Hal Jordan stood proud and tall as he escorted alien refugees to their new planet. It had been quite the adventure battling sword-lady and a giant fire monster. Sure, the planet had been completely destroyed but he did manage to defeat the enemy and that was what mattered. As an added bonus, his on again-off again girlfriend was by his side, the lovely Star Sapphire.
Suddenly, the ship was hit with multiple blasts. "Son of a bitch," Hal cursed as he realized what was happening. A large battleship had just appeared in front of them and was firing continuously.
"That's Thanos' ship," Star Sapphire said worriedly.
"Yeah, no shit. I can handle him," Hal said confidently.
"Like hell you are. This is a job for a marine," John Stewart said from behind.
"Sit your black ass down, Stewart. You're just a trainee," Hal said insultingly.
"That's it. I'm filing an EO complaint with the elders," John said pissed off.
Hal chuckled at that. "EO complaint…," he laughed.
The ship was suddenly blasted in half by Thano's big guns. "Engines unresponsive," the computer said.
"That could be an issue," Hal acknowledged.
"What do we do?" Star Sapphire asked.
"We let them come to us," Hal said with a determined expression.
A few moments later, Hal had gotten his ass thoroughly kicked, the ship was in ruins, and almost everyone on board had been killed. Thanos and his gang strolled around the ship looking for something. As they did, a creepy dark wizard spoke platitudes on the benefits of death.
"Even in death, you've become children of Thanos," he said.
"Yeah, bullshit," Star Sapphire muttered.
Thanos finally turned around to face her giving a fallen Hal a kick for good measure. "I know what it's like to lose, to feel so desperately that you're right, and fail all the same."
Thanos picked up Hal and brought him closer to her. "You talk too much," Hal quipped.
"The tesserect or your boyfriend's head," Thanos offered.
"He's not really my boyfriend," Star Sapphire corrected.
"What the fuck, Carol?" Hal said outraged.
"When I'm around you, I feel like a beaten housewife," she said scornfully.
"That's because you act like a villain and try to kill all mankind," Hal excused.
"Whatever," Star Sapphire said dismissively. She then turned to Thanos. "You can go ahead and kill him."
A bored Thanos rubbed his purple power stone into Hal's face causing him to cry out in pain. Star Sapphire simply smirked upon seeing him suffer; served the asshole right. Suddenly there was a flash of light. "Shazam!"
"What the…?" Thanos wondered.
A red-suited adult man blasted Thanos with lightning energy and began pummeling Thanos all over the ship. "Should we help?" Dumb Brute asked.
"No, let's allow him his fun," Dark Wizard said.
Shazam continued his assault punching and blasting Thanos with everything he had. "For the love of me, help me!" Thanos cried out.
"Maybe, we should help now," Dumb Brute wondered.
"Alright, maybe we should," the Dark Wizard admitted. He raised his staff and neutralized Shazam's magical powers.
"My powers?"Shazaam realized with shock.
Thanos got the better of the fight with coordinated punches and jabs that sent Shazam to the floor. Powering down, Shazam was a little kid again. "That was slightly inconvenient," Thanos remarked.
"Let's do it again," the kid said while lying on his back.
"Kid…you got something inside you…something magical and strong. Here, take my ring and go to Earth. Tell them…the Corp is forever," a wounded John Stewart said to Shazam.
"What corp?" Shazam wondered as he took the ring.
"You are one…dumb mother-fucker," John shook his head as Shazam disappeared in a flash of green light.
"You're going to regret that," Thanos said displeased.
"Please, you going to kill me twice?" John mocked.
Dark Wizard came over to John and stabbed him in the gut killing him. "Tell Hal…I hate him," John gasped as he died.
"Will do," Dark Wizard promised.
"What were we doing here again?" Thanos wondered.
"Ah yes, the infinity gem," Dark Wizard said taking it from Star Sapphire.
Thanos took the gem and put it on his gauntlet giving him instant transmission to any place in the universe. "There are two more gems on Earth," Thanos realized as he felt the knowledge of the gem reach his mind.
"I could help you out as long as you kill the men. You could use a guide and my experience," Star Sapphire volunteered.
"If you count failure as experience," Thanos said insultingly.
"Hey, that's not fair. I had to deal with the Justice League," Star Sapphire excused herself.
"You are pretty fine, young lady. You can be my new daughter," Thanos allowed.
Star Sapphire bristled at the sexist comment. "Just for once, I would like to be taken seriously," she said angrily and tried to punch Thanos.
Thanos grabbed her easily around the neck and lifted her above the floor. "Does Thanos…have to choke a bitch?"
