Quinn POV
"Who is the most beautiful girl?" I lift her small body from the crib in my arms and she immediately stops crying. She cries for everything I swear but I think I can forgive her, just for her cuteness "Yes baby, you are" Her big and gorgeous eyes opens and she starts looking at everything in the room.
She looks just like me. Blonde hair, hazel eyes with green/yellow flashes, she has my nose, lips, eyebrows even. Though I have to say, she has a lot of things that reminds me of Santana too. Like her dimples for example, they are really cute. Every time she smiles I see Santana there, and she smiles all the time.
She has quite the temper too, which It's funny sometimes, because she is only two months so is amusing seeing her so frustrated at things.
Isabella is my life, my one and only love. I even think I can explode sometimes with all this love I have to give her.
But honestly, there is still something missing in my heart. Somehow I feel Incomplete.
"What baby girl?" I ask my daughter once I realize she's been staring at me the whole time, I can't help but smile, she's so adorable, and she smiles back "Why are you so cute?" I kiss her cheek and she smiles again. How I love this little girl.
I hear the bell ringing and stand up with Bella in my arms. I didn't notice what time it is till now. Thanks to Santana now I'm already late, great.
I open the door and there she is. Looking fabulous as always, making look a simple leather jacket and jeans insanely hot.
I hate it.
Why is she so freaking sexy all the time?
I don't want to find her sexy anymore. I shouldn't.
I keep hoping that this feeling will fade away someday with time, someday soon hopefully.
Because everytime I look at her I feel the same pain I felt that night. Worse even.
I used to love being near Santana all the time. Now I find it hard to breathe next to her. I keep feeling my heart crashing into million pieces every single time I see her.
I wish it could exist a button or something with two options: Love her - Hate her.
Because after everything. I'm still working on hate her.
"Hey" She says with a small smile showing her damn cute dimples.
"You're late" I ignore her conflict face and turn around to ignore the excuse I'm sure she's going to give me; so I headed to my room to put Bella in her crib. It's too early for her, she should sleep a little bit longer.
"Sorry, the traffic" There it is.
She doesn't live far away from here, that must be a lie. Two buildings next to this one. And she always has an excuse to arrive late here. Sometimes I wonder if she cares about Bella at all. She must be enjoying her free life now, sleeping around again and bringing every single women she can to fuck their brains out, to fuck them all night if it's possible.
And I don't really care about that -or at least, that's what I keep telling myself in order to live- I mean, it's been almost nine months since we are not together. She has the right to see whoever she wants and so do I. But at least she should be in time to see her daughter right? It's not so much to ask.
Santana walks behind me and when she reaches our room, well my room now, she asks the stupidest thing. "Is everything ready for Bella?"
Why is she always doubting if everything it's fine? Doesn't she trust me?
"Of course everything is ready, what do you think I am? And if that weren't the case, I don't think you're stupid enough to not know what to do, right?" I angrily say. She always asks that dumb question, 'Is everything ready?' I'm not a bad mother "Well you are stupid anyway" I add emphasizing the words.
I can't help but act like a bitch towards her all the time now. I guess it's just this ache in my soul speaking for me.
She sighs.
"Sorry" Santana softly says and then goes straight to the crib to see Bella.
This wasn't the life I expected, far from it. But again, it seems like things never work for me. I really don't know what I do wrong all the time. I mean, Imust be doing something wrong, right? I'm starting to think that I am the problem.
At first I thought this was it for me, I thought I had the 'happy ending' in my hands, ready to enjoy it. And I thought that for a while. Everything was perfect with Santana, I was pregnant and we were going to get married, I was the happiest woman for three months, the happiest three months of my whole life so far. Three months that felt like heaven to me. I was more in love with her than ever. I was in love with my life too. Everything was going amazing.
But then it happened, and on my wedding night. She cheated on me on our wedding night.
How pathetic is that?
Flashback
"Really baby" She says in my ear as we keep dancing with all our friends, her warm breath tickles me and gets me kind of excited in some lady parts "Words can't even explain how much I love you anymore" I giggled and hugged her tighter. This night has been by far the best.
All the stress of preparing our wedding was worth it. All those long nights discussing what kind of food we should serve or where we were going to celebrate it was worth it. The ceremony was beautiful, I was even about to cry. Well my mom did and almost Rachel. But I was so concentrate in Santana that I didn't care about them at the time. I didn't see anyone but her in the church, no one else mattered. After all, I was finally marrying the love of my life. Finally.
