The following content is fanfiction. Owari No Seraph is owned by Kagami Takaya, Shueisha, Viz Media, Wit Studio, Funimation, and Universal Pictures. Please support the official release.
I intended for this to be set after they find out about resurrection and before they fight Ky Luc. I apologize for not having a specific timeframe in mind and keeping it vague. Enjoy.
Mitsuba looked at the moon as it casted a serene blue haze on the surface of the area around her. She listened to the symphony of the night as it tempted to lull her into a peaceful sleepy state of mind. Her head and limbs became heavier as she felt her mind swim in a hazy fog.
She casted her eyes downcast attempting to fight the drowsiness. Looks like tonight is just one of those nights where she won't be able to sleep peacefully.
She blinked to bring moisture back to her eyes and was surprised to feel a small drop of wetness on her cheeks. She touched it and wondered just exactly when did she teared up. Her vision became more distorted as she felt a sting at the corner of her eyes. Lifting up her ungloved hand, she rubbed the tears away.
"Everyone can come back huh." She said in as low as a voice as she could muster. Even though everyone is no doubt deep asleep, she still felt the need to keep her voice quiet and not trouble anyone with her worries.
She thought back to when they all found out that they could bring everyone who had died back to life. The thought itself is hopeful and downright impossible but it brought everyone a sense of purpose. Except her. She felt confusion and well, sadness.
She would like to see her fallen comrades again, she would like to smile and laugh with her old squad. She would like to hear them assure her that it wasn't her fault and that she shouldn't blame herself for getting them killed. However at the same time, she doesn't want them back.
She has a new squad now, better yet, a new family. She loves being with them. She loves how they can still be happy with the idea of family even in this messed up ruin of a world. She loves Kimizuki and how they both hit Yuu for his stupid actions and how they both rile Yuu up. She loves Yoichi and how sweet and caring he is to everyone on the team and his good natured openness into befriending a vampire. She loves Yuu for the stupid idiot he is and how he gives it his all into protecting everyone he loves and making sure everyone feels loved. She loves Shinoa and how they can easily respond to each other almost as though they could be sisters. Heck, Mitsuba thinks of her as her best friend and sister. She loved them even the newly added ones, Narumi and Mikaela.
She doesn't want her old squad back when she has a family. And that thought alone makes her miserable.
The rest of her family want someone that they lost to come back, all of them wholeheartedly want to work towards the goal of resurrecting everyone. She knows she agreed to help her new family with this goal but she doesn't feel as passionate about it as the rest.
Is she a horrible person for wishing that they never found out about resurrection? For wishing that everyone else could forget their old friends and just focus on this new family they've created? Is it inhumane to wish that her squad stays dead? Does feeling this way makes her less of a human being?
Mitsuba felt more tears prick at her eyes and this time, she let her tears fall as she brought her hands to cover her mouth to smother her sobs. Her body shook with the force of her sobs as she cried into the night. So badly she wanted to let it out and cry louder. So badly she wanted her selfish wish of keeping everyone who died to stay dead to be true. So badly she wished someone could tell her that they had felt the same. So badly she wanted someone to tell her that she wasn't a bad person for feeling this way. So badly she didn't want to feel like a monster.
Warmth suddenly enveloped her. So stunned at the presence of warmth, Mitsuba rubbed at her eyes to clear it and looked at what was covering her. A jacket. A JIDA jacket. It felt like hours before it clicked inside her that someone else was outside with her and covered her in a jacket. A men's jacket it looks like. Mitsuba looked up expecting Yoichi or Kimizuki but who she saw shocked her.
Yuu smiled down at her with a big stupid goofy grin and behind him was Mikaela who was carrying a stopwatch with him.
"Yuu?" Mitsuba called out to her black haired teammate. She looked at Mika behind Yuu and Mika glanced at her and then look towards Yuu. Mitsuba took this as the only acknowledgment from Mika she would receive.
"It must be really cold out here for you to be shivering so much," Yuu said as he moved to sit down next to Mitsuba, Mika following suit sitting on the other side of Yuu. Mitsuba had a dumbfounded look on her face as she comprehended Yuu's response, he thought she was cold and that was why she was shaking so much. It irked her since she also had her JIDA jacket on as well. She saw a similar look on Mika's face.