Star Sapphire struggled against Thanos but eventually died in his grip. "You're going to pay for that. Only I am allowed to kick her ass," Hal said angrily.
Thanos tossed Star Sapphire aside. "A green lantern that has lost everyone you were supposed to save. I am going to let you live, so you can see the depth of your failure. After Earth, I'm coming for the rest of your sector."
"Well, you see, I don't really give a shit about those other planets," Hal said honestly.
Thanos charged his power stone blasting the ship to pieces and then used his space stone to teleport himself and his crew away. Hal was sucked into space floating aimlessly on minimal power to keep himself alive.
Billy yelled in excitement as the green lantern ring took him across the galaxy to Earth. The ring suddenly lost power near a large major city. "Oh shit," Billy said as he immediately fell to the ground.
He slammed through the roof a large mansion, a couple floors, and finally the basement level. A stunned Billy looked around and saw a large cave filled with bats. Alfred and Bruce looked over the kid in wonder. "Should we kill him like the others, Master Wayne?" Alfred asked nonchalantly.
"No, there's something special about this kid," Bruce said upon seeing the green lantern ring. "Hey kid, how do you feel about bats?"
"Bats are cool," the kid said groggily. "Hey, Thanos is coming!" he suddenly remembered.
"Who?" Bruce wondered.
Billy told Bruce and Alfred everything he knew about Thanos and the Infinity gems. "Finally, a true challenge," Bruce said pleased.
"You going to fight him yourself?" Billy asked amazed.
"Of course," Bruce replied.
"He has infinite power and instant transmission. He's basically Goku now," Billy said seriously.
"And?" Bruce wondered.
"We could make some calls, Master Wayne," Alfred suggested.
"What the fuck for?" Bruce asked.
"If Thanos defeats the other Justice League members and then you defeat him, it will look more impressive on TV," Alfred said.
"Yes!" Bruce said wide-eyed.
"Can we call Supergirl?" Billy asked hopefully.
Bruce shook his head. "We had a falling out. I kicked her ass and said some mean things to her."
"I believe you called her a whore," Alfred recalled.
"Among other things," Bruce admitted.
"You're the Batman," Billy reminded him. "Call her and tell her to get her ass over here."
"I like this kid," Bruce smiled.
A doughnut-shaped spaceship entered Earth's atmosphere and began moving towards Gotham city. Bruce looked at the shape of the ship with his bat computer. "Really?" he mocked.
"It's coming straight for us, Master Wayne," Alfred said calmly.
"It's coming for me," Billy said freaked.
"Let's get him away from the mansion. I don't want this one destroyed too," Bruce said as he suited up.
"You're going to take him to the middle of the city?" Alfred wondered.
"Read my mind," Batman said as he got into the Batmobile. "Let's go, kid."
Billy eagerly got into the Batmobile and the two roared off towards the city. "We going to Gotham?" Billy asked excitedly.
"Fuck no. We're going to Metropolis," Batman corrected.
Kara Kent was busy working on Facebook at the Daily Planet when a powerful shake went through the building. "Not again," Perry said displeased.
Kara glanced out the window and saw the doughnut-shaped spaceship. "Really?" she chuckled.
"Kara, look at that. Fix it," Lois said to her.
Kara rolled her eyes. "I swear I have to do everything."
The Batmobile got nearly underneath the hovering spaceship. "Maybe this will get their attention," Batman said as he fired machine guns and missiles at the ship. The hits did minimal damage to the ship but a transport beam came down to the street level. The Dark Wizard and Dumb Brute appeared ready for battle.
"Looks like we take out the small fry first," Batman smirked as he got out of the car.
Supergirl suddenly landed creating a crater in the street. She smiled at the two aliens and fixed her hair. "So, you decided to come out in the day, huh?" she asked Batman.
"I'm making this a special exception," Batman said defensively.
"Is it really you, Supergirl?" Billy asked amazed.
"Who's the kid? Another soon-to-be-dead Robin?" Kara asked.
"He's not a Robin," Batman replied.
"I got super powers too," Billy said proudly.
"What kind of powers?" Kara asked condescendingly.
"All of them," Billy smirked and then shouted "Shazam!"
There was a powerful energy discharge as Billy transformed into the adult Shazam. "Is it wrong if I think he's hot?" Kara wondered.
"Yes, Kara, very wrong," Batman replied.
"I'm going to fuck you guys up," Shazam said to the alien invaders and flew straight at them.
"Let me at him," Dumb Brute said as he carried a large scythe blade.
"No, I got this one," Dark Wizard smiled.
