can still reach in her pocket for some cash to pay him.
"Two," he repeats. "We got two over here."
It's a shooting booth, little targets twirling, spinning, and flipping around to the sound of classic arcade music. Emma leans back with a cocky grin and watches Regina pick up the airsoft rifle from where it's chained to the counter of the booth. She's beyond sure that she'll be better at this than the brunette and god she's looking forward to the competitive snark sure to come her way. There's something about the passion Regina gets in her eyes that Emma finds intoxicating and there's no quicker way to get it than riling the brunette up.
"Do you know how to hold it?"
Regina doesn't miss the cocky grin or the fact that Emma's already trying to push her buttons, but she has a cover to maintain, even with the blonde she's finding herself falling for more every day. She pushes down her natural urge to shoot all the targets perfectly (and maybe then Emma) and holds the rifle in an awkward and loose position against her small frame. She's standing rigidly and holding the rifle way too low to provide her with the ability to aim accurately. She starts pulling the trigger, moving in random directions.
Emma laughs at her piss poor shooting, "You gotta aim it."
"I am," Regina giggles. Sure, Emma's made her giggle before, but by surprising her in the shower or kissing her neck while whispering sweet words in the dark. This is a fake giggle, meant to distract Emma and further prove she's just a silly girl who doesn't have any clue how to handle a weapon. It works. Emma is laughing harder and shaking her head in fond exasperation. "Don't laugh, I'll kill you."
In the end she's only hit 4 targets out of 10 shots.
"You didn't blink," the blonde admonishes her with a shake of her head before picking up her own rifle and holding it up to her shoulder, looking through the sight and hitting 8 out of 10 shots. She shrugs at a scowling Regina like it's no big deal. "Beginner's luck. Do we still get something?"
When the vendor passes Emma a small stuffed animal she holds it out to Regina and shakes it with a lazy smirk becuase while it's a prize, they both also know it's a taunt.
"I want to go again," Regina tells her stubbornly because while it's a game, they both also know it's now a fucking competition.
"Going again," Emma chuckles and digs some more cash out of her pocket.
While she's distracted passing her cash over, Regina holds the rifle correctly and looks through the sight. This time she hits 9 out of 10 shots.
Later, Emma hands her small stuffed animal to a kid running through the crowd because Regina's holding a stuffed bear that's so big she's not sure she'll be able to fit it in the back seat of the Bug. She drapes her arm back over the brunette's shoulders, pulling her close and dropping a kiss to her cheek.
"Where'd you learn to shoot like that?"
Regina looks up at her with an innocent smile and bats her eyelashes, shrugging her shoulders in a very Emma-like fashion.
"Beginner's luck."
Two weeks later...
Emma is sparring with August while Ruby stands outside the ring, yelling at her.
"You've only known the girl for six weeks!"
"I'm in love," Emma grunts, dodging August's swinging fist. "She's smart, sexy..." she bounces lightly on her feet, waiting to jab at him, "...uninhibited, spontaneous, complicated. She's the... sweetest... thing... I've ever... seen," she adds, firing off body shots.
"I knew Peter two and a half years before he asked me to marry him. You have to have a foundation of friendship, Em. The other stuff fades," Ruby retorts, then gets distracted by some actual boxers entering the gym, finding the handsome muscular men more attention-grabbing than the lecture she's providing. "Hi."
xxx
On the other side of town Regina is indoor rock climbing with Kathryn who has some concerns of her own.
"So you don't think this is all happening a little fast?"
"You know I never do anything without thinking it through."
"What does she do?"
"She's in construction. Big-time contractor."
xxx
August now has Emma pinned, his knee in her back and his forearm across her jaw, pushing her face into the mat while she struggles against him.
"A server goes down on Wall Street, she's there. Anytime, day or night," she finally wiggles enough to break free of his hold and flips over but he still has her restrained with his legs. "She's like Batman for computers," she grits out around his choking hold.
xxx
"She's gone as much as I am," Regina adds, wiping her brow with the back of her hand. "So it's perfect."