"Yeah." Mitsuba replied, relieved that he had thought she was shivering and not crying. Why she didn't want him to know, she couldn't understand but she didn't feel like divulging into her worries at the current moment. "What are you doing?" She asked him.
"Hm? Sitting next to you." Yuu responded earning him an unamused look as well as a visible irritation mark from Mitsuba.
"More training on how to handle the angel." Mika answered Mitsuba's question. Mitsuba just stayed silent. A vampire and…well, whatever Yuu is. Two beings that aren't human but look human. She looked at Mika recalling when he admitted that his emotions were fading and the only lingering emotion he had was his love for Yuu. She then looked at Yuu and just saw a pure human. Nothing like what happened back in Shinjuku, nothing that showed the thing at Nagoya airport, nothing like when Guren was captured and Yuu wanted to save him; what she saw was a human. It made her worries small in comparison and made her feel a bit better.
"Mitsuba? You okay?" Yuu asked her. Mitsuba blinked and smiled at him. "I'm fine. It's nothing." Someone asked her how she was.
"Really?" Yuu asked again. Mitsuba nodded her head and looked back out at the scenery in front of her. Perhaps she could be fine, maybe if she said it enough, she will be.
All was quiet between them until the silence was broken and Mitsuba's heart stopped when Yuu asked a single question: "Why were you crying?"
Mitsuba stiffened and stayed in her position willing herself not to react too much. She felt a damp chill go through her just at that one question. He saw. That was all that ran through her mind. He saw. She clenched her jaw and tried not to tear up. She felt the familiar prickling sensation at her eye and tried her best to will it to go away. She cleared her throat that suddenly felt dry and said: "I don't know what you're talking about."
Mitsuba continued to look at the scenery refusing to make eye contact with Yuu. He's supposed to be the idiot of the group, not the observant one! Mitsuba heard the shuffling of clothes and assumed that Yuu and Mika left. She was about to let out a sigh of relief and relax her body when she felt a grip on her arm and was swung to face Yuu who had a serious look on his face. His look softened when he saw the tears that formed at the corner of her eyes and loosened his grip on her.
"Please. Tell me what's wrong. Let me help." Yuu looked at Mitsuba, the sincerity in his eyes made her heart clenched.
"It's-" She stopped. She looked at Yuu and Mika. Two nonhuman beings who were more human than her. "It's-it's not something you can fix easily." Mitsuba looked down at the hand that was gripping her.
"Just let me try. That's all I want." Mitsuba felt Yuu's gaze on her. Perhaps maybe they could understand. Maybe they could reassure everything's alright. Maybe Yuu will give up resurrecting everybody if she just asked. She shook her head. No way. Yuu is too intent on reviving everyone. No way would he give up just because of her.
"Mitsuba." Yuu called out to her. Mitsuba looked up at Yuu and smiled a sad smile at him. "Even if it's something terrible? Are you still willing to help?"
Even if Yuu doesn't stop and doesn't agree with her sentiments that what's dead should stay dead, she still wanted someone to talk to. It might be Yuu. It might be Mika. Yeah. Mika. He would be the better choice to tell all these feelings to. But why did she wanted so badly to have Yuu be the one to know?
"Yes. If you need me, tell me." Yuu responded, a look of determination in his eyes as he looked at Mitsuba. She looked back at him shocked. "If you need me, let me help."
Mitsuba searched Yuu's eyes. He was a stubborn one alright. Similar to her, so damn similar. "Alright." Mitsuba replied. She gently removed Yuu's hand off of her and faced back towards the scenery. She took a deep breath and looked at Yuu. "I'll tell you."
Yuu looked at Mitsuba attentively. Mika watched the two from Yuu's side. Watching how these two interacted, he saw the similarities between them. He looked at Mitsuba, even if he didn't want to, he couldn't help but see the younger version of Yuu and this current older version of Yuu inside her. It made a strange feeling come over him when he saw her now, telling Yuu her troubles. He couldn't name it.
