Distractions OR Why I Never Get Any Writing Done
By Loves Rickman
Disclaimer: No of course I don't own anything you recognize. Just got attacked by a silly idea and followed through with it. I am perfectly aware that Severus Snape is a fictional character and no I don't hold conversations with a fictional character in my mind as is insinuated below. I may be silly but I'm not really that mental! I am also fully aware that Severus can be considered AU here. Pixie kisses to Aeryun for being the world's sweetest Beta and fellow Snape lover! Please read/review!
Missy: Severus! Give me back my chair!
Severus: No.
Missy: How am I supposed to get any work done then?
Severus: Sit on my lap you silly girl.
Missy: I am 41 years old. I am not a 'silly girl'.
Severus: Whatever. Silly woman then. Come here and sit on my lap because I am not getting up.
Missy: Fine, be that way.
Severus: See? Isn't this nice?
Missy: Not necessarily. You have bony knees.
Severus: Got something else that is 'bony' too. Want to see it?
Missy: Behave you oversexed git. I have updates to write.
Severus: You have been saying that for days. But all you do is drink Vodka laced soft drinks, eat junk food and read Fan Fiction instead of writing your own.
Missy: Get off my case! If my Muse doesn't wanna play, I can't make her! It's not like potions where all you gotta do is just get up off your butt and make them! A good Fanfic can't be forced. It seduces you into writing it not the other way around.
Severus: There is a great deal more to potions than just getting up off one's butt and making them as you so crudely put it! Bitch.
Missy: Oh boy, here we go…yet another round of sulking by the great Potions Master!
Severus: Bitch.
Missy: You say 'bitch' like it is a bad thing!
Severus: It is.
Missy: Is not.
Severus: Is too.
Missy: Is not.
Severus: Is too.
Missy: Not
Severus: Too.
Missy: Stubborn git.
Severus: You say 'stubborn git' like that is a bad thing!
Missy: Oh no you don't. One round of childishness is enough thank you very much. No wonder I'm not getting anything done. You keep distracting me!
Severus: Yeah, yeah, blame me. Everyone else does why shouldn't you?
Missy: Oh come on. I adore you and you know it. I've disgraced myself in the eyes of my family by not only defending you but also by babbling on and on about your attributes.
Severus: Never know it by the stuff you write. You give me a hard way to go every time you involve me in your little flights of fantasy. The nicest things you've ever done is gotten me an excellent chocolate fix in 'Chance' and you haven't even published that one yet!
Missy: You didn't complain too much about the grass in "Puff" as I recall!
Severus: Just because you got me stoned doesn't excuse the fact you were also calling me names. Besides, getting high isn't good for my reputation as a teacher.
Missy: You are a Ex-Death Eater, a spy, you refuse to say anything nice to anyone and yet you have the balls to sit there and complain that I had you smoke a little weed? You are beyond outrageous Severus Snape!
Severus: But you love me anyway.
Missy: Indeed I do. By the way, you forgot the sexy scenes in "Student Teacher" and "Storm In The Common Room". Those prove how hot I think you are.
Severus. They don't count anymore than "Chance" does. They aren't anywhere near published! The only ones that count are the ones that have been posted and in those you are a right brat.
Missy: You like me bratty, remember? Gives you an excuse to give me 'detention' and do kinky things to me.
Severus: MMM yes…how did I get so lucky as to find a woman like you? One who feeds me chocolate as well as loves getting bent over my desk?
Missy: Both of us just got lucky for a change I guess. Kiss me.
Severus: Any time lover.
Missy: Sweet heavens Severus! Quit bouncing me up and down! I can't type worth a damn when you do that!
Severus: Oh be quiet and let me have a little fun.
Missy: Fun? You call making me slightly nauseous and screwing up my typing fun?
Severus: No. I call watching your titties bounce fun!
Missy: And to think most people think you are nothing but a curmudgeon!
Severus: I am. But I'm a curmudgeon that likes watching titties bounce!
Missy: You are appalling. What would Dumbledore have said?
Severus: Probably something along the lines of "Nice titties your girlfriend has there Professor Snape".
Missy: What! Dumbledore say that? Shame on you Severus!
Severus: Why not? He was straight, I'm sure he liked titties as well as the next man!
Missy: Can we please change the subject? The idea of having Albus Dumbledore admire my boobs is just so not right!
Severus: You started it!
Missy: I did not!
Severus: Did too.
Missy: Did not.
Severus: Do you really want to go through that again?
Missy: Hell no.
Severus: Me either. Hey, you got anymore of those liquor filled chocolates?
Missy: A few, going to break them open over me and lick them off again?
Severus: Only if you do the same to me my sweet.
Missy: MMM…chocolate covered Snape. Delicious.
Severus: Not nearly as delicious as Grand Mariner flavored Missy. Want to go play 'Hide The Wand" while we break open the rest of those chocolates?
Missy: Sounds wonderful. I'm sure as hell not getting anything done writing wise with you whispering naughty things like chocolate and playing 'hide the wand' in the same sentence!
Severus: Let's go make some waves on that Muggle waterbed of yours!
Missy: You like that thing don't you? I told you not all Muggle things were inferior!
Severus: I never said they were. After all, you are a Muggle my pet and no Wizard worth his 'wand' could call you inferior.
Missy: Lucius Malfoy would.
Severus: Ah, he's an arsehole. Don't listen to him. He's just pissed off because his wife prefers other women to him! Why are we talking about that loser anyway? Shut up and kiss me woman!
Missy: Any time or anywhere my dark angel. Carry me to bed?
Severus: Gladly.
Epilogue: Conversation ends and all that can be heard are the splashing wave sounds of the waterbed being wildly used and the rude moans and other sundry sounds of a Wizard and his Muggle lover getting it on.