She can't see Kathryn on the line beside her because she's gained considerable distance above her. Just like the shooting game at the fair, everything is a competition. Because she can't see Kathryn, she doesn't notice the way her friend's eyebrows lift and her eyes widen disbelievingly at the word 'perfect.'
xxx
"I give the whole thing six months, tops."
Emma and August are locked against each other in what would, outside of the ring, look like maybe a drunken swaying hug but is now a less-than-friendly grapple. She looks over his shoulder and locks eyes with Ruby.
"Rubes. I asked her to marry me."
"WHAT?" August yells and flips her over his shoulder, slamming her to the mat.
"I'm getting married," comes Emma's muffled reply. She's on her back with her arms tucked up to protect her face while August punches her.
Ruby still hasn't wrapped her mind around what just happened, "What?"
"I'm getting married!"
"What? I can't hear you."
August keeps swinging.
"...getting...married..."
"I can't hear. August, can you stop hitting her? She said something crazy."
August stops swinging but yanks Emma off the floor and into a chokehold, "Clearly, she has gone crazy!"
"I'm getting..." she chokes a little when August squeezes harder and manages to slightly pull his bicep away from her throat, "...married."
August shakes his head and drops Emma to the mat where she lies wheezing on her back. She takes a deep breath and lifts one hand in the air, victorious.
"You think you won?" August asks incredulously and barks out a loud laugh. Maybe he should stop choking her during these matches, she's obviously in need of oxygen to her brain.
Ruby still can't find the words to reply.
"Of course," Emma chuckles. "I'm getting married."
Five or six years later...
Emma walks to the end of the driveway. Sent by Regina with a cup of coffee to fetch the morning paper. She grinds her teeth, annoyed that her wife sent her out like a dog to retrieve it. Maybe not a dog, but definitely her wife's bitch. Across the street she notices David Nolan doing the same and when he waves at her with a big, friendly smile she merely nods in acknowledgement before trudging back inside.
She can't count how many times she's heard him say 'happy wife, happy life' and maybe it's true because the residents of the Nolan estate seem awfully chipper while across the street in the Smith manor things are a bit more... icy. She doesn't know what happened, where the fire went. She used to push her wife's buttons because it was amusing to rile her up and the passion that lit her up was intoxicating but now she does everything in her power just to get a reaction. Anything at all. It seems like her wife no longer loves her, but merely tolerates her presence. When she'd brought it up, Regina had suggested couple's therapy and Emma suspected it was a ploy to make her uncomfortable enough to drop the topic, so naturally she agreed.
She leaves the paper on the kitchen table and goes upstairs, standing beside Regina at the sinks in their bathroom, brushing their teeth in silence. She brushes for longer than normal, purposely standing at her sink between Regina and the hook where she normally hangs her robe before stepping into the shower so maybe her wife will invite her in, or hell just be forced to acknowledge her. Regina apparently decides to go for Option C and simply passes the robe to Emma without a second glance. The blonde extends her hand and carelessly drapes the robe over the hook it belongs on, letting it fall and crumple to the floor because she knows how much Regina hates a mess. Out of the corner of her eye she watches the vein in her wife's forehead pop out and her jaw clench, but she steps into the steam of the shower wordlessly.
Later, they're both moving around one another, getting dressed for work in their large walk-in closet.
"What did you think of Dr. Hopper? His questions were a bit wishy-washy."
Emma is pulling a sweater over her tank top when she recognizes Regina's tone. She's trying to get out of going back, but wants Emma to think it's her idea. Her back stiffens, but she replies in a bored drawl, "Yeah. Not the most insightful."
"And his office is clear across town."
Regina is giving her another reason not to go, which is all the more reason why they should return, but she doesn't feel like calling her out on it or doing this little dance right now, so she merely hums in agreement.
She turns then and sees Regina in her bra and stockings, garter belt visible since she's still holding her skirt on a hangar in her hand. She's got her back to Emma, standing on her tip toes to reach a blouse hanging off the top shelf with her free hand. Emma sighs, knowing it's dangerous to get any closer after seeing her wife in this state of undress. She knows she'll just want to touch her and the brunette will bat her hands away. But god damn it, she still loves the woman and she still thinks she looks adorable without the height her heels provide.