"I love you too baby" I simple said giving her a short peck. She looks really beautiful tonight, and sexy as hell. "You look really hot on that dress by the way" I say seductively in her ear and she takes a deep breath before answer. I adore how I give her goosebumps everytime I speak in her ear.
"Well, you look gorgeous, sexy and hot. Adorable even. Flawless" She sweetly says.
Truth is, I can't wait to finally be alone with Santana in our room, feel her soft lips and hands on me.
I unconsciously look at her lips and bite my own. I really I can not wait to be alone with her in our room.
After a while, Santana gives me a smile before kissing me. This time, with tongue, biting, sucking and everything. I love her lips so much. It's unbelievable how much I love her.
All of this is unbelievable actually.
"Thank you" I whispered against her full lips, her eyes shining with love and hapinness. It makes me feel even more happy.
We kept dancing with our friends for a few more hours, this day is to celebrate after all.
Everything is perfect in my life right now.
Although, I still find it strange the look Brittany is been giving Santana this whole day, I don't like that look at all. But I'll just let it go for now.
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"Rachel" I say with patience, showing her a smile. "For the last time, you can not sing in here. This place doesn't have the implements" Why does she always want to sing when she's drunk? I'll never understand that.
"Ugh Whatever" She says singing the last part and I laugh "I'm so very happy for you my friend" Rachel drunkenly says to me, supporting all her weight on my shoulder. It's always funny seeing her drunk, but right now I'm not interesting in whatever she's saying.
I can't find Santana anywhere since a while.
Last time I saw her we were talking and laughing sitting around a table with Franny, Kurt, Blaine, Puck and Rachel, but then she excuse herself to go and talk with our boss who was looking for her. But that was like an entire hour ago. And I haven't seen her beautiful face. I'm already missing her.
"Hey! I'm talking to you! I just asked you something really important and you didn't answered me" She pouts. Rachel actually pouts. I can't help but smile, she is so childish.
"Sorry Rachel, what did you ask me?" I turn my head around again looking for my wife. Where the hell is she? Probably with my mom answering all her weird questions. I'll kill Judy.
"What it takes to find real love?" Rachel question makes me turn around to look at her. I give her a sympathetic smile. She's been really sad since her and Matt ended things, I feel bad for her.
"Babe, just be patient. Love will find it's way to you, don't worry" I squeezed her hand to assure her.
"But I'm not patient! I just want a man by my side right now" Rachel says and I can see some tears in her eyes. God it was something I said? I was about to talk again but thank god Kurt came to my rescue.
"Hey Rachel come with me. I have all possible answers when it comes to love" He winks and goes to the bar with Rachel. I don't think is a good idea giving her more alcohol, but well. Kurt knows what he's doing.
I never lost contact with this lovely guy. And when I invited him to the wedding he immediately offered all his help. So in these past few months we've been really close to each other. He and Rachel has so much in common that they're already like bbf or something. It's safe to say that Kurt and Rachel are my new rare but careful family here in New York. It's funny but it feels really great somehow. And Santana has been talking a lot with Kurt too. He's a lovable guy.
"There you are! I was looking for you" My mom comes from behind me, shouting throw the loud music. Can't believe this room is still full of people drinking and dancing around. It's almost 3:00 am but it seems like they don't want to leave anytime soon "We're leaving, Russell is tired and kind of drunk" She points to my father who's talking with one of our coworkers, the one who always laughs with Santana's jokes.
"Okay mom" I nod and she gives me a tight hug. "Take care of my dad" I say with a smile and she giggles.
"I don't have any option baby" She keeps laughing as we pull away from each other. "Franny says she will leave later"
"Okay" Of course she'll leave later, Franny loves parties. I'm glad she's staying though.
"I now I've said it a lot, but you look really beautiful today Quinn, I'm proud of you" She gives me a genuine smile.
"Thank you mom, you look beautiful too"
"Not as good as my daughter of course" She reply looking at our dresses "You look like a real princess"
"Well I don't think so, but thank you" I turn around my head to look for Santana once again.
This is weird.
"Have a good night" My mom says with a smirk and I roll my eyes "I don't see Santana anywhere to say goodbye. Give her a hug for me okay?"
"I haven't seen her either" I frowned. I'm getting worried. I haven't seen her for about an hour.
"Well she must be there talking with some guest, you know how she is" Judy says before kissing my cheek "See you in two days sweetheart, remember we'll have lunch with your dad and Santana"
"Yes mom, bye" And with that Judy goes to the bar looking for my dad.
