Quinn's eyes snapped open as she woke with a start. Her breathing was ragged and for a few moments she was confused about where she was. Small beads of sweat had formed above her eyebrow and her heart was racing.
'In through your nose, out through your mouth.' She reminded herself. ' Come on. Just breathe.' Quinn kept repeating in her head.
"Shit" Today was going to be just horrible. She knew it. It always was on this day. No matter what. With a sigh she swiped her brow with the back of her hand.
By now Quinn was use to the nightmares. Especially in the days leading up to the anniversary of the worst day of her life. She was use to waking up in a cold sweat. Restless nights were no stranger to one "Quinn Fabray". She scoffs at the name. ' What the fuck is a Fabray?'
Luckily for her though, the nightmares had become less frequent over the years. She'd even gone many nights without them, months even. However, when they did come, they were vicious and unforgiving. They served as a constant reminder of the life she no longer had. It was a reminder that she not only screwed up her life, but many others as well.
Quinn took a moment to survey her surroundings. She was in her room. It was bare save for her bed, dresser and a tiny desk with a laptop and a swivel chair. There were also a few photos she had taken of her sister, mom and dad.
Even though Quinn had been there for a few years, she refused to decorate. This may have been her house but it certainly wasn't her home. Her sister had tried in vain to at least get her to paint. "Make it look like someone lives here!" she would say. Psh, fuck that. She didn't want to feel at ease here. In her mind she didn't deserve to.
Quinn blindly reached to her left in search of her alarm clock. She groaned at the sight of big red numbers were mocking her. 4:23 a.m.
It was clear she wouldn't be going back to sleep, even though, in her opinion, it was way to early for her to get up. With another sigh and a little huff a she pushed herself off the bed, making sure she was careful not to disturb the tiny body that lie peacefully asleep next to her.
Rachel, a tiny brunette with a big voice and an ever bigger heart. They had met two years ago when Quinn was at her lowest. The last thing Quinn wanted was a relationship, wether it be intimate or just strictly on a friend level. No she wanted to wallow in her own self pity.
Rachel however had different plans. She was relentless in her pursuit of Quinn. She'd often said to Quinn " you're beautiful but you're so much more than that." Rachel was like the sun, burning bright wanting to illuminate Quinn's life. Gradually drawing her in like a moth to a flame. And try as she me Quinn couldn't resist.
It took months for Quinn to finally agree to a quasi date of coffee and pastries, with the diva. Quinn knew within the first ten minutes of their conversation that she had to be apart of this young womans life, that she needed Rachel to be apart of hers.
The rest, as they say, is history. Quinn couldn't go back even if she wanted to. Rachel's been the light to Quinn's darkness ever since. She eases the guilt and the pain and the frustration. She simply makes Quinn happy.
Tip toeing into the en suite as quietly as she could she closes the door and flips on the switch. She stands in front of the sink ready to wash away the last bit of sleep that remains. The water is cold, just the way she likes it. Staring at her reflection in the mirror,its hard not to notice the lack of luster to her shoulder length locks or just how much more pale her skin has been lately. It'd definitely be impossible to ignore the dark circles under her dull hazel eyes.
"Stupid fucking New York. Stupid fucking Lima Ohio. Stupid fucking nightmares!"
Her mind drifts back to a time when things in her life were simpler. To a time when she and her little sister enjoyed being the kids they were. When they would sneak out in the middle of the night and head to the city to race or 'work'. They were experts at their job. Their only worry would be the lie they'd have to tell their parents upon returning to their upstate home.
Quinn remembers it like it was yesterday, being young wild and free and not having a care in the world. Although they often got into trouble, it was never anything serious. At least not until three years ago. Quinn found herself in the company of a gorgeous blonde and her posse, who offered her a job. She eagerly accepted and brought her sister along for the ride. It was great for a while then...
Quinn's mind comes back to reality. "Stupid fucking me!"