She moves to stand beside her, momentarily placing her hand on the small of Regina's back to still her movements before she reaches up and grabs the blouse for her. Regina looks up at her and when they make eye contact she can see a thousand different emotions swirling in deep brown eyes. She wants to kiss away the ones that look like frustration and doubt and pain, not sure why they're there in the first place. When she leans in Regina steps back and looks down. She fidgets with the clothes she's holding, awkwardly putting them on.
Regina isn't awkward. Regina doesn't fidget. Emma bites her lip to keep from saying anything that might lead to an argument and shifts from one foot to the other, stuffs her hands in the back pockets of her jeans and gives in.
"Four o'clock means we hit rush hour. Not crazy about that."
Regina nods, like the matter has been resolved. "So that's settled then, yeah?"
Emma shrugs in the bored, careless way she knows Regina hates, "Okay."
Regina watches Emma's retreating form, headed back for their bedroom in defeat and closes her eyes, "Okay."
They avoid each other while they finish their pre-work routines, only meeting again at the back door on their way out of the house. Emma silently lifts Regina's coat from the coat rack and helps her pull it on, Regina grabs the travel mug of coffee Emma forgets on the counter most days and passes it to her after she finishes pulling on her red leather jacket. It's another thing Regina hates that Emma uses to try to get a reaction out of her. Nothing today.
She follows her out the door to the garage, frowning once again when she thinks about her Bug being banished to the storage shed and glares at the car Regina had her buy to replace it. She clicks the button to open the garage door and walks past Regina's new Mercedes and places her tavel mug on the roof of her new BMW so she can open the driver's door. Matching sleek black sedans. Expensive black sedans. Happy wife, happy life, Emma thinks with a roll of her eyes.
"Dinner's at seven," Regina reminds her.
"Yup. I'll be there. Here. Whatever."
They both pull out of the garage and drive down the driveway. When it narrows to form a single car exit they both slam on their breaks. Emma grinds her teeth and sighs, looking over and making eye contact with Regina before motioning with a sarcastic sweep of her hand for her wife to go ahead.
Later that night...
Regina is chopping toppings for a salad, annoyed at the tone of the timer that's beeping on the oven when she notices headlights. She looks out the window and watches Emma maneuver in the extended portion of the driveway so she's able to back into her parking spot in the garage beside Regina's car. She looks back at the clock on the stove and notes it is 6:56. She twirls a knife between her fingers and glares at the closing garage door.
Emma sits in her car for a moment, collecting her thoughts before going in the house. She can't afford to sit out here too long. Heaven forbid she walk in at 7:01. She opens the compartment in the center console meant for change and retrieves her wedding band, slipping it back on her ring finger. When she pushes the button on her visor to close the garage door she notices an odd red splotch on the collar of her jacket. She adjusts her rear view mirror and does a double-check, realizing it's not the red of the leather; it's a dirty smudge. Most wives would have to worry about a dirty red smudge on their spouse's collar being from lipstick. Not Regina. The red on her spouse's collar is blood.
Groaning, she gets out of her car and walks a little slower than she normally would in the rain, heading back to the main house and using the rain to wipe the remaining blood away.
"Hey babe," she calls out and hangs her coat on the coat rack and takes off her boots like a good, obedient wife. She knows walking into the kitchen with wet, muddy boots and a dripping leather jacket would definitely get her a reaction from Regina, but she's not sure that particular reaction would be worth it.
Regina glances back at the clock and notes that it is 7:00.
"Perfect timing," she says, relieved Emma didn't dawdle in the garage in an attempt to challenge her today for no reason other than to simply challenge her.
"It's pissing rain out there," Emma grumbles. She tosses her keys into the bowl by the door, the spot Regina dictates they be kept to maintain order, and finds her wife chopping vegetables in the kitchen. "I got the butter you asked for," she places it on the counter next to the cutting board Regina is using and presses a quick kiss to her cheek.