"I don't want to bring everyone who died back to life." Saying it out loud, it gave her a strange feeling. Not light, definitely not. It made her feel heavier. Even the pit of her stomach was swirling, as if it was telling her to stop now and never speak of it again. She continued, however, no matter if this feeling is making her nauseous and ill.
"I like things the way it is now. I like being with you, Shinoa and everyone else. I know it's messed up. God, it's so messed up. I just want it to be us and nobody else." Mitsuba couldn't stop the tears even if she wanted to.
"But," hearing Yuu speak that one word made Mitsuba's heart stop, it sounded cold to her. "what about Akane? My family? Yoichi's sister? Narumi's squad? Don't they deserve to come back?"
Mitsuba heard an edge in his voice that cut into her like a blade. Her tears continue to fall silently down her cheeks. She tried getting her voice to come out but something was blocking it. She just sat there listening to Yuu's words as they continued to carve a hollow feeling inside her.
"Don't they deserve to live? And how about Kimizuki's sister? Should we just leave her?" With every question, Yuu's voice got louder and Mitsuba felt smaller. She wished right then and there that it was her who died instead of her squad. A wish she hadn't had in a long time.
"Yuu-chan. Stop." A calm voice rang out cutting off Yuu's next rant. Yuu looked at Mika surprise at his interference. Mitsuba glanced at Mika through her teary vision.
"But Mika! Didn't you hear her? She wants Akane to stay dead!" Yuu yelled. Mika looked at Yuu, but he was looking at him with a pointed look that seemed to be demanding that Yuu shuts up. "She's shaking. Isn't she a comrade of yours that you wanted to protect?"
Mitsuba didn't even realize it but Mika was right. She was shaking.
"But" Mika hit Yuu on his head before he could finish. "You asked her what she was feeling and she's answering even when she didn't want to in the first place. Yelling at her isn't helping and it isn't gonna make her want to open up more."
Yuu looked at Mika, shocked at seeing his family member standing up for someone that wasn't him. He looked at Mitsuba and saw how wet her cheeks were from her tears that fell down. A lumped form in his throat and he felt shame in making Mitsuba cry that much.
Mika moved closer to Mitsuba and wiped her tears away. The action shocked Mitsuba and Yuu and both stared at Mika.
"What?" He asked both seeing their similar expressions of what he would call stupid shock.
"You…" Yuu didn't know how to continue. Aside from himself, he never saw Mika be this gentle with another person.
Mitsuba looked at the blonde vampire's eyes and saw a flash of gentleness in them when he looked at her. As quick as she noticed it, the quicker it disappeared.
"You don't want your old comrades back do you?" Mika asked Mitsuba. Mitsuba blinked a couple times and answered. "No. I don't want them to come back." She looked at the vampire again trying to get an understanding of this line of questioning.
"Why?" Mika asked Mitsuba. It was at this question that it dawned on her. Mika understood her and is testing her. After all, he feels the same as her. His old family isn't as important to him as Yuu is now; Yuu is Mika's current and only family. Just like how Mitsuba's old squad isn't important as her new one is to her.
"Because my family members are alive." Mitsuba answered. She looked into Mika's eyes to see if this answer satisfied him or not. Mika looked at Mitsuba and formed a very minuscule smile at the blonde female in front of him. He stood up and hit Yuu on his head.
"Hey!" Yuu yelled as he rubbed at the bump that was forming. "Don't bully girls Yuu-chan." Yuu looked at Mika, a small pout on his lips. He turned his attention back to Mitsuba and looked down. He didn't like how he made her cry and was still feeling guilty about it. He looked back up at Mitsuba. "Mitsuba."
Mitsuba looked at Yuu. Her eyes still red and puffy from crying but she didn't feel as sad as she had before. "Hm?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry earlier." He apologized looking at Mitsuba with understanding eyes. After seeing Mika and Mitsuba, he felt that he did understood a little. He didn't feel any reason to be mad at Mitsuba's answer. Mitsuba looked at him and smiled softly. "It's alright."
Mika watched the two interact again. He felt a little bit of himself inside Mitsuba in that moment when she was trying to explain how she felt. If a human feels that way as well, maybe. Just maybe. Maybe there is a tiny bit of humanity in him left.