Nevertheless, my parents love each other. I hope to get well just like them with Santana someday, and maybe even better. Love her with everything I have until my life ends. And right now, is the right place and time to show Santana just how much I love her, but I can't find her.
"Hey little sister!" Franny says way too happy next to me "Why is the most beautiful wify all alone here? And why are you wearing a worried face?" I chuckle.
"Wearing a worried face?" I playful asked.
"Yeah, you know" She takes a sip from her cup.
"Are you drunk?" She isn't one to get drunk so easily, or get drunk at all for that matter.
"I wish! I was talking with our sociable mom and one of your friends, Blaine I think?"
"Not a friend exactly but yeah, that's Kurt's boyfriend"
I turn around my head, examining every corner of this room. It's a really big event hall, and full of people.
Where are you babe?
Maybe she felt sick and went to the restroom?
"Hey what is bothering you?" Franny asks me once she sees my face again.
"I can't find Santana anywhere" I heavily sigh "have you seen her?"
She seems to deeply think about it for a few seconds and then she shakes her head "I haven't seen her either. Last time I saw her though she was kind of drunk" Franny adds.
"Drunk?" What? She wasn't drinking anything the last time I saw her, just water. And that was just about an hour earlier. "What are you talking about?"
"She was a little drunk talking with a blonde girl next to the exit, I didn't see the girl's face very well but I think it was Brittany"
Brittany?
I begin to panic.
Why was she drunk and talking to Brittany? I mean, I know she's her friend. But now that I think about it...
I start to look once again, looking at this whole big room, but this time looking for Brittany. She isn't here either.
"Franny, Brittany is not here" I quickly said to my sister. And I'm sure she saw my scared face because in a second she is much more near me.
"Quinn I know what you are thinking. But please don't be stupid, you just married the girl tonight!" She says out loud through the music.
"I know but..." An uncontrollable doubt settles in my head. And I know is surrealistic, but my heart is telling me something too "Then where are they?" I ask Franny, as if she were the person who has the answer.
"I don't know Quinn, but I don't think she's with Brittany right now. Maybe she is in the bathroom?" Franny asks me with a bright smile.
"Yeah sure. For an hour?" I rolled my eyes.
"Look Quinn" Franny takes a deep breath before continued "You have the damn suite for your wedding night in this same building. Just take the elevator and go there. Maybe she is already waiting for you" My sister suggests.
Well to be honest, I haven't thought about it, wich is stupid because it should have been the first thing that crossed my mind a while ago.
But still, Santana would have told me. I know her.
Something doesn't feel right.
"Okay, I'll go see if she's there" I nod towards Franny and she nods too.
"Go get your girl little sister. I'll take care of everything down here"
"Alright, thank you"
With that I made my way towards the elevator, ignoring all the cheerful comments of our guests about how beautiful I look as I passed.
If she is up in our room already, why the hell she didn't tell me? I mean, it's an important thing to say to your wife right? But well, it doesn't matter. I'll not let anything affect me tonight. Not even Santana's lack of comunication.
I press the button 20 with a big smile, Imagining her in our bed waiting for me.
I can't believe after everything, the place where we are now. Happily married.
I look down at my ring with the initials S&Q as the elevator keeps ascending, and I can't stop thinking that this is where I should be right now. This is where I belong.
Married to the love of my life.
I hear a sound and then the doors opened, finally.
If Santana isn't down there in the reception she surely must be here.
I take off the golden card from my bra to open our door. Yeah, something I learned from Santana. This is a really beautiful and big room. We sure as hell are going to take advantage of that all night.
I smirk to myself as I think about it and once I reached the door I quickly insert the card. The sight is beautiful. The first thing you see is glass walls and the whole New York City at your feets.
This was all Santana. She was the one who surprised me with this. One more thing to add to my list of 'Why do I love you'
I begin to walk towards the suite and I find it strange when I see two glasses of champagne on the big coffe table. I frowned.
"Santana?"
What the hell?
Who is in here?
I heard a small sound coming from the room and I walk there in no time. If Santana was going to bring a friend to our suite she should have told me. I mean, it's the least she could do.
Maybe something happened and she didn't tell me?
But I don't know, it's still weird.
I'm sure Santana would have told me.
I opened the door of the main room, and once I entered, what I see... is thousand of times worse than any cruel nightmare.