"How was work?"
"Eh," Emma shrugs while thumbing through the mail, "so-so." She looks up when she hears the knife has stopped chopping and sees Regina looking at her expectantly. She knows her wife well enough to understand the brunette is wondering why she's just now walking in the door if work was just 'so-so.' Unless something had delayed her, he should have been home an hour and a half ago. It doesn't take 90 minutes to pick up butter. "Oh, I stopped off for a drink with August."
"Hmm." Regina notices the label on the butter and frowns. "This is salted."
Emma looks up from the mail again, "What?"
"The butter," Regina sighs. "It's salted."
"Is there any other kind?" Emma asks in a bored drawl.
She can see the vein in Regina's forehead pulsing.
"Unsalted. The kind I asked for." She glares at Emma who just glares back. She knows what her wife is doing. Taking a deep breath she shrugs it off. "It's fine. I'll make it work." Deciding she's not going to give in and engage Emma in an argument she waits long enough for Emma to get to the bar and start fixing herself a drink before she decides to change the topic. "Oh, I got new curtains."
"Did you?"
Regina walks around the corner and notices Emma look up from her drink long enough to take a quick glance at the curtains and turn back to what she was doing.
"Well? What do you think?" Emma makes a non-commital noise and Regina presses on, "There was a struggle over the material. This tea sandwich of a man got his hands on them first, but I won."
"Of course you did," Emma mutters.
"They're a bit green, so we have to reupholster the sofas and get a new rug. Maybe a Persian."
Emma's back stiffens, "Yeah. Or, we can just keep the old ones. Then we don't have to change a thing."
Regina glares at her, "We talked about this. You remember?"
"I remember," Emma nods her head and takes a sip of scotch. "I remember 'cause we said we'd wait."
Regina sighs, "If you don't like them, we can take them back."
"Okay," Emma nods again, seeing this for the trap it is but unwilling to back down. "I dont like them."
Regina fixes her with a look that would make anyone else wilt, "You'll get used to them."
Emma takes a longer sip of her scotch, "Yeah."
The next day...
"So, part two. Here we are," Archie uncaps his pen and places it on top of the legal pad on his lap. "Only this time, you came back alone. Why did you come back, Emma?"
"I'm not sure really," the blonde says with a shrug. "Let me clarify, I love my wife. I want her to be happy. I want good things for her. But there are times..." she holds her hands up, shaking them in the air and miming how she would sometimes like to just throttle her wife whom she loves and adores so much.
xxx
"So, Regina. Why did you come back?"
"There's this huge space between us and it just keeps filling up with everything that we don't say to each other. What's that called?"
"Marriage."
She gives Archie an unimpressed look, "Helpful."
"What don't you say to each other?"
She thinks back to dinner the night before.
"This looks nice. Did you do something new?"
"I added peas."
"Peas," Emma nodded. "Yeah, it's the green." After a moment the silence between them started to become suffocating and Regina silently wished Emma wouldn't ruin it trying to be combative. "Babe, will you pass the salt?"
So much for wishes. Emma knew her wife hated it when she added unneccessary amounts of salt to food.
"It's in the middle of the table."
"Oh," Emma tried to adapt a tone of innocence. "Is that the middle of the table?"
"Yes," the vein started to throb. "It's between you and me."
They stared at each other, both daring the other to say or do something until finally Emma sat up and leaned across the table, grabbing the salt and shaking it repeatedly over her food. Regina stopped mid-chew to glare at her. The blonde cut into the meat on her plate, scraping the knife against the china roughly so a grating sound echoed in the room like Regina's icy glare was grating on her nerves. She took a bite and picked back up the salt, shaking it over her food again, desperate for a reaction. Regina took a long sip of wine and locked her jaw shut.
xxx
"I know it probably feels like you're the only people going through this, but there are millions of couples that are experiencing the same problems."
Emma laughs, "Uh huh."
xxx
"How honest are you with her?"
"Pretty honest. I mean..." Regina twirled her wedding band around her finger nervously, "...it's not like I lie to her or anything. We just... I have little secrets. Everybody has secrets."
