The Smirk
Episode 1
In the beginning, there was only darkness. Endless, collosal in it's vastness, and incredibly boring. Then a mighty voice rang out with a declaration of light.
"WAKE UP YOU STUPID CHILD!" The voice declared. What a wonderful first memory this was.
My eyes opened slowly, revealing a dimly lit room that looked like a basement, a woman who was so old she looked like a skeleton was standing in front of me. She had a frown on her face that could make a child cry, so i did.
I can't believe this is going to be my first memory! I thought.
I flopped onto my back and burst into tears, flailing my arms and legs wildly. That is of course until the old womans foot collided with with the space between my legs, I let out a small squeak before falling silent.
"We don't have time for this, I am literally expecting a heart attack any minute now so how about you suck it up and get with the program!" Her voice was ragged and angry, she sounded like something that would crawl out from under the bed and steal a child in the night.
"Who are you? Why are you doing this?" The words came out strained and weak. The old woman gave a sigh before slowly sitting cross legged in front of me.
"I suppose I at least owe you an explanation." She said in a much more relaxed tone, heaving a sigh.
"You don't say, greetings don't seem to be your thing." I said as I slowly pushed myself back up into a seated position, I couldn't help but notice that I was sitting in a circle with a star drawn inside of it.
"Trust me kid, once you hear what I have to say, I think you'll understand why I'm trying to hurry this whole process along." The old woman reached into the folds of her clothing and pulled out something shiny which she placed on the ground in front of me, keeping it covered with her hand.
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" She inquired. I sat there for a moment before responding.
"Who cares, once you cut off it's head and deep fry it what's the difference? Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't bash your dusty old skull into the floor." I replied, she smiled at me in response.
"You are definitely the one I'm looking for." She said, her tone had changed from grumpy and growly to somewhat more hopeful.
"Oops. Wrong answer hagbag. Now you die!" I reached into my sleeve and triumphantly pulled out a rubber chicken, followed by that crazy painting with the melting clocks, followed by a gigantic bottle of whiskey.
"No… no… Save that for later… Ah! Here we go." I said as I pulled out a five foot long sword which I promptly swung sideways at the old womans head, but she ducked it by lying flat on the floor with impressive speed.
"Nice moves granny!" I yelled as I jumped into the air to swing the sword down into her face, but once again she was too quick. The old woman rolled to the side and rose to her feet before I even got close, then she stepped on my wrist so hard it forced my arm to the ground and my chin smashed into her knee. The blow was so hard my head started spinning as I fell bodily to the floor and rolled onto my back.
"You have my full attenti… Oh hi pretty birdy!" I exclaimed to the canary that was circling my head.
"'Preciate that hot shot. Now that you're done trying to kill me let's have an introduction." She sat on my stomach so hard I grunted.
"The name is Barbara Gordon." She said with a smile that transformed her ugly mug into a much friendlier one.
"That name… Why does it sound familiar? Do I know you? You'd think I'd remember an ugly mug like that." I asked, still too dazed to fully understand what was going on. Barbara laughed once, letting out a "HA" that made me jump.
"Hold up there champ. Before we go swimming in the deep end how about you just try and tell me who you are?" She asked, all signs of the woman that had attacked me were gone from her. Even her eyes had softened and it felt like I was looking into the eyes of a sweet old grandmother, it was amazingly irritating.
"I… I'm not sure, Jack… Melvin… Jerome… I think those are all my names? What the hell does that mean? Did I trip and fall and smack my head on a floor covered with multiple personalities?" I asked myself more than the old lady. She started laughing, a hearty belly laugh that made the room feel somehow warmer than it had been.
"Those names are part of you funny man, but they aren't who YOU ARE!" She looked down at me with a smile like she was looking at an old friend.
"Maybe I wasn't the one who hit their head, you feelin all right there Granny Whoop-Ass? Because that made less sense than a popsicle stand in the Arctic." I replied drooly. She answered by dangling a small shiny object in front of my face. It looked like a large silver pendant that was supposed to be some kind of weird bird judging by the wing like shapes on the sides.
"Recognize this?" She asked with a sly smile. I stared at the strange thing again, trying to figure out what she meant, when a memory floated to the surface of my mind.
I was running, ducking between large boxes in some warehouse, laughing all the way.
"What's wrong Bats! You seem like you're a smidge slow tonight. Am I just not interesting to you anymore? I thought you loved me… Whoa!" My sentence was cut short as my legs became tangled and I crashed face first onto the floor. I laid there for a moment with my head swimming until someone grabbed me by the collar and hoisted me up to my feet, shortly followed by a punch to the nose that made my head slam against a box. I heard the wood splinter from the impact.
"You really didn't like it? Oh come on Bat brain it was a little funn...MMMMPH!" Before I could finish, the blurry shadow before me unloaded another punch into my face.
"You suffocated a Son of Batman inside a balloon animal made of Kevlar. Were you expecting a handshake?" He replied angrily. I laughed in his face.