It was all her fault why they ended up in this dreadful town, so far away from friends and family. She missed her mami and papi so much. The family that took her in, adopted her and loved her. She'd let them down and now she and her sister could never go home.
With that Quinn heads back into the bedroom to chance into her running gear. She had to blow off some steam. After changing she makes her way to Rachel, kisses her temple, and exits the room without a sound.
Quinn was going slay however many miles she was going to do this morning. She could feel it deep down in her bones. It was the need to feel free that would allow her to run until her lungs collapsed.
Looking around the beautifully furnished living area, which Quinn herself had nothing to do with, she found her Ipod and keys on the coffee table. Grabbing them and heading towards the front door, she nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of her sister's voice.
"Going somewhere?"
"Holy fuck San! What the shit? You nearly gave me a heart attack!"
Santana merely shrugged her shoulders and got up from the breakfast bar. She walked towards Quinn with two bottles of Gatorade.
She handed her the red bottle, Quinn's favorite. The blonde nodded her head in thanks. " Are you ok?" she asked, coming to a stop right in front of Quinn.
"Peachy." she deadpanned. "How about you don't sneak up on people in the middle of the night. I could have seriously kicked your ass or something."
"Please blondie, You couldn't beat me even on your best day. And you look like shit so there's absolutely no way you could today." Santana teased crossing her arms over her chest. "Plus I'm the one who taught you how to fight in the first place."
Santana was right. Even when they were kids Santana could always beat her in a fight. Quinn was a words type of girls. She could crumble even the toughest of people with an onslaught of vicious terms and scathing remarks.
"Seriously though, are you ok?"
Under the scrutiny of her sisters penetrating gaze, Quinn couldn't hide the sadness and the pain and the overwhelming amount of guilt she felt. She could never hide from Santana. Those deep brown eyes saw past the walls she'd carefully constructed over the last few years.
Quinn quickly looked down at her feet trying her in hardest to fight off the tears that threatened to fall.
"I'm so sorry San. I should have never..."
"Oh for fucks sake! Are we gonna do this ultra emo shit every year? I swear if I have to listen to your.." she began to light-heartedly tease Quinn again only to be abruptly cut off
"San I'm trying to apologize here!"
"And I'm saying you don't have to. It was a choice that I made willingly."
"But you're my little sister. I'm supposed to protect you."
Santana pulled her sister into a tight embrace. "You did, do, and always will. So cut it out with the guilt trip ok? And please stop pulling the older sister card, We're five months apart bitch.
Quinn chuckled into the crook of Santana's neck. She felt warmth and comfort of unyielding love there within her strong arms.
"So are we done with the love fest, because I've only had about three hours of sleep, and we all know I gots to get at least seven to deal with your emotional baggage, Q.
Quinn gave her sister a playful shove and stepped out of the embrace. "Fuck you S."
"Eww gross! Is the midget not taking care of business? I mean I know were not blood but..."
"I'll have you know we have amazing sex. Thank you"
"Huh I find it pretty amazing that you're able to have sex with a hobbit too. And f.y.i me and Britt totes out sexy you and Frodo"
"That's three times you've insulted my girlfriend Santana. Quit it or I'll show her the video of you crying at her play two weeks ago."
"You wouldn't!" Scowl firmly in place.
"Oh, but you know I would."
"You play dirty Fabgay!"
"Learned from the best. And really, Fabgay? You do realize we have the same last name, right? And you're just as gay as me, if not more" Quin counters shaking her head, traces of a smirk playing on her lips.
"Look, whatever...just shut up."
"Are you done now? Can we leave?"
"After you blondie"
Quinn smirked and stepped out into the cool morning air. Santana walked out behind her mumbling profanities under her breath, which only caused Quinn's smirk to turn into a full on grin. Santana was ok, and she had Brittany. Quinn was ok and she had Rachel. And They were ok because Quinn and Santana had each other.