A few days later...
A few days had passed since Emma and Regina had both gone back to visit Dr. Hopper. Emma was rinsing the dishes in the sink before stacking them neatly in the dishwasher, the way Regina liked it done, wanting to help her wife with cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. Regina walked past and noticed one of the plates in the dishwasher still had food on it and took it back out, rinsing it again. Emma's teeth started to grind and she grabbed her scotch from off the counter beside her and took a large gulp. When Regina turned around to gather the cutting board and knife from the kitchen island behind them, Emma snapped. With their backs to each other she knew Regina couldn't see her so she calmly raised the next plate she was meant to rinse and cracked it over the edge of the sink, shattering it and sending glass raining down onto the floor by her feet.
"Sorry, babe." She noticed the vein in Regina's forehead and held out an arm to keep her from coming any closer. "I'll take care of it."
Regina opened her mouth and whatever she was going to say died instantly on her lips when they heard the sound of her cell phone ringing. She stepped over the glass and hurried out of the kitchen to grab her phone before the call ended.
Emma finished cleaning up the mess and loading the dishwasher, then washed her hands and grabbed her now empty glass, heading back to the bar for a refill. She took her scotch and headed for the den to retrieve her own cell phone from where she had left it to charge when she notices Regina across the hall in the study. The door is just barely open and she is speaking quietly, so Emma can't hear what she's saying, but she's looking at her computer and smiling at whoever is on the other line. Emma can't remember the last time her wife smiled at her like that. The brunette laughs and nods her head before ending the call and shutting down her computer. She types out a message on her phone as she leaves the room, oblivious to her wife watching her from across the hall.
Emma gives Regina 15 minutes to herself before wandering off to find her. She's in their room, her back to the door, fastening the belt on a long black overcoat. Emma rattles the drawer on her nightstand when she yanks it open, purposely loud to startle her. It works and Regina jumps a little.
"Jesus! Emma," she chuckles with nerves thick in her voice. "Darling, you scared me."
"I'm sorry, babe. I was looking for the..." she waves her hand around in a vague way, still rummaging in her drawer because she honestly doesn't know what she can say she's looking for in there. Regina is distracted though and doesn't seem to notice. "You going out?"
"Yes. Some moron crashed a server in a law firm downtown and ended the world as they know it, so yes."
"Hmm," Emma tries to use her lie detector but she's never been able to get a really good read on Regina. Besides, she's got some business to handle herself and it would be easier to let this drop for now before she has to provide an alibi to sneak out for a little while. She looks at her watch and notes the time. She'll just need an hour or so to get this done. The time reminds her what their plans for later that evening were. "We promised the Nolans."
"I know. I'll be there."
xxx
Regina has a cab drop her off outside the hotel where her mark is staying. A guard at the door to the suite tells her they have a plane to catch in an hour. He escorts her to the bedroom where she locks the door behind her.
xxx
Emma has a cab drop her off outside the bar where her mark plays poker. She wanders past the tables and booths to the back where the bathrooms and entrance to the stock room are. Inside the stock room is a door labeled Employees Only. She removes her flask from the inside pocket of her leather jacket and takes a deep pull. Shaking her limbs loose she stumbles in the door, feigning drunkenness.
There are three men seated around a table playing poker and they all look up and start yelling when she walks in the door.
"What the hell?"
"Who the fuck are you?"
"What's this shite?"
"Sorry," she holds her hands up, appeasingly. "Where's the can around here? Hey," she lets her words out with a slow, lazy, drunken sounding lilt, "you guys playing poker?"
"Private game."
"Piss off."
"Could I sit in? You think I could-"
"What part of 'piss off' do you not understand?"