Shazam powered up a lightning attack at them both. "Yeah, no," Dark Wizard said raising his staff.
"Oh shit," Shazam realized as he powered down. He went back to being a defenseless kid again.
"Yeah, soon-to-be-dead…," Kara muttered.
"He's not a Robin," Batman repeated. He then touched his bat symbol on his suit. Metal fragments exited the bat symbol giving Batman an armored suit similar to the one he used against Kara.
"That looks expensive," Kara said impressed.
"Make way," Batman said gruffly and then charged the Dumb Brute.
The two clashed with punches as Kara looked on. After a brief fight, Batman placed a rope around Dumb Brute, threw him around in a circle a few times, and then casted him away. Dumb Brute nearly collided with Dark Wizard, but he used his magical powers to cast Dumb Brute aside before impact.
"You're mine, wizard," Kara said as she launched herself towards him.
Dark Wizard uprooted a tree with his telekinetic powers and fired it at her. Kara blasted through the tree with ease. Dark Wizard then proceeded to throw a car at her, but she sliced it in half with her heat vision. Batman charged the Dumb Brute, but he turned his scythe blade into a claw and chain. Batman took hold of Billy but was thrown across a few blocks into a park.
"Let's see those powers again," Batman said as he got up.
"Shazam!" Billy shouted but nothing happened. "I got nothing."
"Great," Batman said annoyed.
Dumb Brute leaped towards their position. Batman threw small bombs at it causing explosions all over his body. When that didn't work, Batman threw batarang bombs at him. "This is so cool," Billy said as he saw his hero fight.
"Watch yourself," Batman told him as a tree nearly hit him.
The Dumb Brute got the best of Batman bashing him around the park. The Dumb Brute went for the kill with his metal claw hand when Cyborg stepped in and blocked him. "How's it going, Batman?" Cyborg asked with a smile.
"I had it taken care of," Batman said annoyed.
"I noticed," Cyborg said dryly. "What's his deal?"
"He's after an Infinity gem," Batman said vaguely.
"A what?" Cyborg wondered as he was thrown into a fountain.
Batman tied up the Dumb Brute's arms and legs keeping him still. The Dumb Brute struggled briefly but then tore the ropes apart. Cyborg rocketed back and fired an intense laser beam at the Dumb Brute. The two engaged in coordinated attacks against the Dumb Brute with their punches.
Meanwhile, Dark Wizard used his telekinetic powers to turn broken concrete into darts and threw them at Kara. "Please," Kara said as the darts broke apart on impact on her chest.
Dark Wizard and Kara then flew at each other and collided. The two briefly fought in the air until Kara was trapped inside a brick building. "So, you are the one we have been seeking," Dark Wizard said of her.
"How do you figure?" Kara asked.
"You have the time gem," Dark Wizard revealed seeing her green ring.
"Time gem?" Kara wondered.
"It allows you to reverse time itself," Dark Wizard explained.
"Wait, I can do that by my own power," Kara scoffed recalling the time when she rotated the Earth backwards to save Jimmy.
"No, my dear. That was the time gem," Dark Wizard corrected.
"The fuck?" Kara said confused. "You're not taking my ring. I would rather die."
"Then I'll take it off your corpse," Dark Wizard threatened as he threw Kara down to the ground. He then used electrical cables to wrap around her body pinning her arms and legs.
"Yeah, no," Kara said snapping the cables and flying away.
Dark Wizard closely followed leaving a trail of dust and debris as he did. Cyborg saw what was happening and used his eye to analyze the Dark Wizard. "I can take care of him myself. Go after the wizard," Cyborg told him.
"Alright," Batman agreed and fired his projectile gun hook.
The Dark Wizard spotted Batman swinging near him from behind and threw signs and cars at him to keep him at bay. Batman expertly swung away from the debris as he got closer. Kara grinned as she got the Dark Wizard to appear in the square. She had him right where she wanted him. Just as she was about to deliver a killing blow, a blue beam of light hit her.
"What the hell?" she wondered as she was forced upwards towards the ship.
Batman fired another rope around Kara's red boot and floated upwards with her. As he got higher in the sky, Batman pushed a button on his wrist band signaling his Batwing to arrive.
Cyborg fired rockets and lasers at Dumb Brute without effect. Morphing his right arm into a blade, he engaged in a sword fight with the monster and successfully sliced off his hand. "That's right; when guns, lasers, and missiles fail a sword will always win."
Dumb Beast gave Cyborg a shocked look and teleported away. "Well, ain't that a bitch," Cyborg said disappointed. He then noticed the doughnut ship leaving. "Oh, hell no," he said as he engaged his rockets.