"Did you really think I was going to let you retire that easily! I knew if I just pushed the right buttons you'd come running like a star-crossed lover. Romantic, isn't it?" As I said this, a hysterical laugh bubbled up from my stomach. That is of course until my assailant punched me in the stomach, forcing me to double over.
"I'm gonna bury you in a hole so deep you can walk to hell on that glorious day when your heart stops beating. I'll make sure you never see daylight again." His voice grew calmer as he spun me around and slammed cuffs onto my wrists. I laughed again, even louder and more manic than before.
"You'll never be able to bury me deep enough Bats! Besides, Big Red would probably just turn me around and send me back here to the land of the living. If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, our dance isn't going to end for a long time." I said as Batman started to lead me out of the warehouse.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Three shots rang out, followed by three sharp pains in my chest. Someone had shot me, causing the warehouse to be eerily silent for a moment.
"Barbara! What have you done!" Batman yelled as another shadowed figure dropped down from one of the stacks of boxes. I knew her almost as well as I knew Batman.
"I've ended it is what I've done! He kill Quentin we can't just…" She started to speak, but Batman cut her off.
"KILLING IS WHAT WE CAN'T DO! IF NOT WE'RE AS BAD AS HIM!" He yelled.
"I know, it's ok Bruce, I never forgot the rules that come with the mask which is why…" Batgirl trailed off as she removed her mask. She walked over to Batman and handed it to him. They were both completely silent for a moment.
"You have two minutes." Batman said somberly.
"Bruce, I'm sorry." She replied.
"After that, I'm coming after you with everything I can. I hope your not a fan of sleeping because you won't be doing it much. Now Go!" Batman's voice cracked as he said "go".
"I know, I just hope that maybe, just maybe this will give you some peace." Barbara hugged Batman for a moment, then stared at him silently for a moment before grappling up to the ceiling and out of sight. Batman walked over to me and knelt down at my side.
"Even now you manage to squeeze out a smirk. I'm sorry that it had to end this way I suppose." A moment later everything went dark.
"I… Died?" I asked the old woman.
"No, that was your father… sort of." Barbara replied.
"Really? Didn't look like it from what I remember. Could you please get off of me? I'm getting stabbed by your bony ass." Which Barbara calmly complied with, allowing me to sit up.
"Those were your "father's" memories." She said with air quotes.
"Well, that would explain the lack of holes in my chest! But why do I remember that?" I asked.
"Well, like I said it's complicated but here's the long and short of it. Your dad, the Joker was smarter than we ever gave him credit for, a mistake we've made far too many times. He knew one day someone would take him out. Though I doubt he expected things to go down the way they did. Either way, he wanted an Ace in the Hole so his legacy of ill-timed humor could continue. He wanted his games to last as long as Batman's legacy so he made a deal with a woman named Enchantress. He traded part of his soul to her so that she would make him a child that would carry with it that part of him, so that his legacy would continue. That's where you come in sweetie." She grabbed my hand as she called me sweetie.
"I'm the Joker's son?" I asked, flabbergasted.
"Like I said, sort of. You were created through a magic ritual. You're more of an embodiment of his personality than anything. Technically you're not even human." She replied.
"Hmm… ok, interesting but I have a question; Why did you wake me up? And why shouldn't I kill you? Sorry, two questions. Am I being confusing Barbara? Oops… three questions. Sorry." I replied, my mind racing with a lot more questions than that. Barbara laughed.
"First of all, call me Barbara again and we'll find out just who's gonna kill who here, just call me Babs. And I can answer your other questions with one answer. The Sons of Batman." Babs paused for a moment before continuing, hanging her head low with a sad expression.
"Batman had a vision when he founded them, they were supposed to be an institution that upheld the ideals of justice. Good, decent men who would protect the weak from people who would harm them." I would see tears welling up in her eyes as she spoke.
"Sounds like a bunch of killjoys to me." I chimmed in, Babs laughed darkly.
"You have, nooooo idea." She said blankly while staring at the Batarang. A moment later her face screwed up into a sad scowl as she clenched her fist around it, blood began to flow from her hand a moment later.
"But you have to let people be free, free of fear, free to make their own choices. The innocent shouldn't suffer needlessly, that was the ideal that Batman stood for and that he tried to instill in all of us. I should have listened when he said he needed to do this alone, but I was just so angry and I… I…" Babs' voice trailed off, then she threw the pendant with an enraged scream. It flew past my head, missing me by barely an inch. I heard the sound of glass shattering and turned to see that is had buried itself in a picture that had been sitting on top of the small altar that sat behind me.
"Watch it! What is your malfunction ya crotchety old broad!" I yelled. What can I say, I'm not a fan of sharp objects flying at my head. Babs stood and made her way over to the altar where she picked up the picture frame.