"Guys. Whoa, whoa. Be a little friendly. I got the cash," she reaches behind her back and one of the men pulls his coat aside, revealing a gun on his hip. "Dude. I'm just showing you my bank roll, man. I got the money," she pulls a wad of cash out from her back pocket and flashes it around the table. "You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Poker? Don't even know her. So if you want me to sit down, I'll play some cards. If you don't, I won't. It's fine with me," she pretends to fumble with the cash, acting like she's going to slip it in the pocket of her coat and instead dropping it all over the floor at her feet. "Anyone interested? Nah. 'Cause I'll clean you out. I understand. Fine. Listen, I want," she bends down then to pick up the cash, purposely banging her forehead on the chair in front of her. "Hey, those are really nice shoes, man." She uses the chair she hit her head on to help herself stumble into an upright position, then points at it excitedly. "Here's an empty chair! I could sit here."
"That's Robin's chair."
"Where's Robin?" She turns in a full 360 degree circle. "I don't see Robin."
"Robin's not back yet."
"Then I'll sit here. Unless," she smirks at them, "you don't want to get your asses kicked by a girl."
xxx
Regina can hear the mark gargling mouthwash in the bathroom. She rolls her eyes and shifts, standing at perfect attention and refusing to let her annoyance show further. The man walks into the room and stops, taking a moment to eyeball her. He must like what he sees because he smiles and comes closer, nodding his head and signalling for her to lose the coat. She loosens the belt and shrugs it off, letting it pool around her feet. The man's mouth hangs open when what is underneath is revealed. Regina is wearing a latex dress, if you can even call it that. It's a skimpy little thing that stops at mid thigh, attached to a garter belt with fishnet stockings. A healthy amount of cleavage is on display and though he can't see it, she's sure her ass looks amazing thanks to the height provided by the ridiculously high heels she's wearing. She reaches up behind her head and pulls a metal pin from the middle of her bun, letting the hair fall down in loose waves around her shoulders. Her hair is much longer than it was when she first met Emma and she thinks if her wife could see her now she would likely combust.
xxx
"Solid silver," Emma assures her new poker pals when she puts her flask in the middle of the pot.
One of them picks it up to examine it and notices the engraving.
"To dodging bullets. Love, Regina."
"In the pot! Put it in the pot!"
"She's got nothing better than a pair of fives, mate."
"No way! You're the one with 14 different tells!"
"He is bleeding William Tell."
They're mocking him, humming the William Tell overture from The Lone Ranger when the door opens and a man says, "What the hell is this?"
"Sorry, Robin."
"Looks like you're done, Em. Thanks for the memories."
"Oh, are you Robin?" Emma looks over her shoulder at the man still standing in the doorway, "No kidding."
"What do you want? You looking for a job or something?"
"You are the job," she fires twice, the sound of his body hitting the floor louder than her gun, thanks to the silencer on the end of the muzzle. She quickly slides her chair back from the table, grabbing her other gun in one fluid motion and holding both arms out, shooting the men next to her before turning her weapon on the man across from her. Standing up from her seat she does a quick sweep of the room, assuring all four men are dead before reaching across the table and checking the cards which have yet to be turned over. "Pair of threes," she huffs.
xxx
Regina has the man on his knees, hands cuffed behind his back. She walks around him, a riding crop dancing over his skin. She knows this isn't exactly professional, but her mother has always compared her to a cat batting a mouse around.
"Have you been a bad boy?"
She brings the riding crop down hard against his back and he moans.
"Yes."
"You know what happens to bad boys?" She hits him again and he moans louder. "They get punished."
"Ooh, yeah. Punish me."
He's beyond grossing her out now so she decides the time has come to finish this. She bends over, her hands sliding over his shoulders and around his neck as she leans in to whisper in his ear, "Have you been doing plastic surgery for members of the cartel, Dr. Whale?" When he gasps and starts to jerk away she snaps his neck and lets his body crumple lifelessly to the floor. She wipes everything down she's touched and puts her coat back on, tying the belt in place. Reaching in her pocket, she retrieves her phone, sending a text that her task has been completed and notes the time. "Ugh. The Nolans."
When she strolls out of the bedroom she tells his guards to let him rest and closes the door behind her before calmly leaving his suite and taking the elevator back down to the lobby. They don't notice something's wrong until she's already leaving the building. She can hear the yelling as she climbs in the taxi that drives her away.
Later that night...