My breathe get stuck in my lungs and my heart stops beating.
This can't be true. Please.
What the fuck is this.
I blinked to see better the scene I had in front of me but it's really hard identify with clearly. Maybe it's for the tears, tears that were already falling uncontrollably from my eyes.
My eyes knows what they're seeing, but It's my heart that doesn't believe it.
I feel like I'm going to fade.
I need this to be just a nightmare.
Santana is fast asleep, naked. And Brittany is looking at me with a smirk, naked.
I gasp as I support myself in the doorframe.
"What is this?" I stupidly asked.
"It was a matter of time for you to find out Quinn" Brittany says with a victorious arch of her eyebrows. "You should have known this would happen"
I try to control the urge I feel to throw myself at her and kill her.
Kill them both.
But my heart and soul breaking inside me prevents me to make any move.
I can't move.
I can't breathe.
I can't do anything other than look at them.
This can't be happening.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. In, out.
Maybe this is just a bad joke, Santana would never do this to me.
I'm pregnant with her baby. She said she loved me.
She said she would never do anything to hurt me. She said she would never cheat on me.
She promised it.
She fucking promised it. Over and over again.
I opened my eyes and Brittany keeps looking at me with a smirk while her left hand plays with Santana's hair.
I feel like throwing up.
Why she did this to me?
I wasn't good enough for her?
Is this even the first time it happens?
And god, why the fuck this day?
"Why?" I fight back a sob. I didn't even know when that question left my lips.
Now I'm sure I look pathetic, but I couldn't care less.
Brittany doesn't answer. She just smiles.
I can't be here anymore.
I look at Santana one last time before running away from there.
Tears doesn't let me see clear the steps I'm taken, but luckily I reached the parking lot in just a few seconds. Screams and more tears from the deepest of my soul leaving my body.
"So at what time are you going to be back?" Santana asks as her eyes keeps looking at Bella.
Honestly, most of the things I say to Santana are lies. It's just this rage talking for me because deep down, I know she loves our little girl more than anything.
But It's just hard to control this anger.
"Already bored with your daughter?" I asked sarcastically with a chuckle.
"I'm just asking Quinn. And please stop insinuating that I don't care about Bella or that I get bored. In case you forget, I'm her other mom okay?" She keeps observing her.
"Oh, I touched a nerve there?"
"Just go Quinn. I'll take care of Bella all day if you want" Santana says, finally lifting her face and looking at me.
Finally
Sometimes I'm masochist, just like now.
I was dying to see those brown eyes. To see those eyes looking right into my own eyes. I haven't seen Santana in five days, she was in a business trip. Since Isabella was born she is been here every day. Every single day of these past two months. So now five days in a row without seeing her was driving me crazy.
I just can't help myself.
I missed her.
Even if we just fight now or ignore each other, I missed her.
"Good luck" She adds, without showing any emotion in her face but somehow, I know her words are genuine.
After everything that happened, the first thing I started to do once I put myself together, was quit the job I had with Santana and gave her back all the things she gave me once. Letters, thousand of teddy bears, clothes. Everything. It wasn't me who went to gave her things back of course, I sent Rachel to do that job, I couldn't see her face just yet.
So now that Bella is a little more big, it's time to look for a job. A job without Santana. And today I have my first interview so, I should be happy right? I really should.
Well, I'm not.
I'm still getting used to this new life.
I don't fucking like a single thing in my life now. Except of course, Isabella. But everything else sucks.
I have to look to the side when I see her eyes still looking at me. As much as I love those eyes, I'm not ready for an intense gaze from her.
And just when I looked to the side, I saw those tedious papers. A painful process that I've been avoiding to start, but Rachel gave me the strength and convinced me to finally start the documents for the divorce.
"Santana, while you are here you should read those papers" I simply said as I grabbed my coat.
New York weather, how I hate it.
She glanced at the blue folder and her face changes instantly.
"Quinn..."
"Don't say anything, just read it" I give her a cold glare, suppressing the ache and hurt I'm feeling right now. "What did you think? That we would be married forever?" Because that's what I wanted.
"Quinn please just list-"
"Call me if Bella needs anything" I nod towards the crib where my baby girl is "See you later"
So holding back the tears that threaten to leave my eyes, I turn around to leave.
This needs to be done. This needs to be done.
I repeat myself as I ignore Santana's voice calling my name.
A:N/ So there it is! the first chapter, finally. Leave a review and tell me what did you think ;)