"The night I killed him, in one fluid motion everything went wrong. Batman made a public statement naming me as the Jokers killer, hoping that the admission would prevent things from spiraling out of control when people found out what had happened anyway. But it wasn't enough, as far as anyone was concerned the damage was done. And when humanity lost it's faith they lost what truly made them the Sons, their sense of justice." Babs walked over to me and handed me the picture frame. In it was a picture of a man with green hair and a white face.
"Hey dad." I said out loud.
"The Sons of Batman, led by Bruce's star protege Terry McGinnis took over the world so fast it would have made your head spin. With all the tech he had made for them, along with decades worth of data on every Hero and Villain in the known universe, no one would stand in their way... not even Bruce." She paused, a vacant look on her face.
"They even started their own army which they supplemented with Droids based off of the Mech Suits Bruce used in the past to battle some of his more Superhuman opponents. Now everyone lives under the Dominion of the Bat Regime." Babs offered me a hand and pulled me to my feet.
"Well that's unfortunate and all, but why in the name of all things comical should I care? I mean yeah dad's dead but from what I've heard he's a bit of a deadbeat so… eh…" I shrugged my shoulders.
"Funny you should ask." She replied.
"That's the idea isn't it, Babs!" I blurted out as I started to chuckle.
"It's because at your root, you still stand for everything that the Bat Symbol and all those who stand for it represent. I'm not asking you to save the world." Babs drew me in close so that she would whisper in my ear.
"I'm just asking you to introduce a little chaos into the system, make them pay for thinking they have the right to control everything. Just do what comes naturally to you…uh... what's your name again?" Babs asked. I stopped to think for a moment before answering.
Oh, and stabbing Barbara in the chest with the Batarang that had been stuck into my father's photo.
"Hmm… Who am I? I am my father's last laugh at this joke of a world. I'm the grin that never faded from his face even as he bled out when you shot him… I'm The Smirk that let's you know trouble is coming hard and fast at every single one of those humorless flying rats… Yeah, I like that." I said jovially as I shoved Barbs backwards. She stumbled and fell to her knees with blood leaking out of her mouth.
"Call me… The Smirk!" I shouted as I raised my hands victoriously into the air, at the same time I produced a cane that looked like a white flower with a green stem and a large glass globe at its center. Babs managed to force out a laugh.
"I like it *cough* it fits you well." Her words struggled against the blood in her mouth to be heard.
"I'm only step one Smirk, good luck with the rest of them. It's not going to be as easy next time." Babs coughed again and fell face first onto the floor. I watched her for another moment as the last breath left her body.
"Such a shame, the old crone had moxy. Oh well… Later gator!" I said as I saluted Bab's corpse and teleported myself outside.
I reappeared in front of the building that I had been hidden under, about ten feet higher in the air than I had intended, upside down.
"Whaaaaaah!" I screamed as I plummeted face first onto the sidewalk below. I laid there for about a minute before I rolled myself over onto my back. Above me was the sign for the building I had been hidden in "Punchline Avenue, Comedy Club.".
"Weak dad, very, very weak." I muttered as I rose to my feet and had a look around.
"What wiped it's butt with this place?" I asked no one in particular. The street I was on looked like it had been a lively place once, with a pizza shop across the street and homes sprinkled between the other businesses. But the place was deserted, not only that, everything was falling apart and covered with years worth of dirt and grime.
Those boys sure were busy weren't they?
"Freeze Citizen!" A metallic voice shouted
"You are in a restricted area and will be prosecuted with extreme prejudice if you do not comply!" I searched for the source of the electronic voice and found that it was coming from above me. I looked up to see a shiny figure descending towards me. It was one of the Bat Bots Babs (try saying that three times fast) had warned me about.
"Hey handsome! What seems to be the problem?" I asked the robot as innocently as possible as it landed.
"You are in a red zone citizen! I will return you to your home immediately or you will be incarcerated and questioned about your activities if you do not comply." It said in a monotone voice as I stared at it open mouthed. This thing was the spitting image of Batman, except shinier.
"Well I never!" I shrieked in a super high voice while a long black wig appeared on my head.
"Won't even buy me a drink and wants to take me home already? Chivalry really is dead isn't it?" I exclaimed angrily. The robot's eyes suddenly changed from white to red. Without another word the Bat Bot tried to shove one of its razor sharp hands into my chest, but all he hit was the empty suit that I had disappeared out of.
The Bat Bot stood motionless for a moment before it realized what had happened.
"Must locate fugitive citizen!" It's metallic voice declared, right before the sign that had been hanging above the shop crashed down on it's head and crushed it instantly. I was standing on top of the sign with nothing but my birthday suit and my cane.
"Oh, hehehe, you found me! Now it's your turn to hide smart guy!" I chuckled as I jumped down off of the sign and onto the street below.
Hmm… unlimited magical power and a bunch of cronies who all look like my dads old nemesis.
"Now that's funny!" I shouted, and with that I started making my way down the street, twirling my cane as I went.
"A storm is coming Bat Brains. It's time to shake things up a bit, and I'm an earthquake."