"Everything okay at work?"
"Yes, everything worked out fine. How was the game?"
"Game was good."
Emma knocks on the Nolans's front door and doesn't say anything else but she's got a lazy grin on her face and when Regina moves in closer to smoothe out some creases from the blonde's sweater she can smell the liquor on her breath.
"Have you been drinking?"
The lazy grin just gets wider and Emma shrugs, "I went to the sports bar with August. Put some money on the game."
Just as Regina's mouth opens to no doubt start lecturing Emma, the door opens to reveal the way too cheery smiles of David and Mary Margaret.
"Welcome neighbors!"
There's no reason a cop and a school teacher with an infant should look this sprightly all the time.
Emma makes small talk with David while they head towards the bar. He grabs them both a beer and motions her over to where he'd previously been chatting with Sean, Eric, and Phil.
"How'd you make out last quarter, Emma? Take a beating?"
"Actually, I've got all my dough buried under the tool shed."
They all laugh and the conversation carries on but Emma's attention is drawn across the room where Regina is sitting on a couch next to Mary Margaret and Ashley.
xxx
"So, Sean got the promotion."
"Oh my god, that is so great!"
"We are so excited. We can finally put the addition on the kitchen."
"That's great and... Oh, shoot. Not again. Shoulda worn a raincoat." Mary Margaret pulls her son back from the vomit on her shoulder and looks over at Ashley but she's already got her own daughter sitting on her lap, so she looks over at Regina. "Would you mind? Could you hold him for a second?" She tries to pass her son to Regina who immediately leans away.
"What? No."
"Please? I just need to get some seltzer. It'll only be a moment."
Without another word, she passes her baby to Regina who shifts him around from the awkward position Mary Margaret put him in her hands and adjusts his little body until she's holding him in the crook of her arm. He quietly stares at her and then he smiles.
"Aw," Ashley coos. "He likes you."
She looks up then and catches Emma's eye from across the room. The blonde looks down at the baby, then back at Regina and gives her a small, shy smile. It's a smile Regina hasn't seen in quite some time and it reminds her of Colombia. It reminds her of better days, days before her mother got in her head and reminded her that this marriage was just a farce and only to be used as a cover. Love is weakness, Regina.
After the party...
They're back at home, in the bathroom doing their nightly routine before bed. Emma looks up from the sink, watching Regina brush her teeth.
"I liked your dress tonight," she tells her sincerely with a shy smile. She's tired of the arguing, of everything being so hard. She misses how it used to be, when Regina used to let the blonde love her. "It was nice."
"Thank you," Regina smiles back but immediately feels guilty. If this is just a cover it's not fair to lead Emma on. She really does love the blonde, but letting her think she has hope of making Regina feel more than what this needs to be is cruel to both of them.
When she gets in bed Emma is already there, curled up quietly on her side. She's given up trying to spoon her wife. Cuddling with the brunette tends to make Emma a little handsy and she's not in the mood for rejection tonight.
Just as Regina settles in under the covers her phone rings. She checks the caller ID and thinks about taking the call in another room but just as she moves to get out of bed, Emma's phone rings too. They both answer and talk quietly with minimal responses before ending their calls and hanging up.
"Everything all right?"
"Yes. It was my mother. She thinks she has pneumonia. I'm sure it's just a cold, you know how she can be."
"Yeah," thinking quickly because now she'll need to get away for a few days, Emma throws a suggestion out into the literal dark. "Maybe you should go see her."
"Maybe," Regina agrees easily, thinking about how she'll have to get away for a few days anyway.
"Okay," Emma curls back to the edge of her side of the bed, facing away from Regina. "Goodnight then."
Regina starts to close her eyes before a thought hits her, "Who was that?"
"Hmm?"
"Who was on the phone?"
"Oh," Emma mumbles into her pillow. "Just the corporate office. Problem with the specs for that dam August has been working on. I have to fly out in the morning. I'll be gone a couple days."
"That damn dam," Regina muses to herself.
"That damn dam."
"Okay," she rolls over as well. "Goodnight, Emma."